far away

 I finally read some of The Bible this morning, after a 4(?) day time of wandering and wafting.  I didn't wander away to any life threatening point, but I did plunge into sin momentarily a couple times, and I don't believe I was as effective in the work God has called me to the majority of this past week.  I certainly was not feeling at optimal efficiency.
Here's to the what remains of the week (God willing!)

Close one

 I saw this movie years ago.  Was extremely confusing.  By the time it was over, I had no idea what I'd watched.  There was all this tension and suspense and there was no climax.  I remember there being this big drawn out light show at the end, and I was like "Ok....moving along...."  And then it was over.  Like, huh?  I've read that E.T. was originally thought of as a sequel of sorts to CLOSE ENCOUNTERS, so I've gathered that the ending with the light show etc., was meant to signify that there was nothing to fear except fear itself.  Maybe I was just sort of locked into the cynicism that I'd grown accustomed to and the first 2/3 of the film fed into that.  Idk.  My tastes in movies have definitely changed.  I did try to rewatch it later, but the whole experience of the first couple minutes was a mess.  Dust and loud noise and people trying to talk over it.  Meanwhile, the audience is trying to piece together what the hell is going on(!)

King David's blood

 John MacArthur was citing all the sins of David, in an effort to show that God is merciful, and listed among them the fact that David had "slaughtered so many people that God wouldn't let him build the temple", which I don't see in The Bible.  God prohibited David from building the temple because God was trying to make Himself known as a God of peace, vs man who is constantly at war with himself and those around him and needed (and still needs) to figure out HOW to seek peace, and then go about doing so.
War is a necessity, but it is not the ideal.  God IS THE IDEAL.  He was wanting to reveal Himself to the world, not just Israel.  The world around Israel had heard about God, but by that point people were probably terrified of Him, thinking He was just some bloodthirsty hate monster.  God didn't want the vessel with which that fact came to be so closely associated with His house.  He wanted His house to be a much more inviting place, a place where people weren't so burdened and terrified to approach.

At least that's what I gather from the text.  I don't see any indication that David committed any war crimes.  God didn't send Nathan to scold him about any such thing.  He did send Nathan to scold him about killing one man, because he was killed for no reason except so that David could conceal his other sin(s).

JM also cites "polygamy" as another of David's sins...polygamy was not any more of a sin in Old Testament times than eating pork is today.  Jesus insisted that people should have only one wife, so that should be adhered to.  But God didn't make any command regarding qty and marriage and in fact, He made provisions with how to handle it.

I agree, we should not minimize sin or encourage others to do so.  But we don't need to label any and every possible thing as being "sin".  If God wanted David or any of the other Israelites to marry just one person, then God would have told them "Only have one wife" (or something to that effect).  God didn't do that.  Sin is not the same thing as God being displeased with someone's actions.  Sin is violating God's command.  The early chapters of Genesis do not give COMMAND regarding marriage.  It only says that Adam & Eve had sex and bore children.  People talk about "God's design", but in that case, what about computers?  I'm typing this thing on a computer that uses electricity.  That is NOT within God's design.  I seriously do not believe that Jesus came down from Heaven to sacrifice Himself for humanity so that I (& others) can be forgiven for lending approval to the paved roads that I and many fellow travelers use, to get around to different places.  

Rrrrr tugowerrrrr

 I had been reading kindof a small amount of The Bible lately basically just one chapter per day. This morning I'd read 2.5 chapters.  And went to church.  Several hours later I find myself scouring the internet seeking to feed the same old demonic habits.  It makes sense in hindsight.  I really should have been expecting this and been preparing likewise.  The devil HATES it when people read The Bible and even more so when people go to church.  God doesn't force Himself but the devil does.  And it's ridiculously easy for him to temp me.  I don't really even need for him to force himself.  Satanic desire remains rampant through me.  The goal of sanctification is to pry me away from Satan and meld me more and more unto Jesus The Christ.  I need to get this down🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏!!!

Emo stuffz

 I'd remembered reading about a band fka December's Tragic Drive, and for some reason the piece of musical composition that band name was derived from replete with discernable words just runs through my head when I think of pre-emo (not sure what else to call it...ya know, the emo that existed before it became a commonly used word).  I just now was thinking "What was that band?!". So... I looked it up.  Viola!-- 'twas The Appleseed Cast, makers of the album SAGARMATHA.  I haven't really latched onto their other stuff even though they exceeded that album seemingly at least twice, based on what I've read.  I'm not a big fan of SAGARMATHA either.... it's a good album to listen to while trying to fall asleep.  I don't have an easy time being wide awake and listening to it.  It's very repetitive and a tad minimalist.  But it does have a good build up effect.  Eh.. anyway...not much else to say...kindofa footnoty blog post. 

On the eternal side, I almost succumbed to temptation last night.. I was dreaming about something and woke up worked up over it.  I got out of bed to go to the bathroom and that's what saved me from plunging all the way with it.  So...I did manage to go over 48 hours successfully... almost 60 hours, I think (2.5 days).

Actually, I just remembered....that is not true ...I did venture into and latched onto that line of thinking Thursday night for about half an hour...I didn't look at anything real serious...but my mind was not where it should have been...I was watching a movie I'd rented and was a little bored with it save for the possibility that was insinuated throughout the movie of some hot action being exhibited...   I should have just turned my back on the movie tho.  If I had been truly engaged with the movie, I would probably still be guilty of having my mind in the gutter but at least I wouldn't be completely and inexplicably wasting my time.

Art

 I was thinking about dinosaurs and how my brother in law thinks they were what mideivil literature refers to as dragons.  That might explain some of the bones that people call 'dinosaurs', but I recalled how scientists have calculated that the different species of dinosaur were not inhabiting the Earth at the same time.  It's obviously possible that scientists are expecting to find bones regardless of erosion and decomposition.  Personally I believe that's what happened to the bones of Adam & Eve; they took by now are just dust.

But I was thinking about What would it be like having a blank canvas and so many possibilities?  Wouldn't it be rather boring just getting straight to the point and laying everything out in 7 measily days?  Is it really far fetched to think He experimented with different things before getting to the final draft as it were?  

better ness

 So far today I've been doing better.  (see yesterday's post to see how things were then, for at least part of the day).
I've been doing more prayer, which has helped.  I did read a little bit of JOHN (Gospel), ch3.  I didn't leave myself a whole lot of time to really delve deep into it.  I had an appointment to volunteer at the coop.  My wheels arrived a little after 9:30, and I got out of bed at 8:30.  After piddling around on my phone, I had just enough time to eat breakfast.
I hope (PLEASE GOD!), that I maintain at least a semblance of closeness to Christ.  I can't do this myself.  And I'm not going to feel better or be more fruitful if I just don't do this at all.

increasiment

 I increased my The Holy Bible reading this morning.  I read a whopping 3 chapters of John's gospel as opposed to the one chapter I'd been reading lately.  I wasn't expecting that to result in a more difficult fight.  The sinful inclinations dwelling within me rose up and I was, as usual, unwilling to put up a fight.  :/

I need to double down on this and keep doing so.
One thing that got me a little deterred was the notes saying that if you don't obey God you're not a Christian, or something to that effect.  I have no idea how to interpret that snippet of theology / fact other than if you disobey God, you're not a Christian.  I mean, seriously...what does Jesus command me to do?  The ten basic commandments are not DOS.  They are DONTS.  The only "do" in there is to honor your parents.  I guess? I've been doing a better job at that...for the longest time I don't believe I was, and I can't seem to to convince anyone that I am not the scum of the earth for "abusing" my mom from the beginning of my conscious existence until whenever.  I have not forgiven everyone, although I think (?) I've been successful at not demanding anything from anyone, although saying that just now reminded of 1-2 hour long chain-yanking that my brother in law enticed me into, so I got distracted and sent him an email.  OK, so that half-baked success is now no-baked.  So I'm a sexual monster, a disrespectful punk AND I'm a murder.  So HOW CAN I BE SURE I'M A CHRISTIAN?  God's promises were not directed to me.  God "loved Jacob and hated Esau"  That point gets brought up almost every Sunday at my church.  I maybe just need to stop attending that church, idk.  The names in the Book Of Life have not been revealed.  No supernatural power has spoken distinctly saying "Your name is in the book of life" or "You ARE a child of God"  So what basis do I have to think I'm saved?

We talked about this yesterday, me and my counselor.  He seems convinced I'm a Christian because I've read The Bible and am not refusing to believe what The Bible says very clearly.  Obviously, there is a class of human who takes the truth and pretends it's different than what it is so they don't feel as guilty or whatever.  That's not spiritual blindness.  That's dishonesty.  If there's one Christian virtue I'm good on, it's honesty.  That's not because I have The Holy Spirit.  I have always been honest.  I guess I'm more honest than I used to be, but I'm still not going to give Bible tracts to my roommates and get kicked out of my dwelling space b/c of or stand up in church and say "Forgive me bretheren, I have masturbated this past week"  I don't even forsee confessing my sin via text message, although I have given my counselor a link to this blogpost, so maybe this suffices...except that's not really a confession, so :OK, I MASTURBATED THIS MORNING (AYGGG)

I don't know what I'm even talking about yakyakyak..............

Sliver

 https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splinter

The definition of sliver, according to the dictionary, does include that which makes up a splinter.  A small fragment of wood is not a splinter.  A splinter is a very light piercing of the skin from a sliver.  I have lots of slivers, I'd presume anyway, since I don't clean my living quarters very often.  I have had far less splinters.

I find it hard to believe that anyone not stuck 75 miles out in the middle of the woods with no access to TV or radio doesn't have a familiarity with the word "splinter".  Up until recently I was completely unaware that a splinter was sometimes known as a sliver.  If my disbelief is unwarranted, I'd like to know.  Unfortunately it seems I'm mainly just talking to myself here.

Ureika

 I almost sent this to my pastor.  I got to the end and realized there's a perfectly sound solution to this matter that doesn't involve wasting his time.

"I was trying to read Isaiah ch30 earlier today.  First 5 verses, he's talking directly to the Israelites.  The header for vs 6 says "oracle against beasts in Negev". Is that part of the original text?  If so, that would make sense, given the overall heaviness of obscure symbolism in this section of Isaiah.  I started this week sometime reading ch26.  [X] was saying he had just finished reading ch28 so I figured I'd start somewhere in that general area.  I don't remember the exact context of Isaiah but I do remember it was largely God rebuking the people for various wrongs they'd carried out.  Chapters 26-29 weren't any exception(s).. I'm guessing vs6 and 7 is God speaking to Isaiah about the Israelites... The header gets me expecting to read exactly that; an oracle against the beasts.  So far it seems like I'm reading about the proverbial beasts...it says "they" travel to Egypt (with a bunch of words in between) ... I guess I should just survey all the  disparate pieces and then run through it again and piece them together... seems like an odd way to read but then again that royalty guy probably felt likewise about being told to take a bath to be healed of his leprosy..."

I'll update this blog once I finish executing my attempt at the above strategy.

UPDATE: I finished reading it...I think I was having difficulty with it because I was trying to read it out loud and the inclusion and placement of various words seemed to me to very dense and I couldn't read what I was seeing on the page out loud with any kind of expression because so much of it is not obvious as to what it's saying.  The only thing I get out of the passage is that God is seriously pi**ed off and wants people to stop whatever it is they are doing wrong.  There's a passage that sounds like it might be referring to the coming of the Holy Spirit and then there's passages that talk about the future which I can only imagine are written for the benefit of future generations and have no intention of comforting anyone who would have been reading them at the time...or maybe I'm wrong about that... maybe some of the not *as* guilty folks who'd gone to Hell pre-Jesus got a 2nd chance to enter Heaven or maybe they were let in graciously...idk.  He says things throughout like "I won't be burn against you forever" which to me sounds like possibly what I just described or at least something similar to it.  I guess maybe He means the collective "you", like collectively everyone who will ever read this text...but the sentence doesn't indicate that.  Not every person who has read The Bible is an Israelite.  And the people who live today and in previous centuries are not the same people who read these prophecies.  So it's really confusing.  The only thing I can think of is the questions I'm asking aren't really relevant.  God does not promise to save the world.  He does promise to offer salvation to it, and it's a given that some people won't get it.  I don't think it makes sense to think God preemptively rejects people on the basis of hatred, which seems to be how many people preach on Romans ch9.  God even tells His people in Matthew 18:18: It's up to Christians to hold the door to the Kingdom open.  If we just give someone an invitation to church and let them be, not talking to them, not encouraging them and challenging them, it is their responsibility to take the invitation but the only thing that might keep them from going is sins that they committed and kept adding to and were encouraged to hide or defend.  God's people are not required to protect every person from falling into sinful patterns of deed and thought.  God's people would be much more numerous if more people were as concerned about the future of humanity as they really should be.  It is beyond tiring though and I believe God understands that but I don't think he's necessarily *happy* about it.  He does confirm it however and accepts the outcome.  That would have been a lot for Paul to include in Romans ch9 and I don't think people would have read and responded to it in a way that God would be glorified in.  God doesn't want a kingdom of Marthas rushing to get everything done and stressing out over everything. He certainly doesn't want an ongoing debate about "Who'se more loving than who?".  Or people despairing over their role in humanity s destruction.  Plenty of people deny God based on a linear meat and potatoes interpretation of Romans 9.