Inverted humanity

 Jesus is recorded having said something to the effect of: You are cared for more than birds, each whose departure does not go unnoticed by God The Father.  Do not worry about your needs.  Seek God foremost and He will take care of your needs.  

I was thinking about how death happens in this world and that God doesn't necessarily issue a hit on each dead man. He's aware and considers all potential outcomes and if someone who wanted to serve God was in a position to do a Great thing for His kingdom was wanted dead and God's typical methods -- providing insight and discernment -- were not being recognized, or if God just wanted to shock people into humility..., He could stop a blade or a bullet dead in its' tracks.  We, humans, for the most part, are disposable.  Many many many will refuse God.  They will choose to die in their sin. Some would have lived eternally by God's grace had only we, Christians, loved others as Christ loved us and boldly proclaimed His Greatness by any means possible.  Most simply either refuse Him or they receive Him on their own terms and end up drifting away because it's not their cup of tea ultimately.

Take for instance Job.  Job had a lifelong diligence toward living as God instructed.  He sought God.  If he hadn't walked toward God and so firmly embraced Him, God would not have ever been inclined to approach Job face to face and point out the wonder and beauty of His majestic creation and the error in His temptation to second guess God.  He gave Job a stern and convincing rebuke because He knew Job WANTED it.  True, Job didn't particularly rejoice the experience in the moment but he wasn't unwilling to take a smack in the face from The Lord Almighty if it meant a deeper understanding of Him.  Large pockets of land scattered throughout this "Christian nation" are filled with people who either have no intention of hearing Him or who have heard Him and like the religious leadership of the Jewish people in the days of Jesus, are using the power of God's Word for their own personal gain and to the disadvantage of others.

The sad fact - that God will not put up with forever - is that His Creation, most of it, is unrepentant of its' crooked and perverse ways.  Humanity has taken whatever roads seem right and when given insight as to why things don't turn out quite right they either understate the problem or they gravitate away from God despite knowing there is a viable solution found in the knowledge of a sovereign God.

passion - it's all in yo' head

 Apparently my salvation is pending.  idk.  I sent an email to my mom basically telling her that my "disrespectful" behavior that she so despises me for should not be held against me because she taught me how to speak.  Yes, I am expected by God to rise above that, but God's word does not make that an easy task.  There's like 3 or 4 chapters that vaguely talk about how we should speak to one another, and if I were to carefully consider every single solitary word that I say before I say it, A) I would not be talking much at all B) I would probably be doing the same with everything I do and be sin-free.  I'd be the poster child of Christianity.  Which i guess would be better than me to going to Hell.  People would probably be telling me stupid shit like "Are you OK?  You're talking a lot less lately...", basically implying that it's not OK for me to quit carelessly talking.
Of course, the humility is the issue, really.  I was supposed to go an entire week+ without giving in opinion or input.  I failed in some way(s).  I know I failed in numerous ways, but I don't know how I'm supposed to communicate anything without giving my opinion.  I can listen, sure.  I can ask questions.  But even a simple open ended question can be perceived as giving input, so I don't know what the point in that is.  My mom gets t.o.'d at me when I ask her if she's mad at me, except her version is "I'm mad because your accusing me of being mat at you!".  And of course, a simple "How are you feeling?" is met with either "Why do you want to know?" or "I don't want to talk about how I feel"  Seriously seems like I'd be more beneficial to society without sucking up money for electricity and medicine, not bothering anyone, not disappointing anyone.  Sure I'd be wigging out over spiders and all kinds of other bugs and I'd probably be freezing cold at times and blazing hot at others.............................I don't know why anyone has taken measures to keep that from being.

 

My main issue is supposedly pride, and I keep hearing "You need to humble yourself" and I don't get that concept.  "Humble yourself"  How does that work?  Is that like "give birth to yourself"?  Or is that like "Pour water on yourself?"  Humility is not a thing that I insist on taking into the rooms I go in.  It's not attached to my clothing or taped to some part of my body.  It's a state of being that somehow has become a part of me and I don't know what to do to work against it other than smack my hand every time I have a hankering for dignity.  "I'm hungry.  I'll eat" "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU DESERVE TO EAT?  YOU'RE LUCKY YOU'RE NOT DEAD!!!"  Ok, so I go to my room and pray.  No eating.  It doesn't make any sense.

The only scrap of comfort is the fact that I'm a freakin' nutbar and the people telling me I'm not saved don't even think psychosis is a real thing and they have no interest in the study of human behavior (psychology), even though I can see why they have disdain for psychology as a field, since, like Earth science, the top minds of the fields have devised accompanying world views that contradicts what The Bible says.  Psychologists have taken their findings and instead of sticking with those, they've come up with all kinds of theories/philosophies about the root of what mankind is etc....  Just like Earth scientists who've made up an entire narrative about the Earth's history based on evidence that is purely circumstantial, no less than the evidence that backs up The Bible's account of how the world began.  Of course, the Torah was not written based on evidence.  But there is evidence to back up the first parts of Genesis.  The only (potential) downside to relying on that evidence is the sad fact that every religion that isn't based on The Bible would end up being subject to scorn and ridicule.  And I'm certain there would be people who were raised Buddhist and Hindu and Wiccan etc., that would insist their religion is not inferior just like flat earthers insist they have enough evidence to back up their thinking.

I know it's ultimately up to God and I don't know if He wants me saved or not.  I'm sure He'll use me for His purposes.  He'll use anybody, regardless of how they fit in His kingdom.  The bottom line is master bate ing is a death sentence and I can't seem to stay away from that for any length of time.  Between that and my pride, I have to wonder if these sentiments that Christian singers lavish upon God are really accurate, "There's nothing that our God can't do" "Nothing is too hard for you Lord"  Maybe nothing IS too hard for God.  Maybe He just doesn't care because I don't care.  The Bible does depict God as being a re-active God.  Those that love Him, He calls according to His purpose.  Those who seek Him, and turn from their sins, He forgives and heals.  No restoration is depicted in The Bible that isn't dependent on decisive action from the restored.  I am anything but decisive and I don't think Im passionate about anything, really.  There's things that have stirred up passion in me.  There's movies and songs I've seen&heard that really put a whollop in my feels and there's days like yesterday, where the weather is almost profound in its beauty.  I take pleasure on those things and I long for those moments where I'm blown away by something or other.  That's about the extent of my passion.

I accidentally had let it all hang out

 Freezer was left wedged open overnight, presumably because I walked away carelessly from it after taking a loaf of bread out of it, not realizing a glob of broom bristles was laying in some weird spot that somehow migrated to the space between the doorway of the freezer and the freezer door.  The freezer door is tricky to close.  I typically have to push it closed very firmly to be anywhere near sure it's closed.  I don't know if I did that or not yesterday afternoon, but I can't assume that I did.  That aside, making sure there isn't a broom base didn't land weird while the fridge was open is not something I have any reason to be expected to check for.  Nonetheless, my brother in law seemed to be pissed at me and asked me to leave.  So I ended up taking an hour long walk, and spent most of that time going over all the back and forth bullshit conversations me and him had over these last several months.  He has this grand way of letting himself talk while either/or making watery soup of a complex notion that sometimes requires multiple complex notions to be fully understood before beginning to venture into and when that isn't successful, I'm pissed off because he has no business talking in the first place when there's usually someone else in the room, namely his wife (my sister) who is WAY more articulate and able to summon words that effectively make a concise and relevant set of points.  And then when he's in the wrong, instead of apologizing, instead of making a case for himself that isn't partially true, he in some way or fashion cherry picks from The Bible verses that are basically him requesting me to be a better person so that his mistakes can be swept under the rug and forgotten.
I don't know how anyone can be so damn two faced.  Showing God a face of adoration and repentance and then telling someone who is rightly angry with them "Hey, dude; I'm not your problem.  Your problem is within".  Yeah.......I don't need Jesus to tell me that.  The benefit of inner peace is something even agnostics seek.  The difference is Jesus knows that if you set someone's house on fire, you deserve the shit beat out of you SO THAT YOU ARE ALMOST DEAD ****WISH THAT YOU WERE******* ALREADY!!!

 & that it is A SUPERNATURAL ACT if that person is humble, loving and thankful enough to Jesus to say "I pray this person realizes the error of their way and finds salvation by the Power of Your spilled blood and Resurrection so that we both can be brothers in Your Kingdom forever"
I must confess to anyone, everyone, that I do not have that kind of Love overflowing within me.  I am nowhere near as humble as I should be.  I don't know what exactly Travis meant when he said what he was saying, or what words specifically he put forth, but he was talking about how people learn when going through employment how to get along with other people that don't have the same thoughts or ideas going through them.  I do think he's right about that to an extent.  It's even worse because I never had friends until I was like 14 and had recently moved to Missouri.  This one guy invited me to his house and my mom said "I have no know his parents first".  She didn't know A SINGLE FKKKKKK PERSON IN THE ENTIRE PLANET except her ex husband, me and my sister, our Gramma Della, my Gramma Della's sister, her ex husband, her ex-husband's parents and her estranged father and brothers.  Of that extremely limited circle, only my Gramma Della, G.Della's sis, and my sister and me was she in any contact with.  So my limited interest in friendship was not only gravitated toward but was encouraged.  And I have minimal job skill and a physically negative reaction toward getting a 7 hour x 5 / week job.  Volunteering 3-5 hours a week is going to be a struggle.  I can probably increase it to 10 or maybe even 14 hours a week.  Maybe The Lord Jesus will give me the ability to be joyful and giving enough to be content with 35+ hours a week.  I don't know how my $250+ of medications will be affordable in that circumstance because that will not be enough money to replace SSI AND pay the cost of my medicines.  I don't believe I would even be calm enough in any way to sit down and read God's word or even think more than half a second about God before moving along to some random temporal pursuit.  I'm still not attached to God at the hip.  My faith has seen highs and lows.  I have not been literally basking in his flesh all this time.  If I were to do without medication, all the minisculle progress I've made in my spiritual pursuits could EASILY be destroyed.  I am not deep in enough with God (yet?) to the point where I can be like Paul and denounce someone for lending an air of credence to sinful behavior or being weak enough to dabble in sexualy impure actions that a wife I don't have (and have never met as far as I know) is supposed to help with.
Aaanway.
The morning stared out rather rocky and I'm still not in the best of moods (never would've guessed huh?)  I'm still a little snippy.  I couldn't even listen to the pastor talking.  He basically repeated his sermon from last week and started yammering on about shadows of Christ saying "They were looking ahead to the Cross".  No, they were not looking ahead to the ways and means of a savior.  They knew that God was compassionate because the sacrificial law system demonstrates this.  Maybe there was some prophetic knowledge of Jesus kind of jumbled up in their head.  The promise of Abraham "You shall be a blessing to all nations" does in its own way demonstrate that something bigger than Leviticus is coming.  I don't think "the cross" is what they were thinking.  The crucifixion of Jesus was Him using what was meant for evil for the purpose of Our Good and His Glory.  He took their punches so that we don't have to take The Fathers' eternal wrath.  That is both a beautiful portrait of Love and also a sobering thought for us to ponder before anything we do.  But I don't see any reference to any of the Old Testament heroes' knowledge of this proceeding.  I do see an understanding of what was apparently understood by some people living in the Israeli province of Rome at that time of Immanuel; Love God with everything you got, and love others as you love yourself.  This acted out without faltering or wavering carries out God's commands to the last letter of what was written in what we now known to be called The Old Testament.

Anyway...I guess before the sun goes down, this whole day as it stands (2pm right now) might not even be any ol' ting at all.  IT COULD HAPPEN???!!!!  I KNOW THE DATE IT HAPPENS!!  IT HAPPENSS!!!!!!!!!!!

disc vs stream

Maybe this is a good size challenge for people who are like 10-15 years younger than I myself am, but, really, --- Do you Remember the days when you had a choice between Blockbuster Video and your LOCAL video store?  We don't have that anymore, at least not as far as video (movie&TV,etc.) rentals go.  In various pockets of the USA, there's still local video stores where you can BUY movies (usually they're multi-media stores with both movies & music and sometimes books as well).  These stores are not warehouses where people are doing literally nothing all day except picking up boxes and grabbing stuff off shelves.  These are not retail factories.  They are places where if you want it, you come to get it, and both you and the employee can enjoy the presence of all kinds of music and other popular forms of art and, if and when you decide to do so, you can even have a conversation with the store clerk, just so long as it doesn't encroach on their ability to service other customers.  You can extend kindness and joy to them by your human presence.  The employees are not limited to the management style choice of their supervisor, who has the capacity to be kind and encouraging OR discouraging and condescending.  With real live customer influx, jerks may come and spoil things sometimes, but the employees are not stuck with that through the entire day or the entire week or however long that person decides to stick around.  The customer has no reason to stick around for more than a few hours (if that long even).  A manager/supervisor/? is going to stick around until they find a better job or they get fired.  Either of those exit strategies could take YEARS to end.  So you as an employee of Amazon or MovieMars, you wake up, you go to work, you're bored out of your mind and your boss is either OK of he's not.

Now, I don't know what the job life of an employee for a streaming movie company is like.  I just don't.  What i do know is none of the streaming movie companies NEED to exist.  Amazon got their fame by taking human interaction out of retail.  RedBox got their fame by replacing Blockbuster as a way to rent movies.  Google got their start as a search engine.  Fandango got their start by selling movie tickets on the internet.  These people could have done without movie streaming.  You'll notice that NOBODY who streams movie on the internet started out as an internet based movie startup.  So IF anyone simply wanted to venture into streaming movies on the internet as a means of liveleyhood, they either have a ton of competition already in place and will have difficulty building a customer base and they probably won't make it.  Actually, come to think of it, I think a company has emerged as its own force in the movie streaming biz.  ROW8.  If I did not own a Roku, I don't think I'd have ever heard of them. Maybe everyone else also owns a Roku or similar device.  It wouldn't terribly surprise me.  Maybe ROW8 is doing just fine in holding their own.  I don't have any real reason to doubt it.  But if someone else wanted to do what ROW8 is doing, then what are the odds of success for this 2nd independent company thriving?  They either have an ingenious marketing strategy up their sleeves that will sink ROW8 or they don't know what they're doing and they themselves will sink.

Financially, I prefer movie streaming.  For $15/mo you can get AT LEAST 6 movies a month.  You can either take 2 movies and spend the entire month watching them or you can quickly go "done" and send them back and get more and if you do it that way, you can easily get as many as 10 movies in one month.  I understand not everyone has 10 movies they want to watch.  If you just want a couple movies, you can pay $6 + tax.  If the two movies you end up with are priced at $2.99 on Amazon or wherever, then obviously you're overspending by a penny + the tax, but most movies to stream on the internet are anywhere from $3.99 to $5.99, depending on how recent they are.  I personally benefit from disc using because I don't usually just sit and watch a movie.  Sometimes it takes a while.  Sometimes I'll start watching a movie and then finish it later.  With a streaming rental, you can't do that.  If you start it and get interrupted by your bladder and you come right back to the movie, then OK, but if you just need to take a break so you can do epteen other tasks and it takes a day or two to get back to watching the movie, then you might have to re-rent it.  I realize not everyone has that particular matter to consider.
But here's another thing; the manufacturing of the discs also provides a job for someone to do.  Not as gratifying of a job as retail, but unfortunately not all jobs are going to be gratifying.  Some of them just plain suck(!).  But it would be helpful overrall to consider; is the $5 you save on buying the newest DVD on Amazon worth forcing someone out of a job that they enjoy?  I'm not just talking about one person with one job that you'd kill to have.  I'm talking about hundreds of people, maybe even thousands of thousands.  You can't take the blame for closed doors.  But you don't have to give in to behaving like you don't care.

Disposition

My regards;;

hmmm.   I gotta admit first, I haven't seen very many exploitation films.  I saw THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (1972).  I think that's it.  I don't think HENRY: POSK is considered exploitation, as deeply disturbing as it is.  I never braved into watching HOSTEL. I did watch SAW and TOURISTAS (sp?).  Both struck me as very fake.  Nonetheless, none of those films I just named depict the female body as being anything other than what it is.  All bodies, men's & women's alike, are disposable in the sense that life leaves them and the bodies they inhabit are disposed of (usually it's called"burial").  SCREAM (1996) opens with a guy getting his gut split open after he helplessly tries to prevent his girlfriend from unwittingly cooperating with the killers' "reason" for killing him, while she witnesses it equally helpless.  In TOURISTAS both males and females are lured into danger and suffer at the hands of a Latin American nationalist (I can't remember where specifically the movie takes place).  Of course, FRIDAY THE 13TH and how many? other films indiscriminately depict life being the fragile thing that it is.  This article makes it seem as if there's been a whole genre of what would have to be described as misogyny-driven fantasy torture.  How anyone can admit feeling ok to watch something like that and not feel comfortable admitting they beat their wife and/or children is confusing.  Why would a woman OR a man feel compelled to claim knowledge of, let alone participation in, such a degenerate cluster of movies?