Crystalized

 https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0141907/?ref_=nm_flmg_t_15_act

Town & Country (2001) just strikes me as a movie that was just after it's time.  I don't know why really but the NYC Jewish lineup of Hollywood stars such as him and Warren Beatty, Billy Crystal, and other guys whose names I'm not familiar with precisely because their time was just about ending when I got old enough to explore movies and find out about whose who.  People like Jack Nicholson and Al Pacino were still going strong in 1997/1998, but people like Billy Crystal, although I knew his name well enough, even he was on his way out.  He did one film before he was basically all but disappeared from Hollywood and since then he's basically been doing voice work for people who are too young to care who's who in anything.  I don't think anyone has anything against those actors, really...other than people who've always been dumbfounded anytime an actor gains any kind of starpower...but they have like an aesthetic that, just like any other, I guess, seems to have been pushed over to make way for a newer aesthetic.
I think some of it may be their NYC - ness...NYC used to be where it was all at.  Any town that wanted to be anything basically took its' cues from them.  Nowadays, all NYC is good for is Wall Street.  Nobody longs to visit NYC and experience all of the various hotspots.  And I think that might be because of a variety of factors.  The "back to the roots" strategy of people who have enough dollars and sense to choose healthy foods has probably opened people's eyes to the beauty of other, more natural, environments and I think there's been a moderate uptick in Christianity in that time and Christianity is against the materialism that NYC ultimately stood for and still does.  

Idk...I might be just basing all of this on my own small glimpse of what's going on, ie the people around me and things I've heard people say, which is not the greatest indicator of anything...Maybe NYC actually was still The Big Apple even in 2012, 2013 +/-  Maybe it's just me that's being drawn away from it.

Facebook is gone

 I deleted my Facebook account yesterday.  I don't even remember why.  I think I might have had a reason that actually makes sense............  I was seriously wanting to switch email to some other thing but I could not for the life of me figure out how to port everything over and I was having difficulty deciding how much I actually wanted to port over.  I was trying to delete unwanted passwords from my password manager on Google Chrome and the mobile browser was apparantly NOT taking me seriously.  :/

I've been grumbly all afternoon it feels like, more and more.  I need to lighten up and be grateful and joyous.  I really have virtually nothing to be grim about.  I think I'm more sleepy than I'd like to be so I can't take as much advantage of the things I enjoy in this life and of course this life should be all about service to God and my fellow man, but I'm honestly coming up blank regarding how to carry that out in this moment.  I'm just sitting here biding my time.  .....  I guess I really just need to go to sleep.  It seems ridiculously early and it doesn't make any sense to me to think that I need to sleep.  But idk, I didn't take my mental health medicine yesterday, and I am a freakin' weirdo (psychosis)...maybe that's as much explanation as I can expect.........

I wrote this down because I couldn't get my thoughts straightened out just thinking

I have been arrogant and have acted in accordance with it. Arrogance still lingers within me as I struggle to acknowledge the inherent goodness of your call to humility. I don't know how far I'm supposed to go in that. Am I wrong in wanting clear communication about pertinent issues or expressing my frustration in not getting them? I honestly don't know how to "gently restore" someone on this matter. I don't recall finding anything in Your words about communication. I lack the generosity and patience necessary to be content with this reality of the way my sister responds to what I say. I don't know how to ask you for it without doubting. How can I keep from doubting when your response is so difficult to discern? Yes, no, wait and maybe all look alike for at least a little while. Sometimes a rather long while. I feel like I'm a drain on you. It would not surprise me to find that you've spat me out already. I wish I were more rightfully sorry but all I feel is my own sorrow.