Sunday 10/23

Still coasting along mostly.  I was in need of sleep due to having missed out on a great deal of it over this past week, so I found myself yawning in church toward the end and prior to that feeling like I wasn't properly composed for worship.  I didn't loudly proclaim the words that I sang.  I missed chunks of what the pastor was preaching.  I got home and turned on the computer and then soon after turned it off and took a 2 hour nap.  I'm still foggy in da head, and I laid down for a little while, about an hour ago.  Nothing happened.  I guess that can kinda be expected when you got machine-gunning, tap dancing Michael Jackson exuding from your sound system.  The two I have in my collection are BAD and DANGEROUS, both meant to showcase his "tough side".  It's weird to think how much of MJ's out put I assumed was The Jackson 5.  I didn't realize until a couple or so years ago that he was still performing with his brothers during his whirlwind success with THRILLER.  The pre-OFF THE WALL material that bore the Michael Jackson brand sounded almost identical to the stuff he sang while under The Jackson 5 umbrella.  I guess knowing the difference before hand does make a difference.  The album VICTORY that The Jacksons (The Jackson 5 - 1 + 2) didn't really sound like THRILLER, but it did sound pretty similar to BAD, albeit with lower production values.
  Aaanyway.  For the most part, I've done better at conducting myself since I last posted here.  I'm still stuck in my shellshocked-ish existence, minimizing eye contact and interaction with other people.  There was a "Men's pancake breakfast" yesterday at 7:30 and I was racking my brain trying to think of a good reason to attend.  I didn't understand the concept at all.  Breakfast w/o women?  I don't understand the significance.  It probably made more sense to people who live closer to the church doors.  A 20 minute drive to and then another back seemed like a waste of time and honestly it still does.
So...hmmmm...I sold a bunch of stuff that I was hoping to sell at Amazon or Discogs to CD Warehouse in Marietta.  Not really "a bunch", er se, it was 5 items or something like that.  I don't know how many I sold, but I got $15 out of it and now I have $3.49 coming from a sale I made at Amazon.  I used some of that to buy STIR OF ECHOES.  I got a Blu ray edition of it b/c they ddin't have any DVD copies of it.  The BD was only $3.99 + tax.  That's only slightly more than it would have been had I bought it from one of the sellers on Amazon.com/The Amazon Marketplace.  So the total cash I got was $10.77.  I used $0.60 of those last two digits to buy a box of instant pudding mix and I bought a Christmas card for me grumma at  a Hallmark store.  This morning me and my Mom went to Starbucks.  I got a hot chocolate b/c I didn't feel like spending $4-$5 on a coffee and they do make some real good hot chocolate.  I should have requested they use skim milk, but o well.  I almost always forget to request that.  I don't think 2% milk has a heck of a lot more calories than skim milk...if I drank 2 or 3 cups of Starbucks hot chocolate in a day, that'd be another story, but those extra 50 or so calories combined with my normal intake can make a difference...the real difference was the meal at Wendy's I ate for lunch paid for by a friendly couple who drove me home from church since my mom had a birthday party to attend.  She was invited, so she went.  She knows her name, I forgot what she told me it is, and neither of us know how, but she's related to my sister's husband somehow.  She just turned 2 years old, which means she was a "behind the scenes" human being when I attended my sister's wedding in July of 2014.
You'd think I'd shut up by now, seeing how little I have to actually talk about...ugh...ok.  Cue fade/end credits.

better than 10/15, still not as good as 10/05

I went too long w/o reading The Bible and I could tell circa Saturday 10/15 as I stormed inward and outward through Amazon.com's customer review forum trying to knock sense into people who apparently never had any interest in making sense.
I remembered just now as I was typing this to delete those comments, or at least the ones I remember...
I read The Bible on Sunday and Monday.  I brought my cell phone & Gideon's translation of The New Testament to my sis' house where I spent most of Wednesday (yesterday) and I spent not a whole lot of time on either, but nonetheless spent a lot more time on my cell phone than I did my Bible, to put it mildly.
  I've been driving myself mad with lust.  I don't see an end to that.  I swear, my libido is more in my face now than it was when I was 16.  And that's just freakin' weird, b/c my libido has existed ever since I was 6 or 7 years old.
  It's all part of the same problem --- I don't do well as making bridges between myself and others and I never have.  I keep thinking I might as well uproot and go to Haiti or someplace as a full time professional missionary, but I don't even know if that would solve the problem.  How do you mission to people when you're heavily reluctant to say "hi" to people you pass on the street?  Surel, I keep thinking, I'm just being impatient.  That impatience could be taken further as in "Oh, why not just die already?" but I know this shell that houses the core of me will be taken away in due time.  It's not my call to make.  God doesn't need help.  He doesn't need help spreading The Good News about Jesus even.  He wants us to help in specific matters, such as evangelizing, and he demands it because laziness and cowardice would get in the way of things if he had made it sound like an option.  Love of God leads to obeying his commands.  Obeying his commands is beneficial to both Him and us.  Cases where that is not true are instances of Satan ruling over the mind and God does dwell in vessels that are pumping black ooze instead of healthy blood.  People need a blood transfusion that doctors can't provide.  Doctors can often extend your existence, but they can't make your life worth saving.
  My natural personality is at an advantage, I do often consider myself a nice guy overall, but the digital rampage I spoke of in paragraphs 1 & 2 are not a recent development.  I have always been a self centered greedy snot.  You might even say I'm a natural born hypocrite, always complaining about how much better the world would be if they took the plain as day message of Michael Jackson's "Man In The Mirror" to heart all the while comparing myself to others instead of looking at MY man in the mirror and making improvements as I see opportunities to do so.  Obviously,  not everyone is guilty of overt ugliness.  Most people in Western culture aren't.  Someone at The Washington Post described the disenfranchisement with D.C., stating there is no singular reason for people's distrust and disgust with politicians, therefore there's no easy way to fix the problem.  Instead it appears to be a case of death by 1,000 paper cuts.  How many paper cuts does the average person have to deal with on an average day?  Do you trust your neighbor?  If so, I'm happy for you.  That means life's been really good to you.  Most of us need to keep our doors locked to keep thieves at bay.  And if that doesn't work, you can thank your 60" 4K TV if you're still alive and happy to be so by dawn's early light.

I've been eating like crazy since my EBT card was reloaded (the 13th) and if I haven't gained 15 lbs, I have God to thank for that, but I'm either stupid as all get out or The Higi Station (a hi-tech scale) at Publix on Baker Rd in Acworth Georgia needs to be fixed.  That thing gave me 3 different #s in the span of less than 10 minutes.  One was 218 lbs.  One was 220 or something like that and the other was 238.  None of those sound right.  I'd weighed myself about a week prior and the scale said 264.  A week before then it said 268.  I have done nothing to cause a decrease of 20-50 lbs since I weighed 264.  I might have lost 5 or so lbs, but by now I think I've gained it back and then some.

Meanwhile, at the Bat-cave...two Terminators were sent back through time.......

ain't right

If you are going into a movie with low expectations, then I have to wonder why?  If you're going into a movie with high expectations, then you're more likely to be disappointed if your cinematic taste buds have developed at all, and for the crop of folks who were born after 9/11, I guess those cinematic taste buds may take awhile longer to develop if they ever do at all since so much of what's come out has been plastic.  The nice thing about movies -- the good ones -- is their ability to entertain you despite the cruelty they depict.  I guess as this nation/culture adapts an attitude of "there's nothing wrong with me", the more they embrace what further wrongs lurk deep inside of themselves, and thus can accept that in other people.  I don't think it's gotten to that point as of yet.  There's still an army of God-fearing people in this world to provide a glimmer of The Holy Spirit within society as a whole.
Films like BOOGIE NIGHTS --- even though the writer didn't seem to have any message to convey, I found large parts of it to be rather disturbing, but nonetheless the pretty visuals and the storybook feel of it all kept me hooked.  It's not until the film gets to wrapping up that you finally realize the film had no message.  In a way, I suppose that's not such a bad thing.  The fact that the film came out when it did I think gives it the perfect time test.  You can feel the spiritual pulse of society by seeing how it reacts to watching BOOGIE NIGHTS.  Does the film still disturb people today?  How will people react to it 50 years from now?
Thankfully Martin Scorsese is still making movies.  He's one of the few genuine talents who hasn't lost his touch.  I wasn't impressed with SHUTTER ISLAND, but on the other hand, not every movie he's made was a sensational hit.  He's made several movies that barely made a blip on the radar.  THE KING OF COMEDY, KUNDUN...I personally didn't think much of AFTER HOURS, although many people feel that way about BRINGING OUT THE DEAD, which is one of my favorite movies ever.  And then he's got "Just okay" movies that were kinda overhyped.  CASINO, GANGS OF NEW YORK, etc.but I truly did enjoy THE DEPARTED...I haven't seen THE WOLF OF WALL STREET, but I might give it a try one of these days.  I'm greatly looking forward to that movie about missionaries in Japan with Liam Neeson...I do wonder if that's still moving forward...gotta check on that I guess.
Anyway...Just got me thinking b/c I have to wonder about the standards of people who have so much fundamental criticism of a movie like 2016's GHOSTBUSTERS and then try and defend it like "It's not terrible."  BATMAN & ROBIN isn't terrible.  No movie that costs $100M+ is going to be terrible.  That still doesn't excuse the lack of greatness that Hollywood is providing us.  The talent is there.  If Hollywood had an application process, I'd say they're not hiring.  But that's not the case.  They are hiring.  They're just being very lazy in who they hire.  They aren't looking for people who will get the job done right.  They're just looking to get the job done and the end result is Hollywood being a con artistry...how many times does one get fooled before they start sharing the blame?

I thought I'd never see you again!

It's late coming, but fall has hit.  It's my first autumn in Georgia.  It's gorgeous.  I was thinking I might get rid of my American Football CD b/c fall wasn't coming.  For some reason those first few days of fall make that CD resonate more.  So needless to say I'm happy.  Like usual, I keep thinking I need to be doing something God-oriented b/c there's so much need and deprivation, both domestically/internally and foreign/outward.  Just something I live with, right or wrong.
I was blown away to find out the aforementioned band American Football are **finally** after 17 years following up their debut.  The description on Amazon states that the CD came out with little recognition, the band did 12 live shows in support of it and then said "forget it".  By now however the album has managed to sell 100,000 copies give or take.  If it were not for the now defunct Yahoo! Launchcast, I would probably still not know who they were/are.  i listened to a couple preview tracks on Spotify and was pleased.  It's not "the same", duh, but it's as good as you can expect.  The one of a kind awe-sum-ness of their debut is exactly that --- one of a kind.  The band didn't choose to create it.  The band simply chose to not to refuse to record it.  Granted, some of its awesomeness stems from the production, which is part of the actual creation...I don't know if the band produced it themselves, but regardless -- production techniques alone don't make an album what it is.  The production is usually meant to emphasise certain points in an album, not create them entirely.
Ok, so...I've been attending a men's only Bible study on Monday nights.  I've been lavished with appreciation for my thoughts/comments.  I guess the apprx.10-person give and take of thought and scripture has made me less antsy to post my musings on here.  I don't know.  Maybe I'm just lazy as of late.  How long has it been?  Ugh.
Anyway.
I seriously have no idea what else to talk about.  That's about the extent of the past 2 months.  That and my usual trying to spend money for the sake of itself and then feeling like an idiot, over-spending, using my CC and feeling even more like an idiot and then feeling guilty.  My sister bought me cat food last month (for my cat, not myself, even though my cat is *my* companion, which is why I say my sister bought *me* cat food), b/c I took the money I'd been setting aside and blew it on I don't even remember what.  Pizza maybe?  Gosh, that was insane.  And then I bought more movies(Blu ray discs) at Fingerhut.  I did also buy a Roku (Roku3), and I've been happy w/ it.  It's more stable than my Blu ray player, except it doesn't play discs of any kind, obviously...(y'all know what a Roku is??!!!).  So, like the rest of my Fingerhut debt, some of it's a total waste and some of it was somewhat logical and all of it was severely inflated before any interest was added (and more is to come).
Alright.  xx

Tuesday, July 19...about six hours ago...

...I had just walked out of NCG Acworth after having seen GHOSTBUSTERS (2016).  I felt a disappointing sense of underwhelmed through the whole thing.  The near end/middle had some interesting visuals, but the first 1/2 of the movie felt like a cheap made for cable TV movie.  I didn't feel like a widescreen major motion picture.  I didn't think any of the film was funny, although it could have been had it gone all the way in the direction the humor was heading for.  It was mostly just bits and pieces of jokes that have been done 100,000+++ times interspersed between a suspenseful story that was played out in a goofy-awkward style.  I really was hoping for the best from this movie.  I figured it wouldn't be as good as the original, but after watching 2015's SPY -- made by the same co-writer & director of GB'16 -- I felt the failures of Dir. Paul Feig's other movies were perhaps the product of lack of experience and gave me hope that this film would be at least as good as that.  I think maybe Kate Diepold -- who co-wrote THE HEAT, which was also had a very goofy-awkward look and feel to it -- was the driving force behind this film's faults.  What I don't understand is why director Paul Feig let her on board...but on the other hand, a lot of people thought THE HEAT was the funniest film of that year, whatever year that was...
Some people have over time questioned my fandom of GHOSTBUSTERS (pre'16).  I guess I can say that I'm not so much a fan of GHOSTBUSTERS as I am of the feelings it evokes when I watch it.  It's very nostalgic.  For some reason or another the images in that film -- even the ones that take place on mundane locales like sidewalks and parks -- evoke a feeling of another time, another place, like a modern day USA that predates the modern day USA...which is kinda what the '70's and '80's was, technically...but I feel like I'm this close to touching it, but I can't quite...probably b/c I'd been watching the film since the age of 2 if nor younger, and I have memories surrounding watching the movie that I am not aware of...like the day I was born.  I don't think I remember it.  I don't know for a fact that a skilled hypnotist would be unable to put me under hypnosis and make me recall that day during the hypnosis.

elevation

I ordered HERE AS IN HEAVEN by Elevation Worship from Overstock.com about a week ago.  I wanted to have it on CD b/c the cover-art is pretty and the music is really good.  Well, now I'm returning it unsealed to the retailer, b/c the damn disc will not come out of the case safely.  Maybe I'm just stupid or something, but I spent almost 2 entire minutes (a guestimate) trying to get that CD out of the case.  It never happened.  I'll probably buy HERE AS IN HEAVEN brand new from Amazon LLC so I can get the AutoRip ***and*** have the prrrty cover-art.  Thankfully I'm able to say that as if I have a means of accomplishing it somewhat soon without deceiving y'all.  I'm expecting a $50++ refund from Amazon.  Their partner "Amazon Warehouse Deals" sold me a used 4333 Lasko Hybrid Fan for $67.  The day I received the fan in the mail, the price went down to $50, in new condition, directly from Amazon.  They said they wouldn't charge return s/h, so returning the fan will hopefully not have been a waste of time.

Where do these crazy ideas come from?

You'd think with all the constant warring going on in the Middle East and Africa and parts of South America that The USA was invented by aliens.  We've had wars, sure, but we've had relative peace for most of our nation's lifetime.  The Korean War was an effort to keep two nations from killing each other.  I don't even know if I'd call that a war.  The Vietnam War was a travesty.  I think the leaders should have had more faith in God and confided in Him more than they did.  Capitalism is not the cornerstone of this nation.  England is living proof of this.  Economic prosperity is nice, but it is not the cornerstone of any civilization.  The full scale battles within the War On Terror were a mistake.  I say that it was a mistake because there was never any victory in sight.  The Bush Family got what it wanted, but the battles in Iraq and Afghanistan are still not finished.  Our government has been trying to ease the public's frustration and heartache by figuring out when we can withdraw.  There's still no end in sight.  But prior to the days of Vietnam and the demonic presences that have continuously strengthened their grip on this nation since, this nation had very little warring.  WWII was a defensive against the Japanese and Hitler and we tried like heck to stay out of WWI.
Sure, our leaders were not perfect, even from the get go.  I think George Washington had a vanity and/or ego problem.  That probably explains the slaves he had and the mistreatment he put them through.  Somehow The Gospel was spread to the kidnapped African people, despite their owners hypocrisy.  I think to a large extent, the founders were rather two faced.  They tried to be kind and dutiful, but they weren't willing to face the financial losses that would result in admitting that their African brothers & sisters were no less worthy of pay than their same-colored brothers & sisters. 
However, the Constitution was very carefully constructed.  Our leaders may have not sought God's council as much as they could have, but they cared a lot about the nation they were founding and they wanted it to be free of the kinds of things England was notorious for, which was basically what Republicans call "government interference".  I think the fact that most of our leaders, if not all of them, were Christians helped them understand and appreciate this kind of government.  Jesus Christ is referred to The Bible as Kings Of Kings.  The founding fathers knew the history of Israel and the map God drew for it and how far the Israeli people fell from their proverbial tree.  The founders did not expect the citizens to be perfect.  Just as God did not force Israel to obey the commands, the US government is not forcing anybody to obey God's commands.  True, there is a certain standard of conduct expected within tighter knit communities and on a national scale, things like abortion were long considered beyond the pale of any human being worthy of being alive and well.  A lot of those standards of conduct have loosened or become nonexistent, and we are now seeing the toll it's taking.  How many cries for help have gone unnoticed?  How many people have wanted to ask for help but never did because nobody seemed to care?  How many people bothered to even consider these things when asking "Why?" as in "Why did (so and so) kill so many innocent people?"  Most of us don't need help with staying afloat emotionally, much less physically.  That is very fortunate, for the most part.  Insanity is becoming more and more common and we don't deal with insanity as if that were the case.  We deal with it as some kind of cause for self concern instead of a cause to lend a hand.
It is my opinion that the nation established in 1776 is soon to be ended.  It's already divided so heavily.  The only Bill Of Rights Democrats want to keep is the first one and Republicans want to keep the entire thing and the Republicans are constantly losing favor with The American People as we call ourselves...

Nel, c'mon...

My mother's state-funded housekeeper for a couple years there -- who eventually got herself fired by slacking off and then making baseless accusations toward my mom -- used to listen to conservative talk radio a lot.  One of the ones I often got the pleausre (cough, cough) of hearing was Neal Boortz.  The guy would go on endlessly talking about people's mistakes.  Not society's mistakes, not a mistake that some celebrity was making that nobody wanted to admit was indeed a mistake, but just mistakes of random people.  He talked about some student who attends some no-name college who was demanding something or other from the dean of the college.  This was information he was apparently using to draw a parallel to the Occupy movement that eventually dissolved because they had absolutely no strategy for accomplishing whatever it was they wanted, which was for life to be peachy, apparently.
  Even his little sidekick lady was confounded by that one.  She even said "Where do you find these people?"  Some guy called into the show criticizing Neal Boortz for being too negative.  Neal then countered that by saying how he's always talking about positive things -- getting Obama out of office and getting a Republican back in!  The guy was kind of stumped by that and he simply said "That's your opinion".  Neal basically responded saying "Yeah, well it's my show".  Which is entirely the point.  If you don't like the show, don't listen to it.  My question is mainly why do people like the show?  What do people really gain out of it?  I ask because I've known at least two people -- out of a very small group of people I've ever spent a significant amount of time with outside of school -- who seem rather grumpy much of the time.  Their sense of humor is intact, but often snide.  1)  My mom's former housekeeper 2)  A guy I knew several years back during my high school years.  He listened to conservative talk radio for like 3 hours of the day at least, and it really seemed like was just bitter.  He acted like he was justified in that because of the mistreatment he suffered from his ex-wife and the existence of Democrats.  He'd probably deny all of that, saying he told me about his ex-wife because I somehow indicated that I wanted to know, and I don't have a problem with people sharing their sob stories.  I have a problem with people holding grudges and taking them out on other people.  He told me that he knows some people who are ready to make Michael Carneal, a semi-local loner who had come to the end of his rope and opened fire at school, wish he was back in prison if he ever got out.  His argument for the death penalty was that Murderers Are Evil.  I don't think the story of Cain & Able was put in The Bible so that mankind could piss on the grave of mankind's first murderer.  If it were, God would have struck down Cain.  The Bible is a source of wisdom, but you have to take the time to understand it.  He said The Bible supported zealously denouncing homosexuality.  The Bible supports preaching The Good News.  It supports getting people to understand why The Good News is important and encouraging them to keep on the righteous path once they discover The Good News and all of its splendor.  The Bible says we should rebuke each other for our sins, but do so in love, and that when Christians are persecuted, we will be a witness to God to the people who are persecuting us.  Ex-communication is a last resort and something The Bible encourages.  You can't ex-communicate someone who has never experienced the Word of God -- unless that person is a church goer -- someone who has been going to church for a while -- and has made it clear they have no intention of heeding to The Holy Spirit's will.  That is what The Bible refers to as a Hypocrite --- we are instructed to not share meals with them.

Anyway...not only is Neal Boortz a pipeline of negativity, but he obstructs the truth to justify his opinions.  He said rich people pay more taxes than anybody else --- he proved this by reading a half page's worth of information from some IRS document, either something he found online or, whatever.  If that half page worth of information is the whole truth, why does anybody ever use H&R Block?  If it's so simple, why not do it yourself the same way you stamp and address outgoing mail?  George W. Bush said in a campaign rally during his re-election bid that the shortest tax form takes 9 hours to complete.  This is a rather telling statement.  The guy either is unaware that poor people exist or he has no regard for them as human beings.  I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and go with the former.

I'm still half asleep it seems.  I've forgotten if there was anything else I wanted to say.  Either that or I've said everything I intend to say and have no witty way of wrapping it up.  TTFN

Just when it's finally cultrually acceptable to not hate GHOSTBUSTERS II...

...along comes another new spin on GHOSTBUSTERS.  And the pissing and moaning about the choices the writers made and things that should've been included and shouldn't have been included...as if everyone EXCEPT Paul Feig knew how to make a good GHOSTBUSTERS movie.  The most mind boggling thing I hear is the line "It didn't need to be re-make".  My response is always like "It didn't need to be made in the first place."  I'm glad it did get made, it's a great movie, but what would the world have been missing if some other fun supernatural comedy got made in 1985 and 1984 and all the other years since just didn't see GHOSTBUSTERS?  Now that we know what GHOSTBUSTERS **is**, it's hard for some people to imagine a world without it, but I think it's a lame argument to say "The world needed to see this movie!"  If GHOSTBUSTERS were a fully realized movie to begin with, before it got pitched to Columbia Pictures in 1983, I might be able to see how that line of thinking makes sense.  The script by Dan Aykroyd was far from what we saw on the screen in 1984.  Harold Ramis and Ivan Rietman didn't finish revisions before Columbia Pictures granted $30,000,000 for production.  They weren't trying to give the world some Ultimate Movie or a Savior Of Cinema.  Their motives for making GHOSTBUSTERS were most likely just as much a combination of artistic expression and greed as Paul Feig's motives for re-making GHOSTBUSTERS.  Now, Sony -- who now owns Columbia Pictures & all its properties -- is most likely far more motivated by commerce than art.
I can more or less wrap my head around people thinking nothing good of the trailers that have been released.  I personally think the movie sounds entertaining.  But people have been rallying against this movie as if it's a threat to society.  It'd be one thing if the movie were advertised as being something x person wants to see and then x person went in the theater and ended up disappointed.  But people have been rallying against this movie with such concrete venom since well before any trailer was even released.
 A 3rd Ghostbusters movie was never guaranteed to be anything except a 3rd movie from Columbia Pictures/Sony about people busting ghosts.  The Ecto-1 was never promised, the original weaponry was never promised, the no ghost logo was never promised.  Yet the absence of the original Ecto-1, the re-designed weaponry, the added weaponry and the no-ghost logo itself have all been points of controversy and people say that the reason they're upset about this thing is because it's a re-make and not a sequel and that it's got nothing to do with sexism.  Maybe sexism isn't the reason, but being a nitpicky old fart is still not a virtue of any kind.  Unless your nitpickety old fartyness can accomplish something other than pissing and moaning about every fact, factoid and rumor pertaining to a movie nobody ever offered you the opportunity to (re-)make.

Heart vs Head

"That's what you get for thinking".  My mom's ex-boyfriend (post-marriage) got a kick out of saying that.  I didn't understand the appeal.  I don't know if he understood it either.  The guy was a jerk.  But those words come to mind when I think about parenting and how it naturally has a tendency to lessen the effects of evil.
I, for one, don't feel like I have anything to pass onto a child.  Some people have posted on GhostbustersNews.com Facebook about how they want to pass on their love of Ghostbusters to their children.  Granted, that is something to pass onto a child, but I feel like if that's all you have to pass on, there's really no point.  My sister has a very deep bond with Lord God, and I think that is something worth passing on.  A lot of parents in this country are not Christians in the purest sense, and many have no faith in God whatsoever.  But the ideology of this nation was molded by Christians.  Almost everyone is OK with the concept of "The Greater Good".  Not everyone is in agreement with what that means or how to live by it, which is where going back to God and seeking His counsel would help tremendously.
But there's also a secondary factor, I think.  I could be wrong b/c it's not like I'm some globetrotter who's seen it all.  I think parents -- men & women, but especially women -- have a built in desire to do what's best for their children.  There are some exceptions, especially in a dying world where mental illness is increasing, but generally that is how things go.  There obviously is a desire to pursue your own selfish agenda and that conflict of interest and how tangled up it is I think is where cultural concurrences come into play. 
The reasoning behind the first murder that ever took place makes absolutely no sense.  It would make sense if there were some reason to think God's opinion of Cain would change due to Abel's absence.  Abel did not die though.  He simply ceased being able to make Cain feel guilty for Cain's own course of action.  God never intended mankind to die.  Jesus rose from the grave to demonstrate this.  We are all given the opportunity to be children of God as Adam & Eve were originally built to be because of the illustration he drew in His resurrection.  The resurrection obviously has other implications and meanings, but just as Jesus did not speak on his own accord, Jesus did not act on his own accord either.  God gave him the power to perform miracles.  God gave him the seed of life to be birthed by Mary husband of Joseph, and God gave Jesus the power to submit his spirit to Him, and God gave Jesus the power to rise and greet the world again.   If God can raise Jesus from the dead, he could do the same to anybody.  It is a relief to me to know that this life of struggling to trust and obey will someday fall asleep and be painted over with by the most beautiful colors -- colors so beautiful that any bad things that happened in this life will be rendered invisible.
I think what started this cycle of distrust and disobedience was a very key thing that mankind has since been forced to eat daily -- Adam & Eve started thinking.  Thought is extremely over rated.  It's necessary to understand something so out of this world as The Bible, but if we weren't so in deep with dishonesty in various forms, we would not need to use our noggins to the extent that it causes a splitting headache.  That is where The Holy Spirit comes in.  You are not alone in this battle.