ARG!!
I KEEP FLIPPING BETWEEN BEING THE EPITOME OF BLASPHEME AND BEING A HALFWAY ACCEPTABLE MEMBER OF THE BODY OF CHRIST.
I managed to go a couple days w/o sinking AS FAR as I'd been, then today, I'd been just CRAVING, mentally dripping pornographic imagery......finally am over it, mostly, but not without clawing my way into the devil's lair. I cancelled the Accountable2You subscription. All that service does it keep me from wasting time on porn..then some days like today I find myself mentally and physically insubordinate. This booklet claims that sex drive isn't the issue, and I suppose if I'd have thought of it, I could have opted to take a cold shower...in the middle of winter....I'm not sure I would have. I wasn't seeking a way out. Wrong or right, my body feels at home in these states of appetite. Ug....
Anyhow. I still got a good stretch of road ahead of me. (sigh)
I'm sorry for any discouragement I'd been in my previous posts talking about this like there's no hope or whatever. I know there's no hope for the past. But there is always a possibility for a brighter future. And whatever lay ahead, Jesus is greater than anything I will ever do or abstain from doing.
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