I accidentally had let it all hang out

 Freezer was left wedged open overnight, presumably because I walked away carelessly from it after taking a loaf of bread out of it, not realizing a glob of broom bristles was laying in some weird spot that somehow migrated to the space between the doorway of the freezer and the freezer door.  The freezer door is tricky to close.  I typically have to push it closed very firmly to be anywhere near sure it's closed.  I don't know if I did that or not yesterday afternoon, but I can't assume that I did.  That aside, making sure there isn't a broom base didn't land weird while the fridge was open is not something I have any reason to be expected to check for.  Nonetheless, my brother in law seemed to be pissed at me and asked me to leave.  So I ended up taking an hour long walk, and spent most of that time going over all the back and forth bullshit conversations me and him had over these last several months.  He has this grand way of letting himself talk while either/or making watery soup of a complex notion that sometimes requires multiple complex notions to be fully understood before beginning to venture into and when that isn't successful, I'm pissed off because he has no business talking in the first place when there's usually someone else in the room, namely his wife (my sister) who is WAY more articulate and able to summon words that effectively make a concise and relevant set of points.  And then when he's in the wrong, instead of apologizing, instead of making a case for himself that isn't partially true, he in some way or fashion cherry picks from The Bible verses that are basically him requesting me to be a better person so that his mistakes can be swept under the rug and forgotten.
I don't know how anyone can be so damn two faced.  Showing God a face of adoration and repentance and then telling someone who is rightly angry with them "Hey, dude; I'm not your problem.  Your problem is within".  Yeah.......I don't need Jesus to tell me that.  The benefit of inner peace is something even agnostics seek.  The difference is Jesus knows that if you set someone's house on fire, you deserve the shit beat out of you SO THAT YOU ARE ALMOST DEAD ****WISH THAT YOU WERE******* ALREADY!!!

 & that it is A SUPERNATURAL ACT if that person is humble, loving and thankful enough to Jesus to say "I pray this person realizes the error of their way and finds salvation by the Power of Your spilled blood and Resurrection so that we both can be brothers in Your Kingdom forever"
I must confess to anyone, everyone, that I do not have that kind of Love overflowing within me.  I am nowhere near as humble as I should be.  I don't know what exactly Travis meant when he said what he was saying, or what words specifically he put forth, but he was talking about how people learn when going through employment how to get along with other people that don't have the same thoughts or ideas going through them.  I do think he's right about that to an extent.  It's even worse because I never had friends until I was like 14 and had recently moved to Missouri.  This one guy invited me to his house and my mom said "I have no know his parents first".  She didn't know A SINGLE FKKKKKK PERSON IN THE ENTIRE PLANET except her ex husband, me and my sister, our Gramma Della, my Gramma Della's sister, her ex husband, her ex-husband's parents and her estranged father and brothers.  Of that extremely limited circle, only my Gramma Della, G.Della's sis, and my sister and me was she in any contact with.  So my limited interest in friendship was not only gravitated toward but was encouraged.  And I have minimal job skill and a physically negative reaction toward getting a 7 hour x 5 / week job.  Volunteering 3-5 hours a week is going to be a struggle.  I can probably increase it to 10 or maybe even 14 hours a week.  Maybe The Lord Jesus will give me the ability to be joyful and giving enough to be content with 35+ hours a week.  I don't know how my $250+ of medications will be affordable in that circumstance because that will not be enough money to replace SSI AND pay the cost of my medicines.  I don't believe I would even be calm enough in any way to sit down and read God's word or even think more than half a second about God before moving along to some random temporal pursuit.  I'm still not attached to God at the hip.  My faith has seen highs and lows.  I have not been literally basking in his flesh all this time.  If I were to do without medication, all the minisculle progress I've made in my spiritual pursuits could EASILY be destroyed.  I am not deep in enough with God (yet?) to the point where I can be like Paul and denounce someone for lending an air of credence to sinful behavior or being weak enough to dabble in sexualy impure actions that a wife I don't have (and have never met as far as I know) is supposed to help with.
Aaanway.
The morning stared out rather rocky and I'm still not in the best of moods (never would've guessed huh?)  I'm still a little snippy.  I couldn't even listen to the pastor talking.  He basically repeated his sermon from last week and started yammering on about shadows of Christ saying "They were looking ahead to the Cross".  No, they were not looking ahead to the ways and means of a savior.  They knew that God was compassionate because the sacrificial law system demonstrates this.  Maybe there was some prophetic knowledge of Jesus kind of jumbled up in their head.  The promise of Abraham "You shall be a blessing to all nations" does in its own way demonstrate that something bigger than Leviticus is coming.  I don't think "the cross" is what they were thinking.  The crucifixion of Jesus was Him using what was meant for evil for the purpose of Our Good and His Glory.  He took their punches so that we don't have to take The Fathers' eternal wrath.  That is both a beautiful portrait of Love and also a sobering thought for us to ponder before anything we do.  But I don't see any reference to any of the Old Testament heroes' knowledge of this proceeding.  I do see an understanding of what was apparently understood by some people living in the Israeli province of Rome at that time of Immanuel; Love God with everything you got, and love others as you love yourself.  This acted out without faltering or wavering carries out God's commands to the last letter of what was written in what we now known to be called The Old Testament.

Anyway...I guess before the sun goes down, this whole day as it stands (2pm right now) might not even be any ol' ting at all.  IT COULD HAPPEN???!!!!  I KNOW THE DATE IT HAPPENS!!  IT HAPPENSS!!!!!!!!!!!

disc vs stream

Maybe this is a good size challenge for people who are like 10-15 years younger than I myself am, but, really, --- Do you Remember the days when you had a choice between Blockbuster Video and your LOCAL video store?  We don't have that anymore, at least not as far as video (movie&TV,etc.) rentals go.  In various pockets of the USA, there's still local video stores where you can BUY movies (usually they're multi-media stores with both movies & music and sometimes books as well).  These stores are not warehouses where people are doing literally nothing all day except picking up boxes and grabbing stuff off shelves.  These are not retail factories.  They are places where if you want it, you come to get it, and both you and the employee can enjoy the presence of all kinds of music and other popular forms of art and, if and when you decide to do so, you can even have a conversation with the store clerk, just so long as it doesn't encroach on their ability to service other customers.  You can extend kindness and joy to them by your human presence.  The employees are not limited to the management style choice of their supervisor, who has the capacity to be kind and encouraging OR discouraging and condescending.  With real live customer influx, jerks may come and spoil things sometimes, but the employees are not stuck with that through the entire day or the entire week or however long that person decides to stick around.  The customer has no reason to stick around for more than a few hours (if that long even).  A manager/supervisor/? is going to stick around until they find a better job or they get fired.  Either of those exit strategies could take YEARS to end.  So you as an employee of Amazon or MovieMars, you wake up, you go to work, you're bored out of your mind and your boss is either OK of he's not.

Now, I don't know what the job life of an employee for a streaming movie company is like.  I just don't.  What i do know is none of the streaming movie companies NEED to exist.  Amazon got their fame by taking human interaction out of retail.  RedBox got their fame by replacing Blockbuster as a way to rent movies.  Google got their start as a search engine.  Fandango got their start by selling movie tickets on the internet.  These people could have done without movie streaming.  You'll notice that NOBODY who streams movie on the internet started out as an internet based movie startup.  So IF anyone simply wanted to venture into streaming movies on the internet as a means of liveleyhood, they either have a ton of competition already in place and will have difficulty building a customer base and they probably won't make it.  Actually, come to think of it, I think a company has emerged as its own force in the movie streaming biz.  ROW8.  If I did not own a Roku, I don't think I'd have ever heard of them. Maybe everyone else also owns a Roku or similar device.  It wouldn't terribly surprise me.  Maybe ROW8 is doing just fine in holding their own.  I don't have any real reason to doubt it.  But if someone else wanted to do what ROW8 is doing, then what are the odds of success for this 2nd independent company thriving?  They either have an ingenious marketing strategy up their sleeves that will sink ROW8 or they don't know what they're doing and they themselves will sink.

Financially, I prefer movie streaming.  For $15/mo you can get AT LEAST 6 movies a month.  You can either take 2 movies and spend the entire month watching them or you can quickly go "done" and send them back and get more and if you do it that way, you can easily get as many as 10 movies in one month.  I understand not everyone has 10 movies they want to watch.  If you just want a couple movies, you can pay $6 + tax.  If the two movies you end up with are priced at $2.99 on Amazon or wherever, then obviously you're overspending by a penny + the tax, but most movies to stream on the internet are anywhere from $3.99 to $5.99, depending on how recent they are.  I personally benefit from disc using because I don't usually just sit and watch a movie.  Sometimes it takes a while.  Sometimes I'll start watching a movie and then finish it later.  With a streaming rental, you can't do that.  If you start it and get interrupted by your bladder and you come right back to the movie, then OK, but if you just need to take a break so you can do epteen other tasks and it takes a day or two to get back to watching the movie, then you might have to re-rent it.  I realize not everyone has that particular matter to consider.
But here's another thing; the manufacturing of the discs also provides a job for someone to do.  Not as gratifying of a job as retail, but unfortunately not all jobs are going to be gratifying.  Some of them just plain suck(!).  But it would be helpful overrall to consider; is the $5 you save on buying the newest DVD on Amazon worth forcing someone out of a job that they enjoy?  I'm not just talking about one person with one job that you'd kill to have.  I'm talking about hundreds of people, maybe even thousands of thousands.  You can't take the blame for closed doors.  But you don't have to give in to behaving like you don't care.

Disposition

My regards;;

hmmm.   I gotta admit first, I haven't seen very many exploitation films.  I saw THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (1972).  I think that's it.  I don't think HENRY: POSK is considered exploitation, as deeply disturbing as it is.  I never braved into watching HOSTEL. I did watch SAW and TOURISTAS (sp?).  Both struck me as very fake.  Nonetheless, none of those films I just named depict the female body as being anything other than what it is.  All bodies, men's & women's alike, are disposable in the sense that life leaves them and the bodies they inhabit are disposed of (usually it's called"burial").  SCREAM (1996) opens with a guy getting his gut split open after he helplessly tries to prevent his girlfriend from unwittingly cooperating with the killers' "reason" for killing him, while she witnesses it equally helpless.  In TOURISTAS both males and females are lured into danger and suffer at the hands of a Latin American nationalist (I can't remember where specifically the movie takes place).  Of course, FRIDAY THE 13TH and how many? other films indiscriminately depict life being the fragile thing that it is.  This article makes it seem as if there's been a whole genre of what would have to be described as misogyny-driven fantasy torture.  How anyone can admit feeling ok to watch something like that and not feel comfortable admitting they beat their wife and/or children is confusing.  Why would a woman OR a man feel compelled to claim knowledge of, let alone participation in, such a degenerate cluster of movies?  

anger one too much

 Apparantly my brother in law and/or my sister has decided I don't meet the requirements of living in a Stephens home.  I have no idea where I'm going to live.  I don't know if I can find anywhere that will allow me to keep my cat.  I hope she tolerates the move well.  Been looking on facebook for places.  I hate these uncertain moments in life.  I wish I could understand why.  But it doesn't matter.  I've tried combating what I see as their basis for ridding themselves of me.  They won't even acknowledge my words.  Any time I have an angry flare to what I say, it gets shot down and I'm left feeling like I may as well not even say anything because they obviously don't care enough about the concerns I have to let me speak honestly.  I don't know how to kindly request that someone quit being stupid or hypocritical or whatever the issue at hand may be at any given moment.
So...that's it for me.  If the place I end up living in slips out from my feet, then ... I don't know what will happen.

goodbye smiles

 goodbye smile
I hope we both make it to Heaven
I'm sorry I didn't make the cut
You may not remember me for much longer anyway
You'll grow up, and forget about me
I'll never a see any of it
I'm sorry for all the tears you cry
I'm sorry for the tears I feel
I feel a drowning.
The whole world hates me
You'll probably hate me secondhand
I don't deserve anything more.
I didn't realize it was unfathomable if I received it anyway
I'm glad to have known you, on some level
What you will become remains to be seen
goodbye
I hope we both meet again
in this life, or the next

Break stuff 1-17

 Please, God, I ask that you break me so that I can be rebuilt into Your Image.  I don't know what benefit you would gain from this, so I honestly can't say I'm asking this for Your name's sake or that I am asking it in accordance with Your Will even, but I do ask this, nonetheless.  I ask that you would pour your Love onto me and that said love would be a guide to the blind in this dark world.

By the power of Jesus' blood and resurrection, I pray this.
AMEN.

WHAT tRANSLATION is this??

 https://www.stillinrock.com/2015/12/interview-still-in-rock-diiv.html

 

"It is often said that a real artist create because..."  CREATE (no s) is a PRESENT TENSE.  CREATE!  The ongoing act of "creating" spoken of, as in this case, in the second person, is "creates".  See the extra letter in there?
I am not being a Nazi.  This seriously interrupts the flow of the read.  It'd be one thing if they were simply passing on information, but it's written to be a narrative.  That whole sentence could have been omitted and it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference to anybody had it not been yet another demonstration of how f*n stupid people have become comfortable being.

If they can't put in the effort to write like a professional, they can get their ad money from someone else.  I came to this page hoping to deduce what Wikipedia was referring to as a "gestation period".  I'll just look it up in the dictionary.  Hopefully the justified by apathy kind of laziness that is frequently seeping into even time honored publications like TIME Magazine and the like doesn't start making the dictionary a chore to read.

I would email the editor, but this article is already 6 years old and I'm sick of getting ignorant criticisms and/or empty advice from people in exchange for taking the time that other people simply don't have luxury of to point out an error.  And like I said, there's so many errors just on this one article, it's unlikely they even have any interest in communicating like they know how to write (and/or talk).

I guess it's possible this is written in some country where the English language is understood differently.  Or it might even be translated by someone who isn't an expert in their field.  Maybe. 

Holiday season?

 It's been at least a couple days, but I was seeing ads and banners etc. about "this/the holiday season".  I think one of them was a company mailing list and the other one was on the USPS website well after New Year's day was over.  I know Christmas isn't the only widely celebrated holiday during the winter months, but I thought Kwanza and Honika were also posited in December(?).......

PSA: Be aware--- Movies don't grow hair or go bald

 They are NOT HUMAN.  They do not "mature".  They do not go senile.  ******ALL****** movies are in some respect or another "products of their time".  Fashion sense, technology, social mores (or lack thereof), are all going to be evident of when a movie is made.  If you don't want a "dated" experience, just look at the f'''n copyright and proceed from there.

 

  And be aware that a "copyright" is not a "Release date".  Movies almost always get re-released.  A DVD & its' packaging having been released in 2007 doesn't mean the movie that you experience when playing that DVD on a compatible machine didn't originally show up on VHS in 1985.  The same rule applies to streaming movie titles.  A movie may have become available to stream multiple times in multiple variations.  Sometimes the variation is as mundane as a change in copyright holder.  Sometimes entire blocks of screen will be missing because it's a cheap direct from VHS transfer, and in some cases even a fairly stable widescreen release of a movie will get a mild dust&scrub and will sometimes be labelled as "Remastered".  or "special edition".

If you're looking for a movie to watch and you insist that everyone be carrying smartphones and staying far away from pen and paper etc., then quit watching movies made before 2012.  IMDB.com will tell you when the movie came out.  Channel surfing Amazon Prime is not a reliable way of determining the ORIGINAL release date of a movie.

arrr.

Sing it Loud

Stupid unmarked borders...had to click 3 or 4 times before I could conclude that my keystrokes were resulting in text being entered into this blogpost.   rrrrrr

ANYWay....I was just going through my thoughts and just really got thinking.  An old Facebook friend said his atheism stems from a discomfort in wondering if he was pleasing to God.  I have to say, I sometimes wonder the same thing.  The simple fact, I've concluded, is that most of the time, what I do is not pleasing to God, but it's not necessarily unpleasing to God.  True, there's times I feel like I've overspent my free time on stuff that is by no means productive, but that doesn't mean I'm doomed or anything.  If you truly want to know if you're pleasing to God, A) realize that you ARE inherently evil and everything you do right is going to be tainted in some way B) Read Jesus' commands.  A good chunk of The Old Testament is not meant to be a morality study.  It's essentially THE LAW.  The Jews had an opportunity to adhere to it by the last detail, but they'd chosen not to from the very beginning.  That's why Jesus' plea for mercy was summarized in the famous statement he made: "May he who is without sin cast the first stone".
You also have to pray that God changes your heart and mind to conform with His.  He probably won't do it instantaneously all at once.  You have to be obedient to what you've already been plainly given as commands, so, depending on how obedient you are, or how disobedient you are, you may never see your life utterly and completely transformed by The Holy Spirit.  That's bad news for everybody because this world could sorely benefit from as many manifestations of Jesus as possible.  However, Jesus is not out to punish anyone.  Believers will face a difficult time entering Heaven if they don't trust God.  I get the impression by a couple bits of The Bible that entering Heaven may almost be like LITERALLY being born again, or, perhaps better stated, akin to being pureed, bones and all, and then sifted.  I really have to wonder how that works.  Is that like being half in Heaven and half in Hell?  Does the chaff feel any pain?