The 39th Parallel View Into Madness' Steps

This photo looks like I have absolutely nothing to complain about like "woah, he's got a nice stack of movies". That's the lie that photographs make you believe.  Heck, even I can't help but be in awe of my collection because it's presented in a nice little rectangular view.  But when its in front of you for real it's just annoying.
Most of my movie collection is fairly neat and tidy.  Back To The Future should be in Blu ray format, but that movie is just so darn incomparable in its vision and execution, not to mention it makes no sense and yet you can't help but find the beauty in its' optimistic view and thunder-sized comedic moments.
But then I have Mr. Holland's Opus kinda stuck in the middle between a bunch of Blu ray discs.  It sticks out like a sore thumb.  And it's annoying because A) I bought the damn thing and I know that NObody is going to pay me more than $0.25 to take it off my hands (RRR), and buying it on blu ray would be even more expensive -- A LOT more expensive.  Not like out of this world crazy but for someone who just got a credit card less than a month ago and has already accrued apprx $500 worth of debt, $20 seems like a lot to be spending on something I'll probably end up buying again in a proper edition, made by Hollywood, complete with a 4K restoration, and maybe an audio commentary with the director and Richard Dreyfus and some of the other cast perhaps.  (R.D. is still alive right?  It seems like the dudes who weren't all that old back in 1979 are freakin' ancient all of a sudden; I know I was born after 1979, but I feel like I was a bystander during it all, as if I was born 10 years sooner than the mid 80's time frame that I indeed was and I was just a couple or so years away from being born before The Exorcist came out.)

Yea, I know.  I'm awake at 12:32 AM just to gripe about having an awesome movie collection.  I should quit this!!!!  DIE YOU AWFUL NEGATIVITY, DIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!  

Please, God, Holy one of Heaven, Creator and Sovereign Eye of the Universe, please, take pity on my wretched self, and cast my petty concerns into the deepest pit of Hell so that my face may cease to be obscured by them.  Thank you for the vast multitude of blessings you have showered upon me both presently and throughout my life history as it stands today.  Please enable me to be Your hands and feet.  In the name and by the mighty resurrection of The Beautiful Lord Jesus I pray all of this.  Amen.

Difficult softness

DIFFICULT SHAPES PASSIVE RHYTHMS, SOME PEOPLE THINK IT'S FUN TO ENTERTAIN......

This CD is interesting.  It's like soft rock and AOR combined.  Kind of reminds me of a different take on early 80's Genesis, especially their self titled album.  That one wasn't as laid back as this stuff here is, so it managed to catch people's attn better, but when you consider songs like "Taking It All Too Hard" and "It's Going To Get Better", along with random hodgepodge like "Illegal Alien" and "Silver Rainbow", it's got an interesting parallel.  Nothing on this album has the pounding drum machine heard on the bulk of "Silver Rainbow", or the dynamic rhythm of "It's Going To Get Better".

The song "African And White", I've read, was released as a single and it did sorta OK, but not well enough for anyone you talk to at random to have heard it, and even those who did probably don't remember it.  That particular song is probably the most dynamic driving song on here.  But even that one has this just ridiculously laid back feel, that most people in this day n' age just don't want in their music, regardless of whether it's straight up rock or pop.

Aanyway.  

Was doing great on my The Bible reading for about a week or so.  Then just started letting time slip by right before my eyes yet again.  Need to get back into the spirit(!).  RISE!

Ok, guess that's all.  There was something I'd throught to write awhile back, a few days ago?, but I don't remember what it is.

Censorship

It amazes me how people look at the social climate of the '50s and '60s and shake their heads in disapproval over the kinds of things that were illegal or limited in their existence.

For instance; NAKED LUNCH, by William S. Burroughs, among many other books in that general time frame, had to go through the courts to be legally published.  Under what at the time was legally assumed to be common sense, NAKED LUNCH was banned for being "obscene".  
Now people are asking a publisher, Facebook, to basically judge the content that people post on their website and issue some kind of punishment for repeat offenders.  I don't understand why anyone would read something on Facebook if they think it's so unthinkable.  If someone posts content that you think is harmful, cut them from your friends' list!  If your friends are friends with people who post things that you can't stomach, same rule applies!  I have not read any hate speech or bigotry on Facebook, because I am friends with people who are friends of Love.  Sure, there's a lot of anti-Democrat and snide remarks about the gov't encouraging promiscuity by letting people get abortions for any every reason, and I don't expect all the people on my friends list to post flattering remarks about myself either.  And I don't get how you can be so ardently against Mark Zuckerburg about "Misinformation" -- People always think they know something for reasons other than actual knowledge.  People in school get taught all kinds of stuff and because we feel a need to trust, we assume the things we learn in school are true.  People who witnessed JFK's assasination assume they didn't hallucinate the event, which does seem like a relatively safe assumption given how many of them there were -- assuming what I learned in school and the existence of that Oliver Stone movie and several books on the matter are fundamentally true.  I personally think it's virtually a 100% likelyhood, maybe 1 millionth of a % less than, that those media outlets and educational resources that the gov't has provided are not lying or being mislead by some conspiratorial group of being(aliens?The Adjustment Beareu?)

But my point is that there are tons of facts that go way beyond the simple statement that JFK was assassinated in November 1963 in Dallas, TX.  There are all kinds of facts that surround that situation that many people have been informed of and I'm almost positive that at least 5% of the information that gets passed about JFK's death is purely speculation and quite possibly is not true.  But there are people who are extremely arrogant and / or stubborn and they think they know things because they for whatever reason trust the person who told them, even though the person that told them probably was just talking out of their ass for entertainment value, not having much to say elsewise at the moment.

So of course Mark Zuckerberg's publishing platform is going to have misinformation.  Of course people are going to say hateful things as well as things that express hate toward this or that.  Ignorance, hate and bias are going to be in print just as long as humans roam the Earth.

the worm and the heart

 and the worm came upon Jesus and, in awe and adoring, said to Jesus, "Sir, are you my ma'am El?"

Jesus scratched his head.  "Uhh.....uh..hm.  No?..."

Ok, now that I got that out.
Been feeling walled in.  I don't know what to make of it.  I feel like I'm condemned by the people who live with me.  I have a well traversed history of being angry and stating it in an angry fashion.  I'm slowly learning the value of staving off anger and, more so, to speak not of it.  I spoke rather harshly to my sister two or 3 days ago, and I still have not found the will to give any kind of heartfelt apology and I feel like she's just biding her time until I can be whirled up out of her life or something.  I can't afford to move out and she might barely be able to, if she wanted me out badly enough.
I have only a fundamental notion of what she believes and it basically consists of Godly living doesn't cost money and therefore I'm evil for buying things.  I don't set aside money for random emergencies and I don't save up for things like my TV burning out.  Credit cards are evil, so it is imperative that I save up or else I'm a slave to the credit card companies.  My disagreement is insignificant because she has a degree in accounting and I don't have a degree in accounting.  Therefore she's my boss and I don't submit to her authority therefore she's transferring representative payee status to someone else.  This is going to take at least a month (maybe 27 days, same freakin' thing) and nobody has any actual knowledge of what this is going to accomplish and nobody cares because she insists upon taking the general guidelines for being a representative payee to the very last letter and doing so is too stressful for her to carry out.  So unless my psychiatrist signs off on me being my own representative payee I have no idea what's going to come of anything.  As far as I'm concerned I have no money to buy anything.  Hopefully I'll be able to maintain at least paying the minimum payment on my Amazon . com store card and have access to Spotify.  Beyond that, I don't know if I'm going to be punished for tithing.  I'm not planning to buy Christmas gifts beyond what I've already bought.  I have no ability to plan anything.  My sis told me a month or two ago that reppayees appt'd by gov't take a cut of the money.  How much?  I have no idea.  My sister never bothered writing out a lease, so I'm technically not even paying rent.  I'm basically just giving my sister some money to help her out with the cost of things.  How is that rep payee going to respond to that?  For all I know, if (s)he's as tight ass as my sister, I may have my SSI revoked entirely.  DAMN.  I'm thinking that *probably* won't happen.
My mom and my sister talk a good talk about righteousness and a lack of anger, but seem incapable of behaving in a manner that isn't cold and inconsiderate and / or downright infuriating.  I just need to quit expecting anything out of people.  Only God adds value to anything born out of humans.

sure, blame Ronald Reagen for Friday The 13th......

 https://www.slantmagazine.com/dvd/friday-the-13th-part-3/

Rotten Tomatoes uses this as their excerpt:

"Shot in such a way to capitalize on the brief fad of Reagan-era 3D movies, there's less memorable POV shots from the killer...."

What the heck is the Reagan-era?  People keep throwing that phrase around, which at times makes sense.  Often a movie or musical band or album is a direct response or has a strong association with something thought of as 'political'.  Like, in 1994, Hootie & The Blowfish's CRACKED REAR VIEW was largely enjoyed because of the fuzzy feely vibe people had about Bill Clinton's domestic policies.  

I mean, technically, yes - FT13 was made within a period of time that coincided with Ronald Reagan's presidency.  But...c'mon!  Seriously?  You enter the theater to see FT13Pt3 and you're sitting there contemplating the political landscape?  FT13 pt 3 is a stupid ass movie.  If you don't already know that, now you do.  If you're oh so concerned about the future of your children and the idea that something Reagan / Bush / Trump is doing will hurt them as they get older, seriously -- stay away from comedy.   Stay away from horror. If you're a film critic and just can't get over the death and destruction caused by Hiroshima, maybe you should watch the bleakest dramas imaginable and quit pretending to have any worthwhile to say regarding cinematic genres that are inherently forgetful of how horrible the world sometimes, maybe always, is.

Greatness is pending

From one of the proverbs from The Bible (Proverbs)

 The fear of the LORD is the instruction for wisdom, And before honor comes humility.

Mark 9:35 (CSB)  

Sitting down, he called the 12 and said to them "If anyone wants to be first, he must be last and servant of all"

The more I read The Bible, the more and more correlation I see to the Old Testament and the New Testament.  That Proverb I'd read before, but I don't think I ever sat down and really pondered anything about it.  In that respect, it's easier to digest information from the other segments ("books") of The Bible without spending 15 minutes or however long it takes that you're willing to invest asking The Holy Spirit to reveal what ever it may be that He wants you to know after each sentence or X# of sentences (probably depending on the specific passage at hand).  I must admit I have a serious humility deficiency (y'all didn't know that, did you?) and I tend to place way too much dependence on symmetry ; not in the respect that I "give my life" to movies (which I don't believe I really do, although in some sense perhaps that could be said....idk) because of their symmetrical imagery
but symmetry as in the amount of time it takes for () to happen *should! not be added to.
For instance -- the internet; URL takes more than 1.5 seconds or something like that to load, I get pissed.  Not because of that individual time adjustment, but because each URL is a preface to another URL.  When I'm waiting for a page to load, 75% of the time I am not attempting to visit that URL.  That URL is a gateway to another URL.  FOR INSTANCE -- for signing in to Amazon.com URL#1.  Loading.  Finished.  Enter username.  URL#2.  password. URL3.  Home page.  URL4.  PRoduct search.  URL5 Is this the product I'm looking for?  URL6 Continue searching.  URL 7 another candidate.  URL 8.  search cont'd  and it can go on like that for maybe 25 URLs.  Something that should have taken maybe 10 minutes most of which consists of careful reading and scrolling ends up taking closer to 20.  And that's just ONE thing I might consider doing on Amazon.com.  Forget trying to visit another website and doing anything there.  That's another 10 minutes assuming it's a quick visit just checking my bank statement or whatever.  Granted, I am able and free in this moment to spend however much time I want on the internet, but I HATE waiting.  If I had to consistently wait half an hour for an activity to finish, I could go do something else.  Drink a cup of coffee.  Mow the lawn.  Scoop the dogcrap off the front lawn.  Listen to music.  Pet my cat.  Scoop my cat's litter box.  Give my cat a refill on her food.  Look at my toy collection.  Watch a movie.  I don't mind doing any of those things, except maybe mowing the lawn, but just doing routine stuff on the internet gets to be a pain in the AAZZ when it takes 3+x longer for a URL just to load.  I should be grateful to be able to do ANYTHING on the internet since the alternative is to do whatever I get from the internet minus the internet.  Which in reality is not that much.  I can listen to music on CD.  I can shop when I get out to shop.  I can just as easily NOT shop because I don't need diddly squat.  The only thing I CAN'T do is publish my thoughts and musings like it's the NYT.
AAAnyway.  I'm also like that with words.  Words that are not synced up with each other correctly tick me off.  My mom has brain fog from her massive styrm of pain in her shell and COPD which causes 1/5 of the words she intends to put forth to come out as kind of a whisper, sometimes an EXTREMELY quiet whisper, like the kind you have to know how to read lips to hear...so she may have said "I want some water", but I just hear "I want some" and then I'm wondering where the rest of the sentence went.  I'll be standing nearby, like "?"  She'll often lift her water jug at me so it's not even always necessary that she end such a sentence.  Sometimes it's almost like I imagine her saying the last word of that sentence because it's so quiet it's like hearing carpet fibers move at the behest of an ant.  Like "woah, that was some tricked out pudding Mom."
Anyway.  And then when people use words like people wear jewelry that pisses me off too.  It took me the longest time to figure out the logic of saying Amen anytime God's name comes up.  Amen is not even an English word.  It means "so be it" from what I can tell.  I'm not entirely sure that's true, because several people have said "Holy" = "set apart", which is like substituting the definition for a foot note.  Yes, God is different than we are.  He always has been and always will be.  When modern English Bibles say that He calls us to be a Holy people, yes, that means we should set ourselves apart from the calamity and filth of the regular everyday world.  When God talks of Himself being Holy, what He's saying is He's majestic in his power.  He's not only the very intention of Good, He's also powerful enough to Love us infinitely more than we can even fathom and also capable of putting our lives where He wants them to be, because He's omniscient and omnipresent.  Our fruit bearing doesn't get less than A on the basis of our lack of omniscience.  If you get a report card from God with a B-, your lack of omniscience DOES NOT FACTOR into that.  Also pissed me off the other day when I asked my sister what Psalm 139 is referring to as "dark" and she said he means physical darkness.  I asked another question to clarify and her response was "it's called poetic license", which did not clarify a damn thing.  I'm not sure if she thought she was being helpful in some way or what.  I don't see how that's possible.  I guess everyone that night thought they were being helpful with the odds against them.  My mom ever so kindly suggested that I "think of someone other than yourself", which is NOT offensive, because I never think about other people, ever.  To me, reality is just me.  That needs to change.  SARCASM-----           

The reality is none of this should be a big deal to me.  I am not here for other people to give a damn about me or to give thanks to anyone.  I am here because God wants me here.  I either have much work to do for other people that God wants me to carry out, or I am offense to Him in my current state and I need to invest time and energy into communing with God and doing what little I can to step toward the threshold of a New Life.

I don't even know what I was initially going to write about, so if this seems abrupt or unfinished, maybe it is.
towdels.

her Yoko is easy, her Ono is uno numero

 UUMMM...yep - this ain't got skiz to do with Jesus.  At least not directly...uyhm.....anyway

HOW can people say that Yoko Ono is the reason The Beatles broke up?  What are people accusing her of specifically?  Was her relationship with John Lennon not a mutual decision between him and her?  Did she do something wrong in her life that negatively influenced John Lennon?  If the other Beatles couldn't stand her, then John could have dumped her and refused to hang around her (as much).  He didn't.  How is that Yoko's fault?  People treat The Beatles like they're The Holy Grail of rock and roll.  They aren't.  They never were.  So many noteworthy elements of The Beatles music, especially in the later half of their career, were either thought of after someone else had already outright done it, and in some cases done it better, or they were influenced by other stuff.  The Beach Boys PET SOUNDS had a distinct influence on SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND, or so I'd read.  I don't have a tape recording of anyone saying so.  And there was a song by The Kinks that heavily utilized the sitar, but still kept the ROCK N ROLL intact, and then a year or two later "Norwegian Wood" comes out and everyone is like "woah!  What is THAT?" and now that nobody's knowledge is constrained by scheduling conflicts with travel, we all can listen to that song and recognize how FFFFFF n BORING it is!!  The Beatles did do a great job at changing stuff up but people go way too far with crediting them with anything and everything.  Someone said The Beatles invented prog rock. ?QAA!  Can ANYONE, seriously, name ONE SONG by The Beatles that classifies as prog rock?  You know what?  Nevermind.  The term "prog rock" doesn't even mean anything.  I'm sure Genesis' "Time Table" (Track 2 from 1972's FOXTROT album) bears some similarities to many of The Beatles' songs and I'm sure bands like Caravan who have very little in common with ELP and Yes - but are still classified as prog rock for what reason don't ask me - have even more in common with The Beatles.  Someone was telling me because I'm a "fan" of Genesis, I should appreciate that the "genre they exploited" was invented by The Beatles.  Uh...sure.  I don't care what genre Genesis is.  I can't stand other prog rock bands.  I like Camel's pre-BREATHLESS music ok, RAIN DANCES, MOONMADNESS, THE SNOW GOOSE, are all OK albums, and Van Der Graaf Generator is pretty cool.  Can't stand King Crimson, even though Genesis was heavily influenced by them in the early 70's.  By 1974, there were very minimal similarities to King Crimson or even Yes and ELP, although "In The Cage" was an exception.  If not for the bumbling excuse for a story that SUPPOSEDLY connected all of the 23 tracks on THE LAMB LIES DOWN ON BROADWAY there would be no perceived connection to prog rock on that album with the exception of "In The Cage".  THE LAMB... was just as much a prog rock album as WHO'S NEXT by The Who, which as far as I know according to most people, if I'm not missing something, would mean THE LAMB... just was not a prog rock album.  TRICK OF THE TAIL and WIND & WUTHERING, THE LAMB...'s two immediate follow ups, did have more in common with prog, but, especially WIND & WUTHERING, did have a little more of a inclination to pop music than NURSERY CRYME or FOXTROT did.  It was very slight and grew a tad more when ...AND THEN THERE WERE THREE... came along.  People say that DUKE is when Genesis shed their prog rock skin, but I think that's a rather bogus assertion.  The only actual pop song on that album was "Misunderstanding".  "Turn It On Again" was not any more of a pop song than "I Know What I Like" was.  "Alone Tonight" and "Please Don't Ask" I suppose were pop in structure, so if you count those, you have 1/3 of an album of pop music and 2/3 of a prog rock album.  Sure, the sound was a little different.  Genesis never kept the same exact sound in any given album.  FOXTROT was mostly thundering electric music.  SELLING ENGLAND was mostly folky postoral music, while THE LAMB... was glitzy funk rock.  TRICK--TAIL wasn't particularly unique in its styling, although it did have a good chunk of just flat out good songs.  

Anyway....The Beatles broke up.  I can see their contribution to music, both mainstream and not, but I don't really think there'd be any benefit to them carrying on into the 1990s or beyond.  They may have had a few or so more years left in them creatively, but I don't think they'd have lasted beyond 1977 had they not gotten irritated with John Lennon's hanging out with Yoko Ono. 

Truth? What is Truth?

 JESUS is the truth.  The fact that I'm typing this is also true.  My mom asks "What were doing upstairs earlier?" two hours from now...and I just happen to leave out the fact that I wrote this wAndafulll blogspot post.  Did I lie?  
"It is impossible for God to lie" says Hebrews (ch6v8)
But does God ever deceive or distort?
 Isaiah CH6 9&10 -- which Jesus quoted when speaking of why he'd been telling the truth in a virtually incomprehensible fashion -- seems to indicate the answer to that is yes.  He doesn't say "influence them to pursue ignorance so that they will be excited when Truth resounds."  Nope.  He says "MAKE THEM ignorant" (paraphrase).  If God is commanding Isaiah to let Israel rot, then wouldn't Isaiah be guilty of sin if he had failed?  Yes?  If yes, then God was at work in that act.  Mankind can accomplish nothing without God's help.  God was complicit in this deception.  
But you know what?  I don't give a shit because, as I've ruminated, and possibly posted about on this site regarding, the SPECIFIC sin is not the problem.  The % of sins committed that do not offend God is probably so close to 0.000% that even a 30" LCD display calculator doesn't have enough room for all the 9s needed to completely and accurately reflect the percentage of injustices, private or public, committed against God that result from breaking the law.
God can break the law because He knows what's best for us and the best way to accomplish it.  If he needs to tell the world about the multi-personhood of God's Oneness several thousand years after he could have, that's what he will do.  If a 4th person of the so-called "triune God" (The Bible says nothing about the existence of a trinity) were to make itself known when we get to Heaven, or if God decided to splinter Himself up into a million little pieces and shake hands with everyone (the billion-ity?), whose to argue with that?  And don't tell me "The Bible has everything".  The Bible never had everything.  It still doesn't.  Heaven is not in The Bible.  How could it be?  We have no frame of reference with which to comprehend anything that could be said about it.  God didn't hammer home the consequences of Adam&Eve's sin before the fact to give them incentive to NOT do it, for the same reason.
So, no The Bible doesn't have everything in it.  Not every piece of consolation and affirmation is in The Bible.  The Holy Spirit does speak to His temple and although nothing He says is going to contradict scripture, The Holy Spirit will possibly give you insight into the scripture that is not immediately obvious IF YOU NEED IT, and, possibly, even if you just WANT it badly enough, although God is not obligated or guaranteed to provide everything you want in this present time as a human being on Earth living Life As We Know It.
God is not obligated to do anything for you.  We are all guilty as f--- and some of us, i.e.: myself, are so ffffff (words can't expressssssss; o...) that even if the curtain were pulled back over our eyes and this life faded and we found out that Jesus meant what he said LITERALLY about tossing the hand into fire if it causes stumbling AND IT WAS NOT PERMITTED TO FORSAKE THAT, and, oh, well, I've stolen some stuff through time, even after baptism, and, uh........well, I thought He was speaking in hyperbole, then, you know what?  Who am I to talk back to the clay maker?  I can't.  Jesus' payment for my sins, be it figuratively or not, is my only Hope for eternal life outside of the confines of maxx'd misery.
Arguing with God or second guessing Him is not a solution to anything.
Yes, there's a slim tinsy chance that this Earth is just all random and it just takes care of itself with no cognitive intervention.  Or that one of the Buddahs or some Greek God or series thereof or Krishna or Joan of Arc created the Earth and has been maintaining it.  Apart from the Muslim portrayal of God, which is misogynist and oppressive, and encourages physical destruction and blessings for partaking in that, I am not aware of a view of God(s) that lines up with reality.  Countless people through time and time again have reported supernatural experiences, things that happen that cannot be explained by science.  God made physics.  He can break it and maintain it at the same time or suspend it altogether.  Nobody except madmen who have long been forgotten have made such claims about themselves.  Any other worshipped thing or "person" who has made such a claim has nothing to offer.  God ::IS:: a GIFT.  He is a Hope for a better future.  He is a reservoir of PEACE for those who He delights in, i.e.: those who do His will and WANT peace(!).  No religion on the face of the Earth is both scientifically irrefutable AND offers such a great return on investment.  God commands us to share that gift.  Who doing the will of God and gaining His favor by doing so would be so selfish to let it stop with them??  People say it's about control.  If The Apostles' goal was control, they never attained it.  People had no reason except divine power given to The Apostles by God to be fearful of The Apostles opinion of their actions.  And Paul even went almost his entire ministry living in virtual poverty just for the sake of making it clear that his ministry was NOT a means of brainwashing people to get money from them.  There ARE religious leaders who do that, even "in the name of" God, in contrast to His character and teachings, and of course there are people who professionally teach the word of God, but God even says they shall be held to a stricter standard when they get nose to nose with Him.  It will not be good for those who aren't leading righteously.  It'll be good, to an extent, possibly.  It maybe will depend on HOW FAR off they led their listeners, and obviously the "Church Of" Satan will be exempt from ALL of God's blessings.

The Better Way For Life

 My old pastor from further North in the state of Georgia once said IF GOD KNEW A BETTER WAY TO SPREAD THE GOSPEL, HE WOULDN'T ASK YOU TO DO IT.  Or something to that effect.  Actually I think what he said was IF JESUS' BLOOD DIDN'T NEED TO BE SHED FOR YOU TO BE FORGIVEN, HE WOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING ELSE.  I think both of those statements are false.  I think if putting up with a sinful broken world is THE BEST thing, then, really, the term "best" should be re-examined.
A) God didn't smite us.  His heart grieves every tumble we take.  He puts up with this ingrained sorrow, some of it too big for us as humans to carry, some of it buried, some of it just lingering with like a ghost..
B) God sent Jesus to die for our sins.  Not everyone will be saved.  Many people continue to dwell in evil, act out of dark thoughts and intents.  Some of them even relish in it.  Many claim to be living in Christ but don't care about Christ or who/what He is.  God still refuses to smite us.  Yet.

Is the pain Jesus suffered really any worse than what God experiences in a daily basis?  Jesus' exclamation "My Father, why have you forsaken me?" was stated in a moment of absence from God's Healing Hand.  He was just as in The Dark as we were at that moment.  He suffered God's absence as someone who Knew God from the Inside & Out, the soul equal of a twin.  Except He was physically weak, with the same level of Need that humans have.  The difference being that Jesus was not accustomed that separation.  He knew fully what He was missing in that relatively brief moment in time.  Each second away from God required concentrated patience.  We as humans are away from God always, in varying levels.  Some of us aim to destroy that which God has called His.  Even those who refuse God and choose against Him are still made in His image and His desire for them to choose Him burns furiously.  I think one could say simply based on Jesus diety that simply getting smacked in the face by the Jewish leaders could have equated the 16+/- evil hours that were delivered to Jesus.  The pain we have and continue to have heaped on God is worth far more than 1 mere day.  But Jesus, despite His human vessel, was (and always has been) a deity and if everyone gets their fare share, Jesus is the definitive exception to that idea, which of course is false.  Jesus death was not fair.  It was an injustice.  But both He and The Father knew not a more effective way to both A) pardon sins B) dwell with His creation.  God could have just dismissed mankind's sin without notice.  He could have sent prophets to announce "Hey, do whatever you want, because Heaven's open for everyone!"  I don't think mankind would take that seriously either.  God would just as much a stranger to Man as he was before the arrival of Jesus.  But God doesn't just want to spare us Hell.  He wants to dwell with us.  He wants us to understand the depth of our sin, or at least appreciate the seriousness of it, even if we can't quite wrap our heads around how bad our behavior really is.  How would he accomplish that without sending Jesus here to prepare the way for The Holy Spirit and show Man the ugly truth of our sin?  I may be totally off mark.  There may be some supernatural power that dried up fossilized blood has against sin.  I don't know.  Maybe I'm only partially right.  Maybe just barely got any of this on the mark.  Maybe.  As for the Great Commission, We Are the NOT the best way to deliver God's words.  God wants us to be on the same team He is on, and delights in sharing with us the Power of Him with others and experiencing their presence and transformation.  God is the Gift, but we are called upon to Give Him to others.  Why would we hold back in carrying out this Great Commission if we truly delight in Him?  Do we WANT anyone to go to Hell?  I'd hope not.  In my case, I think I have some damaging habits that make me somewhat numb to the joy of His presence.  I don't think I've allowed myself to be equipped with the strength and might of God's joy to really feel like I have much to contribute.  If I were a millionaire, maybe, but evangelizing requires fundraising.  The best I can do is work on Myself from within, and Hope that someone notices.

third

My third nephew is almost otp.  He's coming!
My sister is in the hospital and that baby's coming out weather he likes it or not.  Hopefully he doesn't bang her up too badly on the way to The World.

Wanted to type something a few times, my mind has been all over the place.  Darting from blue to pink to red to grey to blue and purple and pink to red again.  Can't seem to enjoy a full length movie to save my life.

Need to read some of God's Word.  Been reading a little bit here and there.  idk, it's weird, doesn't really "Feel" like I've read The Bible when I do so on my phone, although the words are still rich and pure.  Maybe it's all the extra stuff, like notifcations that pop up from time to time etc.  idk if any notis popped up when I was last reading it or the time before that even.  One time they did.  I think I'm just old fashioned maybe.  I feel like I've somewhat accomplished something when I read one chapter but when I'm looking at an actual page, I can see how much "one chapter" really is.  It's sometimes a lot, but not always.

AAAaanyway.  Ug.  Super tired today.  Got about 4.5 hours of sleep last night, more or less in one stretch.  I took another 1.5 hour nap later.  I keep waking up briefly throughout the night.  If that were not so I'd get 5.75 hours or more of sleep + maybe the nap or some of it, but I figure each waking removes about half an hour's worth of functionality from my overall sleep.  I don't know if I woke up more than twice or how long I was awake really.  Seems like I might've been awake for about half an hour at one point, but I really don't remember.  My Mom is doing most of the babysitting b/c nobody trusts me to watch the kids, being of a non-parent mindset, and I have no idea how she's managing to not fall out of her skin or something.  I guess it's the maternal love and the power of God Almighty at work in her.  Maybe the other way around, who knows.

I thinkkkkkkk i'm done talking about anything.  I cant' think of anything and CUT.