Forgot to take my meds yesterday and the day b4.
Finally took them today. My head is swirling with out of balancenesss; it feels like a chore to try to remember the fact that I deed indeed take them today.
I thought today was Wednesday up until about an hour or so ago, because my sister didn't have her Bible Study Fellowship meeting that night, so I had in my mind that it was Tuesday. TODAY is Tuesday. Hooray. By Thursday my brain will probably be back in line and I'll still have a day and a half left before I have to wake up and make a 9-11 hour trek from Gwinnett County in Georgia to Cape Girardeau County in Missouri. Then I have to make another 10(?) hour trek back after 3.5 days of who knows what. Christmas isn't until Monday, and we'll be leaving Tuesday. I guess I'll be squished in the backseat of my sister's car the bulk of that time. That damn thing is cramped with that giant car seat in there(!!). I really don't want to NOT show up. It's a stretch to say I'll be miserable the whole time, especially since I have no idea what I'll be doing or not doing the entire time. I don't even know where I'll be sleeping. I'm assuming I'll be cut off from the internet the entire time. But will I? How would I know? I'm not walking from my grandma's house to the library. And is there really any reason I need to use the internet EVERY day? Not likely.
So anyway............................................
And I told the Cape Community Church of God that I'll be back to visit. This will be the third Christmas in a row that that didn't happen. I don't intend to make that a reality. The pastor there is resigning to relocate closer to his parents, one of whom's health is failing. It doesn't even effect me really, but I feel like I miss him already...vicariously perhaps, through people I haven't really spoken to in quite some time with the possible exception of a couple snippets on Facebook.
And my gramma *is* old. She's not in the best of health, and no matter her health, she isn't going to live forever. I don't want to emulate the lyrics of Right Said Fred's one and only hit single, but I don't want to deprive my gramma of my presence up until she's in hospice or whatever. I don't know what she likes about my presence, but that's for her to know and me to NVM.
Ok, then.......
sheet! Also got mucus running rings around my efen head and my breathing is effed as well.
At least I'm not dead.
I haven't read The Bible (part of/any part of) in at least close to a week. I can see it too.
Need to get to that today and keep at it.
I did take a 25 minute walk today. I lost 150 calories just from the walk. I downloaded this step counter app for my cheapass smartphone (it works!) and its been counting lost calories even when I'm not doing anything with my feet OR the phone. In the span of an hour, I had burned 50? calories. I'd have to look again, that might be way off. But the amount of calories I burned while walking was like 4x that much. So my rather big breakfast was a little less big than it would have been otherwise. I have a separate app for my food intake. I ate a little more than a serving of Marie Calander's Chocolate Satin pie, but there's no option to tell the app that I only ate 1.5 servings. And I don't think I even ate quite that much, but then you consider coffee w/ creamer & sugar and then maybe a glass of hot chocolate or whatever....it's not too terribly off the mark to say I consumed 1100 calories. My lunch will probably be a little big, maybe 600 calories. I ate a buttload of chicken nuggets yesterday, had been craving them for awhile and thinking it's rather idiotic that I hadn't been buying them with more regularity, but I finally got some. And I ate most of them, or at least over half of them. I think I might only have 4 servings left. If i have a whole whopping 4 servings, I'll either eat all 4 or throw 1 serving away. If I choose the former, I'll consume almost 800 calories, which is almost all of my day's intake. I might be able and semi-willing to restrain myself and just have some grape nuts or whatever. idk.
Sooo....I don't know what other anticdotes and updates I have to share. I feel like it's time for bed and I"m already hungry again, darnit!! Need to stop typing. I may have already said something wrong. ugh.
Tuesday, December 19, 2017
MT GHOSTBUSTERS
Some guy on some GB fan forum that I don't remember the name of tried claiming that because THE VERY FIRST U.S. ad-poster featured the European NO sign *with* the no -ghost logo, the backward (English) no-ghost insignia was indeed not incorrect.
That would have been SO easy to debunk if I knew where to argue with this moron. I have no idea why it took me this long to come up with this very sound logical presentation.
GHOSTBUSTERS was under a mammoth deadline and was made for the cost of a Hollywood meal for a party of 4. Michael C. Gross and his team came up with 100 or so different illustrations trying to come up with a logo that would successfully embody the movie and the idea of "ghost busting".
It is a downright miracle that the movie came together as well as it did. This one guy on YouTube who points out movie bloopers managed to spot at least close to a dozen bonafide bloopers on top of what he considers to be plot holes (as if the movie itself wasn't one giant plot hole). FOR INSTANCE --- the VERY FIRST U.S. theatrical video ad (known as a "teaser") featured a song that was neither in the movie nor on the original soundtrack album. SAY WHAT? You mean THE Ghostbusters theme song is a song NO ONE REMEMBERS EVER HAVING HEARD?????
HELL F****NG NO! Everybody knows damn well without a second guess that RAY PARKER JR. wrote the song "GHOSTBUSTERS". The only one who thinks otherwise is Huey Lewis.
Ray Parker Jr. says that whoever approached him about doing the theme song was bemoaning that they had 100 songs written for the movie and NONE of them said the word "ghostbusters".
That teaser-trailer song I just mentioned **DOES** contain the word "ghostbusters". So you know what? That means during the conversation that Ray Parker Jr. was citing, most likely, someone was composing an entirely different song that was even good enough to be included in the movie or the soundtrack, but met the criteria that whatsisface had mentioned. If they were not working with such a strict deadline, they probably could have waited for Ray Parker Jr. to finish his song, and then include that in the teaser, but instead they included some song that is only audible on a laserdisc copy of the movie and maybe somewhere on the depths of YouTube.
Michael C. Gross and Columbia Pictures probably knew damn well that there was going to a resistance to the reversing of the slash in the middle of the circle that makes up the EUROPEAN NO SIGN ---- and I've said this before, but in case one forgets -- THE EUROPEAN NO SIGN is ***NOT*** the meat of the NO GHOST INSIGNIA. The meat of the no ghost insignia is the ghost itself. The fact is that audiences probably saw the backward NO GHOST LOGO and were like "what the hell is that?" and so Columbia Pictures quickly changed the poster before the movie was ready for distribution. The British had to wait awhile to see the movie. If a British citizen working for a British movie company had utilized the no-sign in the way that Michael C. Gross had, the Brits would have had no problem accepting the modification. Instead, they had to modify the ad campaign and basically spoon feed the film to British audiences because that's what happens when you pit art with politics. Nobody wins.
Friday, December 15, 2017
in your darkest time...
"They say that love goes anywhere.
In your darkest time,
it's just enough to know it's there"
"Polaris" - Jimmy Eat World (2004, Interscope Records)
I created this playlist (link to Spotify, it's free w/ ads ---- a measily $10 w/o ads) after a CD-R I'd made. The idea is these are songs that reflect a "wordly" attitude. These, for better or worse, are songs I've recently been hooked on. Now, these songs are almost all excruciatingly boring. Best Coast's "In My Eyes" and Journey's "I'll Be Alright Without You" were sweet jollipin' jams of ear worminess, but I'm freakin' serious -- I just got done with "In My Eyes" while typing this sentence, and I'm almost sick to my stomach.
You can see a bit of a pattern in the song titles
"On Our Own" ---
"Good Time" --- Luke 12:18-21
"Everything Is Easy" --- Luke 12:18-21
"Rain Rain Rain" --- Nehemiah 8:11
"Losing Your Memory" --- Proverbs 8:36 "Those who fail to find me harm themselves..."
"Dead Man's Party" --- Proverbs 8:36 "...All who hate me love death"
Some of the songs are vague reminders of God's presence in the world and in myself
"The Power Of Love" by Huey Lewis & The News
"While You See A Chance" by Steve Winwood --- Just a feel-good slice of early-childhood nostalgia. This can go either way as far as being interpreted as Godly or un-Godly. On one hand you should have the faith of a small child, but on the other, you should put away your childish ways and march toward spiritual maturity (paraphrasing; can't find the exact verses @ BibleHub).
The CD-R/playlist closes with reminders of the pressure of living life in these ways.
"Ugly" by The Exies, a song about self-loathing and bitter dissatisfaction
"Back Of Your Head" by Balance And Composure --- "If time heals all why's there still distance?"
"If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead." - Luke 16:31
Bible quotes are provided from BibleHub.com using the NIV translation.
Tuesday, December 5, 2017
close encounters of the chicken
"Sounds like a gay bar to me."
-- macho man, Paul
I have a weird memory...I swear, I ate two chicken sandwiches...no, seriously, that's not weird at all (it isn't!), but what IS weird, for me anyway, is I don't remember exactly when I ate them. It's confusing as all get out, b/c I woke up around midnight and then went back to bed before 6am, and then woke back up around 7:30 or so. I should have eaten around 6:45 if not later, I might've (probably had) been thinking that 5am was close enough to the 12 hour mark between diner and breakfast that nutritionists recommend, per what my mom has seen and/or heard/read...
Anyway.
I'm pretty sure that's what happened. But then I woke up and I'd forgotten I did that.
So I downed 5 servings of egg nogg, roughly, (I actually lost count by the time I finished), and now I'm already a little under my 2,0000 calories.
I figure I very well may eat 700 more calories today even though I've already had lunch. I'd been doing great the last 2 or 3 days. So much so that despite having gone WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY over 2k calories one day recently, my average daily intake is 2225 apprx, which is a little high......it could be a lot worse and often was a lot worse for a good while there, not sure exactly how long. For at least a week there it seemed almost impossible to stay under 2000 calories even just w/o dinner. It's really difficult to estimate peanut butter and jelly usage tho. When I measure my p.b., I'm deliberately trying to NOT use a whole serving, unless I feel outright piggish and fix myself 3 sandwiches. And jelly is even more difficult to gauge. Especially those jammy jellies, like preserves for instance.
As for eternal matters, I'm downright serious -- I don't know how much of my 1yr Bible I read last week. I know I didn't read as consistently as I should have been, but I did read at least 5 entires --- 3 on Sunday and at 2 entries or more later in the week. I don't know if I read 2 entries on one of the non-Sundays or if I read 2 entries on more than one of the non-Sundays. It seems like I was still behind by the end of Saturday.
I've been sleeping an awful lot.
I was taking my anti-psychotics 6 out of 7 days of the week, roughly at the same time every day when I did take them. I still have my alarm set to help me with the time issue. My sister had some sound words to relay to me about the importance of taking my medication at the same time every day. So I've been obeying my alarm. I had an alarm set several months ago, but I kept ignoring it, so I deleted it.
This last week I missed two doses. that might have something to do with the compulsion to sleep more. I'm sure it's largely due to the colder weather. A lot of it, come to think of it, might have to do with the sugar intake as of late. That egg nogg is loaded with the stuff (glurp!).
Hmmm....
alrighty. I guess that's it, more or less. la-ter
-- macho man, Paul
I have a weird memory...I swear, I ate two chicken sandwiches...no, seriously, that's not weird at all (it isn't!), but what IS weird, for me anyway, is I don't remember exactly when I ate them. It's confusing as all get out, b/c I woke up around midnight and then went back to bed before 6am, and then woke back up around 7:30 or so. I should have eaten around 6:45 if not later, I might've (probably had) been thinking that 5am was close enough to the 12 hour mark between diner and breakfast that nutritionists recommend, per what my mom has seen and/or heard/read...
Anyway.
I'm pretty sure that's what happened. But then I woke up and I'd forgotten I did that.
So I downed 5 servings of egg nogg, roughly, (I actually lost count by the time I finished), and now I'm already a little under my 2,0000 calories.
I figure I very well may eat 700 more calories today even though I've already had lunch. I'd been doing great the last 2 or 3 days. So much so that despite having gone WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY over 2k calories one day recently, my average daily intake is 2225 apprx, which is a little high......it could be a lot worse and often was a lot worse for a good while there, not sure exactly how long. For at least a week there it seemed almost impossible to stay under 2000 calories even just w/o dinner. It's really difficult to estimate peanut butter and jelly usage tho. When I measure my p.b., I'm deliberately trying to NOT use a whole serving, unless I feel outright piggish and fix myself 3 sandwiches. And jelly is even more difficult to gauge. Especially those jammy jellies, like preserves for instance.
As for eternal matters, I'm downright serious -- I don't know how much of my 1yr Bible I read last week. I know I didn't read as consistently as I should have been, but I did read at least 5 entires --- 3 on Sunday and at 2 entries or more later in the week. I don't know if I read 2 entries on one of the non-Sundays or if I read 2 entries on more than one of the non-Sundays. It seems like I was still behind by the end of Saturday.
I've been sleeping an awful lot.
I was taking my anti-psychotics 6 out of 7 days of the week, roughly at the same time every day when I did take them. I still have my alarm set to help me with the time issue. My sister had some sound words to relay to me about the importance of taking my medication at the same time every day. So I've been obeying my alarm. I had an alarm set several months ago, but I kept ignoring it, so I deleted it.
This last week I missed two doses. that might have something to do with the compulsion to sleep more. I'm sure it's largely due to the colder weather. A lot of it, come to think of it, might have to do with the sugar intake as of late. That egg nogg is loaded with the stuff (glurp!).
Hmmm....
alrighty. I guess that's it, more or less. la-ter
Thursday, November 23, 2017
T-day
My mom and sis made some might fine turkey. This from a guy who generally does not like turkey. I still did prefer the ham, but I was indeed impressed with the turkey.
The group was of 5. Me, my mom, sis, bro-in-low & nephew (18 months old; my sister's teaching him bits of Spanish and chunks of sign language, so he's taking a little longer learning how to talk). We (excluding my nephew) exchanged thanks for each other. We spoke thanks to my nephew, but naturally weren't expecting him to return the favor.
These were mine
Mom - A very compassionate person who has always tried to instill that in me as well
Sis - You led me mom to Christ and in turn led me to Christ
BroNlaw - You are a good husband to my sister
Nephew - You have given so much happiness to everyone at this table.
I still wrestle with sin and I still have yet to read The Bible today or pray for forgiveness for all the muck I've been riddled with since I last prayed for forgiveness, which was a few days ago now, I think. But I was reminded once again, this time with a bit of context, a verse in Kings 1.
1 Kings 10:7; Nevertheless I did not believe the reports, until I came and my eyes had seen it. And behold, the half was not told me. You exceed in wisdom and prosperity the report which I heard.
I once, prior to wrapping my heart and head around the idea of God, stated my thanks as being born in the United States. There are many countries I could have been born in. I cannot imagine life on any other country than this. The snippets of Heaven that are described in The New Testament exceed my grasp of understanding. A place that is as Holy as God Himself is, I think, cannot be understood by the likes of humans. Phrases like "streets of gold", in a land as abundant as this, mean absolutely nothing to me. I can't say I value wisdom more than rubies, as The Bible advises people to do; if anything I value things much smaller than either much more than both, and that is a trap that I've yet to find the stamina needed to avoid falling into. I don't even so much as "fall". I just lay down in it.
Anyway; I am thankful for the people in my life and I thank God for placing them with me.
Happy thanksgiving to all who read this.
:)
The group was of 5. Me, my mom, sis, bro-in-low & nephew (18 months old; my sister's teaching him bits of Spanish and chunks of sign language, so he's taking a little longer learning how to talk). We (excluding my nephew) exchanged thanks for each other. We spoke thanks to my nephew, but naturally weren't expecting him to return the favor.
These were mine
Mom - A very compassionate person who has always tried to instill that in me as well
Sis - You led me mom to Christ and in turn led me to Christ
BroNlaw - You are a good husband to my sister
Nephew - You have given so much happiness to everyone at this table.
I still wrestle with sin and I still have yet to read The Bible today or pray for forgiveness for all the muck I've been riddled with since I last prayed for forgiveness, which was a few days ago now, I think. But I was reminded once again, this time with a bit of context, a verse in Kings 1.
1 Kings 10:7; Nevertheless I did not believe the reports, until I came and my eyes had seen it. And behold, the half was not told me. You exceed in wisdom and prosperity the report which I heard.
I once, prior to wrapping my heart and head around the idea of God, stated my thanks as being born in the United States. There are many countries I could have been born in. I cannot imagine life on any other country than this. The snippets of Heaven that are described in The New Testament exceed my grasp of understanding. A place that is as Holy as God Himself is, I think, cannot be understood by the likes of humans. Phrases like "streets of gold", in a land as abundant as this, mean absolutely nothing to me. I can't say I value wisdom more than rubies, as The Bible advises people to do; if anything I value things much smaller than either much more than both, and that is a trap that I've yet to find the stamina needed to avoid falling into. I don't even so much as "fall". I just lay down in it.
Anyway; I am thankful for the people in my life and I thank God for placing them with me.
Happy thanksgiving to all who read this.
:)
Tuesday, November 14, 2017
free foating full turso
I've been in my mind thinking I want to own BATMAN RETURNS (again, yes...urg).
Why?
No, it's not because the first 5-10 minutes are so compelling.
No, it's not because it gets rediculously stupid after that and then dips up and down and almost causes drowsiness by the halfway mark
It's because of this one scene that moved me. It was where The Penguin lies to his right hand man Max Schreck (played by Christopher Walken) and says "I didn't say that". Then Batman, via his mysterious implementation of technology, continuously replays this recording in the ear range of the news reporters of The Penguin saying some derogatory things about his constituents.
And Max Schreck starts to walk away. The Penguin looks over at him and Max gives this kind of "I don't know how to help you" look and shrugs.
At that point, the Penguin starts firing his umbrella gun thingy and pushes through the crowd and runs from the cops and jumps back in the river at the spot where his parents dumped him as a wee toddler.
It's weird tho. We're supposed to feel sympathy for The Penguin b/c he was orphaned, but why?
I guess I've always been so prone to be alone, especially when I was younger. I don't like being utterly alone per se, but the image of The Penguin sitting in a cage where his parents couldn't see his face never strikes me as being cruelty. It's not until I start writing this that it occurs to me perhaps the reason he ate that cat (alive no less) was an act of rebellion for the way his parents treated him. And just like a cat that scratches the furniture a few too many times, The Penguin was dumped into the river. I guess that line from Max Schrecck was possibly accurate. "Says the man with the silver spoon. If his parents hadn't 86'd him, you two may have been buddies in prep school" (not an exact quote; kinda scary if it is given how long it's been since I've watched that particular scene in the movie; I watched about [the first] 20 minutes of the movie on Hulu over a month ago). Or at least the screenwriters thought so. Although not much of a backstory is given to Batman in the Tim Burton movies, even in in BATMAN BEGINS film, you see the good nature of Thomas Wayne, Batman's father having minimal impact on Bruce Wayne's decayed psyche. Bruce Wayne was almost as steeped in a state of bloodlust as The Penguin was until his childhood friend tried to remind him of where he came from and who his father would have wanted him to be. The Penguin's father didn't want him to be anything. If he had wanted him to be anything, it would have been a stuck up snob out for selfish gains.
anyway.
So yeah. Probably won't buy that movie. Can take that off the list.
Saturday, November 11, 2017
Foxy
http://www.foxnews.com/
This news story is mind boggling in its stupidity.
Basically, it's just telling people about what The Washington Post said while adding their own opinion to the mix, as if there's not enough people that are eager to do that. The author does not say WHY there are against the NYC Subways' decision to address people with gender neutral pronouns. Instead, they use sarcasm to get their point across, and fail to actually *say* ANY thing in the process.
By the logic presented here, until crime fighting is no longer a profession, congress should take a break and do absolutely nothing.
Public urination, sexual assault, etc. etc. are problems that the police should be notified of and should take care of. The last time a serial killer roamed the streets was not the first time a serial killer roamed the streets. The first execution of a serial killer was not the last execution of a serial killer. Ditto with people who rape and steal. Evil is a force that is here to stay. That does not mean blog posts, memorandums, and light hearted news articles must be put on hold.
If the author of this article was not trying to convey that they disagree with what I'm saying here, then I seriously have no idea what it is they thought they were conveying. I highly doubt they disagree with what it is I say here. And if that doubt is to be trusted, then
A) was that sarcasm?
B) if so, how does one re - phrase it in a non sarcastic manner?
C) if it isn't sarcasm, then what was it exactly?
D) whatever the hell it was, what is it intended to communicate?
This news story is mind boggling in its stupidity.
Basically, it's just telling people about what The Washington Post said while adding their own opinion to the mix, as if there's not enough people that are eager to do that. The author does not say WHY there are against the NYC Subways' decision to address people with gender neutral pronouns. Instead, they use sarcasm to get their point across, and fail to actually *say* ANY thing in the process.
By the logic presented here, until crime fighting is no longer a profession, congress should take a break and do absolutely nothing.
Public urination, sexual assault, etc. etc. are problems that the police should be notified of and should take care of. The last time a serial killer roamed the streets was not the first time a serial killer roamed the streets. The first execution of a serial killer was not the last execution of a serial killer. Ditto with people who rape and steal. Evil is a force that is here to stay. That does not mean blog posts, memorandums, and light hearted news articles must be put on hold.
If the author of this article was not trying to convey that they disagree with what I'm saying here, then I seriously have no idea what it is they thought they were conveying. I highly doubt they disagree with what it is I say here. And if that doubt is to be trusted, then
A) was that sarcasm?
B) if so, how does one re - phrase it in a non sarcastic manner?
C) if it isn't sarcasm, then what was it exactly?
D) whatever the hell it was, what is it intended to communicate?
Saturday, November 4, 2017
LET THERE BE LIGHT (2017)
I saw LET THERE BE LIGHT (2017) yesterday with an emerging friend from church. He paid for my ticket and my lunch. I like him already (hehe).
It was a good movie. Not a staggering achievement of any kind, but it was pretty interesting and me being the sentimental type did shed half a pound of water weight (I wish! I probably gained at least that much just from lunch --- and I had dinner too! Ugh!)
I was a little confused as to the whole "LTBL" campaign featured in the movie. What was it supposed to accomplish exactly? If I understood that part of the movie, I might have been able to enjoy it a little more. Fortunately there were other things going on in the movie. I think the way the main character dealt with his wife's cancer situation vs. the way he dealt with his son's death initially spoke volumes about his internal transformation. I told the friend who paid my entry that I was a little dismayed that the movie focused on a fictitious example of faith in Christ transforming people into a better being, and noted C.S. Lewis as an example that came to mind, and he actually did not realize that C.S. Lewis had been an atheist at any time in his life. I guess I assumed this was common knowledge. There was a movie -- actually a couple movies dealt with this subject, I don't know if they both have the same title -- called SHADOWLANDS that covers a specific time in C.S. Lewis' life when he had met someone who he fell in love with and she had died of cancer or something not long after they'd fallen in love. The two people were conversing early on in the movie. I got the impression that the woman was fairly new to Christianity while C.S. Lewis had been at it for awhile by that point. He mentioned that he used to be an atheist. But I guess that movie wasn't a wild commercial success. I hadn't even heard of it until almost a decade after it was released and that was coincidence, more or less. I read about it while flipping through the pages of VIDEOHOUND (the 1999 edition -- not to be confused with the 1999th edition...). My mom somehow got the idea that the movie was intended to "bring down" C.S. Lewis. I have no idea where she got that idea.
Anyway...
She should be home soon...Hopefully I'll be headed to Starbucks not too long from now. They already have my favorite -- gingerbread - egg nogg latte! It's an egg nogg latte with gingerbread syrup. I had one ON Nov. 1st. It was A-MA-ZING!!! Loved it. Hopefully it's as good today, or at least close.
I do need to go a little easy on it. A venti (20 oz.) has 1.5 grams of TRANS FAT in it(!!!). I don't plan on buying more than 4 this month. Hopefully that's going easy enough......
I did get some actual egg nogg from WalMart in mid-late October. It was that Mayfield brand. I could not believe how limp it tasted. I would have much preferred getting light egg nogg by a different company or "holiday" nogg or whatever...
Take care everyone, whoever y'all are.
It was a good movie. Not a staggering achievement of any kind, but it was pretty interesting and me being the sentimental type did shed half a pound of water weight (I wish! I probably gained at least that much just from lunch --- and I had dinner too! Ugh!)
I was a little confused as to the whole "LTBL" campaign featured in the movie. What was it supposed to accomplish exactly? If I understood that part of the movie, I might have been able to enjoy it a little more. Fortunately there were other things going on in the movie. I think the way the main character dealt with his wife's cancer situation vs. the way he dealt with his son's death initially spoke volumes about his internal transformation. I told the friend who paid my entry that I was a little dismayed that the movie focused on a fictitious example of faith in Christ transforming people into a better being, and noted C.S. Lewis as an example that came to mind, and he actually did not realize that C.S. Lewis had been an atheist at any time in his life. I guess I assumed this was common knowledge. There was a movie -- actually a couple movies dealt with this subject, I don't know if they both have the same title -- called SHADOWLANDS that covers a specific time in C.S. Lewis' life when he had met someone who he fell in love with and she had died of cancer or something not long after they'd fallen in love. The two people were conversing early on in the movie. I got the impression that the woman was fairly new to Christianity while C.S. Lewis had been at it for awhile by that point. He mentioned that he used to be an atheist. But I guess that movie wasn't a wild commercial success. I hadn't even heard of it until almost a decade after it was released and that was coincidence, more or less. I read about it while flipping through the pages of VIDEOHOUND (the 1999 edition -- not to be confused with the 1999th edition...). My mom somehow got the idea that the movie was intended to "bring down" C.S. Lewis. I have no idea where she got that idea.
Anyway...
She should be home soon...Hopefully I'll be headed to Starbucks not too long from now. They already have my favorite -- gingerbread - egg nogg latte! It's an egg nogg latte with gingerbread syrup. I had one ON Nov. 1st. It was A-MA-ZING!!! Loved it. Hopefully it's as good today, or at least close.
I do need to go a little easy on it. A venti (20 oz.) has 1.5 grams of TRANS FAT in it(!!!). I don't plan on buying more than 4 this month. Hopefully that's going easy enough......
I did get some actual egg nogg from WalMart in mid-late October. It was that Mayfield brand. I could not believe how limp it tasted. I would have much preferred getting light egg nogg by a different company or "holiday" nogg or whatever...
Take care everyone, whoever y'all are.
EVEN WORSE -- it could be worse...
This CD I ordered in late Sept finally arrived today(!). I had to replace the jewel case b/c someone had written all over it. Thankfully the irreplaceable components - the disc & cover-art - are perfectly fine. I haven't listened to it, but the disc surface where the graphics are looks OK. I didn't look at the data side. I don't know when I'll listen to it. It's called EVEN WORSE by Weird Al Yankovic. It's a staple from my preteenage days during the final years of my tenure in Monterrey Bay Area, CA (June 1995-June 1997). It's a West German import. It goes for like $10 on Discogs, supposedly. The graphics on the disc look a lot different than those of the domestic pressings. That edition was the cheapest one I could find on Amazon or anywhere else for that matter. The seller had refunded my purchase in mid Oct, 3 weeks after they shipped it. I do usually receive packages coming from the U.K. in about 2 weeks. This was not a typical situation. I don't even think shipments from Australia usually take this long and that's as far away from the U.S. as you can get. It's almost dizzying to think about how isolated they are from the rest of the globe. But I haven't ordered anything from there recently. I did order something from Japan a couple years ago and it took what seemed at the time to be a mind numbing amount of time. It was something like 6 weeks at least, I think...
Got some Airborne that I ordered from a seller on Amazon as well. Found a triple pack for $10 and some coins (30 effervescent tablets -- they usually retail for like $6 or more for just 10 tablets).
My nose has been running like crazy. I finally remembered midday yesterday that me and my mom had been talking about how asthma tends to cause mucus buildup. So I took my rescue inhaler twice yesterday as well as my Advair. This morning I just used Advair b/c my doctor told me I'm not supposed to use the rescue inhaler any more than a couple times a week if that (this was indeed news to me...maybe it's news to everyone and I just didn't get the memo the same time as CBS This Morning viewers did...I do remember there was something similar on the news about Tylenol, saying that it's actually harmful to your health to be taking it long term for days in a row. I don't know if that was a PSA or actual NEWS...sometimes I hear "a new study was conducted..." and often the study and its findings are the same as something that was talked about just a few years before.
Anyway...
I really do need to either get a flu shot REAL soon or try to take more Airborne if I can. If I do have the flu already, a flu shot might not come in handy. I went to the movies with a guy from church yesterday ------ first movie I'd seen in theaters since the 2016 GHOSTBUSTERS film; I guess I should have written about that first ------ and on the way to the theater he said the flu can take up to 30 days to manifest. So it's possible I could get a flu shot and still spread the flu. But I do need to take whatever action I can today and every other day. My mom gets so tired after babysitting my nephew that she really doesn't have time to do a whole lot. She volunteered to operate the computer at the church today for some kind of community service they're hosting, and she'll probably be pooped when she gets home from that too. I wonder if she'll be up for church tomorrow. We'll see. I did miss one church service 3 Sundays back, I think. I don't think I missed the week before last. But..actually...I might have missed the church service 2 Sundays back...I'm not sure. It did seem like we successfully attended two weeks in a row...which I know we did, but I mean, it seems like...idk...I'd have to find some other way to verify it. My memory is a jumbled mess when it comes to tying two pieces of history together. If two or three things are indeed linked in one moment in time, I can recall, unless it's something that didn't phase me much or for whatever other reason just *don't remember*. I don't remember everything, but the things I do remember I remember in a good amount of detail.
I used to get these large twinges of emotion when hearing Genesis' "Throwing It All Away". I used to get this feeling when driving into Seaside, CA, the town over from Ft. Ord, there was this bridge of sorts that linked the two towns together and I used to see a K-Mart sign that for some reason really fascinated and excited me, hanging on the K-Mart (of all places!). It's been a good long time since that song has elicited that kind of reaction. I used to listen to it on tape in the group home where I stayed for a couple years between the age of 9 and 11.
It was weird hearing it on vinyl on that cheap record player combo audio system I got from Fingerhut while living on my own which I did for 5 years. I could almost feel what I felt listening to that album in the trailer park in Ft. Ord, CA, before we had to move once my mom filed the divorce papers at my father's request (he couldn't file them himself b/c he was overseas in Korea). idk...I guess that makes sense. My father was a bit of an audiophile. I wish I could afford to be. In any case; a vinyl LP played on a $100 turntable probably would sound better than a CD played on a $100 CD player. As my mom pointed out, the space on a vinyl LP is much bigger. A CD is a much smaller disc, and thus the audio on it needs to be squeezed to fit on there. There's probably other factors too. INVISIBLE TOUCH was digitally mastered, but it was recorded with analog equipment. A digitally recorded piece of music naturally would sound better on a digital device, but if you're listening to digitally recorded music on a cheap ass pair of speakers, it really doesn't make any difference either way. My computer sound card is OK. My headphones are reasonable quality. Rush's POWER WINDOWS probably sounds about as good as I'm likely to hear it on my LG blu ray player using KOSS over the ear headphones (can't remember the model #. They cost me almost $40 on Overstock.com).
But that still doesn't explain why I felt that way listening to it on tape and haven't felt that way since returning to CDs (for some dumb reason I got rid of the turntable combo audio system). I think it's mainly desensitization. I've listened to the album too many times. It's routine to hear it. I've inserted routine in a place where routine should not go (oooh!).
Got some Airborne that I ordered from a seller on Amazon as well. Found a triple pack for $10 and some coins (30 effervescent tablets -- they usually retail for like $6 or more for just 10 tablets).
My nose has been running like crazy. I finally remembered midday yesterday that me and my mom had been talking about how asthma tends to cause mucus buildup. So I took my rescue inhaler twice yesterday as well as my Advair. This morning I just used Advair b/c my doctor told me I'm not supposed to use the rescue inhaler any more than a couple times a week if that (this was indeed news to me...maybe it's news to everyone and I just didn't get the memo the same time as CBS This Morning viewers did...I do remember there was something similar on the news about Tylenol, saying that it's actually harmful to your health to be taking it long term for days in a row. I don't know if that was a PSA or actual NEWS...sometimes I hear "a new study was conducted..." and often the study and its findings are the same as something that was talked about just a few years before.
Anyway...
I really do need to either get a flu shot REAL soon or try to take more Airborne if I can. If I do have the flu already, a flu shot might not come in handy. I went to the movies with a guy from church yesterday ------ first movie I'd seen in theaters since the 2016 GHOSTBUSTERS film; I guess I should have written about that first ------ and on the way to the theater he said the flu can take up to 30 days to manifest. So it's possible I could get a flu shot and still spread the flu. But I do need to take whatever action I can today and every other day. My mom gets so tired after babysitting my nephew that she really doesn't have time to do a whole lot. She volunteered to operate the computer at the church today for some kind of community service they're hosting, and she'll probably be pooped when she gets home from that too. I wonder if she'll be up for church tomorrow. We'll see. I did miss one church service 3 Sundays back, I think. I don't think I missed the week before last. But..actually...I might have missed the church service 2 Sundays back...I'm not sure. It did seem like we successfully attended two weeks in a row...which I know we did, but I mean, it seems like...idk...I'd have to find some other way to verify it. My memory is a jumbled mess when it comes to tying two pieces of history together. If two or three things are indeed linked in one moment in time, I can recall, unless it's something that didn't phase me much or for whatever other reason just *don't remember*. I don't remember everything, but the things I do remember I remember in a good amount of detail.
I used to get these large twinges of emotion when hearing Genesis' "Throwing It All Away". I used to get this feeling when driving into Seaside, CA, the town over from Ft. Ord, there was this bridge of sorts that linked the two towns together and I used to see a K-Mart sign that for some reason really fascinated and excited me, hanging on the K-Mart (of all places!). It's been a good long time since that song has elicited that kind of reaction. I used to listen to it on tape in the group home where I stayed for a couple years between the age of 9 and 11.
It was weird hearing it on vinyl on that cheap record player combo audio system I got from Fingerhut while living on my own which I did for 5 years. I could almost feel what I felt listening to that album in the trailer park in Ft. Ord, CA, before we had to move once my mom filed the divorce papers at my father's request (he couldn't file them himself b/c he was overseas in Korea). idk...I guess that makes sense. My father was a bit of an audiophile. I wish I could afford to be. In any case; a vinyl LP played on a $100 turntable probably would sound better than a CD played on a $100 CD player. As my mom pointed out, the space on a vinyl LP is much bigger. A CD is a much smaller disc, and thus the audio on it needs to be squeezed to fit on there. There's probably other factors too. INVISIBLE TOUCH was digitally mastered, but it was recorded with analog equipment. A digitally recorded piece of music naturally would sound better on a digital device, but if you're listening to digitally recorded music on a cheap ass pair of speakers, it really doesn't make any difference either way. My computer sound card is OK. My headphones are reasonable quality. Rush's POWER WINDOWS probably sounds about as good as I'm likely to hear it on my LG blu ray player using KOSS over the ear headphones (can't remember the model #. They cost me almost $40 on Overstock.com).
But that still doesn't explain why I felt that way listening to it on tape and haven't felt that way since returning to CDs (for some dumb reason I got rid of the turntable combo audio system). I think it's mainly desensitization. I've listened to the album too many times. It's routine to hear it. I've inserted routine in a place where routine should not go (oooh!).
Bible study about bigotry...idk...
This Bible study started off pretty good. It dealt with becoming "unshelled". I'm not unshelled yet. My sister once said "you're not selfish, you're shelfish". I don't know if any of that week that we were supposed to be studying has helped at all. It may have helped more if I had been more diligent in doing it. These last two weeks seem to be targeted more to people who are inclined to feel superior to others for whatever reason. The week before these, he had make a list of the three biggest problems in the world. People in the class had some of the dumbest things on the list. One guy put car robbery on the list. Really? That's the BIGGEST problem on the world? I wouldn't even put that on the top 10. Much less the top 3. The biggest problem I had with answering that 3 part question was there are so many problems that are equal to one another. There are so many SPECIFIC problems that are equal to one another. And the author reminds us that the cause to all of 3 of whatever I wrote down is SIN. Yeah...and I didn't know that already?
I don't normally interact with people for large chunks of time. AM I a bigot? Maybe. That depends on how you define bigot. One of the notes the author makes in the Bible Study workbook is that we observe things about people when we see them and make evaluations about them based on these observations. Yes, that is true, although I don't consider those evaluations as being rock solid.
There's been two or thee times I saw a couple dudes hanging about in the grocery store or wherever and I got the impression they were gay. I probably felt a little uneasy around them. No, I don't think I'm better than "them" (as if a homosexual can't be Christian...). Yes, I've probably committed even greater sins than homosexuality. The things I've said in this very blog I am ashamed of -- the many times I denied God, both internally and publicly are just something that will have to remain truth, even if people want to ignore them or be ignorant of them.
Maybe I feel weird around gay people because I myself am socially awkward and have thus been suspected of being gay pretty much from the time I was 6 or 7 years old on up. Until the age of 12 or so, I was not concerned with weather or not I was gay or straight. I didn't try to protect my heterosexuality like it was some treasure. Sure, I got offended when people would call me gay. But it wasn't the word "gay" that offended me. It was the contempt with which they said it. This one guy, a classmate I had when I was 7 or 8, asked me if I had HIV. Now I understand he was implying that I was likely gay. I didn't understand that at the time tho. I had no interest in society or politics. I still struggle to empathize with the concept of "social norms". Sports used to be a source of confusion to me. I now understand that it brings communities together. It gives neighbors something to bond over. I do have some qualms with football. The game is an inherently violent one, and it seems to me that it tends to inspire violence among the crowds more so than other sports, i.e.: baseball (or golf).
But anyway.
The fact that people have been so quick to peg me as gay makes it seem that perhaps a logical theory/conclusion is that the root of this uneasiness around suspected gay people is the fear that maybe being gay is not too far of a stretch from where I am now. I can't say, being single with no girl savvy and turning to porn way more than is easily forgivable, that I'm any better than a gay person. But I can say I don't need to add acts of homosexuality to my resume of wickedness. I don't think that train of thought is logical per se. It's not like I ever look at a man lustfully. But then again, I don't ever look at cigarettes lustfully either. It doesn't mean I need to put myself in a room full of smoke and become addicted to second hand nicotine and then move on up to smoking cigarettes. Yes, I know The Holy Spirit can overcome addictions and temptations. But you have to remember to ASK. If you love God, you'll obey his commands. We all sin. So how can any one say they love God? It's all about the degrees of love, I think. I don't consider myself a "mature Christian". I'm certainly not inclined to obedience. I spent pretty much my entire childhood dishonoring my mother. Not sure I dishnored my father, since he so greatly dishonored himself by stepping out of the picture, although perhaps the times I made vocal reference to that fact in passing could be considered dishonoring. In any case, I'm certainly not disciplined enough to ask God for help in every situation I might possibly and sometimes do encounter. The amount of homosexuality that occurs in prison I think loosely speaking also is another thing to consider. Is *anyone* really immune to "being" gay? If so, is there a bulletproof method of determining this immunity? If so, it *seems* like I'd score somewhere in the middle, maybe in the 65% range. I don't know. I used to think it was ludicrous to not know one's self inside & out. I think it's ludicrous that I used to think that.
That being said, if I were to speak with someone who is gay, I might be more careful/weary about broaching the subject of Jesus. I might ask if they go to church and invite them if they said no. But like I said, I don't interact with people often enough to have these opportunities. I don't feel it's appropriate to hold up the line at the store to ask the cashier about their faith and / or lack there of. Maybe that's wrong. I don't know. When I think about it at this moment, it does seem to be outright wrong. I still have some growing to do. So much more.
I saw this episode of LAW & ORDER several years ago about this custody case over this 9(?) year old girl who was, more or less, just a head and a torso. And she had some kind of nerve or skin disorder or something, something that was causing her movement to be even more hindered than it would otherwise be & her speech was almost impossible to understand. I remember being chilled by that episode, but I don't know if that was because of the girl's appearance or the music they used in the show. Those LAW & ORDER episodes have some scary moments. Often times, I have no idea what's going on before I get freaked out by the music that's playing in that show & its' more successful spinoffs (CRIMINAL INTENT and SVU).
Anyway, I found myself making notes in my workbook and after 2 or 3 staggering questions that seemed to be trying to lead me into thinking I'm some kind of closet-KKK member, I decided to take a break and use some of that downtime to write this entry in my blog. Yeah, probably not the most useful way to spend my time. I could take a walk. I probably should do that for my own weight loss ambitions if nothing else. It is *possible* I could change someone's life with something I do or say, however small it may be. I do recall waving at someone driving into my sister's subdivision in her old house while I was visiting and taking a break from being in doors, and she kind of belatedly noticed and seemed to light up inside when she did.
Monday, October 30, 2017
I got the right to definite myself!
Definite Myself--
a seller on Amazon
Check out this groovy offering
Looks way better in that mockup than in the customer supplied images. Average rating leaves me compelled to say this: buy at your own risk. Funny seller name, tho. Kinda reminds me of that book about the alternative rock music of the late 70's to mid 80's titled OUR BAND COULD BE YOUR LIFE. So many bands that people look up to like "their music made me feel less alone". I don't get it, but what else is new?
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B01KJX75BY/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1509399860&sr=8-2&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=oingo&dpPl=1&dpID=41ml%2BHWoKmL&ref=plSrch
a seller on Amazon
Check out this groovy offering
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B01KJX75BY/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1509399860&sr=8-2&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=oingo&dpPl=1&dpID=41ml%2BHWoKmL&ref=plSrch
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
How soon is now?
I finally figured out what "now these three remain" (Corinthians 13:13) means.
I was so confused, I was like "remain?" I'm not even sure how to express why I thought that was confusing. I somehow got the sense that he was excluding something(s) from that list of "these three" that remain. How I got that sense I have no idea.
But someone answered this, someone on Quora
NOW it makes sense! The confusion seems stupid now that its been cleared up. I was trying to think "How did I not notice that?" I think I was confused by Paul's inclusion of the word "Now". "Now" means "the present time", which is NOT what Paul was referring to, so I don't know what the deal with that is. I guess that's just how some people talk. Whatever. Ig.
I was so confused, I was like "remain?" I'm not even sure how to express why I thought that was confusing. I somehow got the sense that he was excluding something(s) from that list of "these three" that remain. How I got that sense I have no idea.
But someone answered this, someone on Quora
NOW it makes sense! The confusion seems stupid now that its been cleared up. I was trying to think "How did I not notice that?" I think I was confused by Paul's inclusion of the word "Now". "Now" means "the present time", which is NOT what Paul was referring to, so I don't know what the deal with that is. I guess that's just how some people talk. Whatever. Ig.
Monday, October 16, 2017
Hmm....
I tried to make a point to someone. I don't know if he understood what I was trying to say. I don't remember his response. He struck me as having a better education, both academically and spiritually.
Anyway, I don't know if I wrote it here or not.
I was thinking about people's demand for a visible God, a God that they can see and touch. And then I suddenly realized ----- if you (whoever that may be) could see God, would it really change your status with Him? Would you love Him and respect Him and obey His commands? Or would you even believe He is God? There's billions of people in the world. Up until Moses wrote the Torah, laws regarding incest were not established. And in the first days of man, it was the only way of reproducing. So not every man looks the same as another. Generally speaking, we all look the same. You can usually identify a human being based on its' anatomy. But there are variances in our facial features and even the shapes of our heads and other indications that we are not all identical. And Adam & Eve are long departed from this Earth. We have no record of what they looked like. So if God were visible, how would you spot Him? And if Adam & Eve were duplicated directly by God instead of by our reproductive systems, would we really be able to tell God apart from that of another human being?
That's aside from the fact that God doesn't want to threaten us into submission. God never makes anyone worship Him. He may cause one's heart to produce lethal venom, but no one's heart is free of guilt. We are all responsible for some level of violence, weather it be by inaction (failure to act/selfishness), mean spirited-ness in varying quantities, or physical abuse toward another or murder or somewhere in between those four examples. God is merciful and he is just. He didn't give King David the kind of fate he gave the Pharoh circa the events in Exodus. The Pharoh of that time was a perfect example of unrepentant. He had the best of everything that could be imported into Egypt, and the best of Egypt itself, and he imposed punishment on the Jews so that they would not overthrow Egypt. He had power over others and he treated himself and others as if his kingship would sustain him beyond this life. It's hard for me to understand why someone would reject Christ. Christians are not always good examples of themselves. We are called to be representatives of Christ, but we are also human and that fact often ultimately wins over. To refuse Christ because of the hypocrisy of Christians never made much sense to me.
It seems like I had more to say. I'll edit this later if need be. I don't like editing these posts, but occasionally that's really all I can do short of re-writing the entire thing with a couple added pieces.
Saturday, October 14, 2017
Thankful for another day?
Someone posted a thing on Facebook saying "Who is thankful for another day that God has given?" I seriously could not bring myself to click "like" or respond on any way. I didn't feel it was appropriate to give my 2 cents on that post, but I thought I'd post it here...since I feel like there's either a problem present or some kind of mystery that looks like it could be a problem if left unattended to...I don't know who all of the 10+ people that read my blog are, but whatever......I feel like I can at least vent on my "own" blog (even though it's free, via Google, which means it's google's).
Seriously...there are some days when I'm up. Things seem to be gelling somewhat and stuff is happening or might happen. Today just isn't one of them. Yesterday was even worse. A bunch of 9-12 year old special ed kids overtook Target while me and my mom + my nephew were there. And I swear, it was the same crap I dealt with when I was in special ed. My mom was f***ing oblivious, like she always has been. The place was not worth any amount of $, service was slow AND THE FUCKING PLACE WAS PACKED LIKE A CAN OF SARDINES!!! Nonetheless, I sat down and waited for the slow cooked shit food that "The Target cafe" as I call it --- don't know or care what they label it as --- was taking its' slow ass time getting there and then by the time I realized that my attempt to ignore this prick who was giving me this sarcastic hard-to-describe smile had half the other kids rooting for me to cry, I had two choices. Sit down and deal with it or get up and go somewhere. Where? Same shit as it was when I was actually IN school. Some uncaring authority figure decided on some random bullshit without my input, so I was stuck there. My mom would say "Well, he could walk home". Yeah......sure. She recommended me not to walk to Wal-Mart in Cape Girardeau, Missouri, b/c I might have a heart attrack (this was before I turned 30) but....I can walk to my home in Loganville GA from Target in Snellville, GA.
Yesterday started awesome. It felt like fall for once. I had sent my mom an email a day or two before then asking if maybe we had enough money between our resources to try the new Maple Pecan latte from Starbucks. Yesterday would have been perfect for that, but instead she wanted to give her business to the Target cafe while it was already overcrowded. She did offer, but it was too late. My emotions had been soured. Today is just nothing. I'm sitting at home. It's been cloudy most of the day. My mom's been in bed all day. She was gone with my sister to a yard sale in some place name unknown until 10:30 A.M. or so (I woke up around 8). And then I pointed out that her voice was indeed rather loud when she was talking to Dharma, when supposedly their hearing is so good that she didn't even need to talk as loud as she talks to me most of the time, which is often not loud at all (too quiet in some cases), and how that goes against what she had accused me of yesterday or whenever that was pertaining to the same thing when my voice was not as loud as that, or even close. She got all pissy with me and said "I'm not going to argue with you" Stupid grouping of words. Maybe she knows this and that's the point. I don't know. Maybe that's also part of the solution she had in mind; say stupid shit AND be ambiguously malicious! And the best part is there's nothing I can say about it! "Peace at last" Then when I try to get her to move her fat ass again, the peace process will have to start over.....I guess I should quit expecting her to have a brain AND a conscience...any time she's happy or "in a good mood" or the opposite(s) thereof, she loses brain functionality it seems. And I never know what she's thinking and/or feeling. She relies heavily on sarcasm to "prove her point", as if her point is so mind boggling it can't be stated without sarcasm...or exaggeration (in what way does exaggeration prove anything?; I WAS THE CEO AT CHICK FILL A! Is that an exaggeration of my organization and mathematical skills or is that a lie? Most applicants looking for a job, according to teachers and the media -- and my mom -- would call that outright dishonesty. But then again, "job applications are boring". So then what is a conversation exactly? Information that may or may not be true. It's no wonder my mom doesn't get along with me. I talk too much and it doesn't meet the necessary quotiant (whatever that is) of bullshit!
I guess I'll shut up now. I probably won't enjoy church tomorrow either. Maybe I'll get something out of it. Maybe I won't. I probably should sign up for a trip to Asia or somewhere and just get the fuck out of this house so I can make a difference and have a reason to be thankful the days that God has given. This day is no more different than all the others except for the fact that I'm not in good mood. What "another day above ground" means to me is I'm not in Heaven. Surely there's a reason for that. I'm either not seizing it or I'm not seeing it.
Thursday, October 12, 2017
new shoes
I got some new shoes @ WalMart.com with my WalMart credit card.
Other than that spending, I haven't used my WalMart credit card this month (so far so good...[!!...])
The cool thing is, thanks to my sister's mad budgeting skills and my lack of ability to argue with them, I had at least $30 saved up from Sept & this month to spend on clothing. I do think that's a bit excessive, but I figured I would take that money and put it to good use instead of continually pressuring my sister about it for the next 3 or 4 months......I'm sure by the 6th month everything will reveal itself.
So I managed to pay off the cost of the shoes and a pack of socks.
I had forgotten that I was already ahead on my WalMart credit card before I even submitted my minimum payment. It was only $9, so I was like "yeah...uh...'ahead'...that's one way of saying it", and for the last couple of days I've been more concerned about making sure my deposits to my bank acct don't negatively overlap with my withdrawals, since I generally don't have access to my bank acct transaction history as it happens, since it's nestled under my mom's bank acct, since my psychiatrist doesn't think I should have unfettered access to my bank acct...actually, the psychiatrist I see since living in Metro-Atlanta has never mentioned it nor have I to her. So I really don't know what her professional opinion on the matter is.
Anyway...I have $38 in available credit on my WalMart.com credit card. That's still out of this world when considering the $700 credit limit I was initially given and the $150 that was added to it a few months back. That $38 will be cut by almost half when my statement gets generated sometime early in the month of November, but that's still $20 or more in available credit and when I pay my minimum payment in November, that credit availability will go up to $46 or so, and then of course by the end of December, I'll have $50. Still have a couple years to go before I get even 1/3 of it paid and that's assuming nothing comes up. If I end up TV-less, I can probably make do with this desktop computer for at least a while...I'll probably use my credit line to buy a TV tho, if my current one gives out on me. It seems to still be going strong. I only paid $75 for that thing. It's a 22". I cancelled my extended warranty about a year before it was set to expire and got a $7 refund. That extended warranty would have expired by now. It was a 3 year warranty. I've had that thing for 3+ years! My 26" in-house-brand from Best Buy was 4x what I paid for the Seiki TV and might have just barely lasted that long. If I had paid $75 instead of having paid $300+ for it, I would not have been so flabbergasted by the lack of longevity of that TV. It's not like it was a really high quality HDTV. It was 720p, not 1080p and there were very few if any "bells and whistles"...no automatic adjuster based on detection on the presence of light in the room...Not even a fancy frame that the machinery would sit in; not even the PQ was anything to write home about. The crazy thing is, the price, even at that time (2007-ish) was not *that* much lower than that of a variety of other TVs I could have bought. So I'm very pleased with the outcome of this purchase. Nonetheless, the TV won't last forever. It might outlive me if I don't get a handle on this weight situation of mine before too much longer, but that seems unlikely...Not only is it possible to survive a heart attack, but I'm still only 34. I got another 3 or 4 years to get a handle on my weight problems and hopefully by then my understanding of Christ and my relationship with Him will have cleared up enough to give way to an increase in the "natural high" that negates the need for "comfort food".....even though I usually just eat regular food, I eat too much of it...and then I also eat junk food sometimes...and too much of that as well (eeeek!!)
Other than that spending, I haven't used my WalMart credit card this month (so far so good...[!!...])
The cool thing is, thanks to my sister's mad budgeting skills and my lack of ability to argue with them, I had at least $30 saved up from Sept & this month to spend on clothing. I do think that's a bit excessive, but I figured I would take that money and put it to good use instead of continually pressuring my sister about it for the next 3 or 4 months......I'm sure by the 6th month everything will reveal itself.
So I managed to pay off the cost of the shoes and a pack of socks.
I had forgotten that I was already ahead on my WalMart credit card before I even submitted my minimum payment. It was only $9, so I was like "yeah...uh...'ahead'...that's one way of saying it", and for the last couple of days I've been more concerned about making sure my deposits to my bank acct don't negatively overlap with my withdrawals, since I generally don't have access to my bank acct transaction history as it happens, since it's nestled under my mom's bank acct, since my psychiatrist doesn't think I should have unfettered access to my bank acct...actually, the psychiatrist I see since living in Metro-Atlanta has never mentioned it nor have I to her. So I really don't know what her professional opinion on the matter is.
Anyway...I have $38 in available credit on my WalMart.com credit card. That's still out of this world when considering the $700 credit limit I was initially given and the $150 that was added to it a few months back. That $38 will be cut by almost half when my statement gets generated sometime early in the month of November, but that's still $20 or more in available credit and when I pay my minimum payment in November, that credit availability will go up to $46 or so, and then of course by the end of December, I'll have $50. Still have a couple years to go before I get even 1/3 of it paid and that's assuming nothing comes up. If I end up TV-less, I can probably make do with this desktop computer for at least a while...I'll probably use my credit line to buy a TV tho, if my current one gives out on me. It seems to still be going strong. I only paid $75 for that thing. It's a 22". I cancelled my extended warranty about a year before it was set to expire and got a $7 refund. That extended warranty would have expired by now. It was a 3 year warranty. I've had that thing for 3+ years! My 26" in-house-brand from Best Buy was 4x what I paid for the Seiki TV and might have just barely lasted that long. If I had paid $75 instead of having paid $300+ for it, I would not have been so flabbergasted by the lack of longevity of that TV. It's not like it was a really high quality HDTV. It was 720p, not 1080p and there were very few if any "bells and whistles"...no automatic adjuster based on detection on the presence of light in the room...Not even a fancy frame that the machinery would sit in; not even the PQ was anything to write home about. The crazy thing is, the price, even at that time (2007-ish) was not *that* much lower than that of a variety of other TVs I could have bought. So I'm very pleased with the outcome of this purchase. Nonetheless, the TV won't last forever. It might outlive me if I don't get a handle on this weight situation of mine before too much longer, but that seems unlikely...Not only is it possible to survive a heart attack, but I'm still only 34. I got another 3 or 4 years to get a handle on my weight problems and hopefully by then my understanding of Christ and my relationship with Him will have cleared up enough to give way to an increase in the "natural high" that negates the need for "comfort food".....even though I usually just eat regular food, I eat too much of it...and then I also eat junk food sometimes...and too much of that as well (eeeek!!)
Monday, October 9, 2017
the prodigal son =
I guess ignorance is not a sin. Using words wrong is not a sin. And I don't remember or know for a fact that anyone has ever mistakenly used the word "prodigal", but I just kept getting the sense that people were using the word "prodigal" to refer to people who have knowingly rejected God. I thought "prodigal" was a word used to describe a "prodigy", except I wasn't sure if that was correct, because there was nothing in the passage in The Bible referred to as "the prodigal son" that I can tell that indicates this son had any kind of special abilities...however, what I kept/keep sensing people refer to in their use of the word "prodigal" is not what the word means. I can't even remember if the actual text of The Bible refers to the son in question as "prodigal". Does wasting money equate damnation? If so, I guess 99.999% of people in the United States are damning themselves to Hell...and aren't even aware of it. Maybe sexual immorality isn't what caused The Fall Of Rome. Maybe it was too much money being generated and/or mis-spent...I realize there are people in the U.S. who by no means deserve the money they have. They either didn't work for it or they did nothing significant to earn it. Buying a piece of land for instance is not a laborous task. There are people who do a genuine service to society who deserve some amount of the money they generate. Some of Bill Gates' wealth is justified, despite what detractors have said. Does that mean he's right in stockpiling his money and giving a mere 1/10 of 1% (if that) to good causes? As a Christian, we are to acknowledge and solve the needs of others and work for God to accomplish as much good as possible. Stockpiling money does not accomplish anything of the sort. If Bill Gates gave 99% of his money away, he would still not need to beg anyone for money. And even if he did, what harm would that bring? He might get told "no" if he asks a handful of his neighbors for money to buy a yacht? Oh, you poor kinfolk! I don't think Bill Gates is a Christian. I don't know much about his personal life, I've certainly never heard of him speaking up for or about God. He's certainly had plenty of opportunity to do that. But it's not like I pay much attention to news stories about Bill Gates or celebrities in general.
Anyway.....kind of getting off the point. I don't think sexual immorality is any small matter. I don't know what exactly constitutes sexual immorality myself. I know using our flesh and blood as sex toys, publicly and/or privately, is not what God had in mind when he designed us and we certainly don't have time to be wasting on such matters if we are taking the "Great Commission" seriously. Key word being "if"...I for one do feel like I have time to do everything and more. I haven't traveled the word and the 7 seas because that costs too much money and honestly I get bogged down in negativity really easily. It's easier to wish the world away than it is to get out and love the world as God does enough to have sent us His only begotten son. And I'm a coward. Would I get up and out of my house to be a missionary in some foreign land where I know people are in great need of hearing God's love and seeing it in action if I had funds to do so? If I wasn't busy not asking people for money to Go and tell? Honestly, I don't think I'm remotely close to being qualified. I'm not even looking at myself in the mirror any other reflective surface, but most of the time nonetheless I feel myself scowling and I don't even know why. I try listening to joyful music and so often it just seems like I'm being pushed. This Michael W. Smith song on the overall excellent album SOVEREIGN (2014) opens up the album -- the single "You Won't Let Go" --- The title is that of thanksgiving. The problem I find in such a song is that Yes, God will not let go. Or will he? His love never leaves us. But HE *will* leave those who don't finish the race successfully. He speaks of numerous people knocking at His door begging to be let into Heaven and his response is "I don't know you".
I'm probably waaaaaaaaaaaaaay off topic and counterproductive in my train of thought....It's hard to tell how much of the new testament to take into account and how much to write off as exaggeration. So much of what Jesus spoke was parables and even when he wasn't speaking in parables, he was using really vague speech. He told someone who He had healed "Stop sinning or something worse might happen to you". Stop sinning? Oh. So I'm guilty of sin...but now I've been told not to sin. So I'm cured! I guess Jesus' death and resurrection simply cover sins that we were not aware of as being sins. I don't know. I know I would find more favor with God if I were more obedient in my life overall. Time spent away from God, choosing other activities, watching porn et al, and wasting my time on art&entertainment are not conductive to The Holy Spirit working within me. I don't know why I have such a propensity to make bad decisions and think bad thoughts. I don't recall creating this path. I did make choices that have made this path easier to take. I don't know how to undo them or break from them. I don't feel strong or courageous enough to *JUST STOP* My willpower is almost non existent. I have will, but I don't feel any power OVER my will. What does that even mean anyway? God told David, 2nd King of Israel (well...third if you count God Himself...), that "you did well to have this in your heart". How is having something in your heart an accomplishment? Maybe I'm misunderstanding what God meant. Maybe he was simply softening the blow to telling David that his intention could not be carried out as he had initially planned. I mean, God and Man are divided enough already in ways that are excruciating even to Christians who have unlimited access to The Holy Spirit. David perhaps benefited from being told something to the effect of "good job!", same as when a child does well, you don't discard the fruit of their good intentions by telling them "God gave that to you. Get that pride off your face!"
Yeah...us humans are a wreck. "The heart is deceitful among all things. Who can know it?" God knows more than we can ever understand. He forgets our sins if we ask Him to. And if we don't, He chooses to forget that we even existed. The pain Jesus suffered was enough. God doesn't need to put up with any more.
Thursday, October 5, 2017
U.S.A. law vs. the U.S. citizen
U.S. law needs to be precise. It needs to be bulletproof so that when someone breaks it, the fault does not get shifted to the people/person who composed the law. How can someone obey a law that they don't understand? Obviously, with public education now mandatory for everyone under the age of 16 or whatever, sure, it's easy to enforce teaching of law, but the law doesn't remain unchanged after a U.S. citizen graduates high school. The fact that high school hasn't always been mandatory just increases the difficulty in that fact, not to mention in and of itself proves that to be fact.
And so how do you implement the law without teachers?
MANDATORY ATTENDANCE OF U.S. LAW 101 -- SATURDAYS AT 10AM
Yeah...freedom of religion sound familiar to anyone?
And that's assuming U.S. law needs to be some complicated thing that everybody needs to walk on egg shells to avoid stepping on. The law of USA is supposed to be FOR the people. If it's not FOR the people, who IS it for? THE PEOPLE are for God. God created us for His company. Those of us in this nation who refuse His company are currently en route to the trash bin. Thankfully repentance has no expiration date except that which is stamped on your death certificate (which may be off by a few days or weeks depending on how the person dies and how many people routinely check on said individual out of interest for the individual). Obviously, your life on Earth will be more meaningful and you'll have less tears for God to wipe away if you accept His salvation sooner.
So...as I was saying. U.S. law is for the people. More about the above paragraph can be read about in the blogpost that immediately precedes this one. As for how it effects the people, the people can not BENEFIT from being thrown in jail for breaking a law that is not clear. If someone kills another human being, for instance, it doesn't benefit anyone necessarily to throw someone in jail or even kill the killer. Ideally you'd want the killer to NOT KILL anybody IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! The Law of The Land is FUTILE if it's going to be ambiguous about anything. How do traffic laws benefit anybody if they aren't concise?
Sucky thing is the English language as it is used in many(most) people's day to day life is NOT concise. Many words are in and of themselves ambiguous. People often have to go back and apologize for saying too much or not enough because instead of putting what they say in concise terms, they use analogies or euphemisms. People say "get a life" when someone has a "petty" grievance. How does one define "petty"? In a free country, it certainly is not the government's job to make such distinctions. If someone wants to bully someone else into leaving them alone by saying "Get a life", they are certainly entitled to do so, but what is "life"? How do you acquire one if you don't already have one? Such questions are not in the interest of the person who states "Get a life", because it's not a literal statement. It is simply a much shorter way of stating "It is my belief that you are not living your life the way you should be and I have gathered this belief by the observation that your grievance toward me is of so little importance in comparison to the numerous other things you could be doing with your limited amount of time on this Earth".
And I'm sure some people can probably find fault with the way I re-worded that three word sentence.
For instnace "Living your life"? What does that mean exactly? See, I flubbed it up and I wasn't even halfway finished typing that re-vamp!
That is why we have what is referred to as "legal jargon". Me and another non-lawyer can talk about the law and we will never be able to be 100% accurate in referring to any law that exists. I myself get tongue tied when saying words that I'm not used to saying or haven't said in awhile and certain combinations of common words get me tongue tied. I certainly can't do it. And I've been known to be overty wordy when I'm verbally communicating (yikes!)
pre-Exile Israel vs. The United States of America
Israel was founded on the idea that God is King. Idolatry is the first sin listed in the Ten Commandments. Likewise, there is no punishment for idolatry as there is for things like adultery and being a disgrace to one's parents etc.
Idolatry is hard to avoid. One thing that makes it hard to avoid is the ambiguity of the word. What IS idolatry? How does any government enforce such a statute when man is so prone to dishonesty, both public and even to its own individual hearts where no one can see? One of the prophets made a famous observation "The heart is deceitful above all things. Who can know it?"
Thus, the law of the land that I and many other people live in --- the USA --- leaves mankind to decide between Christianity and/or idolatry. If mankind were universally honest in every facet of our lives, we could read The Word plainly and use The Bible as our law. But that has never worked for any nation. Israel never got the hang of it and Israel was established by Abraham's grandson Jacob. Abraham was chosen as the seed of God's people at a time when the population was so sparse that Abraham was married to his half sister due to lack of available mates to choose from and nations were not really a thing...maybe I'm wrong about that last bit. There is no reference of the nationality of Abraham prior to God calling him to leave his household and set up tent elsewhere. Sodom and Gomorrah are also not referenced by nation. But my point is that the people of Israel were nothing special. If anything, they were less than ordinary. They are known for being short people, which at that time was a huge deal it seems. It makes David's defeat of Goliath that much more astounding, assuming he was average height unlike his predecessor Saul. What people group has ever thought they could more successfully implement God's law? The only people who think they can are people who don't believe in a higher being than mankind and choose to believe that The Bible is a group of fairy tales.
The section of the First Amendment stating Freedom of religion did not cause this atheist phenomenon, as I once used to think. It does give atheists more freedom to influence other people who are weak in their standing with God. But where are the Christians who are called to do the same? They are where they always were. In the minority. Those whose standing is weak with God need to make a choice --- gain strength or give up. Many have chosen to give up, just as Adam & Eve chose to neglect God's counsel when tempted by the serpent in the garden of Eden. Were they ever really Christians if they have such weak standing with God that they choose to wrap themselves up in unabashed idolatry? Everybody has interests and/or hobbies. Even people whose life is their job that they hate still somewhere in their consciousness has something their living for, be it to provide for a loved one or to feel the pain of life (some people like pain for various reasons) or whatever...there's probably other motivations for those kinds of people that I can't imagine, at least not at the moment as I'm writing this.
Anyway...
Idolatry is hard to avoid. One thing that makes it hard to avoid is the ambiguity of the word. What IS idolatry? How does any government enforce such a statute when man is so prone to dishonesty, both public and even to its own individual hearts where no one can see? One of the prophets made a famous observation "The heart is deceitful above all things. Who can know it?"
Thus, the law of the land that I and many other people live in --- the USA --- leaves mankind to decide between Christianity and/or idolatry. If mankind were universally honest in every facet of our lives, we could read The Word plainly and use The Bible as our law. But that has never worked for any nation. Israel never got the hang of it and Israel was established by Abraham's grandson Jacob. Abraham was chosen as the seed of God's people at a time when the population was so sparse that Abraham was married to his half sister due to lack of available mates to choose from and nations were not really a thing...maybe I'm wrong about that last bit. There is no reference of the nationality of Abraham prior to God calling him to leave his household and set up tent elsewhere. Sodom and Gomorrah are also not referenced by nation. But my point is that the people of Israel were nothing special. If anything, they were less than ordinary. They are known for being short people, which at that time was a huge deal it seems. It makes David's defeat of Goliath that much more astounding, assuming he was average height unlike his predecessor Saul. What people group has ever thought they could more successfully implement God's law? The only people who think they can are people who don't believe in a higher being than mankind and choose to believe that The Bible is a group of fairy tales.
The section of the First Amendment stating Freedom of religion did not cause this atheist phenomenon, as I once used to think. It does give atheists more freedom to influence other people who are weak in their standing with God. But where are the Christians who are called to do the same? They are where they always were. In the minority. Those whose standing is weak with God need to make a choice --- gain strength or give up. Many have chosen to give up, just as Adam & Eve chose to neglect God's counsel when tempted by the serpent in the garden of Eden. Were they ever really Christians if they have such weak standing with God that they choose to wrap themselves up in unabashed idolatry? Everybody has interests and/or hobbies. Even people whose life is their job that they hate still somewhere in their consciousness has something their living for, be it to provide for a loved one or to feel the pain of life (some people like pain for various reasons) or whatever...there's probably other motivations for those kinds of people that I can't imagine, at least not at the moment as I'm writing this.
Anyway...
Thursday, September 21, 2017
the dumper
Read 2 entries of my 1Yr Bible this morning. Spent 6+ hours out of the house so I could tag along and sell some CDs to CD Warehouse in Marietta, which my mom determiend is not very far at all out of the way of where she comes from to see the doctor. I got $10 out of it. I'm hoping my sister can deposit that or maybe my mom can transfer it to my account. They're both sleeping or trying to. I don't hear my mom stirring about. My sister usually sleeps pretty easily, although she sometimes is awake during the midst of the night.
I think I pretty much skipped dinner. If I didn't, I don't remember what I ate. In total, I think I've had about 1700 calories. Yesterday I did pretty well...mostly; until about 9pm when I ate like 10 slices of deli-style sliced cheese (generic, not Sergento(sp?)) I still did better then than I did the day before, having consumed a total of apprx 2500, vs 4000. the 4k day I walked about 25 mins. Not enough, but close. The 2.5k day I walked about 10 minutes. Not nearly enough for a person who DIDN'T overeat the day before. It was worth something, but I might've broken any strain of helpfulness in it by not walking about today. I need to remember to take my mom's dogs for a walk this day that's about to start in 19 minutes (Friiiiiiiiiday!). Can't walk them IN 19 minutes. First of all, they're penned up in my mom's room, and they'd freak out if I opened the door and might even wake my sister and/or her husband up. They'd definitely annoy the heck out of my mom, who is easily annoyed as it is. Then I'd have to convince them to get off their stomachs or whatever angle they happen to be positioned @, and come with me for a walk. That'll all be a lot easier to do when my mom is gone upstairs babysitting my nephew, and it'll give them something to do to take their minds off my mom's absence from their lives. Also, I should be in bed myself. I'm not sure if I'm tired enough to get straight to sleep. I'll find out shortly I reckon.
I think I pretty much skipped dinner. If I didn't, I don't remember what I ate. In total, I think I've had about 1700 calories. Yesterday I did pretty well...mostly; until about 9pm when I ate like 10 slices of deli-style sliced cheese (generic, not Sergento(sp?)) I still did better then than I did the day before, having consumed a total of apprx 2500, vs 4000. the 4k day I walked about 25 mins. Not enough, but close. The 2.5k day I walked about 10 minutes. Not nearly enough for a person who DIDN'T overeat the day before. It was worth something, but I might've broken any strain of helpfulness in it by not walking about today. I need to remember to take my mom's dogs for a walk this day that's about to start in 19 minutes (Friiiiiiiiiday!). Can't walk them IN 19 minutes. First of all, they're penned up in my mom's room, and they'd freak out if I opened the door and might even wake my sister and/or her husband up. They'd definitely annoy the heck out of my mom, who is easily annoyed as it is. Then I'd have to convince them to get off their stomachs or whatever angle they happen to be positioned @, and come with me for a walk. That'll all be a lot easier to do when my mom is gone upstairs babysitting my nephew, and it'll give them something to do to take their minds off my mom's absence from their lives. Also, I should be in bed myself. I'm not sure if I'm tired enough to get straight to sleep. I'll find out shortly I reckon.
Tuesday, September 19, 2017
CD-R and Amazon Music Library playlist
Just got some CDs that I decided aren't all that but have some addictive elements consolidated.
1 Debut / Godspeed - Anberlin from CITIES
2 Walk On Water Or Drown - Mayday Parade from A LESSON IN ROMANTICS
3 Take This To Heart - Mayday Parade ditto
4 Champagne's For Celebrating (I'll Have A Martini) - Mayday Parade
ditto
5 Letters To You - Finch from WHAT IT IS TO BURN
6 Post Script - Finch
7 Stay With Me - Finch
8 What It Is To Burn - Finch
9 Mama - Genesis *
10Hold On My Heart - Genesis *
11Pictures Of You - The Cure from SHOW
12Just Like Heaven - The Cure
13A Night Like This - The Cure
14Doin' The Unstuck - The Cure
15Friday I'm In Love - The Cure
16 Love Steals Us From Loneliness - Idlewild from WARNINGS/PROMISES
17 As If I Hadn't Slept - Idlewild
18 Let Me Sleep (Next To The Mirror) - Idlewild from 100 BROKEN WINDOWS
19 Roseability - Idlewild
9 & 10 I inserted because I was considering conslidating Genesis' self titled album anyway, although I realized that wouldn't really work with any of these other pieces, especially in the context of a coomprehensible playlist. Also, the transition from Finch to The Cure would have seemed a little sudden and off...or at least that's how I imagined it. I didn't actually test it out. The Cure is a very different sort of alternative than Finch is. Of course, when I say "Finch" I'm referring to the only good album they put out, which is WHAT IT IS TO BURN and then when I say "The Cure", I'm referring to the stuff they put out from 1980-1989 and pieces of the album WISH from 1992. I've just about lost interest in them entirely. The last 4 songs from SHOW are flat out annoying. I'm not a fan of any of The Cure's albums, tho, so it's not like it really matters to me if they continue putting out albums that my mind fails to recognize as "classic". The guys are old now. I can't begrude them for not wanting to give up tinkering with sound waves and getting paid to do so. I'm just surprised people actually are willing to pay them to make the kind of stale music they specialize in, along with all these other punks from the '70's and '80's who branched out and didn't fall off their tree and into frozen water.
Anyway.
Also kinda came up with an interesting playlist on Amazon.
It was kind of a directionless playlist I titled "Froth". I guess I started on it and lost interest in it.
I retitled it FROTH FOAM AND BUZZ. I expanded the range in which it spans to reflect the attitude I've realized in regard to music that I typically listen to--- which is that music, with a few exceptions, is a toy of sorts. It's like a jack in the box, I guess. You hear it, you get it, then you hear it again and it still manages to surprise you. "New music" is basically like a different jack in the box. The box might even be shaped differently, it may not be a clown that pops out, but the concept is still the same. There are only so many music notes. There are only so many sounds that can be composed. There are an almost limitless number of combinations thereof.
Alrighty. I guess I've said all I came to say.....not sure why I'm here. It seems like I was going to say something else. I have no idea what it was. damn, these headphones hurt.
1 Debut / Godspeed - Anberlin from CITIES
2 Walk On Water Or Drown - Mayday Parade from A LESSON IN ROMANTICS
3 Take This To Heart - Mayday Parade ditto
4 Champagne's For Celebrating (I'll Have A Martini) - Mayday Parade
ditto
5 Letters To You - Finch from WHAT IT IS TO BURN
6 Post Script - Finch
7 Stay With Me - Finch
8 What It Is To Burn - Finch
9 Mama - Genesis *
10Hold On My Heart - Genesis *
11Pictures Of You - The Cure from SHOW
12Just Like Heaven - The Cure
13A Night Like This - The Cure
14Doin' The Unstuck - The Cure
15Friday I'm In Love - The Cure
16 Love Steals Us From Loneliness - Idlewild from WARNINGS/PROMISES
17 As If I Hadn't Slept - Idlewild
18 Let Me Sleep (Next To The Mirror) - Idlewild from 100 BROKEN WINDOWS
19 Roseability - Idlewild
9 & 10 I inserted because I was considering conslidating Genesis' self titled album anyway, although I realized that wouldn't really work with any of these other pieces, especially in the context of a coomprehensible playlist. Also, the transition from Finch to The Cure would have seemed a little sudden and off...or at least that's how I imagined it. I didn't actually test it out. The Cure is a very different sort of alternative than Finch is. Of course, when I say "Finch" I'm referring to the only good album they put out, which is WHAT IT IS TO BURN and then when I say "The Cure", I'm referring to the stuff they put out from 1980-1989 and pieces of the album WISH from 1992. I've just about lost interest in them entirely. The last 4 songs from SHOW are flat out annoying. I'm not a fan of any of The Cure's albums, tho, so it's not like it really matters to me if they continue putting out albums that my mind fails to recognize as "classic". The guys are old now. I can't begrude them for not wanting to give up tinkering with sound waves and getting paid to do so. I'm just surprised people actually are willing to pay them to make the kind of stale music they specialize in, along with all these other punks from the '70's and '80's who branched out and didn't fall off their tree and into frozen water.
Anyway.
Also kinda came up with an interesting playlist on Amazon.
It was kind of a directionless playlist I titled "Froth". I guess I started on it and lost interest in it.
I retitled it FROTH FOAM AND BUZZ. I expanded the range in which it spans to reflect the attitude I've realized in regard to music that I typically listen to--- which is that music, with a few exceptions, is a toy of sorts. It's like a jack in the box, I guess. You hear it, you get it, then you hear it again and it still manages to surprise you. "New music" is basically like a different jack in the box. The box might even be shaped differently, it may not be a clown that pops out, but the concept is still the same. There are only so many music notes. There are only so many sounds that can be composed. There are an almost limitless number of combinations thereof.
Alrighty. I guess I've said all I came to say.....not sure why I'm here. It seems like I was going to say something else. I have no idea what it was. damn, these headphones hurt.
read...reading...
I skimmed through four chapters of 1 CHRONICLES Sunday morning from my DAILY LIFE PRINCIPLES One Year Bible annotated by Charles F. Stanley, catching up on 3 entries. I was relaying this to my mom and her response was basically that I'm not worth talking to if I don't care about God enough to carefully read every word written in The Bible. I don't know if I ever really "forgive" anybody. Is the U.S. government guilty of unforgiving-ness for locking murderers up in prison or insane asylums? Is it a bad thing to protect yourself from negative situations and/or people or take steps to remedy a situation so that it doesn't repeat itself? Every time I try to do any of that, I feel like I'm being accused of the one thing that Jesus said will barr me from forgiveness of my sins. My mom was telling me something along the lines of I'm crazy and instead f owning up to that I accuse other people of wrongs. I have no idea what the heck she's talking about. If I asked, she'd get overwhelmed and just quit talking. I asked her what I should do with my laundry that had been piling up in my room for at least a week, and she accused me of making a snide remark. She told me I should have offered my help with putting her laundry away (or something to that effect), and then went to her room and did it herself, closing the door behind her, and then threw the laundry basket out of her room, closing the door again. Then she spent half an hour singing hymns after she had successfully irked me to the end of earth. I got sick of it and confronted her about it. Then she said "I'm done". That seems to be her new catchphrase "I'm done". I guess she got that one from my sister while she was being stupid and I was trying to penetrate the stupid lobe of her brain and wasn't succeeding. She kept saying Crosby Stills & Nash is not country. Thus, "Teach Your Children" is not country, which is total bullshit. TYC is ONE SONG by CSN (feat. Y in this case). If TYC is not country, so be it. Saying CSN or CSNY is not country is a generality that does not have any weight when discussing a particular song BY that band. A guy I went to school with told me Michael Jackson did not sing that whatever-the-hell-gerne-Frank Sinatra-is song "Smile". I told him I own a CD by Michael Jackson that has that song on it. He said "Michael Jackson doesn't sing that kind of music". At least the guy I went to school with had somewhat of an excuse, being 1/3 mentally retarded or something. He was among my "learning disabled" classmates. When I look back and think about it, "learning disabled" is really just a mild version of "mentally retarded". Mental retardation is an actual diagnosis from what I understand. "Learning disabled" is a more broad term that can mean just about anything. In my case, it meant I was a recovering bohemian who didn't have enough built in respect for authority or for the weight of my own ignorance to make it worthwhile to rewind and start 1st grade over again.
Anyway.........there's all kinds of shit I think about and get pissed off at the thought of. Mom said she wanted to punch me in the face yesterday because she was talking to my nephew like he had any capacity to hear her when he clearly did not. She does shit like that. She's either a loudmouth trashead or she's a damn mouse of a person and gets pissed off at me for not being mousy with her. She either has something to say, in which she's loud and clear in her vocalizations, or she just talks through her ass in this whispy voice. It really ticks me off --- she says my name from like half a mile away and it sounds like a ghost is calling me. IF***** I were in the same room as her, whatever the hell word one could use to describe this kind of bullshit would be barely acceptable. But it isn't. You don't raise your voice to mouse level as opposed to a literal whisper when you want to get someone's attention. If she wants to get my attention, she has numerous ways of doing that if her voice is too tired to be of any use to her without pissing me off. It used to be my sister who had such a hard time comprehending the concept of speaking audibly. Now my mom has gotten worse than my sister ever was and now shee won't quit hogging every inch of hallspace when I say do or indicate anything. I'll be in the middle of a thought or making a decision before taking action and she'll burst in "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" That seems to be her second favorite thing to say. The first is a tie between GO AWAY / LEAVE ME ALONE / SHUT UP or some combination of those three.
How the heck does one forgive this? It's not something I can ignore. It happens all the damn time. It's not something I can do anything about. I don't have any fucking money. My sister just spent half a million dollars moving myself and her into this basement apartment thing. It's not something I can talk to my mom about. She doesn't have any solution except to cry and say she's sorry. And then on it repeats.
I don't know when I'll pick up my Bible again. I feel like a fraud at even the prospect of prayer. Of course God hears me. But does He care? I guess I can try and find out. Maybe I'm not as guilty as I make myself out to be. I spent all day inside my apartment yesterday. I should have taken my mom's dogs for a walk. I need exercise. Mom's babysitting was done for the day and she came downstairs and for reason(s) I don't really understand, I let loose and ate 10 servings of Kellogg's Crispix, effectively taking an 1800 calorie day and turning it into a 3K calorie day. FKKKKKKK
I don't know how anyone in this planet is supposed to "go and tell". Missionaries only operate if they have money to travel etc. I don't even have a damn job, much less one that can give me time off to be a missionary. My pastors talk about "in your community". What does that look like? I invite my neighbor to dinner and if he's not put off by the fact that I'm a freaking weirdo and my mom is also off her rocker, then what? Ask him if he goes to church? Chances are he's either going to say "Yes" or "No". If he says "yes"..then what? Lure my other neighbors into my house? I'm pretty sure word would get out. "That guy's on a mission to convert us into his religion!" I don't know. I guess that wouldn't be the end of anything. It might even be the beginning of something good for those that seek something more out of this life than a bunch of entertainment and extended rope that will inevitably run out. It might get people talking. On the other hand, it might get my sister kicked out of her house. NO SOLICITING ALLOWED. This is a "covenant community", whatever the heck that means.....
Anyway.........there's all kinds of shit I think about and get pissed off at the thought of. Mom said she wanted to punch me in the face yesterday because she was talking to my nephew like he had any capacity to hear her when he clearly did not. She does shit like that. She's either a loudmouth trashead or she's a damn mouse of a person and gets pissed off at me for not being mousy with her. She either has something to say, in which she's loud and clear in her vocalizations, or she just talks through her ass in this whispy voice. It really ticks me off --- she says my name from like half a mile away and it sounds like a ghost is calling me. IF***** I were in the same room as her, whatever the hell word one could use to describe this kind of bullshit would be barely acceptable. But it isn't. You don't raise your voice to mouse level as opposed to a literal whisper when you want to get someone's attention. If she wants to get my attention, she has numerous ways of doing that if her voice is too tired to be of any use to her without pissing me off. It used to be my sister who had such a hard time comprehending the concept of speaking audibly. Now my mom has gotten worse than my sister ever was and now shee won't quit hogging every inch of hallspace when I say do or indicate anything. I'll be in the middle of a thought or making a decision before taking action and she'll burst in "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" That seems to be her second favorite thing to say. The first is a tie between GO AWAY / LEAVE ME ALONE / SHUT UP or some combination of those three.
How the heck does one forgive this? It's not something I can ignore. It happens all the damn time. It's not something I can do anything about. I don't have any fucking money. My sister just spent half a million dollars moving myself and her into this basement apartment thing. It's not something I can talk to my mom about. She doesn't have any solution except to cry and say she's sorry. And then on it repeats.
I don't know when I'll pick up my Bible again. I feel like a fraud at even the prospect of prayer. Of course God hears me. But does He care? I guess I can try and find out. Maybe I'm not as guilty as I make myself out to be. I spent all day inside my apartment yesterday. I should have taken my mom's dogs for a walk. I need exercise. Mom's babysitting was done for the day and she came downstairs and for reason(s) I don't really understand, I let loose and ate 10 servings of Kellogg's Crispix, effectively taking an 1800 calorie day and turning it into a 3K calorie day. FKKKKKKK
I don't know how anyone in this planet is supposed to "go and tell". Missionaries only operate if they have money to travel etc. I don't even have a damn job, much less one that can give me time off to be a missionary. My pastors talk about "in your community". What does that look like? I invite my neighbor to dinner and if he's not put off by the fact that I'm a freaking weirdo and my mom is also off her rocker, then what? Ask him if he goes to church? Chances are he's either going to say "Yes" or "No". If he says "yes"..then what? Lure my other neighbors into my house? I'm pretty sure word would get out. "That guy's on a mission to convert us into his religion!" I don't know. I guess that wouldn't be the end of anything. It might even be the beginning of something good for those that seek something more out of this life than a bunch of entertainment and extended rope that will inevitably run out. It might get people talking. On the other hand, it might get my sister kicked out of her house. NO SOLICITING ALLOWED. This is a "covenant community", whatever the heck that means.....
Sunday, September 10, 2017
what's that sound? pt IIXV///
uh...
ug
Tori Amos has a new album out. Almost all of the review posted for it @ Amazon consist of people who worship Tori as if she has some glimmer in her eyes that proves she's better than any other person in the human race. Gag.
Tori Amos has produced 3 pieces of artistic success.
LITTLE EARTHQUAKES (1991)
UNDER THE PINK (1994)
THE BEEKEEPER (2005)
THE BEEKEEPER is much lighter in tone than the other two, so many people snort derision at it. I haven't listened to in MANY years, probably listened to it in 2008 and/or 2009. Maybe 2010. Not since. It was a nice way to spend summer '05. It's not a good way to spend a lifetime.
LITTLE EARTHQUAKES seemed like the work of a very tortured individual. It definitely sent quakes through the rear part of my head and neck, especially toward the end of the album.
UNDER THE PINK basically did what many of Tori's newer albums seem to end up doing, but it did it better. It didn't consist of dabbling. It was more like LITTLE EARTHQUAKES told from a different angle; different words, different notes, different instruments...but much of the same subject matter, or pieces of it anyway.
I saw someone reviewing 2009's ABNORMALLY ATTRACTED TO SIN and stating they were offended by the title because it promoted being attracted to sin. If I could find that reviewer and tell them....sheesh. Two words: SINGER - SONG WRITER. I AM X-MAN. I AM AN ALCHOLIC. OH NO! DID I JUST PROMOTE ALCHOHOLISM???
We're in this together, Christian or not. We won't always be. The ones who don't repent will face damnation.
And then in 2014 she drops UNREPENTANT GERALDINES. I never listened to it. I didn't post a review of it on Amazon saying I was offended by it or go on some rant about how offensive the album is, I just didn't listen to it ---- just like I don't listen to Marilyn Manson anymore. A review of an album that consists solely of "I don't like the album title" is reminiscent of the proverb about holes that get filled up with opinions or something like that...
Tomorrow is 16 years after the twin towers in NYC were reduced to rubble.
The leadership of Legacy Church are encouraging their members to fast and pray tomorrow in hopes that God will bring about a miracle for the spiritual decay evident in this nation.
I honestly don't know if I'll be fasting. First step is waking up in the right direction mentally. As I've whined and complained about repeatedly as of late, my mind is like those reflections in a house of mirrors, constantly moving in odd directions and distracting me from any one particular path. I don't think I worded it quite that succinct before. Ye, look at my mad creative writin' skillz! Heh! See this? All smiles :) No, seriously.....I mean, if I can wake up and not FORGETa) about that day's agenda and MOTIVATEb) myself into that day's agenda and also not forget to FAST *****AND***** pray , and not get caught up in this one two three four eenie meanie mini mo on and on and on and on it goes, and just stick with a kind of fasting which I already know is food. I could fast music, but......honestly? Not today. Doubtful tomorrow. HIGHLY doubt I'll be willing to let that go for a whole day and just pour my nose into The Bible (books; no audio/music).
And then of course I have to be willing to stick with it. If I end up on the right path and I break off from it, then wow, another failure. Kinda big. Not too big. Or so I've heard people say.
>>><<<<
ug
Tori Amos has a new album out. Almost all of the review posted for it @ Amazon consist of people who worship Tori as if she has some glimmer in her eyes that proves she's better than any other person in the human race. Gag.
Tori Amos has produced 3 pieces of artistic success.
LITTLE EARTHQUAKES (1991)
UNDER THE PINK (1994)
THE BEEKEEPER (2005)
THE BEEKEEPER is much lighter in tone than the other two, so many people snort derision at it. I haven't listened to in MANY years, probably listened to it in 2008 and/or 2009. Maybe 2010. Not since. It was a nice way to spend summer '05. It's not a good way to spend a lifetime.
LITTLE EARTHQUAKES seemed like the work of a very tortured individual. It definitely sent quakes through the rear part of my head and neck, especially toward the end of the album.
UNDER THE PINK basically did what many of Tori's newer albums seem to end up doing, but it did it better. It didn't consist of dabbling. It was more like LITTLE EARTHQUAKES told from a different angle; different words, different notes, different instruments...but much of the same subject matter, or pieces of it anyway.
I saw someone reviewing 2009's ABNORMALLY ATTRACTED TO SIN and stating they were offended by the title because it promoted being attracted to sin. If I could find that reviewer and tell them....sheesh. Two words: SINGER - SONG WRITER. I AM X-MAN. I AM AN ALCHOLIC. OH NO! DID I JUST PROMOTE ALCHOHOLISM???
We're in this together, Christian or not. We won't always be. The ones who don't repent will face damnation.
And then in 2014 she drops UNREPENTANT GERALDINES. I never listened to it. I didn't post a review of it on Amazon saying I was offended by it or go on some rant about how offensive the album is, I just didn't listen to it ---- just like I don't listen to Marilyn Manson anymore. A review of an album that consists solely of "I don't like the album title" is reminiscent of the proverb about holes that get filled up with opinions or something like that...
Tomorrow is 16 years after the twin towers in NYC were reduced to rubble.
The leadership of Legacy Church are encouraging their members to fast and pray tomorrow in hopes that God will bring about a miracle for the spiritual decay evident in this nation.
I honestly don't know if I'll be fasting. First step is waking up in the right direction mentally. As I've whined and complained about repeatedly as of late, my mind is like those reflections in a house of mirrors, constantly moving in odd directions and distracting me from any one particular path. I don't think I worded it quite that succinct before. Ye, look at my mad creative writin' skillz! Heh! See this? All smiles :) No, seriously.....I mean, if I can wake up and not FORGETa) about that day's agenda and MOTIVATEb) myself into that day's agenda and also not forget to FAST *****AND***** pray , and not get caught up in this one two three four eenie meanie mini mo on and on and on and on it goes, and just stick with a kind of fasting which I already know is food. I could fast music, but......honestly? Not today. Doubtful tomorrow. HIGHLY doubt I'll be willing to let that go for a whole day and just pour my nose into The Bible (books; no audio/music).
And then of course I have to be willing to stick with it. If I end up on the right path and I break off from it, then wow, another failure. Kinda big. Not too big. Or so I've heard people say.
>>><<<<
Thursday, September 7, 2017
mjj products
https://www.amazon.com/Scream-Michael-Jackson/dp/B074R45D51/ref=sr_1_3_twi_aud_1?s=music&ie=UTF8&qid=1504774149&sr=1-3&keywords=scream+cd
Hmm...not sure if this is a good idea. Not really a fan of MJ's music overall. I much prefer 1987's BAD over his insanely still-much-hyped THRILLER (1982). 1991's DANGEROUS was so-so. HIStory had several touching moments, like "Tabloid Junkie", "Stranger In Moscow", "They Don't Care About Us" and others. I started losing interest with BLOOD ON THE DANCEFLOOR. It was a 13 track CD and there were only 2 songs I liked on it. Those being the title track and the remix of "HIStory", the title track for HIStory. I pretty much gave up after INVINCIBLE came out. I seriously did not wait 6 years for such mediocrity. And knowing how he died and the life he'd led prior to his death, being on drugs and shopping like a billionaire despite having absolutely no money of his own, I don't buy it when he titles an album INVINCIBLE and then opens up the album with a song titled "Unbreakable". I think "Why You Wanna Trip On Me" is more like it. That was 10 years before INVINCIBLE came out and if anything, I think that questions' weight must've gained some meaning to him if he is indeed innocent of the heneous crimes he's been accused of.
For those that like all of MJ's different shades (no pun intended..I think), this might be like an ideal radio station that goes off the air after a little over an hour and can be recharged at the touch of the "PLAY" button whenever an applicable consumer so desires.
I guess the Jackson family had to try something. I don't know if they're legally obligated, but debt collectors, I think, seems like I've heard of this somewhere, tend to hound next of kin etc for settlement of debt that a deceased family member had accrued. I'm sure they would like to get that paid off anyway; it's good PR for them and the Michael Jackson brand, which, ya know, lives on mightily though his body is no longer in commission. It's anybody's guess as to weather he went to Hell or Heaven. He obviously wasn't living solely for God. But then again, who does? How many monks are allowed to be monks? I guess it's easier in the U.S. You can be homeless if you choose to and still get more or less adequate nutrition and minister to anyone you feel led to minister to. They'll probably ignore you if you're caked with dirt and wearing dirty clothes etc., but then again... they might not.
Read a very disturbing news article about this 7 year old kid who was savagely tortured on a daily (?) basis and was even taken into state custody only to be handed right back to his perpetrators. His life is now over and his legal guardians tried to cover that up by feeding his remains to a pig.
I can only guess that's why I'm awake as early as I am. I didn't go to bed until after 1A.M. I've been up since 4.A.M.
I did read one entry of the 1yr Bible yesterday. I was a little confused b/c I didn't remember where I'd left off, the content thereof etc. I finished the Gospel of John. I think Acts follows that. I could be mistaken. The year is getting closer to its end. And both new and old Testament have much that I have not read. I'm surprised in that I am only 2.5 months behind on my reading. I was roughly the same amount behind as of mid July. So I'm not losing a whole lot of ground. I would be kind of surprised/amazed if I was finished with it before Easter 2018. I would call it a genuine miracle if I finish before Dec 31st or even before Jan 15th. I was tired yesterday. I went to bed/took a nap for at least 2.5 hours. And I'd slept for at least 9.5 hours straight through that night preceding it. Maybe that's why I'm already awake. If that is the case, this is insane. I got a ton of sleep because, at least I thought/think(?...), because I had missed about 10 hours of sleep over the past week or so. But because I slept so much, I'm losing at least 3 hours of sleep. If I don't get a good size nap in, 3 will permanently turn into 6. Petty matters, I know...........It may sound like I'm complaining. I honestly don't care. I think it's kind of humorous. idk.
Hmm...I suppose one or more of the half dozen+ people that read my blog, whoever y'all are, might question "Where was God during this little boy's 5 years of agony?"
The answer is that God is everywhere. As to why He let that boy suffer, I don't know. Maybe it's to inform people in the United States of America that you can't expect good behavior from your fellow man and to remind us that we have two choices
1) Surrender our lives to Him and quit relying on the gov't for every single thing
2) Keep relying on the gov't, in an increasingly re-structured form.
Child abuse is not a federal offense. It just so happens to be a crime according to the penal code of all 50 states. So the FBI's multi-jurisdiction law enforcement power had no say in that matter. The agency(s) that were responsible for dealing with this case were supposedly conducting investigations and they say they couldn't finish them because the household would shift from Kansas to Missouri and back. It really seems like they should have tried a lot harder. Supposedly the child abuse hotline was flooded with tips from neighbors etc. and the child himself made a statement to the children's welfare service or whatever it's called, but they somehow couldn't finish the investigation...why exactly? Because the family moved away......that seriously sounds like a load of laziness.
But I honestly think the problem has more to do with people's over-estimation of humanity's value. Humans are not naturally good creatures. We as humans need positive influences to be molded into good creatures. Positive influence mixed with bad influence gives way to all sorts of combinations of good and evil. The child's mom (stepmom, actually) may have thought her actions were justified because she was being monogomous in her relationship with the child's bioglogical father. To me, that sounds hard to imagine, but it's also hard to imagine that we as human beings don't recognize each other as family despite the fact that we all are descendants of Noah and his household unit. It's hard for me personally to understand the racial tensions that inspired someone to kill 5 little girls attending an African-American church back in the '50s. I don't claim to understand my influences and how they molded me. I simply know that I had positive influences in my life and without them I would be a lot more hateful and uncaring than I already am. There's really no other logical explanation for it and The Bible backs this up --- tons of proverbs pertaining to how to raise your children and the book of the law of Moses addresses this as well.
Without an impartial 3rd party, nobody can be certain of anything. God --- He is not impartial. But He is wise beyond human understanding ----- he is slow to anger and quick to listen. He sees everything and processes it all in His consciousness. And He has no equal. He has no peer group. He's not part of some lynch mob. He's here and he's willing to do whatever it takes to get us ALL into Heaven. But he wants us to WANT to get into Heaven. As long as the human species is such a divided house, evil and good will continue to be a choice we have to make and it will remain a struggle. Thankfully God dispels any notion that world peace will have its day so we don't waste our energy and breath praying for something that would ultimately require God to step in and turn us into robots rather than living things with the capacity to think and feel. I don't have kids of my own, so pardon my somewhat odd parallel, but I don't want a cat --- Hey, Sophie! --- who is obedient and always comes when I call her if she cannot enjoy my company during the times that she does come to me when I call her. Why would God be any different? If we were reprogammed like robots, God Almighty might as well just snap our necks in two and wash His hands of the whole creation he chose to invest in many (many many many) millenniums ago. And why would He do that? I don't understand the reasons, but Hell is not going to cease its existence. If we all died today instead of enduring the good and the bad and the even worse that this Earth has in it, many people would be added to Hell today --- and for what reason?
I could be wrong, but I get the impression that the kid I was reading about in that article -- his name escapes me at the moment --- had some hope in his heart even in his last moments. The song that people associate with John Michael Montgomery --- he may have wrote it himself, I don't know --- titled "The Little Girl", although over simplified quite possibly in its portrayal of a much less severe and happier ending of a similar domestic situation, I think is enough to give pause and piece things into perspective.
Hmm...not sure if this is a good idea. Not really a fan of MJ's music overall. I much prefer 1987's BAD over his insanely still-much-hyped THRILLER (1982). 1991's DANGEROUS was so-so. HIStory had several touching moments, like "Tabloid Junkie", "Stranger In Moscow", "They Don't Care About Us" and others. I started losing interest with BLOOD ON THE DANCEFLOOR. It was a 13 track CD and there were only 2 songs I liked on it. Those being the title track and the remix of "HIStory", the title track for HIStory. I pretty much gave up after INVINCIBLE came out. I seriously did not wait 6 years for such mediocrity. And knowing how he died and the life he'd led prior to his death, being on drugs and shopping like a billionaire despite having absolutely no money of his own, I don't buy it when he titles an album INVINCIBLE and then opens up the album with a song titled "Unbreakable". I think "Why You Wanna Trip On Me" is more like it. That was 10 years before INVINCIBLE came out and if anything, I think that questions' weight must've gained some meaning to him if he is indeed innocent of the heneous crimes he's been accused of.
For those that like all of MJ's different shades (no pun intended..I think), this might be like an ideal radio station that goes off the air after a little over an hour and can be recharged at the touch of the "PLAY" button whenever an applicable consumer so desires.
I guess the Jackson family had to try something. I don't know if they're legally obligated, but debt collectors, I think, seems like I've heard of this somewhere, tend to hound next of kin etc for settlement of debt that a deceased family member had accrued. I'm sure they would like to get that paid off anyway; it's good PR for them and the Michael Jackson brand, which, ya know, lives on mightily though his body is no longer in commission. It's anybody's guess as to weather he went to Hell or Heaven. He obviously wasn't living solely for God. But then again, who does? How many monks are allowed to be monks? I guess it's easier in the U.S. You can be homeless if you choose to and still get more or less adequate nutrition and minister to anyone you feel led to minister to. They'll probably ignore you if you're caked with dirt and wearing dirty clothes etc., but then again... they might not.
Read a very disturbing news article about this 7 year old kid who was savagely tortured on a daily (?) basis and was even taken into state custody only to be handed right back to his perpetrators. His life is now over and his legal guardians tried to cover that up by feeding his remains to a pig.
I can only guess that's why I'm awake as early as I am. I didn't go to bed until after 1A.M. I've been up since 4.A.M.
I did read one entry of the 1yr Bible yesterday. I was a little confused b/c I didn't remember where I'd left off, the content thereof etc. I finished the Gospel of John. I think Acts follows that. I could be mistaken. The year is getting closer to its end. And both new and old Testament have much that I have not read. I'm surprised in that I am only 2.5 months behind on my reading. I was roughly the same amount behind as of mid July. So I'm not losing a whole lot of ground. I would be kind of surprised/amazed if I was finished with it before Easter 2018. I would call it a genuine miracle if I finish before Dec 31st or even before Jan 15th. I was tired yesterday. I went to bed/took a nap for at least 2.5 hours. And I'd slept for at least 9.5 hours straight through that night preceding it. Maybe that's why I'm already awake. If that is the case, this is insane. I got a ton of sleep because, at least I thought/think(?...), because I had missed about 10 hours of sleep over the past week or so. But because I slept so much, I'm losing at least 3 hours of sleep. If I don't get a good size nap in, 3 will permanently turn into 6. Petty matters, I know...........It may sound like I'm complaining. I honestly don't care. I think it's kind of humorous. idk.
Hmm...I suppose one or more of the half dozen+ people that read my blog, whoever y'all are, might question "Where was God during this little boy's 5 years of agony?"
The answer is that God is everywhere. As to why He let that boy suffer, I don't know. Maybe it's to inform people in the United States of America that you can't expect good behavior from your fellow man and to remind us that we have two choices
1) Surrender our lives to Him and quit relying on the gov't for every single thing
2) Keep relying on the gov't, in an increasingly re-structured form.
Child abuse is not a federal offense. It just so happens to be a crime according to the penal code of all 50 states. So the FBI's multi-jurisdiction law enforcement power had no say in that matter. The agency(s) that were responsible for dealing with this case were supposedly conducting investigations and they say they couldn't finish them because the household would shift from Kansas to Missouri and back. It really seems like they should have tried a lot harder. Supposedly the child abuse hotline was flooded with tips from neighbors etc. and the child himself made a statement to the children's welfare service or whatever it's called, but they somehow couldn't finish the investigation...why exactly? Because the family moved away......that seriously sounds like a load of laziness.
But I honestly think the problem has more to do with people's over-estimation of humanity's value. Humans are not naturally good creatures. We as humans need positive influences to be molded into good creatures. Positive influence mixed with bad influence gives way to all sorts of combinations of good and evil. The child's mom (stepmom, actually) may have thought her actions were justified because she was being monogomous in her relationship with the child's bioglogical father. To me, that sounds hard to imagine, but it's also hard to imagine that we as human beings don't recognize each other as family despite the fact that we all are descendants of Noah and his household unit. It's hard for me personally to understand the racial tensions that inspired someone to kill 5 little girls attending an African-American church back in the '50s. I don't claim to understand my influences and how they molded me. I simply know that I had positive influences in my life and without them I would be a lot more hateful and uncaring than I already am. There's really no other logical explanation for it and The Bible backs this up --- tons of proverbs pertaining to how to raise your children and the book of the law of Moses addresses this as well.
Without an impartial 3rd party, nobody can be certain of anything. God --- He is not impartial. But He is wise beyond human understanding ----- he is slow to anger and quick to listen. He sees everything and processes it all in His consciousness. And He has no equal. He has no peer group. He's not part of some lynch mob. He's here and he's willing to do whatever it takes to get us ALL into Heaven. But he wants us to WANT to get into Heaven. As long as the human species is such a divided house, evil and good will continue to be a choice we have to make and it will remain a struggle. Thankfully God dispels any notion that world peace will have its day so we don't waste our energy and breath praying for something that would ultimately require God to step in and turn us into robots rather than living things with the capacity to think and feel. I don't have kids of my own, so pardon my somewhat odd parallel, but I don't want a cat --- Hey, Sophie! --- who is obedient and always comes when I call her if she cannot enjoy my company during the times that she does come to me when I call her. Why would God be any different? If we were reprogammed like robots, God Almighty might as well just snap our necks in two and wash His hands of the whole creation he chose to invest in many (many many many) millenniums ago. And why would He do that? I don't understand the reasons, but Hell is not going to cease its existence. If we all died today instead of enduring the good and the bad and the even worse that this Earth has in it, many people would be added to Hell today --- and for what reason?
I could be wrong, but I get the impression that the kid I was reading about in that article -- his name escapes me at the moment --- had some hope in his heart even in his last moments. The song that people associate with John Michael Montgomery --- he may have wrote it himself, I don't know --- titled "The Little Girl", although over simplified quite possibly in its portrayal of a much less severe and happier ending of a similar domestic situation, I think is enough to give pause and piece things into perspective.
Sunday, September 3, 2017
ICEE - a silhouette of a beverage...
ha
Uh...hmm...yeah. FYI, my #1 fan (KATHY BATES NOOOO!) seems to be dunne w/ me. Last six posts have just kinda been gaining traction by themselves. There's usually a gold star beside each of my posts. The star....has fallen........
Read one entry of The Holy Bible. Snippets about different kings of the region. The New Testament entry was also an interim segment, detailing the immediate aftermath of Jesus' death, i.e.: the discrd of his remains and his burial. I prayed to God that He would change my heart to one that is more grateful. I am aware that God is King, and that He is to thank for all good things in life. I just have a hard time really A) being positive and B) paying interest in response to good things. It's also confusing when the word "good" is used. The way of man is destruction. Am I not a man? If not, what am I? Angel 2.0? "A new creation" seems rather vague...which one? I'm not the new Heaven that Revelations mentions (or so I hear...), am I? Am I a fragment of The Sky? Am I Sky Power?
Anyway...yeah, I'm a bit snarky...idk. Not frustrated. I did read some yesterday...I think. Honestly, I'm not sure. I read some either yesterday or the day before. O yes! I did read some yesterday, but I had forgotten to pray before reading. I didn't pray until nighttime before bed...oh, wait...was that yesterday? It really seems like that was...I don't know. Anyway, I either neglected Friday or Saturday. Maybe not. Agh! The days are a blur. That's life with income unearned. Ya, and you Republicans think I got it easy? Well, compared to some people I do. It's really saddening to think of all these single moms who are left to work 2 or 3 jobs working 35-50 hours a week making maybe a tad more than minimum wage. Being a mom is hard when you got toddlers. Just watching moms with toddlers is hard. I can't imagine being one. And a single one no less. My sister is rather well positioned being married and with a living and loving mom who can usually babysit for her while she works for substantially more than minimum wage. I by default have it that much easier seeing how content my sister is most of the time. It gets hard when my nephew refuses to go to sleep and cries bloody murder because he's tired against his own will. Thankfully, for me, I can't hear him cry as well. Unfortunately, she's obligated to listen to his cries, however long they may last.
I was thinking a few or so days ago, maybe a week, idk....about Republicans and Democrats and Obama vs. Trump.....I remember opponents of Obama, which at one time included Hilary Clinton, criticized Obama for his lack of experience. Ignoring the oft-ignored evidence that suggests but does not prove that he's an evil demon of a human, one could say the reason he inflated the deficit so far beyond imagination's limit is that his lack of experience left him unable to overspend in moderation. I don't think he was doing anything that Republicans and his fellow Democrats didn't do, I think he was just more liberal (hehe) with the way he did it.
The weather today is freakin' perfect. And when I say freakin', it really is freakin'. This weather Victor Frankenstein could not even imagine, let alone create. God be praised! And I wish there was something I could do for those whose faces aren't gladdened by this a-ma-zing weather. AMAZING! I tell you, IT IS FREAK-ING A-AMA-----ING!!! WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Ok, I'm too hyper. Sloooooooooooooow it down.
xx
Uh...hmm...yeah. FYI, my #1 fan (KATHY BATES NOOOO!) seems to be dunne w/ me. Last six posts have just kinda been gaining traction by themselves. There's usually a gold star beside each of my posts. The star....has fallen........
Read one entry of The Holy Bible. Snippets about different kings of the region. The New Testament entry was also an interim segment, detailing the immediate aftermath of Jesus' death, i.e.: the discrd of his remains and his burial. I prayed to God that He would change my heart to one that is more grateful. I am aware that God is King, and that He is to thank for all good things in life. I just have a hard time really A) being positive and B) paying interest in response to good things. It's also confusing when the word "good" is used. The way of man is destruction. Am I not a man? If not, what am I? Angel 2.0? "A new creation" seems rather vague...which one? I'm not the new Heaven that Revelations mentions (or so I hear...), am I? Am I a fragment of The Sky? Am I Sky Power?
Anyway...yeah, I'm a bit snarky...idk. Not frustrated. I did read some yesterday...I think. Honestly, I'm not sure. I read some either yesterday or the day before. O yes! I did read some yesterday, but I had forgotten to pray before reading. I didn't pray until nighttime before bed...oh, wait...was that yesterday? It really seems like that was...I don't know. Anyway, I either neglected Friday or Saturday. Maybe not. Agh! The days are a blur. That's life with income unearned. Ya, and you Republicans think I got it easy? Well, compared to some people I do. It's really saddening to think of all these single moms who are left to work 2 or 3 jobs working 35-50 hours a week making maybe a tad more than minimum wage. Being a mom is hard when you got toddlers. Just watching moms with toddlers is hard. I can't imagine being one. And a single one no less. My sister is rather well positioned being married and with a living and loving mom who can usually babysit for her while she works for substantially more than minimum wage. I by default have it that much easier seeing how content my sister is most of the time. It gets hard when my nephew refuses to go to sleep and cries bloody murder because he's tired against his own will. Thankfully, for me, I can't hear him cry as well. Unfortunately, she's obligated to listen to his cries, however long they may last.
I was thinking a few or so days ago, maybe a week, idk....about Republicans and Democrats and Obama vs. Trump.....I remember opponents of Obama, which at one time included Hilary Clinton, criticized Obama for his lack of experience. Ignoring the oft-ignored evidence that suggests but does not prove that he's an evil demon of a human, one could say the reason he inflated the deficit so far beyond imagination's limit is that his lack of experience left him unable to overspend in moderation. I don't think he was doing anything that Republicans and his fellow Democrats didn't do, I think he was just more liberal (hehe) with the way he did it.
The weather today is freakin' perfect. And when I say freakin', it really is freakin'. This weather Victor Frankenstein could not even imagine, let alone create. God be praised! And I wish there was something I could do for those whose faces aren't gladdened by this a-ma-zing weather. AMAZING! I tell you, IT IS FREAK-ING A-AMA-----ING!!! WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Ok, I'm too hyper. Sloooooooooooooow it down.
xx
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