the winds of Esau

I've been listeing to WAKE UP THE WONDER by Elevation Worship and saw something about it being inspired by "the story of Jacob", which I *think* I read, but I had no idea what about Jacob's story is so unique.  It struck me as odd that he won a wrestling match with God...my guess is God let him win...aaaanyway
 It seems based on some online searching and a bit of correspondence with an administrator for a site I found titled foundationsforfreedom.net that Jacob's Life Story is something to remember as it is referenced more so in the later parts of the Old Testament than it seems to be at the moment reading Kings 1 after Samuel 1 and Samuel 2
I was steered toward this Bible passage:
"I have loved you,” says the Lord. But you say, “How have you loved us?” “Is not Esau cJacob’s brother?” declares the Lord. “Yet I have loved Jacob 3 but Esau I have hated. I have laid waste his hill country and left his heritage to jackals of the desert.”
 and I remembered something my old Pastor Jeremy Clayton from a Church of God in Cape Girardeau, MO said: "God doesn't hate".
This website here seems to make a wild stretch to support that claim: http://www.gotquestions.org/Jacob-Esau-love-hate.html, but it's possible the writer of that website was assuming a reader would know a key thing or two that I did not.
 
Anyway...
When reading that portion of Genesis, I always felt more sympathy for Esau than Jacob.  Obviously, I struggle with feelings of vengeance.  I don't think I pray enough for God to feel moved to do anything about that.  I rarely pray.  I feel so empty inside most of the time, it just feeds on itself.  My habits are an empty hearted beast, yet I am drawn to them.  I turn on the computer and then I watch the sands in the hourglass changeover.
What really struck me was this verse: "See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son."  Actually, I was directed to a piece of that verse which I looked up because I didn't feel like quoting a quote of half a sentence...but now that I've read the whole sentence, there's two things that are striking about it, but I'll get the less obvious one out of the way...
(clears throat):  When I was reading about the bad blood between Jacob and Esau, I kinda skimmed over the part where he made what I would call a dumb decision.  I understand being wise with one's money and all that, but I guess thinking about it, I've become blind to my own poverty.  I think of money and I think of food shelter and clothing.  Beyond that, it's a retirement account and a bunch of cool stuff that I can't afford unless I find them from a thrift store.  My clothing mostly comes literally from various thrift stores.  Books and DVDs, music CDs, etc etc....I rarely pay full retail price for them.  When I do, it's after I've spent hours deciding weather or not I should.  I finally bought THROUGH ART WE ARE ALL EQUALS by Johnny Craig's band Slaves.  That CD came out in 2014.  Not only did it take me 1.5 years to buy it, but when I did buy it, I used a credit card.  I do plan on paying off that particular purchase in May, since my sister told me to promise not to buy anything at Overstock using credit again.  I have wasted what seems to me like a large sum of money on garbage.  And it is a large sum of money.  It's also a large sum of time it's taken to waste that money.  I've spent more time not having any money than the time it's taken to accumulate that mass of wasteful spending history.
 It's easier in a lot of cases to write off something I can't afford as meaningless and hope I can somehow afford it later without instantaneously depleting my bank account balance.  I still pine for it, but it's with a mix of confusion and disgust.  On one hand, I see imperfections on the item that make me wish something like it but better existed, and then I'm confused because I don't remember why I was drawn to the item to begin with, so I just walk away with this sick feeling like my energy supply has been drained and for nothing.  And that's just for a few "big" things that I think of as being "definitive" or should be definitive.  I've been considering life after electricity when SSI runs out and I can't be using the computer all the time.  So GHOSTBUSTERS: ULTIMATE VISUAL HISTORY, which I would expect to have nice color photos of THE REAL GHOSTBUSTERS toys by Kenner seems like a good substitute for the movie.  But I don't know because I haven't seen the book up close.  And it costs $35+/-  And then I think about it and how it would actually benefit me and I can't really figure out how it would be worth it.  I mean, really...when I do watch GHOSTBUSTERS, it's usually less than 20 minutes at a time, and that's not 20 minutes multiple times a day or even multiple times a week...so what's the point?
I do need to give more serious response to the reality that God is in control and that my life is not going to get better by enhancing my utility belt. 
I sometimes wonder what a guy who gives God 10% of his income and gains wealth because of it really gains.  Obviously, he gains an ability to give God more money, but what does the rest of it mean?  Jesus himself warned of doom to those who are well fed.  I'm guessing that's an abridged version of the words that came out of Jesus' mouth, which are lost in the wind like everything else spoken before the dawn of recording devices, but unless that is to be taken at face value, I can't help but think of how God reacted when the Israelites insisted upon having a human as their king instead of God as king.  God wasn't happy about it, but He found peace with their wishes and did what He could to make the best of it, even though they didn't hold up with their end of the bargain.

It's called fiction, Sir Palahniuk

Was looking at the summary of this book by Stewart O' Nan titled A PRAYER FOR THE DYING.  In the marketing, FIGHT CLUB author Chuck Palahniuk is quoted as saying the book is proof that God is unfair.  I'd sure like to know how a fiction book proves anything.  Stewart O' Nan may have been writing about someone he knew, but that's the problem with second hand information.  People hear little snippets of The Bible and get these ideas that aren't even Biblical.
If you don't believe The Bible was written by an existing presence, then you have no reason to question it.  I tried telling a friend on Facebook this and he defended his stance by talking about how Christianity and its offshoot religions are the main reason for large amounts of violence in the world.  One could say that, but what about the people who go speeding down the freeway and end up running into another car and kill at least one person?  Where does religion play into that?  Jealous husbands and wives murdering their spouse?  That's the least of all violence by the way.  Death is not the end.  The horror of this planet is seldom seen outside of shows like CRIMINAL MINDS.  A person who is not only murdered, but severely tortured with the threat of death to top if off is a much bigger victim than someone who is beheaded or gunned to death.
Jesus gave a perfect recipe for peace on Earth.  If people would follow it, we'd have Heaven already.  We should all be glad that we all have the option of choosing Heaven instead of questioning the reality of the supernatural and weather or not God is just in his decisions and all these tiny distractions that lead nowhere.