Well...last week, the days from 12:00A.M. Sunday to the end of Saturday of most recent, I managed to read 4 entries of my 1 Year Bible. That's over half the week...just barely...I took my mental health - stabilizing pills 5 out of the 7.
-----for those who don't know --- it's one round every morning -- two pills, one for schizo-effective disorder and the other for depression, I think...I'm not officially diagnosed with any schizoidness, I don't think...but schizo effective disorder is the closest anyone's come at pinning down what's wrong with me...I also have a very watered down variation of autism...I'm thankful for my mom's sake that I don't and as far as I'm aware never did start screaming bloody murder when someone would try to touch me or make certain noises....I am pretty darn obsessive, although I guess compared to some autistic people I have a larger variety of thoughts at hand. I am pretty flexible, but I also worry a lot, and I don't know what to do about that..."be still and know that I am God" helps, but I still feel my veins quiver even then...and there's only so much being still I can tolerate...ugh...
Anyway...I don't know the whys and hows, but I do believe that God has given me the medicines that are required for me to live a better life for Him. Choosing not to take my medicine is basically choosing Mr. Hyde over Dr. Jekyll. I don't necessarily become different when I take my meds. But I have a greater chance of success when I do. We all have to battle between being a Mr and being a Dr. It stands to reason I would not be exempt from that just because I take some pills.
What's confusing to me is how my brain got so messed up. I mean, it's generally understood to be a mental disorder. Disorder means something bad --- like a toilet that doesn't flush or a room that isn't organized.
But it is evident time and time again how God punishes those even who are not directly responsible for a given act or deed. King David did something or other and God punished him by sending a plague on the land. Those who died from the plague are not detailed in The Bible. I don't know how many of them ended up in Hell. I would think many of them did. I'd like to think many of them got into Heaven. The way much of The Old Testament reads, it sounds like 99.999% of Israel went to Hell. But it's hard to say. It seems like if that were so, God would have scrapped His plan for Israel altogether or done something to speed up the process. It's not real clear, but I get the impression that from the formation of Israel to the last book of The Old Testament, you have *at least* 1,000 years of history. That might not be accurate. It might be waaaay less......that's just the impression that I get. Not sure how I get that impression....I guess it's just the sheer scope with which The Bible is written...I mean, from the time Noah landed on dry land after the flood and the calling of Abraham to sojourn with God...I mean, what is that? A few pages at most? But there's no way all these people groups could have formed around Abraham in just 100 years. That would have had to have taken *at least* 300 years and that's ****IF**** every woman was very fertile and the men were constantly ravaging them. And even then, what the heck caused all these people groups to break off INTO people groups? That latter part is something I have absolutely no expertise on, being somewhat of a stranger in my own land.
But anyway...the point I started out making before I got distracted is that I come from a long line, at least 3 generations of people who turned their backs on God. I am the 4th generation of such people. All 4 of these generations in my line re-connected with God somehow or another. I don't think God would make things easy for anybody. He says in one of the OT books that His commands are not impossible to follow. Yet everyone has fallen short of the glory of God. When you sit and read the 10 commandments, it seems rather simple and easy to follow. But in reality they are not. The 1st Commandment is the hardest to follow and I think the Old Testament documents how hard it is for mankind in general to master that one. The other commandments are not easy to follow either, although some of them I for one am not guilty of breaking. I have not committed murder or adultery, but Jesus did provide some insight and pointed out that if you harbor hatred for anyone in your heart, you are indeed guilty of murder. And lusting after someone who is not your wife is adultery. I don't think He specified gender because he was talking to men. I don't think men and women socialized a lot back then outside of marriage. I could be wrong......I am no historian. I know Muslim men don't associate with Muslim women because of the adultery/lust issue --- and that's not history. That's Right Now. At least that's what I heard on some news piece on CBS a few+ years ago in relationship to something else they were talking about that I don't remember......It's possible CBS just made that and everything else up to make the world look totally different than it actually is......heck, how do we even know Donald Trump IS indeed the President? Yeah, that's sarcasm in case someone's thinking "
You can't trust the media!"
But back to what I was saying --- the commands are not impossible to follow. You read through them and it's pretty starightforward. Yet even without being certified guilty because of your thoughts and / or feelings, how many people would categorize themselves as honest? Ok, for all that have raised their hand --- how many of you have EVER told a lie?
In some ways, this mental disorder I have could be looked upon as a blessing or a curse. For instance, why me? Oh why me? That's a curse. The blessing stems from the fact that I have an opportunity to give thanks as I take my medicine and remind myself of the tools God has given me to succeed in as many areas as I allow Him to help me succeed. That in itself seems like a rather good start to accomplishing Commandment #1. And the more one follows Commandment #1, the easier the other 9 are to follow. I can't say that from my own experience, but I have heard that said by numerous poeple.
Amen.
