Uhm...

I guess it's an alternate universe where Mr. Potato Head is Spider-Man, and Peter Parker never got bit by that special spider.  Peter Parker makes a much more convincing superhero (IMO).

The Hell I Do

Time is ticking out, it's all gonna end
The good news is that life will go on, in a different way
What way?  I need to understand
No, I don't.  I need to prepare
How?
Obey.  What am I doing wrong?
Love.  How?  What is love??

I guess if I waste all my days away, the drain leads to the same place anyway.....

Lists of goodness - out of order...

Chicago - GREATEST HITS 1982-1989
A truly one of a kind CD.  Ultra-nostalgic, not just for its 80's values, but also its reminder of my final years in California, (1995-1997) when I became more like a man and less like a boy...And the music is top notch, a must have for any fan of sappy love songs.  The thing is nobody pulled those off quite like Chicago.  They were tender and moving, unabashedly romantic, yet also had a "rock" edge, thunderous guitars and drums, as well as what some might call "avant-garde" - i.e.: the horn section; apparently some DID consider that to be too "artsy" b/c after Columbia Records fired them and before they got another contract with Warner Bros., they were offered a contract on the grounds that they ditch the horn section, which thankfully Chicago refused.

OINGO BOINGO - SKELETONS IN THE CLOSET: THE BEST OF OINGO BOINGO

I LOVE EVERYTHING about this CD.  The music is awesome, but the print on the disc, the color of the disc surface - which many might mistake for a simple "clear", but it's actually a...um..."Off-clear"?  I don't know if there's a word that specifically describes it.  But the cover-art is a no-brainer - freakin' classic - scary, cheesy, classy...my word!!  Even the copyright info looks just...perfect...
   Sometimes I think of this CD and the first time I saw this album cover, around the time it came out, me and my father & Mom (and I think Danielle, my sister, was there too), were walking through this music store in the mall and they still sold CDs in long boxes back then, and I saw that and NOTHING TO FEAR, which was almost as awesome as the SKELETONS... CD cover, but not quite...I also noticed DEAD MAN'S PARTY, which I was ga-ga over at the time but now I think it just looks cheesy (DEAD MAN'S PARTY, along with BOI-NGO, are my least favorite OB CDs BTW, although I like BOI-NGO a little more, just wish Elfman could get off his high horse and quit bashing Christianity - i.e.: "New Generation").
  But as I was saying - I think of the time I first saw this album cover and a whirlwind of other images come into mind, like the cover-art for movies like MONKEY SHINES (1988), EVIL DEAD 2 (1987), FRIDAY THE 13TH, FRIDAY THE 13TH Part 2, 3 & 4, as well as 7 & 8 (JASON GOES TO HELL was not around at this timeframe & Pt V & 6 are kinda bland looking, although at the time I embraced them as well).

I have the GHOSTBUSTERS: ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK ALBUM Audio CD, the original release, b/c I like the cover-art; the basic imagery for it is the same as the 2006 re-issue, but the "Compact Digital Audio Disc" logo has been removed, the no-ghost insignia is not as "thick" looking anymore, the red is a different shade, and the back cover art now has a bunch of clutter surrounding it.
  I would just have GHOSTBUSTERS on VHS, the cover-art is just as good, and you get the movie, which is much better than "just" The soundtrack, but VHS, like it or not, is dead.  It was never destined for great things, there was SOOO much room for improvement - thanks DVD! - that most people never thought about.  DVDs/Blu rays are much better - i.e.: with VHS, you have a constant countdown in deterioration, that gradually builds to a climax.  You can literally see the destruction take place with each viewing.  With DVDs/BDs, if the disc wears out, it'll do so ONCE - there will be a day when you wake up to play your favorite movie and the disc won't play.  Most people don't face this problem b/c DVDs/CDs/BDs... are designed to play a certain number of times - it's a huge #, and look at the time!  DVDs had only been around 10 years and they already rolled out a new format for us to get excited about!  By the time my DVD of THE GOLDEN CHILD would be set to wear out, it'll be impossible, because DVD players will be non-existent and I will have already upgraded to Blu ray or some future format...of course, humans only live to be 85 years on avg, that number will probably go up 5 or 10 years by the time I reach what is currently considered the "average life span" and even so, I seriously doubt my DVD copy of THE GOLDEN CHILD, supposing DVD players still existed, would be in any danger of wearing out, b/c I simply don't watch the same movie that many times.
  But as I was saying - it just seems weird to think of all the kickass eye candy out there that I could buy but w/o reason.  If I had some kind of display stand to put some of my favorite images (VHS covers, CD covers for albums that I don't really like, vinyl etc....) then that would be cool, but so far I haven't even bought a book shelf to put my DVDs and books on - I finally got a CD rack (at a yard sale for a buck!), so those are sitting on the table that my BD player & my Gramma's TV (on loan) are on, but I have nowhere to put my DVDs.  My 1988 VHS copy of E.T.: THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL is on a high up shelf in my closet where my books and DVDs are currently at.  That shelf space is very minimal though and half of it is not visible with the closet door all wanky - the latches of it are broken so you have to grab it and move it (thankfully the other door is a total goner, or else I'd have absolutely nowhere to put my DVDs...or would I?.........).

I never watched THE JETSONS that I can recall, at least not in large qtys.  I think one of my babysitters had that playing on her TV and I watched, mildly entertained.  But sometimes when I think of 1981-1983 - the years that immediately preceded my birth, i.e.: the year my parents got married until the time of my inevitable birth - I think of the cover-art for Crosby Stills & Nash's DAYLIGHT AGAIN (1982) and then I imagine the inside of those saucers and I think Look!  The Jetsons!  You'd think STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION would have more to do with my idea of the would-bes of the saucer inhabitants, but that was AFTER I was born.  I mean, I literally remember (however vaguely) watching that repeatedly with my mother and it has a definite 80's metallic look to it, but The Jetsons is a thing of the SCHOOL HOUSE ROCK variety, and although The Jetsons may not have actually been around in the '70's, it's more '70's-like than 80's (I'd say the same about THE SMURFS, too.  I guess that explains why THE LAST UNICORN (1982) feels so much like a memory from a hypnosis session, since it's kind of a merging of the 70's and 80's animation styles; that on top of the fact that it's a deliberately "weird" film, almost "not a kid's film"....).

...a terrible pain in the leg...

I need to watch STRANGER THAN PARADISE
I need to watch STRANGER THAN PARADISE
I need to watch STRANGER THAN PARADISE

Maybe I should get off of this chair and go watch it?  Ok, let me see...AH, CRAMP - my leg!....

I need to take a shower
I need to take a shower

It's the leg, I tell you!

Nope.  I just don't want to...well, I have a stronger desire to see STRANGER THAN PARADISE than I do of taking a shower, but...how can someone be compelled to watch any movie (that they haven't seen before) when all the movies they've seen just don't do any good for them?  Most people don't have this problem, so of course when I say "they" I mean "me"....ugh...so much to do, so much time...so much malicious intent...

navigating the future

January ?, 2013

chromebook arrives in mail
TV arrives in mail

Unpack/set-up chromebook
go to Rdio for playlists etc... - no need to save them to hard disk, maybe buy some of the songs I hear from Amazon's MP3 store.
Listen to music until ???
check email sporadically

Come evening:
watch GHOSTBUSTERS or whatever I want to watch via my TV/BD player

DAY TWO

repeat.

ACCESSORIES (maybe) NEEDED:
headphones

um....I guess that's it.

The only difference between this and yesterday is I won't have a bunch of pretentious b.s. CDs & "superior" sound quality...

My receiver turned off in the midst of playback earlier today.  It's not worth the trouble.  The sound being better is nice, but the device is almost useless.  I hardly ever use it for anything - I mean, I use it, but I have no reason to.  My life has not been "enriched" with it.  As long as the TV I get has a headphone jack, I will be AOK.  I can get a fairly good-quality TV @ Tiger Direct for $140 total, although come January 2013, that price will probably increase to close(r) to $200...

~JWC

and then it occurs to me - I'm never gonna leave this bed

I went to bed around 10:30pm last night - woke up before 6am today.  The spell is broken!  Nice morning, too(!).  Not really looking forward to anything, listening to Maroon 5's HANDS ALL OVER.  I can't believe it's already 2 years old (ish).  They have an even newer one coming out!  I heard "Never Gonna Leave This Bed" like 3 times (at least) on Pandora before I realized how good it was...the CD is OK, I still prefer "Never Gonna Leave This Bed"...idk...track 3 and 4 are kinda weak...the first one is pretty good+...I can't remember how good track 2 is.  I don't get any new mail until the 7th at the soonest.  I have $10 in Amazon credit, don't have any worthwhile ideas for how to spend it...guess I can get something for my mom's birthday coming in a couple months...that actually makes sense, I'm probably going to need to reschedule my hygenist appt for the 2nd or 3rd time...I have a 2nd Dentist appt in June, that's gonna be $39, I'll probably need to go back in Jan/Feb '13 if I get another Circuit Breaker check at that time b/c I just can't seem to get in the habit of brushing my teeth.  I did it yesterday, but there was like a 3 day break before then.  Maybe it's just a phase, I haven't been taking showers as frequently as I should either, took one...yesterday?  It might have been the day before that...and my cholesterol is too high - go figure!  I don't know what I could do differently to change all this - I'm eating plenty of fiber & protein, not too many calories...I might be going over my 25(?) limit of fat grams...well...I am not exorcising as much as I should...the day before yesterday I walked to a convenience store that was located practically a block away from my house...probably took 40 mins tops to walk to and from...and no, I didn't buy a big gulp at the store, I was buying a money order for my sister since she used her x payment method to pay for our mom's Mother's Day gift and since we live in different states and wiring money costs five-whopping-dollars, a money order made the most sense.  I am NOT paying $20 for ANY number of checks.  I probably haven't even bought $20 worth of money orders since I started buying them almost 10 years ago and that's counting the numerous non-PayPal transactions on eBay...I mean, it MIGHT have gone past $20, but that's just it - I pay by mail so infrequently a box of checks is a total waste of money.  And I don't know why people write checks still - it's a waste of time and resources.  All the industrialism of recent times probably wouldn't have such harmful effects if 75% of the world's trees hadn't been wiped off the face of the Earth.

Um...anyway...

So...I'm not going "GREAT[!]", but I'm not doing too bad either...glad you asked!

PLUS'N ME OFF

Uh...wuuh...looks different here...am I dead?..............

Freakin' hekk, it's been a long time since my last post.  Have I neglected to share any real information here?  Uh...no.  Nothing's changed...well, a couple days ago my cholesterol doctor discovered I need more "umph" to my cholesterol medicine, so she added Trilipix.  Guess that's a shroom-extract...idk...sounds like a wicked hallucinogenic...weather has brought HEAT (1995)...ugh...um...today it's the fan, tomorrow it's the A/C...maybe, idk...I went to bed really late sometime...a week ago?  Maybe less...or not...so I woke up late the next day and it's been escalating since...today I woke up at noon and still didn't quite get enough sleep...I had an appt with my case worker, she turned water into.. err...she was on time - and I slept through it!!  I usually wake up way earlier than necessary when I have appt(s)...my subconscious weaponry was no match for my enormous load of irresponsibility...

I've already spent over $75 and I don't even know how I did it.  $32 of that was for a couple book club purchases, which will probably be reduced to $18 after the club rec's the book I intend to return.  I thought I was going to sell it and get over half of the total I paid back, but after doing the math, I found even with the money I'd get back from the introductory purchase, I still would be losing $5.  And the club has some books I would like to buy.  I don't think I gave Neil Gaiman's THE SANDMAN a real chance.  I've been wanting to re-buy it, but just haven't got around to it...it's usually almost $10 or more and books just aren't something I spend a lot of time with...I read a little over 10 pages of Jim Crace's QUARANTINE and it was a nice read, but I haven't picked it up again in like...2 weeks?  It's due back at the library on the 8th...well, it was, I renewed it earlier today...
So...in case you're wondering why I joined a book club if I don't give a rat's ass about books, here's the reason: I was promised $10USD spendable via Amazon in the form of Swagbucks points (book club>Swagbucks>Amazon gift card>shopping(!))

Wow...I've talked so much just about the last two days!  See how much of your time I waste?  Aren't you GLAD I post this infrequently?

What does it really mean?

This is my list of CDs that I would be looking at in awe...awe of what?


MUSIC

--albums--
American Football - s/t
The Appleseed Cast - Sagarmatha
Armor For Sleep - Dream To Make Believe
Brand New - Deja Entendu
Jackson Browne - The Next Voice You Hear: The Best Of
Kate Bush - The Whole Story
Phil Collins - Both Sides
Phil Collins - No Jacket Required
Counting Crows - Recovering The Satellites
Counting Crows - This Desert Life
The Cranberries - Bury The Hatchet
Crosby Stills & Nash - Daylight Again
The Cure - Paris
Dashboard Confessional - The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most
Deep Blue Something - Home
Genesis - s/t
Genesis - Invisible Touch
Gentle Giant - Octopus
Goo Goo Dolls - A Boy Named Goo
Green Day - Dookie
Green Day - Insomniac
George Harrison - Cloud 9
Hidden In Plain View - Resolution
Interpol - Turn On The Bright Lights
Avril Lavigne - Let Go
Aimee Mann - The Forgotten Arm
Alanis Morissette - Jagged Little Pill
Nirvana - Incesticide
Nirvana - In Utero
Nirvana - Nevermind
The Offspring - Smash
Oingo Boingo - Nothing To Fear
Our Lady Peace - Burn Burn
Our Lady Peace - Happiness…Is Not A Fish That You Can Catch
Our Lady Peace - Healthy In Paranoid Times
Rush - Power Windows
Silverchair- Freak Show
Silverchair- Frogstomp
Steely Dan - Aja
Tears For Fears - Shout: The Very Best Of
Toto - Toto IV
Various - Drowning Mona OST
Various - Ghostbusters OST
Various - Teaching Mrs. Tingle OST
The Wallflowers - Bringing Down The Horse
“Weird Al” Yankovic - Dare To Be Stupid
“Weird Al” Yankovic - Even Worse
“Weird Al” Yankovic - Off The Deep End
Steve Winwood - Back In The High Life

I have at some point in time owned all of these.  I don't have the kind of income to buy them all again at once.  To begin the quest would be pointless because I could very well die any minute/day...

So...I guess I'll just listen to Grooveshark and let my money sit until I see a dire need to do otherwise...yeah right!  No, no...it could happen (right?  YEAH, RIGHT!  QUIT SAYING THAT...)

deja view

Huh...so...I guess I like DEJA ENTENDU (2003, Razor & Tie) by Brand New.  Weird, b/c I could have sworn I hated that CD...I used to think it reeked of mediocrity at best...I guess A. I wasn't familiarized enough with the "emo" genre to realize that anything too outside of the realm of primal/punk-type rock would just be too "weird" for most people and B. my expectations for music in general circa 2005 were way off the charts.  I'm listening to it now via Grooveshark and I swear most of these songs were played on my local alt rock station, although truth be told they were most likely in heavy rotation on my LastFM station(s) so it just sorta seems like that.  I mean, it's just amazing, this CD is like the soundtrack for an emo-arthouse film circa 2003 (what is emo-arthouse you ask?  Heck if I know...).
  I listened to Armor For Sleep's DREAM TO MAKE BELIEVE - and enjoyed it - for the first time in...3 years?  4?  It's sure been awhile.  I used to think it was my FAVORITE CD, and I asked my sister to buy it for me on iTunes b/c my computer at the time was a total piece of garbage...$10 was spent on that and not too long afterward I threw the CD-R away.  WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!???
  I bought Genesis - Live/The Way We Walk Volume Two: The Longs for the 15th time (apprx?).  It was only a buck and six cents and I had $0.75 in Hastings credit, and enough cash to cover the rest...
  It's kinda scary to think I'll be living all these/those years, with buildings and electricity, and shopping...and then one day NONE of it will matter.  The kind of music I like, what I've decided to eat, my dreams...all of it will be dust.  Almost as scary, if not more so, is the idea that civilization is an ocean away from collapse.  So many nations are populated by folks living in fear, many of them are on the run for their lives.  Genocide occurs contantly in Africa, human rights violations of every kind imaginable & worse occur just about every day in Iran and China...and China practically owns us.  Iran most likely has the ability to destroy us, while the reverse is not true.  And even if it were true, we wouldn't dare blow them up b/c they would go down knowing they got an even trade.
  I keep making lists of CDs I want to own.  I'm not sure why; I can get just about everything I want and more for free.  And the gov't apparantly thinks I shouldn't have anything more than food clothing & shelter...oh, and medical care as needed.  I'm surprised they pay for my cholesterol medicine.  They could stop paying for my Abilify AND the cholesterol medicine, since my physician seems fairly certain that the Abilify is causing my spike in cholesterol, although the food I eat probably doesn't help either...I mean, they don't pay for diabetes assistance or dental care, which I agree is a waste of gov't funds.  I mean, I have poor dental health and although it's difficult, I would not expect Medicaid to pay for my $300 dental bill.  If I had taken the advice of everyone around me and brushed my dang teeth, I wouldn't be in this situation.  So, why do they pay for the latest anti-psychotics?  I mean, I guess they can't exclude much of anything since anti-psychotics wear off and for some patients the medicine doesn't work to begin with, so they need to keep trying different things.  Idk...the MSRP of Cymbalta is $600 - YIKES!  I'm not even sure why I'm taking it, I should probably ask my psychiatrist...
  It's frightening to keep reminding myself of how pointless everything is.  At worst, I could save my money until I can afford a TV of some kind (19" minimum unless my gramma wants her TV back eventually...not sure what her long term expectations are on that front...hers is apprx 15", which is almost big enough, but still a bit too small, IMO.).  And yeah, TVs are a pain to replace, they cost more than their worth, or it seems like they do to me b/c I get so little to spend every month, but at least they've gone down in price quite a bit over the last 15 years...and they function a lot better than they used to.  A 15" TV of today actually is more useful than a 15" TV of 20 years ago b/c you don't have reflection and you don't lose 1/8th of the screen when watching an anamorphic widescreen movie (although not all anamorphic widescreen movies fill the entire screen, regardless of what TV you have; I don't know why but different movies have different aspect ratios and the black bars only disappear if the film was made with a certain aspect ratio, there may be more than one aspect ratio this can be said about, I really don't know...I'm not even sure what an aspect ratio is...).
  Heck, even my Blu ray player was $25 more than it should have been.  And in my opinion it should have never been needed.  All Lions Gate had to do to make everyone happy was ask the MPAA to give THE LAST UNICORN a PG rating instead of a G rating and then the prunefaced WalMart shoppers would have no business complaining about a few "dams" and a barely noticeable few seconds of private part exposure here and there...but no.  Instead they use this controversey surrounding the censorship of that movie to force THE LAST UNICORN fans into buying a blu ray player.  And I'm well aware that this is Hollywood's world and I'm just living in it, so I did the sensible thing and just bought one.  Thankfully it has analog connectability, so my gramma's 14" TV (NOT widescreen, NOR Hi-def) can work with it.  I noticed one brand selling a blu ray player fairly cheap at WalMart.com about a year ago, maybe 7 or 8 months ago, and it did NOT have analog connectiosn and I just knew that wasn't smart.  Maybe I had an actual reason for thinking that, but I don't think it had anything to do with me borrowing someone's spare TV.  I didn't even know my gramma had a TV lying around...but anyway, I'm sure glad the one I did pick has analog.  That was actually a key factor in buying that particular one, since I bought that and a stereo receiver, since I have little to no use for a home theater receiver and home theater receivers cost more money than stereo receivers, and I was trying to get all I "needed" for as little money as possible.  And I don't have room in my music listening area for 5.1 speakers.  I MIGHT have room for a 3.1 CH system, and the features you get with a HT rec'r are almost drool-inducing to read about, but for hi-fidelity audio in a HT format you'd need to spend probably AT LEAST $300.  Budget HT rec'ers are OK, or so I've heard, but a cheap Sony stereo receiver and a equivelantly priced home theater rec'er from home audio legends Onkyo, powering SSB1000 bookshelf speakers by Sony, sounds pretty much the same to my ears.  The Onkyo rec'rs MSRP was about $100 more than the Sony and I paid about $200 total for that thing, whereas the Sony was about $130.  I'm not even sure I could have gotten a decent HT rec'r with my dental appt - $80 - and knowing that I would NEED to buy speakers that cost AT LEAST $100...eh...I could have done it, I know dang well I could have...that's under $500 with the BD player, but I just wasn't thinking.  I bought a boat load of CDs and I don't even have most of them, if any, anymore.  Oh well...here's hoping next year brings better...

Reasons I Won't Be Coming...

This is what it's come down to.  This is the grave you made.  You may learn to love it a little, but you'll spend most of your life trying to escape it.

1.  Kate Bush - The Whole Story
2.  Phil Collins - Both Sides
3.  Toto - Toto IV

PEOPLE ALWAYS TAKE A STEP AWAY FROM WHAT IS TRUE.
that's why I want you around.

I never loved you, you consumed me with the time we spent together; I don't blame you, I know everyone has to make a living, but I must confess disgust at myself for falling in your arms time and time again, telling myself I had good reason.  I regret the life I could have had...

Aerosmith - Big Ones
Aerosmith - Box Of Fire
Aerosmith - Get A Grip
Aerosmith - Permanent Vacation
Aerosmith - Pump
Tori Amos - Little Earthquakes
Tori Amos - Under the Pink
The Cars - Greatest Hits [1985]
Phil Collins - ...But Seriously
Phil Collins - Face Value
Phil Collins - No Jacket Required
The Cure - Paris
Genesis - Invisible Touch
Gentle Giant - Octopus
The Get Up Kids - Something To Write Home About
The Grateful Dead - American Beauty
The Grateful Dead - Europe '72
The Grateful Dead - Steal Your Face
Guns N' Roses - Appetite For Destruction
Hootie & The Blowfish - Cracked Rear View
Elton John - Greatest Hits [1974]
KISS - Animalize
KISS - Crazy Nights
KISS - Lick It Up
KISS - Unmasked
New Order - Low-Life
Nirvana - In Utero
Nirvana - Nevermind
Oingo Boingo - Skeletons In The Closet: the Best Of
Our Lady Peace - Burn Burn
Passion Pit - Manners
Pearl Jam - Rearviewmirror
R.E.M. - Murmur
R.E.M. - Reckoning
rush - moving pictures
311 - greatest hits 1993-2003
weird al - 1983-1994
the who - who's next

"THINGS THAT MAKE UP A LIFE/THOSE DAYS ARE GONE FOREVER"
who are you and what do you want?!/everyone I ever loved...at my funeral...it'd hurt too much to watch me drown...

"what I gave is yours to keep" / "Surprises let me know she cares" / I still think about you sometimes


American Football - s/t
Armor For Sleep - Dream To Make Believe
Blink 182 - Enema Of the States
Jackson Browne - The Next Voice You Hear: The Best Of
Cartel - Chroma
Chicago - Greatest Hits 1982-1989
The Cinema - My Blood Is Full Of Airplanes
Emarosa - s/t
Goo Goo Dolls - A Boy Named Goo
Hidden In Plain View - Resolution
Idlewild - 100 Broken Windows
Our Lady Peace - Happiness...Is Not A Fish That You Can Catch
Panic! At The Disco - Vices & Virtues
saves the day - stay what you are
senses fail - let it enfold you
silverstein - discovering the waterfront
sponge - rotting pinata
the starting line - direction
the starting line - say it like you mean it
3eb - s/t
3eb - blue
3eb - out of the vein
toad the wet sprocket - pale
trespassers william - having
the wallflowers - bringing down the horse
steve winwood - back in the high life

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