MA MAN, YO, ARMIDILLO NEWTON....

Spent 6pm-12am NOT feeding my cat, and scrambling to get this that and a handful of piddly other things done; switching between tabs in a race against time that can not be won...
Finally fed her.  She probably feels like I do, like someone kicked her in the stomach.  Man is not meant to be awake 8+ hours after dinner.  You ever get fixated on a goal and find the stress of that fixation makes reaching or finding that goal has made you too sick to enjoy it?
  I've been awake since 3:30 A.M.  I finally took Thursday's Abilify and Cymbalta, apprx half an hour ago.  It was past the deadline just barely.  I'll have to remember to take my pills at around 4pm or so.  It's not good to take two days' worth of medicine doses back to back.  14-32 hours is an okay interval.  It's an accomplishment of sorts for me to take my pills 3 days in a row.  It would be a case of possession for me to take my pills 3 days in a row at the same time each of those 3 days.
I'm back on the computer.  Was certain there was some group of songs I wanted to listen to.  Cannot for the life of me remember what it was I wanted to do so badly.

Semantic decibel worship

Just sent my sis a typo
I will my reg $ to pay 1/2 of the lwnmwr.  Hopefully Mom can cover at least half of that and my savings will cover "the rest" (whatever that ends up being)"

Did I really just say that?
I WILL MY REG. $ TO PAY HALF OF THE LAWNMOWER
(sprinkle Holy water)
I WILL MY REG $ TO PAY HALF OF THE LAWNMOWER
MY WILL COMPELS IT
MY WILL COMPELS IT

Thanks to spellchecking software, I now know "compel" is not spelled with two Ls.  I'm pretty sure since the "L" is not "possessed", I can rest in peace regarding my lack of an apostrophe....

See you on the other side.

The value of liquiation

Was reading about the Koch brothers and their supposed plans to let the poor people get sick and die off so they can enjoy their tea parties and golf tournaments w/o distraction.
That may very well be what the Koch brothers want.  I cannot say what they want any more so than they can say what I want.  If everybody cared about each other and put love and compassion for their fellow man before blind ambition, i.e.: money and/or power, then minimum wage being abolished would of no negative consequence.  If The Devil walked up to you, would you smile politely and let it shake your hand?  Likewise, people who rejoice in evil should not be elected into office, regardless of their political affiliation.  The fact of the matter is both Bernie Sanders and the Koch brothers-funded Republicans are both more concerned with money and power less with the real problems that face the USA.
The perceived problem with having the Koch brothers funding congress is not something anybody is immune to.  The vast majority of USA citizens would not wage war on the poor.  But that is only because if they spent every waking minute from birth to death squeezing as many dollars as they can from their employer, their work would still not be finished.  Their bones would be buried and hunger will continue to haunt them.  The Koch brothers have more money than they can count.  They have the freedom to say "Ok, What now?"  They have what every human on the face of the earth wants, they have shiny pretty things and the guarantee that the most comfortable bed money can buy will not be repossessed.  Now what?  What does one do when their life's work is finished before they're halfway in the grave?  Do they turn their back on their amazing house and bounty of pretty things so they can work in a soup kitchen or fly over ghettos with their private jet and assess which homes need food and how much food they need?
Very few people work 8+ hours a day for the purpose of anything other than acquiring an arsenal of stuff.  The Koch Bros. have stuff.  They have mental and physical health and they have all the stuff they can imagine wanting AND extra to give to their great grandchildren.  They have moved on from the rat race and are now focused on something equally pointless and gigantic in scope: World Domination.
It's about power.  All of it.  The rat race, even the participants who eat from the backend of it, have one thing and one thing only in mind: Power.  Call it a man-cave, call it freedom of choice, call it "my house my rules", it all amounts to the same thing: Conquering.  It may not be conquering much, but it's still conquering.
I don't know nearly as much about the presidential front runners as I ought to, but I know the likelyhood that anyone running for the high offices is doing so primarily with intent to help other people, be it inside or outside of "America"(The United States Of).

Beeee...

....gooooood

I missed my pills on Friday and Saturday.  I was hoping to go out on Saturday morning, preferably early morning if one were to dream, but nobody wants to do anything before 9am, and 9am is stretching it.  Not only did I not get to go anywhere, but my face felt like pea soup falling on the floor as my mom and sister, the holder of the car keys + driver's licenses, wasted themselves away watching HOUSE OF CARDS and NURSE JACKIE.  Sometime in the midst of all that, my sister fell asleep, on the couch.  I anxiously awaited her to wake up, did not make any effort to hide my anxiousness, and at the last minute was notified that I was going to have to get hiking or get hitchiking if i wanted to anywhere for the day.  The pea soup went from falling off my face to eating my face like it had more acid than normal.
I sent my sister an email that was randomly worded, hinting at all the rage and disgust and anguish I was feeling in a very outward  & irresponsible way.    My anguish was not helped by her actions, but her actions were not related to how I feel or felt.  I felt shamed into silence for half of Sunday even though I was cheerfully invited to church and had my breakfast paid for my sis, even though it was actually lunch for me b/c I'd eaten breakfast at 4am after waking up at 1am.
I was even feeling a little apprehensive on Monday.  I started to fall down that rabbit hole again after my mom did or said something to piss me off, but I took my mental health medication and I was able to reason myself to walk more in a manner worthy of my calling after a little while and more or less enjoyed the evening/night.
Whew.
I hope there's room in Heaven for me w/o medication.  If I can listen to the Holy Spirit w/o my medication after Medicaid funding goes kaput, that in itself will be a miracle.  I haven't picked up The Bible in 7 days as of today.  FFFRR!  This week has spun itself so smoothly.  Like a caramel candy making machine -- it's been stop/start yet steady nonetheless.

things are looking up.  Been ok since half of Monday roughly and Tuesday on up.
WOW.  HEADLINE NEWS.  I got a GHOSTBUSTERS(tm) shirt from a seller on Amazon.com containing a note formed by my father  via Amazon's "gift note" service  An event 20 years in the making!  It's half my fault by this point  I don't communicate enough with him.    I started talking with him a little bit somewhat recently via Facebook.  Nothing serious or deep.  Just exchanging opinions about popular political topics.  No biggie to me.  It's my sister who really had a tough time dealing with him not being around.  I could have been an orphan and I might've turned out OK, provided I didn't end up in an orphanage where everyone's waiting for the right time to explain to me where I am and the awful truth of why....."BECAUSE NOBODY LOVES YOU!!!!"  At least in my actual life, I do have one parent who has stuck it out and has made it more or less known that she is genuinely concerned for my well being.

In other news....ugh...can't think.....um...hot topics?  What just popped in there?  Uh...? My Brayn has gone bye-bye.  And so it's Christmas...  WHAT DID YOU DO?  WHAT DID YOU DO?  TELL ME IT'S NOT WHAT THEY SAID, OH GOD, TELL YOU DIDN'T......
[DELETE]/[END]

Night Beds - "Me, Liquor

Jealousy

When I started going to church over the last few years (few = 3), I was confused at this video segment showing a graffiti-style painter reciting The 10 Commandments, specifically the passage where it states that God is a jealous God.  All this time later, I start thinking about the parallel of man's jealousy and God's jealousy.  Jealousy can be inspired by a variety of things and it can be attached to other things as well.  But jealousy at its root is essentially when a person wants love from someone and isn't getting enough or any from implied person.  People have killed their lovers out of jealousy.  It is an excruciating feeling.  It's like suffocation with no assurance of a nearby end.  Obviously, killing is not an answer.  It makes one less person on your hit list, but the odds of having your expectations met by someone else that comes along are slim to none.  This world would go from sometimes unbearably cruel to constant agonizing loneliness.
Jesus summed The 10 Commandments, Leviticus, and Deuteronomy into two laws:
Love God with all your heart and love your fellow man as yourself.

Those are two laws that God always honors.  I think given the nature of jealousy and its place at the list of ten commandments, one can see both laws being carried out in one swoop in the sacrificing of Jesus The Christ of Nazareth, who is the human embodiment of God.

I was reading part of The Old Testament this afternoon, specifically Kings 1, and realized how jaded I am.  Quotes from minor players in The Bible sounded aloud come across as snarky and bitter.  It's not because of what is written, but because of how I've come to expect people to talk.
For instance (NIV) " "How many more years will I live, that I should go up to Jerusalem with the king? 
am now eighty years old. Can I tell the difference between what is enjoyable and what is not? Can your servant taste what he eats and drinks? Can I still hear the voices of male and female singers? Why should your servant be an added burden to my lord the king? 
Your servant will cross over the Jordan with the king for a short distance, but why should the king reward me in this way? 
Let your servant return, that I may die in my own town near the tomb of my father and mother. But here is your servant Kimham. Let him cross over with my lord the king. Do for him whatever you wish."
To me, it sounded like the person quoted saying all of that was grumbling about his old age and rebuking the king for offering the reward given him.  But that is most likely because of 1) the sadness that permeates my mind when I think of old age and 2) I often say or think "What the hell is wrong with you?!"
I think the teachings of Jesus if they were to be read in earnest would blow this world wide open.  I sat in tears one Sunday as I found myself realizing the need to follow the pleas of my family members, who have been urging me to reduce my output of negative criticism.
I was invited to share in a Bible-study that my mom was doing with a disparate group of Christians and one of the questions pertained to John The Baptist and his reaction to Jesus requesting Baptism from John the Baptist.
 (NIV)

"  

13Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John. 14But John tried to deter him, saying, “I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?”

15Jesus replied, “Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness.” Then John consented.

16As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. 17And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

"

One might look at this and think of it as Jesus dotting his I's and crossing his T's, like a contractual obligation based on a technicality.  I now think of this as a footnote of God's willingness to lead His people by example.  I might think more of it if I ever learn to understand and appreciate Baptism.  That's for another blog post.