poem...

Well, it's not really a poem; I was writing it hoping to make it a song someday...but there's no music, written or performed, to go with it, so I guess for now it's just a poem; a work in progress at that; but it says most, if not all, of what I want it to...I'm struggling to add more to it, so here it is for now...

The world is empty, I’m alone
Buildings and postcards pass me by
My mind keeps spinning thoughts and observations
But why? What’s the point?
I reach out to hug a tree, but it’s all so fake
My love is useless, ‘cause I’m too far up
I wonder what’s beyond this world
If there’s a place where my heart can run free
‘cause it’s the only thing my imagination seems to fancy

boo!

Yeah, right; I scared you good - NOT!

THERE'S NO HORROR FILMS SHOWING IN THE NEXT 14 DAYS according to TVGuide.com. THIS IS BLASPHEMY!

I mean, yeah, they MIGHT (I really don't care either way) be showing some stupid faceless slasher film from the 2000s, or some "modern classic" (?) like SAW or SAW II or whatever, but what about the CLASSICS!??!! What about the tried and true thrills and chills of films like THE SHINING (1980), DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978), CARRIE (1976), CANDYMAN (1992), HELLRASIER (1987), or HALLOWEEN II (1981; I personally prefer that over the original, although I know a lot of people descent on that opinion), or PET SEMATARY TWO (1992?; they both suck, amauturish camera work and whatnot, but if I had to choose between the two, I'd pick the sequel; I like how they took the original and blew it out of proportion or whatever...added a bunch of stuff, more serious subplots, like child neglect and abuse etc.)...I mean, I guess I don't need to list 'em all...I searched for SEVERAL and the only one that was showing was END OF DAYS on Starz, which I don't have, nor do I know anyone (such as my mother/sister) who does. Actually, I think there was another film, I don't remember which one, but that too is on a station that I don't have easy access to (HBO).
It seems like people have grown ashamed of celebrating the fun and spirit of the macabre. Of course, I know there's always been and still is and always will be a segment of the population who considers Halloween to be some sort of pegan holiday that represents evil, but either that segment is growing or...I don't know. I guess in a post 9/11 world, people a) don't feel as easy having fun and/or b) feel more catious about how they have their fun. I've said this for awhile now and I'll say it here and again: unless you ARE one of those heavy-Christian-types who scorns the idea of Halloween, why the heck don't you put your decorations up in AUGUST!! There's NO HOLIDAY in between the 4th of July and Halloween! That gives us 2+ solid months to savor the thrills and chills of the macabre and delight in such "morbid" spirits! Even if that's too much wickendess for your soul to take, that's beside the point. IT IS OCTOBER! - WELL INTO IT! Gimme some blood dang it!
Amen

pretty good day

I think my string of bad(+/-) days is over. It's a shame to admit it, but I really don't know why, so I guess honesty is what this is all about, right?...anyway, as I was saying, that "leech" I was talking about a few days, she just makes me feel weird. I don't know why. I know I don't like her, she's clingy, stupid and seems kinda kooky. But I don't know why hanging around her makes me feel so gloomy. She was knocking on my door at the middle of the night the last 2+ days, but last night she didn't knock. I didn't answer when she did knock those 2+ nights, so I guess (hopefully?) she's gotten the clue. I guess "survival of the fittest" has its place in the world. You gotta have what it takes to make it in the world. She lets too many people take advantage of her. She gets $637 a month like I do, but she ended up with only $300 or so 'cause someone stole almost+ $300...and she wasted $275 or something like that on a friggin' HO-TEL! She's been homeless for awhile, so it's not like she couldn't rough it out for a few days or so until finding an apartment. Now she IS homeless and she'll have to remain so for who knows how long, at least 'til next month. On top of that, she wasted pretty much all the other $25 (?) on cigarettes and liquor (sp?).
So I got her out of my life. And I feel fine now. Not much to be proud of, except I did what I had to do, which I guess is the least anyone can do. If I could save the world, it's hard to say weather I would. People who CAN save the world usually refuse. Am I really any different than all the rich people?
I spent about 5 or 6 hours with my mother. that was cool. the weather was amazing. I really hope the winter isn't murderous. last winter was relentless.
I exchanged 3 of the mail-in movies @ Blockbuster for in-store rentals. I got 2 old releases and 1 new release. I was kind of looking forward to the new release, so I got it done. It sucked. It was THE LOVE GURU, from the makers of the AUSTIN POWERS trilogy. I guess I just can't pretend it's 1999 again. It'd be nice if I could.

no longer raining & more

My nose is not stuffed up anymore. I hope I didn't pass the cold onto my mom or sister...the weather today is kinda gloomy, but at least it's not raining...might clear up later today...I got out of the house yesterday, but it wasn't a whole lotta fun. It wasn't like prison or anything flat-out bad, it just wasn't as fun as what I invision when I think of "getting out of the house". My mom fell over a week ago, and she's in a lot of pain b/c of it. She came with my sister and myself to WalMart and Sam's Club.
My sister's at work today, which is cool in some way(s) b/c she's ON a PAID vacation right now, so she's making what I guess you might call "time and 2/3"...not quite double what she'd normally get in a day...it'd be nice if she could stay home on her vacation, but her financial state is really tough. Hopefully things will look up within the next 10 years.

better now (I think...)

I feel a bit better today. It's raining, but I kinda like the rain; just don't like to be out in it...I do have a cold I think, which I picked up from that woman who spent the night the night before. My nose is stuffed up, but not to the point I can't breath, so I'm not too bothered by that. I went to bed before 7pm yesterday and got up around 5am b/c my cats were sooo hungry, ate something, then went back to bed. The phone woke me up less than half an hour ago, and I'm expecting a package via UPS, so...better stay awake for that. I also did not intentionally stay asleep for 12+ hours; I don't know I did that...I don't agree with the idea of sleeping the day away...so...

feeling weird

Today I feel weird; it's like the world is tiled the wrong way or something, idk...I wanted to visit my mom earlier today and had to wait like half an hour before leaving 'cause this leech decided to visit me last night and ended up sleeping on my couch overnight and wouldn't leave in a reasonable time. And the only reason I know this person is 'cause she was knocking on my door looking for someone who had a couple cigarettes. And then I found out my sisters hours have been cut...and then there's all this jagged wind crawling over everything. I didn't take my pills until less than half an hour ago, so maybe I'll feel better latter now that I've taken them.

wazzuuuuuuuuuuuup?????

Gosh, you (whoever the heck you are, aside from Mom and Danielle...) are prolly wondering that about ME(!). I cannot believe it's been over 10 days since my last update..

I saw A CLOCKWORK ORANGE a couple nights ago. It was GREAT! I don't think there's any other film you can really compare it to when it comes in terms of originality combined WITH emotional impact. It's got a great message and it does a fantastic job at conveying it. I think when it all comes down to it, the film is about how raising your children is important - no jail, no medicine, no religion will make your kids behave with regard to other human beings.

My CD collection has (again) shrunk. I have two CDs that I KNOW I want/want-to-keep. There's a couple others I'm considering buying, both by 70's prog-rock band Gentle Giant (ACQUIRING THE TASTE & OCTOPUS were the ones I had in mind...). I think they define "original" more so than any other band out there. The other 2 on my list are American Football's self titled album and Hidden In Plain View's RESOLUTION. I have other CDs, but it is my intention to get rid of them. I have two of them listed on Amazon, and 2 others that I'm thinking I might either sell locally or...idk...

My list is titled "sh!t I can use", which is the only reason I have for KEEPING whatever I buy. I buy stuff b/c I like shopping. I KEEP what I buy b/c I know it will benefit me to have it. If I have any doubt of its benefit (or shall I say "reasonable" doubt...or doubt that seems reasonable at whatever time...) I get rid of it.

I sold my 2 Trespassers Williams' CDS. They aren't BAD cds, but I don't think my emotional or mental state is enhanced by listening to their music.

Which leads me to think buying the GG CDs is kind of a bad idea...do THEY enhance my emotional or mental state? I semi-highly doubt it...

arrrm...

like the weather

the weather's been really awesome since two days prior to today...around this time of year, there's this scent that I keep smelling, like it's in the air or something, but it's also in my apt or house or wherever I happen to be living this time of year (I've been living in my apt for over 4 1/2 years, but I used to live in a house...). I like that scent, I don't know how to describe it, other than it's kind of a minty wintery smell...well, I'm not even sure that's accurate...but anyway...I hope when winter actually gets here, I don't get too depressed from the whatever has a 85% chance of causing "bitterness"...I like winter, usually. But then again, I like overcast mornings and such...rainy days when it hasn't yet started to rain are awesome.

My music collection is still really thin, although it's slowly getting better. I now have 5 or 6 CDs instead of 2 or 3...it's been this way for about a month...I got 2 CDs earlier this month - Michael Jackson's BAD and American Football's self titled full length. They've stayed in my collection so far...I also re-obtained a CD that I sold to my mother for $1 to give to my sister (my sister was at work when I sold it to my mom). I didn't buy a whole new copy, although if my sis ever listened to the copy my mother gave her, I would have...I just repayed my mom $1 and took the CD back.

Right now I'm listening to a CD-R mix that I'm not too in awe of...it's a nice steady mix of goodness though. I don't usually listen to it, but I've kept it 'cause it has 18 songs that I paid $0.89 each for...that's $15+ down the drain if I throw the CD away, 'cause they're no longer on my computer...if I could figure out a way to make this CD better, I'd import the songs from it onto my computer and get it done...but I guess blending songs isn't a talent I have...they pay people good money to do that, BTW...

so...

I guess that's it...seems like I had something else to say, but I don't remember what it is/was...

I used to own this...

BATMAN: YEAR ONE DELUXE HARDCOVER;

My sister used her Amazon acct a couple months after this was released in May 2005 (?) so I could have this, since my bank acct had been closed down by then and I didn't have any credit card(s) back then...well, I tried reading it and wasn't at all enthralled by it, so I got rid of it for $5+ less than what I paid for it. And I only paid about $15 for it...well, if I only had a little bit of patience, I could have kept this on my shelf for a couple years, for the coolness factor if nothing else, and then sold it for the minimum going rate on Amazon - $35 + S&H. My intention is to buy the recently re-released THE KILLING JOKE and hope I can avoid making the same mistake...

BRINGING OUT THE DEAD

This quote pretty much sums the film up, IMO.

"The street's not like the ER; there's no walls, no control. To make up for that, they train me to act without thinking. I've come to realize that my training is useful in less than 10% of the calls and saving someone's life is rarer than that. I was a grief mop. It was enough that I simply showed up."

BOTD is probably the most convingly melanchollic and haunting film I've seen ever. A lot of films deal with sad stories, but the people in charge of the visuals and the audio techniques don't bother trying to draw the audience into the stories; they simply put some sad story on paper and then film it. I think it's presumptious of a filmmaker to think that anyone has any REASON to automatically give a care about a film's subject matter or story. Yet that's what filmmakers do most of the time. It was much worse before the '60's; films like 2001: A Space Odyssey and A Clockwork Orange (especially the latter) really opened up the world to cinema as an art form and not just a bunch of meaningless matter. Films like The Manchurian Candidate (the original) are still being made, but they often just clutter the shelves of videostores for people looking for lite entertainment and don't really impact anyone emotionally or otherwise. It's really a mystery to me why Hollywood or anyone else invests money into those films, but then again, Bringing Out The Dead didn't really fare very well at the box office either. Perhaps if filmmakers didn't rip off other people's techniques and stories, making the audience think they can EXPECT anything other than the unexpected, the audience might not have looked away so much from Bringing Out The Dead. Granted, there's a portion of today's world that just doesn't give a care about the subject matter of BOTD, some who think it's too negative, some who have better things to do with their time than mope away 2 hours of time, and a lot of people who are too freakin' hyper to sit through a slow-paced 2 hour film. In fact, as expensive as films are to make, and as much as they cost to see in theaters, I wouldn't have expected this film to do well at the box office. But even on Amazon, the avg customer rating is less than glowing. The same can't be said of such tripe as JUST ONE OF THE GUYS (1985) or BEVERLY HILLS COP (1984). Don't get me wrong, I love the 80's, I love some of the contemporary films of the 80's, that could have only been made in the 80's, but Beverly Hills Cop is just plain stupid! There's very few comedic moments in the film, the story is weak, there's no other emotional elements that really jump out at the hearts of the audience members, so why the heck does/did everybody go crazy over that film? Of course, I think MANNEQUIN (1987) and ZAPPED AGAIN (1989) are very good examples of contemporary 80's films - light, fluffy, full of color and synth-laden background music, what were we living for in the 80's exactly? But then such a dark and unhappy and just overall GRIMY excuse for a comedy like DON'T TELL MOM THE BABYSITTER'S DEAD (1990) is like THE biggest teen comedy of the year, just like the TV Show the film's star got her start in (MARRIED WITH CHILDREN; w/ Christina Applegate, if you're too young or have some other excuse for not knowing these things...although MARRIED WITH CHILDREN had its charm, however grimy it was...and who can't identify with the show's core concept? DON'T TELL MOM... on the other hand was about children, and there's nothing more depressing than seeing a bunch of children living in a world of trash and loving it; maybe that's just me though...I didn't care too much for the 1993 adaptation of DENNIS THE MENACE though either for similiar reasons...).

I guess the 80's was just a bad time for films. a lot of the films I cherished on cable in the late 80's and early 90's have gone down in the history books as "box office bombs". THE GREAT OUTDOORS (1988) is a perfect example. Even most casual film goers will admit to some of the finer moments of 80's cinema being films that didn't do too well at the box office. NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (1984) and SIXTEEN CANDLES (1983) are both considered classics to anyone whose familiar with them. Yet their box office success was minimal if not non-existent.

But this day and age, with the internet and the cautious tone of the world today, what's stopping people from weeding out all the stupid irrelevent filmmaking and just concentrating on the stuff that makes life worth remembering? But then again, even FORREST GUMP (1994) has its fair share of enemies, cynical cold hearted jerks they are...it's hard to know what really captured the hearts of audiences and what everyone just went to see 'cause their boyfriend/husband or girlfriend/wife wouldn't mind seeing it...TITANIC (1997) is the highest grossing film, and it seems like it got that way b/c of that reason; guys tolerated it for its action aspects and women tolerated the action for the romantic undertones. It had something for everybody but nobody LOVED that film.

Well...I can say I'm glad BRINGING OUT THE DEAD got made...it had something for very few, but I suspect those very few people LOVE(D) that film.

Ok, now it's time to quote the Alanis Morissette song...wait, we've heard that one before, haven't we?