servings of time...

How long does it take for someone you've never met to crash his car against yours?
How long does it take for a stock boy to add a CD to the millions of others on the shelf?
How long does it take for an idea to strike?
How long does it take for the mailman to put your mail in your mailbox?
How long does it take for the President to write his signature on a bill?
How long does it take for a bill to become a law?

It seems like it always takes forever
for anything worthwhile to happen
if you consider how many days from the time you were born
it took for all the good things in your life to happen
But the stock boy never knew, and most likely will never know, the significance of that CD he added to his boss' store's shelf
and the President isn't empathetic enough to know important it is for his signature to be on that bill
until someone speaks up and demands what they want
When your happiness depends on other people
You can either stay quiet and wither your life away
Or not

What am I gonna do when all my Cds wear out?
What am I gonna do when I get old?
Where the hell am I gonna go when I die?
And will my cats be OK if my house burns down?
Why do these things have to happen?
Why should I make myself worthy?
They never say I’ll die if I don’t
But there’s a lot of things people don’t say
Like how irrelevant death is
To worry about it
And like how hard it is to save the world
Everything is dying
They say the world is my oyster
It feels more like my closet

the future is the key to the promises of the past...

...but I must be stupid to keep spending my money based on those promises.

As I've said in earlier blog posts, my early childhood was the happiest time(s) of my life so far. And as of press time I am unable to relive any of those times. I used to be good at it; I used to watch SHORT CIRCUIT (1986) in my mother's boyfriend's apartment around 1996, and thoroughly enjoyed it repeatedly. I used to watch GHOSTBUSTERS (1984) around that same time and discovered a set of previews for other Columbia Pictures films from that time frame on the tape after the credits ended; there was this film advertised titled JUST ONE OF THE GUYS (1985) that I wanted to BUY; see, back in those days of not all that long ago, when I went to the video store, the box art for movies at the video store(s) could easily preoccupy me for at least an hour. Cover art for films such as DEADLY GAMES (starring Steve Railsback - a veteran horror/thriller B-movie actor), GOOD-BYE CRUEL WORLD (1981; a HORRIBLE film from what I've read; supposedly a dark comedy about this suicidal dude), BASKET CASE 1&2 (they pretty much had the same box art, just one was in black & white and the other was in color; that intrigued me to no end back in those days...), GRAVEYARD SHIFT (1990; another waste of celluloid; the box art sure was great though!), FRIDAY THE 13TH 1-8 (the cover art for JASON GOES TO HELL kinda sucked), HALLOWEEN 1&2 + 4 & 5 (the third one had OK cover art; the film itself shoulda brought on a lawsuit for bait and switch; but I guess HALLOWEEN fans' money is pretty much tied up in other expenses...)...the list goes on and on; I can't even think of all of 'em.
So the prospect of owning an obscure yet unabashedly of-the-80's film such as JUST ONE OF THE GUYS tantalized me endlessly back then...I could just imagine the film sitting at The Warehouse in Salinas, CA and seeing it there priced at $24.99 (VHS tapes were still kind of expensive back then; $9.99 was considered a GRRRRRRRRREAT DEAL for a VHS tape...then the introduction of DVD brought attention to the fact that despite how awesome and pristine and clean and presentable the VHS tape may have been when purchased from Suncoast video, it/they will ultimately be destroyed after multiple viewings BECAUSE of the multiple viewings...kinda stupid to get worried about though; this whole crap about DVDs lasting 100 years is b.s.; the way I watch GHOSTBUSTERS at least once a month, I really doubt it'll last that long; every other movie I have would be perfectly fine on VHS, 'cause I don't watch the same movie day in an day out like I did when I was 3 yrs old...oh, wait you say DVDs don't wear out? Well, you may be right, but they used to say the same thing about CDs and this dude I know's father and a few or more of his friends have SEEN before their eyes the result of playing a CD day in and day out over a period of a few or so years...)

But anyway; DVD is the standard format, at least for now; so I primarily buy stuff on DVD. It is an improvement over VHS; time after time I'd rent a movie on VHS and have to get a refund; they get damaged much easier and the picture quality DOES degrade over time, especially if it is/was in a video store being handled by hundreds of people...but the box art back in the days of VHS was far superior to the cookie cutter, heartless/brainless/soulless box art of today's movies. More often than not, I ignore what's on the shelf at the video store, 'cause I have no reason to examine it. I sure as heck ain't gonna pick up EVERY SINGLE DVD in the store and read the description of it. No, the box art has to provide AT LEAST a small glimpse of what the film has to offer. That happened to me with LOST HIGHWAY (1997); the box art just looked STUPID; then I started researching this manic known as David Lynch and found out he did some "GREAT"(!) film called - you guessed it - LOST HIGHWAY, and saw a pic of the artwork and thought "darn it! after all this time..."...

But as I was saying, around 1996, I used to watch SHORT CIRCUIT and was provided with many a deep high of nostalgia. But I ALSO used to watch a lot of documentaries on the all mighty gloved one - there is no other: MICHAEL JACKSON. There was at least a couple that you could buy for like $3 or so at Kmart or wherever, and Video-To-Go (located in the Monterey County of California...or at least they were; they mighta gone defunct, how would I know? It's been over a decade since I moved to Missouri) had a VHS of THE MAKING OF MICHAEL JACKSON'S THRILLER, which I also enjoyed immensely...
But it's just kinda sad how you can watch those docs and get the feeling that the world was somehow better than it is now b/c people simply didn't know/think that MJ was this evil person; people used to be HAPPY at the thought of MJ's very existence; now they have to tell their children to be careful...I don't know if MJ did all that stuff or not - ya know, with the children...it seems odd that they sleep in the same bed as him, but isn't he a bit odd anyway (i.e.: don't odd people do odd things?)? And of course if you're gonna get on his case for being odd, you can start to suspect any # of things based on a few small pieces of fact...such as all the rooms that the kids in MJs house sleep in lead to his room...but paranoia isn't just for the sick of mind; it struck the whole political structure of this country in the 1950's.
MJ's got a new album coming out, sometimes this year hopefully. I was VERY disappointed with his 2001 CD INVINCIBLE; I didn't mind DANGEROUS (1991) and HIStory; disc 2 (1995) like a lot of people did; I thought "dang, this guy must be crazy and proud of it" or whatever, but I like dark stuff. Happy music like "The Way You Make Me Feel" and "Thriller" have their place in the world, but so do the songs of tormented souls. The problem with INVINCIBLE was that MJ didn't really seem like he was being himself; I guess when you're perceived as being larger than life, you can pretty much say anything and people will believe you, such as/was the case with 1987's BAD...but MJ is just a man nowadays; people no longer WORSHIP pop stars. Even the boy band crap has dwindled into obscurity. Sure, people prolly pay a bit more attn to their fav stars than they "should", but this is a world without heroes. You can't be a suspected child molester and write songs about how "in love" you are with some woman...MJ isn't married for one thing and he WAS married - very briefly and just about everyone admits seeing him kiss his (at the time) wife wasn't believable and that it was only done as a publicity stunt. Not to say that I "KNOW" MJ is a child molester, but I DO know that he doesn't relate to the world around him like most people do...he's weird. He embraced his eccentricities on HIStory disc 2, so I liked it. INVINCIBLE was just too fake.
I just hope he can conjure up something imaginative instead of going with the current R&B hip hop trends of today. I do NOT care...Ok, I guess I don't like "black" music. I guess there's nothing wrong with it, just not my thing. MJ has always incorporated R&B in his music, but he's also put a lot of "regular" pop in it as well as some rock-ish style(s).
So hey look at me! I just ambiguously declared my hatred for the black American! Ok, if you think I'm serious about what I JUST SAID you need to re-read that last paragraph at least two more times.
Sorry; I was talking to a friend on IM; I was almost done with this anyway, sorry the ending is so abrupt and heartless. I just kinda forgot what the "main" point in what I was saying is/was...

there ain't no comin' back(!)

Protoncharging (dot cooooooooooom!) has provided evidence to suggest that Kubrick toys are adding GHOSTBUSTERS to their line of toys! The 4 dudes look kinda weird, like LEGOs, but (just go to protoncharging.com to see what I mean) the STAY PUFT MARSHMALLOW MAN is worth a few bucks or so...he sure gives the Kenner one from 1986 a run for its money...high praise coming from a nostalgic die hard GHOSTBUSTERS fan.

unwanted

Ok; I sold all the CDs I obtained this month; got $14.00 for 'em all (6). Actually, the $14 includes a CD that i had already had for awhile, and tried selling on Amazon to no avail...not sure how much I got for that one CD, 'cause I sold them all in a big pile...

And now I'm totally lost as to what to add to my music "collection"...all the "key players" of the past 10-15 years seem totally worthless to me - EVEN WORSE by "Weird Al" Yankovic, INVISIBLE TOUCH by Genesis, NO JACKET REQUIRED by Phil Collins...I'm coming close to almost digging Oingo Boingo's 1982 cd NOTHING TO FEAR...it's interesting, but not at all stimulating...I've heard it so many times...

I rented a couple movies from Blockbuster yesterday; didn't have a chance to watch 'em, 'cause I was tired by the time darkness fell and I didn't wake up until the sun came out (i hate watching films during the daylight hours!). One of 'em looks pretty good: THE QUIET w/ Elisha Cuthbert (sp??). I swear, it doesn't seem like most people would be familiar with that name (how many hit movies has she been in??), but she's the closest thing I can think of to a "big name" whose in that film...; not that I feel the need to advertise the film, but it seems like there's probably a million films with that title...

I'm expecting a package in the mail; I have no idea when it'll get here...the last package I got via media mail took about 6 (?) days...the one before that took over 2 WEEKS!! I have about half an hour (maybe longer) before I can start heading out and looking for my mailman; he parks up the street first thing in the morning, then comes down the street where I live last thing in the afternoon...craziness...

The Devil

My happiness has been contaminated
Those egotistical yuppies couldn’t care less
My pocket book is deranged
Torn between the will to give and help myself
I wish I could give them all the finger and say
You egotistical yuppies don’t give a shit about me
& I won’t give you anymore of my soul
But it’s harder than you can imagine
To sow this hole in my pocket book
You’re just fine with that
It’s raining money for the rich
What if everyone was as ungrateful as I am?
Well, thank God I can say that’s virtually impossible
‘cause my happiness has been contaminated
Such a tragedy would be meaningless if that were the common for man
The world would not define happiness the same way
& mankind would exist in a different manner
And so would you egotistical yuppies who so willfully profit off my contaminated happiness
And to think I feel guilty for stealing your semi- charming music
To think you’d lock me up and kill my pocketbook
But why does it matter?; Henry Young survived three years of solitary confinement
I am a solitary man, seldom lonely
And my life has brought very little joy
If I died in a cell at the bottom of the world, why would I care?
The injustice would be painstaking, but I know you won’t care or even listen to my side of the story
People like me are an inconvenience to you
Better off dead, I suppose
Yet the prospect of death scares me
It feels confusing and pointless
Much like my life and everything/everyone in it
They say better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know and I know it’s true when I think of death
People talk of life after death
I think it’s a ridiculous concept
True, it may be, but why bother trying to define the unknown?
Why bother pretending to know the unknowable?
Because the unknown is confusing and scary
Fear must be avoided they say
It’s a useless emotion they say
They don’t want to live a well rounded life
They think marriage and employment and the like are the most important things
I know the difference between a robot and a human being
It seems many don’t care or simply don’t know
People try to define emotions, label and store them as if they have any claim over them
Ungrateful for their existence
As humans, ungrateful to FEEL alive
It ends eventually, yet you feel content to pretend to know that your life after this one will be a good one
Well, I suppose a false notion of happiness is better than a real notion of eternal suffering
Perhaps you have your reasons for pretending to be alive and acting like it’s not an act
Not that I’m the expert on happiness
As I said, my happiness is contaminated
My happiness comes in strange forms
I’d rather feel scared or mournful than tear out my heart and replace it with batteries
I’d rather let my tears fall than tear out my eyes and replace them with marbles
I’d rather admit I shed those tears than let people go astray from what they are and give their money to some mediocre piece of cinema
Perhaps you can sleep at night knowing some heartless film took profit over a film that engaged and provoked emotions from its audience
Perhaps you can sleep knowing you make the rules for the sake of breaking the most naked of honesty
Perhaps you can sleep knowing that your fellow men are no longer men but rather machines and
Perhaps they feel fine with no confusion over how they feel, perhaps they feel fine because they feel nothing thanks to your blanket of rumors
I know your father made you do it; men have been this way for many many many years
But your father is bitter and cruel
I wouldn’t blame you if you killed him and tried to start the world over, make it fresh and beautiful
But as much as it hides in you, the fact still remains
The devil you know is always better
Than the Heaven you’ve never seen

June 14th, 2008

listen

Listening to an album is an emotional experience, as well as a personal one. Emotions and personality are two things that are shunned by a lot of people; for a lot of people, it seems that emotions are kind of like a begrudged aftertaste, something that many have but kind of ignore. and for some reason, a lot of people don't want to be themselves; they'd rather have someone tell them who/what to be.
Which is why MTV doesn't play as much music as they used to. The music is the excuse for the station, but most of what's on it is people talking ABOUT something related to the music or the music itself. I don't know that all works out psychological wise, 'cause I don't go for that, but I know that if they simply played music videos all day every day like they did, a lot of people would not be watching that station. MTV2 tried doing that, and it wasn't as popular as the current incarnation of MTV, which proves what I just said if you need proof... A television station that plays music all day is too similar to listening to a CD, except more erratic, 'cause you're likely to have less of a continuity to what plays...
So it only makes sense that FOX's AMERICAN IDOL is so darn popular. It's a visual aide to the music provided with gossip and the like...there's the whole "scandal" factor, along with backstabbing shockers, and, if you haven't noticed, the performances of classic songs on that show do not have anywhere near the resonance of authenticity that the "original" versions had/have. The Backstreet Boys did/do write their own songs, but there's no real sense of passion in their songs. They sound mopey when they sing the songs of heartache, they sound upbeat when they sing the songs of joy, but they don't sound mopey the way someone sounds when they REALLY FEEL mopey and they don't sing the happy songs like someone is REALLY HAPPY; they sound FAKE. And they sold millions upon millions of copies of their CD(s). As to WHY people have such grotesque taste in music, I do not know. But that's what's happened the world we live in.

I remember, in school, we had an ACTUAL assignment that was related to the thing we were supposed to be learning (typing) and my teacher was rushing me to get that done so that I, and the rest of my classmates, could watch some unconsequental video relating to the school football team or some stupid thing like that.
As if it weren't bad enough that my financial future would be at stake if i hadn't had someone kind enough to buy me a cap and gown just so I could fucking GRADUATE (not that a cap and gown is expensive, but the $ I would have spent on that COULD have gone to something more beneficial...), I have to sacrifice the oh so important MANDATORY education so that I can be everything but forced to appreciate my "school spirit" or whatever...
If the lessons that the government wants us to learn are so damn important that we need to spend time in jail if we don't learn them, then why can't we spend the time we have cooped up in the school grounds actually learning those lessons? WHY is it that ANYTHING aside from learning should occur in classrooms? I realize most of the kids I went to school with wouldn't give a rat's ass about what I'm talking about, and most of those that wouldn't give a rat's ass probably don't even know what I'm referring to, but that's another problem with the school system as well as society; nobody cares about their freedom, so the government feels free enough to take it away! It's not quite so easy for adults, but children don't have anybody to speak for their rights since most parents either don't care about the same things that their kids care about, or don't care about their kids at all, or simply are gullable enough to believe that the government knows whats best and no child can ever be smart enough to know when their own rights are being violated.
School IS a prison. I don't care what anybody says, there's MILLIONS, upon MILLIONS more children who are forced to study things that they will ultimately forget 2 years after they graduate if not sooner; the things they DO remember will most likely have no bearing on any aspect of their life. And, of course, the only reason for that is COLLEGE is the same way and any high school graduate with any ambition at all will most likely go to college. But the only reason college is like that is so they can make more money. This whole crap about being "well rounded" is a crock; that doesn't even mean anything!
It just doesn't make any sense that people are forced to go to school, which costs all taxpayers LOTS of $, even if they don't pay hardly any taxes (in comparison...), yet does anybody ever stop to think about what good this is doing? I'm guessing at least half the people that waste their lives and tax payers' money away at school will not achieve anything substantial with their education - they won't get a high paying job and they certainly won't invent the next biggest thing since the light bulb...; and to say half the kids are in that lot is a bit of an understatement, I think, although I obviously could be wrong...
But if education really is a good thing, I don't see why I should have stopped my lesson so that I could watch a stupid football video.

big 80's/arena rock...

Well, I got that VH1 PRESENTS THE BIG 80'S: ARENA ROCK cd in the mail yesterday. I can't say I feel any strong desire to keep it. I know all the songs on the cD (well, all but two), but I haven't sought most of them out in a looong while...the only ones I've sought out on Rhapsody or anywhere else are "Land of Confusion" by Genesis, by default 'cause that song is on INVISIBLE TOUCH, and "The Heart of Rock & Roll" by Huey Lewis & The News, another song that brings me back to the feelings of my early childhood. The rest of 'em I don't even remember ever seeking; maybe "Heartbreaker" by Pat Benatar & "Hold On Loosely" by .38 Special, back when I was younger and my tastes hadn't fully developed.
I think the only reason I bought the CD was b/c it came out in 2000, and it was either during that year or the following year that I saw it at Target. It was a CD that I never bought, so even after it should have been clear to me that I wouldn't enjoy it, I still sought it out b/c there WAS a time that I wanted it but couldn't have it (my mother didn't give a very big allowance, so most of my belongings were at her discretion...).

BRINGING HOME THE FILM...

Ok, well I brought home my DVD of BRINGING OUT THE DEAD. I also expect to get VH1 PRESENTS THE BIG 80'S: ARENA ROCK in the mail today, since it processed "and left" the USPS Cape Girardeau facility at 1:30 (apprx) this morning...the last time I got an item that said that on the tracking a substitute mail man came that didn't know jack about anything and ended up leaving it behind. I THINK the regular mailman's operating this week, so hopefully today isn't his day off...

As for the BMG CDs I don't even know if they've been shipped yet. It'd be nice if they'd come today, but then again, it'd be nice if HEATHERS (VHS) came today...but I doubt either will happen...

bringing up the dvd...

well, BRINGING OUT THE DEAD is available for pickup at my local Wal-Mart (that "Free S&H with in-store pickup" concept is a mystery to me...). I prolly won't get it today, 'cause I don't have anything willing & able to give me a ride...

My mother agreed to pick up Paul Simon's GRACELAND for me. It's gonna be $7 + tax, which isn't bad for a local small business. I don't think it's that much cheaper at Amazon or eBay, although I haven't checked recently...it wouldn't matter anyway really 'cause I don't have any means of paying for stuff online...

I just listened to GRACELAND and it's GRRRRRRREAT!! Owning it won't do a whole lotta good, but it's nice to own a "complete" CD collection, one that reflects one's taste(s). I don't know...it'd be nice to have a huge stack of compact digital audio recording discs and then need to buy some new thing to put them in...right now I have an entertainment center, which fits my TV just barely (it's only a 24", although it's analog, not LCD or HDTV or anything like that...). If I get a bigger TV and a significantly larger # of CDs, I'd hate to think what I'd have to do with my entertainment center...throwing it away would be a BIG chore, and selling it would be difficult as well (I think...).

waaat haaaave uuuu dooooooooone?

Well, it's going to be a penniless month...mostly;...

Here's what I have to work with, aside from the ever awesome Rhapsody:

BRINGING OUT THE DEAD (DVD)
THE SMITHS - SINGLES (CD)
THE CURE - DISINTEGRATION (CD)
GENESIS - DUKE (CD/DVD)
THE CURE - GREATEST HITS (2001/CD)

I just asked my sister if she would/could pay for an eBay item I won with her PayPal acct; it's a book by Isac Asimov called FOUNDATION. If she decides not to pay for it, my local public library has it...as well as MEEELIONS of other books etc.;

Here's hoping I don't go into a frenzy of the cabinet!

money money MUNI

Got my SSI benefits on the 30th; well, I didn't GET them, but they were available for me to use, supposing I had a bank acct and a car to get me to the bank in which my bank account resided...I wasn't really able to do anything with that $ 'til the 31st, at which I spent almost all of what I had ($70). I still have about $28.50 left. The stuff I bought was online, so it wasn't shipped until today, and, as you may have guessed, I have yet to receive it.
My sister, on the 31st, bought me a GREAT drink from a convenience store, some sort of latte'/capuchino; it was like less than half the price of a Starbucks drink and tasted AT LEAST just as good as one. If I had cash on me (I loaned my mother some $ from my pre-paid Mastercard that she has yet to pay back...) I'd go down the street and buy me another! She didn't get the one she got for me down the street from where I live, but it's the same store (at least by name anyway...).
I bought BRINGING OUT THE DEAD (1999) for at least the 5th time; I don't know why I sold my last copy, but I did...I decided since there's so much unecessary stuff I *COULD* buy but don't have any "real" reason to, I'd just go ahead and buy that. It's not as cheap as it was the last time I got it (the last time I got it the price was $4.88 + tax!), but it's a GREAT film and, brand new, I couldn't find it any cheaper; I have mixed feelings about the retailer I got it from (Wal Mart); on one hand, the guy that runs the place(s) is a greedy hog, but on the other hand, who cares? If I quit shopping there, the world won't care. This country is destined for failure b/c of people's apathy and hunger for things that don't matter...I can't imagine children growing up today actually understanding the world we live in the way it should be understood. But then again, the more things change, the more they stay the same. I don't think people like Sam Walton's son are new to the world...they've always been here...but then again, countries like Rome aren't new either...you know what I mean...(right?).
I also got a CD called "VH1; The Big 80's: Arena Rock", which, like, has a BUNCH of 80's classics. It's got a few not-so-classic songs, but even the not-so-classics are pretty darn good. I've grown to appreciate that song "Owner Of A Lonely Heart" by Yes...I still don't like it, but to deny the CLASSIC status of that song is just stupid...I also got a VHS copy of HEATHERS; it's one of those films that somehow manages repeated viewings without causing boredom. I guess it's the biting satire, idk; I haven't seen it in awhile. I remember the film making fun of people's stereotypes of gay people, how they supposedly drink bottled water and straight people don't...freakin' crazy I swear. And all the while, there's all these varying levels of madness circulating around all b/c people would rather fit in than be themselves. I still don't have a VCR, but hopefully that can be fixed sooner than later...I have a copy of E.T. that's been collecting dust for over a year and a half...
Since then I've just been trying to find a "meaningful" way to spend the day and survive this rising heat. I keep adjusting the air conditioner, hoping I'm not gonna feel like dying when the heat advisories get here...it's actually pretty mild compared to where it's gonna be in about a month or two...yet I still have the air condition on a setting higher than the lowest setting...I had it on medium earlier today, now I'm not sure where it's at...