bad things happen, oh well
They're all gonna go to Hell
Oh
Well
God is good
because they're really gonna go to Hell
Who-
ray
he'll have his say
dis
may
so much grief and suffering
it's all our fault
Says
who?
Our
God
7 days of glory
4,000 years of little to none
we didn't know the reason
why he said his word of warning
an imbalanced system from the start
spiraled out of control
if only we had cared enough about his will to keep wishing for more
why is his ego the most important thing?
worthy of eternal mega-super-pain for not beckoning to??
it doesn't matter
people do what they will
only freaks like me doubt themselves enough to have so many 2nd thoughts
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
this is who we are
Is it just me or was the 1990s, in general, way too commercialized? Not a single film comes to mind that speaks deeply to anybody except MAYBE Forrest Gump (1994) and that's kinda sad, since that film, at its heart, has no root in reality, but it's too realistic to be a "fantasy" per se, and the writer(s) of the film seemed to realize this for there's TONS of comedic scenes, some of them can be read as inspirational/moving or so corny you know they must be joking (i.e.: him running his braces off...). If it weren't for the historical backdrop of the film, I don't think anybody would care about that film.
Personally, I think the best film of the 90's was the thing that summed it up the most: 1999's End of Days w/ Ahnald; I saw a TV spot for the film and was spellbound; I knew it HAD to be seen in theaters to be truly appreciated and it did not disappoint. It was atmospheric, if not downright scary, had some solid touches of humor, the devil's vessel was played to a T by Gabriel Byrne, and the special effects were like cotton candy on steroids (not that I would endorse the use of steroids for ANY purpose, but you know dang well what I mean, so shut up!).
It's not that End of Days was THE BEST film of the '90's, you see. It simply sums up the decade; instead of a jaw-droppingly original and compelling film, what you get is everything you already knew a film could be but hadn't quite been; you get all the toys under one tree wrapped with the most expensive ribbons and wrapping paper, but if you're like most people, you'll ignore the wrapping paper and ribbons, no matter how much they cost'd, you'll rush through the box to find out what's inside and you'll be disappointed at how little you've received for the years (ok, MONTHS, actually; this IS a Christmas analogy isn't it? Well, I didn't specify the occassion that these "presents under the tree" come, but you know what I mean, now get out of my way...friggin' schizo...oh, wait I'm talking to myself, aren't I? I'M the schizo....AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!) of yurning and anticipation (ah, the power of not writing with old fashion pencil & paper!).
Of course, I NOT being like most people was highly appreciate of every minute morcelish detail and its meticulous present-ation (get it???? ha ha ha ha.....). And I think that about sums up the '90s. Phony as hell, with no intention other than gaining money. I can understand a producer thinking "we're gonna be RICH!", but a writer and/or director? There's GOT to be more on the mind of a successful writer other than "getting the job done".
Examples, if you're totally lost as to where I'm coming from, of TRULY GREAT filmmaking can be summed up in these two cult classics that were also critically and financially successful (and have aged quite well):
Stanley Kubrick's A CLOCKWORK ORANGE (1971)
Dan Aykroyd & Harold Ramis' GHOSTBUSTERS (1984)
ACWO is DISTURBING; it's brutal and unflinching in its subject matter. This is the reason why it's NEVER going to fade with time; until the day comes when the words empathy and sympathy are erased from the dictionary and historians can only read about it, ACWO will remain a chilling display of the evil men can and have done/will do...Stanley Kubrick was not trying to be "daring" or "controversial" or anything like that; he was simply taking what was on his mind and putting it on paper in plain honest terms. Other "shocking" films, films that are no longer shocking, go easy on the viewer, they assume there's a limit on how much the audience's mind can take, they censor themselves.
GHOSTBUSTERS is a fantasy film that takes place in the real world. When I was a wee young lad, I didn't even understand the film; the etherial purples and blues of the ghosts, the intricately detailed "proton packs" and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, and the overall fantasmic tone of the film, the rushing, beautiful music, the cinemagraphed versions of New York's various scenic spots, the seemingly endless supply of "tools of the trade", I mean, really, NOTHING in that film is an exact duplication of what you're bound to see in everyday life. Yes, many of the locals that you see in the film do exist, but, as I specified just a few minutes ago, they are cinemagraphed (I think that's the word; spell check isn't saying it isn't, so hopefully you either know what I mean or can find out...); cinematagraphy in a lot of movies is barely, if at all, noticeable. In GHOSTBUSTERS, it was essential to the atmosphere of the film.
Ghostbusters was constructed similarly to the "classic" Cassablanca. The writer of the film? Sure, he's to credit for getting the film's skeleton written, but you can't put all the credit on him, like in a lot of movies; some of the most memorable lines of dialogue in that movie were created on the set, by the director. Ghostbusters was originally written as a COMPLETELY out of this world sci-fi/horror-comedy, but due to budget constraints of the time, a 2nd writer was recruited by the director to take the heart of the script and turn it into something that was easier to film.
Was this done for money? No. It was done by a team of people working to achieve a common goal: to get this sucker made! A lot of the film's greatness was pure luck (i.e.: Ray Parker Jr's last minute theme song). But isn't talent kind of the same thing?
This decade, for the most part, is no better than its predecceser. Batman Begins (2005) was AMAZING, and its sequel The Dark Knight (2008), although not as emotionally gripping as BMBG, you gotta admit, a lot of the exchanges and images STICK WITH YOU long after viewing it and you feel compelled to watch it again and again...
Hopefully after Christopher Nolan's first two Batman interpretations and this year's success (thus far) of The Last House On The Left remake - which from what I hear is to the original LHotL what Batman Begins was to Tim Burton's 1989 Batman (i.e.: expanding on the ideas in the original and creating its own vision instead of borrowing from past achievements), maybe Hollywood will consider putting forward the finances necessary to make a truly great film that isn't "based" on some other work of art. A big risk you say? Well, surely you can't sink a ship that's already drowning...
Personally, I think the best film of the 90's was the thing that summed it up the most: 1999's End of Days w/ Ahnald; I saw a TV spot for the film and was spellbound; I knew it HAD to be seen in theaters to be truly appreciated and it did not disappoint. It was atmospheric, if not downright scary, had some solid touches of humor, the devil's vessel was played to a T by Gabriel Byrne, and the special effects were like cotton candy on steroids (not that I would endorse the use of steroids for ANY purpose, but you know dang well what I mean, so shut up!).
It's not that End of Days was THE BEST film of the '90's, you see. It simply sums up the decade; instead of a jaw-droppingly original and compelling film, what you get is everything you already knew a film could be but hadn't quite been; you get all the toys under one tree wrapped with the most expensive ribbons and wrapping paper, but if you're like most people, you'll ignore the wrapping paper and ribbons, no matter how much they cost'd, you'll rush through the box to find out what's inside and you'll be disappointed at how little you've received for the years (ok, MONTHS, actually; this IS a Christmas analogy isn't it? Well, I didn't specify the occassion that these "presents under the tree" come, but you know what I mean, now get out of my way...friggin' schizo...oh, wait I'm talking to myself, aren't I? I'M the schizo....AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!) of yurning and anticipation (ah, the power of not writing with old fashion pencil & paper!).
Of course, I NOT being like most people was highly appreciate of every minute morcelish detail and its meticulous present-ation (get it???? ha ha ha ha.....). And I think that about sums up the '90s. Phony as hell, with no intention other than gaining money. I can understand a producer thinking "we're gonna be RICH!", but a writer and/or director? There's GOT to be more on the mind of a successful writer other than "getting the job done".
Examples, if you're totally lost as to where I'm coming from, of TRULY GREAT filmmaking can be summed up in these two cult classics that were also critically and financially successful (and have aged quite well):
Stanley Kubrick's A CLOCKWORK ORANGE (1971)
Dan Aykroyd & Harold Ramis' GHOSTBUSTERS (1984)
ACWO is DISTURBING; it's brutal and unflinching in its subject matter. This is the reason why it's NEVER going to fade with time; until the day comes when the words empathy and sympathy are erased from the dictionary and historians can only read about it, ACWO will remain a chilling display of the evil men can and have done/will do...Stanley Kubrick was not trying to be "daring" or "controversial" or anything like that; he was simply taking what was on his mind and putting it on paper in plain honest terms. Other "shocking" films, films that are no longer shocking, go easy on the viewer, they assume there's a limit on how much the audience's mind can take, they censor themselves.
GHOSTBUSTERS is a fantasy film that takes place in the real world. When I was a wee young lad, I didn't even understand the film; the etherial purples and blues of the ghosts, the intricately detailed "proton packs" and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, and the overall fantasmic tone of the film, the rushing, beautiful music, the cinemagraphed versions of New York's various scenic spots, the seemingly endless supply of "tools of the trade", I mean, really, NOTHING in that film is an exact duplication of what you're bound to see in everyday life. Yes, many of the locals that you see in the film do exist, but, as I specified just a few minutes ago, they are cinemagraphed (I think that's the word; spell check isn't saying it isn't, so hopefully you either know what I mean or can find out...); cinematagraphy in a lot of movies is barely, if at all, noticeable. In GHOSTBUSTERS, it was essential to the atmosphere of the film.
Ghostbusters was constructed similarly to the "classic" Cassablanca. The writer of the film? Sure, he's to credit for getting the film's skeleton written, but you can't put all the credit on him, like in a lot of movies; some of the most memorable lines of dialogue in that movie were created on the set, by the director. Ghostbusters was originally written as a COMPLETELY out of this world sci-fi/horror-comedy, but due to budget constraints of the time, a 2nd writer was recruited by the director to take the heart of the script and turn it into something that was easier to film.
Was this done for money? No. It was done by a team of people working to achieve a common goal: to get this sucker made! A lot of the film's greatness was pure luck (i.e.: Ray Parker Jr's last minute theme song). But isn't talent kind of the same thing?
This decade, for the most part, is no better than its predecceser. Batman Begins (2005) was AMAZING, and its sequel The Dark Knight (2008), although not as emotionally gripping as BMBG, you gotta admit, a lot of the exchanges and images STICK WITH YOU long after viewing it and you feel compelled to watch it again and again...
Hopefully after Christopher Nolan's first two Batman interpretations and this year's success (thus far) of The Last House On The Left remake - which from what I hear is to the original LHotL what Batman Begins was to Tim Burton's 1989 Batman (i.e.: expanding on the ideas in the original and creating its own vision instead of borrowing from past achievements), maybe Hollywood will consider putting forward the finances necessary to make a truly great film that isn't "based" on some other work of art. A big risk you say? Well, surely you can't sink a ship that's already drowning...
"to them you're just a freak - like me!"
(kind of an abstract title for this entry, but who cares; it references TDK, that's all that matters...)
My cat, Napoleon, KNEW what I was telling him. He was good, silent, for 7 MINUTES. I TOLD him, 10 minutes before he can be fed and if he made one more sound, he'd have to wait an extra half hour. I guess I went too far too fast; I got up after the 7th minute and began feeding him; he tried (I think) to keep quiet, but he meowed; I was like "DAAAA(MN) YOU!" and he recoiled, which he rarely does...but I'm too nice...I gave him his food anyway. Maybe I'll keep this up, 'cause he's a smart cat (my mom and sister insist it's true and I've seen him respond in rather human-like ways to stuff...) and he likes me. I think if I really tried, I could get him to do anything...zswizzzswizzzzizzitzzz....
My cat, Napoleon, KNEW what I was telling him. He was good, silent, for 7 MINUTES. I TOLD him, 10 minutes before he can be fed and if he made one more sound, he'd have to wait an extra half hour. I guess I went too far too fast; I got up after the 7th minute and began feeding him; he tried (I think) to keep quiet, but he meowed; I was like "DAAAA(MN) YOU!" and he recoiled, which he rarely does...but I'm too nice...I gave him his food anyway. Maybe I'll keep this up, 'cause he's a smart cat (my mom and sister insist it's true and I've seen him respond in rather human-like ways to stuff...) and he likes me. I think if I really tried, I could get him to do anything...zswizzzswizzzzizzitzzz....
Monday, March 23, 2009
my life in art - revisited
- Soundtrack - Ghostbusters
- American Football - s/t
- Jackson Browne - The Next Voice You Hear: The Best Of
- Kate Bush - The Whole Story
- Cartel - Chroma
- Cold - Year of The Spider
- Phil Collins - Both Sides
- Genesis - Invisible Touch
- Gin Blossoms - Major Lodge Victory
- Hidden In Plain View - Resolution
- Number One Fan - Compromises
- Oingo Boingo - Skeletons In The Closet: The Best Of
- The Psychedelic Furs - World Outside
- Rush - Power Windows
- Saves The Day - Stay What You Are
- Sleepaway- s/t
- Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream
- The Starting Line - Based On A True Story
- Taking Back Sunday - Tell All Your Friends
- Toad The Wet Sprocket - Bread And Circus
- Toad The Wet Sprocket - Pale
- Toto - Toto IV
- Trespassers William - Different Stars
- Trespassers William - Having
- Virginwool- Open Heart Surgery
Oh, and I just bought the Smashing Pumpkins' SIAMESE DREAM for $2 at the Salvation Army at about the middle of this past week, and listened to it all the way through, found myself quite enjoying it...aside from its mythical-cult-like status, I didn't really think much of it until then...I guess I just never got past track 3 or so...track 3, exactly, was one of their radio hits (can't remember which one, I think it was called "Today"...), not that I have anything against radio hits just b/c they're on the radio, I just know that song so well, I don't need to hear it on CD...and the 1st two songs were pretty basic fuzz rock or whatever that's called...as the CD went on, it got to be pretty amazing; haven't listened to it since though. Experiences like that, for me at least, can't be easily replicated...
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
art in my life
"WEEEEE MAAAAAAAAAADE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU; WEEEEE MAAAAAAAAADE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!"
--"Maximum Overdrive"
we live in this world which we did not create, I, for one, am not too pleased with how things are
i'm trapped here, we're all trapped here, but I seem to be the only one feeling claustrophobic
there's not enough air, the walls are closing in, I try to run but end up right back where I started
ah, you think death is gonna solve anything? whose to say it won't just be like this but even that much worse?
(it can always get worse)
[[[[[[[[THIS IS THE BEST I CAN DO
I KNOW MY BEST IS NOT ENOUGH
]]]]]]]]
COMPACT (DIGITAL AUDIO) DISCS
Soundtrack - Ghostbusters
American Football - s/t
Armor For Sleep - Dream To Make Believe
Blink 182 - s/t
Boards of Canada - Geogaddi
Cartel - Chroma
Phil Collins - Both Sides
The Cranberries - No Need To Argue
The Cure - Pornography
Dashboard Confessional - The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most
Genesis - s/t
Genesis - Abacab
Genesis - ...And then There Were Three...
Genesis - Foxtrot
Genesis - Genesis Live
Genesis - Invisible Touch
Genesis - The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway
Genesis - Nursery Cryme
Genesis - Selling England By The Pound
Genesis - Trespass
Genesis - A Trick of The Tail
Genesis - Wind & Wuthering
The Grateful Dead - Dick’s Picks #12
Hidden In Plain View - Resolution
Number One Fan - Compromises
Oingo Boingo - Skeletons In The Closet: The Best Of
Saves The Day - Stay what You are
Senses Fail - Let It Enfold You
The Starting Line - Based On A True Story
The Starting Line - Say It Like You Mean It
Taking Back Sunday - Tell All Your Friends
Toad The Wet Sprocket - Pale
Toto - Toto IV
Trespassers William - Different Stars
Trespassers William - Having
Virginwool- Open Heart Surgery
"Weird Al" Yankovic - Greatest Hits
"Weird Al" Yankovic - Off The Deep End
--"Maximum Overdrive"
we live in this world which we did not create, I, for one, am not too pleased with how things are
i'm trapped here, we're all trapped here, but I seem to be the only one feeling claustrophobic
there's not enough air, the walls are closing in, I try to run but end up right back where I started
ah, you think death is gonna solve anything? whose to say it won't just be like this but even that much worse?
(it can always get worse)
[[[[[[[[THIS IS THE BEST I CAN DO
I KNOW MY BEST IS NOT ENOUGH
]]]]]]]]
COMPACT (DIGITAL AUDIO) DISCS
Soundtrack - Ghostbusters
American Football - s/t
Armor For Sleep - Dream To Make Believe
Blink 182 - s/t
Boards of Canada - Geogaddi
Cartel - Chroma
Phil Collins - Both Sides
The Cranberries - No Need To Argue
The Cure - Pornography
Dashboard Confessional - The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most
Genesis - s/t
Genesis - Abacab
Genesis - ...And then There Were Three...
Genesis - Foxtrot
Genesis - Genesis Live
Genesis - Invisible Touch
Genesis - The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway
Genesis - Nursery Cryme
Genesis - Selling England By The Pound
Genesis - Trespass
Genesis - A Trick of The Tail
Genesis - Wind & Wuthering
The Grateful Dead - Dick’s Picks #12
Hidden In Plain View - Resolution
Number One Fan - Compromises
Oingo Boingo - Skeletons In The Closet: The Best Of
Saves The Day - Stay what You are
Senses Fail - Let It Enfold You
The Starting Line - Based On A True Story
The Starting Line - Say It Like You Mean It
Taking Back Sunday - Tell All Your Friends
Toad The Wet Sprocket - Pale
Toto - Toto IV
Trespassers William - Different Stars
Trespassers William - Having
Virginwool- Open Heart Surgery
"Weird Al" Yankovic - Greatest Hits
"Weird Al" Yankovic - Off The Deep End
#1
the first spider of spring is here, caught me quite by surprise, it was hanging from the lightbulb, less than a foot away from me; not sure where it is now, I threw a pair of shorts at it; hopefully it landed near the shorts; if that is so, hopefully it won't come crawling out of the shorts and onto the bed (the shorts are in the small space between my bed and the wall...eeeek!).
my life in art
my CD collection, or; if I had a brain...
Soundtrack - Ghostbusters
The Acacia Strain - Continent
American Football - s/t
Genesis - Invisible Touch
this was the CD by Genesis that I was referring to above.
Hidden In Plain View - Resolution
Number One Fan - Compromises
Oingo Boingo - Skeletons In The Closet: The Best Of
Toad The Wet Sprocket - Pale
Toto - Toto IV
Trespassers William - Having
Soundtrack - Ghostbusters
the soundtrack to my favorite movie...read on...
The Acacia Strain - Continent
there lies within me a desire to break free from everything; my family, my history, my life in general...the music on this CD I haven't heard, but I read a description of it and, more or less, the idea(s) in this CD reflect that desire to destroy/break free of everything...oh, and if you're more familiar with "underground" music than I am, you may know several or more than one CD that has these concepts smeared throughout it; but these guys get my dollar(s) 'cause I swear they know me!; they hired an artist named Jen Devulge (sp?) to illustrate one of their concert posters; guess what? It features an image of Slimer (the "disgusting blob") eating (destroying) the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man! the symbolism may be purely coincidental, but...I really don't care...
American Football - s/t
simply an amazing CD; evokes emotions that music rarely, if ever, does...Phil Collins - Both Sides
While GHOSTBUSTERS (and its 1989 sequel) were as intregal to my early childhood as my mother, the art-rock/pop band Genesis, who Phil Collins was the lead singer of from 1976-1995, was probably the aural equivelant during those early years, and around the same time that Phil Collins made his only emotion-focused CD I was being prompted to grow up and say goodbye to everything I loved, everything that gave my life meaning; I was forbidden to watch GHOSTBUSTERS, the macabre was STRICTLY off limits, and music was only handed out in small doses in between a specificly planned out daily schedule, spending my days away from my mother, and being forced to use my brain power for such tedious (and ultimately irrelevent) topics as math and grammer...I now have the freedom to do as I wish, thanx to the "liberal wacko" portion of the gov't, although many years of medication have somehow eroded my emotional capacity.
Genesis - Invisible Touch
this was the CD by Genesis that I was referring to above.
Hidden In Plain View - Resolution
the only CD I can think of that was made anytime recently that has managed to make me feel HAPPY. Most CDs - especially "alternative" CDs - inspire depression and anger. This CD is one golden exception.
Number One Fan - Compromises
if I had a sane parent(s), a decent flow of cash, more than 2 or 3 so-called friends, a brighter mind, an aspiration for financial and social success and the means to achieve those goals, and enough talent, I'd probably take my heart and pour it into a CD like this.
Oingo Boingo - Skeletons In The Closet: The Best Of
the cover - art for this CD a) is and was extremely awesome and b) has been burned-in to my soul, or so it seems after almost 20 years of utter admiration toward it.Taking Back Sunday - Tell All Your Friends
during my senior year in high school, I felt a overload of emotions relating to what I thought was love for a fellow student ("jail bait", my so-called friend back then said a couple times, since she was a couple years below 18...) and this CD is a) a reminder of the time back then when emo & pop-punk were becoming wildly popular and that year I graduated (2002), my mother bought me digital cable (i.e.: pre-worthless MTV2) and I got to experience the emo & pop-punk explosion in the safety/comfort of my own bedroom.
Toad The Wet Sprocket - Pale
this CD reminds me of foggy mornings and days of white spacous void...the latter of which must have been shortly after we moved from Seaside, CA to Ft. Ord, CA although I don't have any means to verify that...I live in Southeast Missouri now, and it's usually either very hot or very cold...springtime is awesome, and fall is good, but neither one of those seasons seems to last at all long...I do indeed miss California, but I was allergic to cats and dogs when I was living over there, and I no longer am; I have 2 cats and I'd hate to give them up...plus the very reason my mother wanted to get away from California was b/c the cost of living was too darn high. Sure, a Californian on SSI makes about $300 more than a Missourian on SSI, but...oh, I don't know...like I said, the cats are the reason I'm staying...MAYBE when they die, I'll go back...maybe...if I'm not too chicken...
Toto - Toto IV
this CD reminds me of the VERY VERY early days of my childhood, those memories that I'm not even sure I actually remember or if I dreamed or I merely THINK I remember just b/c I saw a photo of it happening when I was 7 or 8, and my imagination back then was expansive enough to have the snapshot transformed into a motion picture...
Trespassers William - Having
flat out amazing. I can't think of a legit way of explaining it.Virginwool- Open Heart Surgery
as sure as springtime will come and carry me away to indescribably amazing emotional states, this CD will be there, to mark the occasion(s)...
Monday, March 16, 2009
NEVERMIND
I got NIRVANA's NEVERMIND from Best Buy for FREE, since I had $10 in Reward Zone certificates. On Amazon, if you look hard enough, at the reviews of various products etc., you may (or may not) find the impression that the hidden track on Nirvana's NEVERMIND has been removed from recent/current pressings. Why would they do this? Well, why does George Lucas think his alterations to the Star Wars original trilogy improve upon it? We'll never know. But I don't doubt that this was the case at some point. The good news is that the copy I got today DOES have the hidden track; of course, you may be thinking "is this a 10 year old writing this blog or what? He just now has THE classic 90's album, the one that almost single handedly INVENTED the word "alternative???" Well, sadly, this is at least the 10th copy I've owned since my almost-was-stepdad's daughter he had b4 he met my mom got me exposed to the underbelly of popular culture...see, I'd been living "under a rock" as they say from shortly after my birth in late 1983 all the way through 1994 or later; Nirvana/Kurt Cobain didn't enter my thoughts until after he died; I eventually got caught up on all (that mattered) that occured during the early 90's and am now able to listen to today's music with an informed opinion...of course, I think I explained this in some other blog entry. I guess the main reasons I didn't know who Nirvana was is that I didn't listen to the radio and I didn't even HAVE MTV in the shelter(s) that I called home and I didn't read magazines and I spent A LAAAAAAAAAAAARGE portion of each day either watching or thinking about the all mighty GHOSTBUSTERS (1984). I also didn't have any "real" friends, i.e.: people that aren't related to me that care about me enough to hang out after school...I remember my father, who left when I was 7, rather fondly; I remember him being more down to earth and happy than my mother, who was and still does suffer from bouts of hysteria...looking back, it was obvious he cared about music and it seems as if he tried relating this to me at least once, when I asked him what it was he listening to on his stereo system, and he told me it was Chicago. I really don't remember what my reaction to that was, but I noticed the CD cover laying on the coffee table, or some hardwood surface, and I either couldn't tell what the image on it was or I just have a weird memory; I remember thinking it was a canoo with the Chaketa Banana lady/mascot mounted to the front, like they have mermaids mounted to the front of boats, except Chaketa Banana lady didn't look like a piece of wood on what I remember thinking was the album art...I've never seen that image on the internet, so I'm thinking I must've somehow distorted the image in my eyes or my mind (at the time - I think - I had just gotten out of bed for some reason, it was nightfall, so I might've had too much sleep in my eyes to see straight; but it's also possible I was just seeing what my mind wanted me to see, or what I wanted my eyes to see...). The only thing that even comes remotely close to what I remember seeing as my dad listened to Chicago that I've seen since then is the cover for Chicago's Greatest Hits (vol. 1).
Anyway...I was upset when it was obvious my mom and dad were getting seperated. I don't know exactly why, supposedly he wasn't around very much anyway, and I don't remember much pertaining to him, except the stuff his job allowed my mother to buy, like the ice cream maker that they had, the trailer in Ft. Ord, etc....but it seems family was important to me. Obviously, being raised in a "worldly" home (as my mother would say now that she's been "saved"), the CONCEPT of "family" didn't mean anything to me, but the people that my family was made up of were important to me. I don't remember how much time I spent basking in their glow, but I do know those few years in Ft. Ord were comfortable. It seems like every few or so years my mom keeps pushing back the move-in date for the trailer in Ft. Ord; lately she's been saying it was 1988, but shortly after I came to Missouri, I asked her what year we moved in there and she said 1987. Her memory is terrible; I had a "fake" friend in Jr. High & High school (we talked a lot at school, but didn't hang out, but of course my mother wouldn't have let us hang out regardless of what he thought about that prospect) who, with each passing year, kept pushing back the date of Kurt Cobain's death; when I first met him, he said Cobain died in 1996, the most previous year to the one in which I first met him (him is Shawn, that was his name); then the subject came up again a year later and he said Kurt died in 1997; I immediately noticed the fishy smell and tried explaining this and of course Shawn didn't have a clue what I was talking about b/c his memory was about as big as a fly and he didn't even care enough about Nirvana to know what "grunge" is...he classified Nirvana as "heavy metal". But then again, I was reading Stephen King during those days, where as Shawn didn't read ANYTHING. I don't read many books these days, but I do know how to read, I don't avoid reading, I read online news articles, customer/product reviews, and I do try to read books every now and again...Shawn protested his ability to look up a word in the dictionary while in class, although I doubt he was THAT stupid...of course, what was I doing in the same class as someone this utterly stupid if I'm so abile? Well, I may be bright, but I'm very impatient and very lazy. I got suspended for 3 days 'cause I got a point taken off of an assignment because of something that had nothing to do with the assignment and I illustrated my resentment in an illustration not unlike those ads for tshirts in Hit Parader magazine that say 'G_ F_CK _ _ _RS_LF/Need to buy a vowl?'. Why so glum? 'Cause I had a grade of 100% and that 1 pt ruined it! FOR NO REASON! Of course, the principal invented a BETTER reason for the teacher docking off a point, but I really wasn't interested in HIS reason for HER action. HE wasn't a teacher, he certainly wasn't THE teacher, HE was essentially putting words in the teacher's mouth to make the teacher look better. HE was full of SH_T.
Jr. High and High School was pretty much like daycare for teenagers. I would have had no social life, period, if it weren't for school. That's the only good thing that came about it. It was a waste of time, a waste of effort. If I knew I was gonna stay there indefinitely, I don't think I would have made it. I'm 25 now, and have no job, no will to get one. I'm living off of gov't assistance for a mental disability that I don't even know how to explain or that I even fully understand...CAN I get a job? If work were something that didn't entail dodging bullets, then yes. Could I keep a job? That's a tough one. If I wasn't dodging bullets, I'd be comfortable. When I'm comfortable, I get lazy. When I get lazy, I don't do well. When an employee doesn't do well, he/she ceases to be an employee. Of course, there's programs that give employers incentive (i.e.: money) for keeping SSI recipients employed, but why not cut out the middle man and just give that would-be "incentive" to my landlord and the utility company so I can have some place to live? I can't imagine being happy doing anything that I'm even close to being qualified for.
wow. what am I talking about? i'd be very surprised if you could somehow prove to me you read this pointless babbling....ahahahahahaha...
Anyway...I was upset when it was obvious my mom and dad were getting seperated. I don't know exactly why, supposedly he wasn't around very much anyway, and I don't remember much pertaining to him, except the stuff his job allowed my mother to buy, like the ice cream maker that they had, the trailer in Ft. Ord, etc....but it seems family was important to me. Obviously, being raised in a "worldly" home (as my mother would say now that she's been "saved"), the CONCEPT of "family" didn't mean anything to me, but the people that my family was made up of were important to me. I don't remember how much time I spent basking in their glow, but I do know those few years in Ft. Ord were comfortable. It seems like every few or so years my mom keeps pushing back the move-in date for the trailer in Ft. Ord; lately she's been saying it was 1988, but shortly after I came to Missouri, I asked her what year we moved in there and she said 1987. Her memory is terrible; I had a "fake" friend in Jr. High & High school (we talked a lot at school, but didn't hang out, but of course my mother wouldn't have let us hang out regardless of what he thought about that prospect) who, with each passing year, kept pushing back the date of Kurt Cobain's death; when I first met him, he said Cobain died in 1996, the most previous year to the one in which I first met him (him is Shawn, that was his name); then the subject came up again a year later and he said Kurt died in 1997; I immediately noticed the fishy smell and tried explaining this and of course Shawn didn't have a clue what I was talking about b/c his memory was about as big as a fly and he didn't even care enough about Nirvana to know what "grunge" is...he classified Nirvana as "heavy metal". But then again, I was reading Stephen King during those days, where as Shawn didn't read ANYTHING. I don't read many books these days, but I do know how to read, I don't avoid reading, I read online news articles, customer/product reviews, and I do try to read books every now and again...Shawn protested his ability to look up a word in the dictionary while in class, although I doubt he was THAT stupid...of course, what was I doing in the same class as someone this utterly stupid if I'm so abile? Well, I may be bright, but I'm very impatient and very lazy. I got suspended for 3 days 'cause I got a point taken off of an assignment because of something that had nothing to do with the assignment and I illustrated my resentment in an illustration not unlike those ads for tshirts in Hit Parader magazine that say 'G_ F_CK _ _ _RS_LF/Need to buy a vowl?'. Why so glum? 'Cause I had a grade of 100% and that 1 pt ruined it! FOR NO REASON! Of course, the principal invented a BETTER reason for the teacher docking off a point, but I really wasn't interested in HIS reason for HER action. HE wasn't a teacher, he certainly wasn't THE teacher, HE was essentially putting words in the teacher's mouth to make the teacher look better. HE was full of SH_T.
Jr. High and High School was pretty much like daycare for teenagers. I would have had no social life, period, if it weren't for school. That's the only good thing that came about it. It was a waste of time, a waste of effort. If I knew I was gonna stay there indefinitely, I don't think I would have made it. I'm 25 now, and have no job, no will to get one. I'm living off of gov't assistance for a mental disability that I don't even know how to explain or that I even fully understand...CAN I get a job? If work were something that didn't entail dodging bullets, then yes. Could I keep a job? That's a tough one. If I wasn't dodging bullets, I'd be comfortable. When I'm comfortable, I get lazy. When I get lazy, I don't do well. When an employee doesn't do well, he/she ceases to be an employee. Of course, there's programs that give employers incentive (i.e.: money) for keeping SSI recipients employed, but why not cut out the middle man and just give that would-be "incentive" to my landlord and the utility company so I can have some place to live? I can't imagine being happy doing anything that I'm even close to being qualified for.
wow. what am I talking about? i'd be very surprised if you could somehow prove to me you read this pointless babbling....ahahahahahaha...
this is me at the ending of Forrest Gump...
I owe my cats an apology, although I'm not sure what good it would do to talk this out to them...
I had a nice dream a month or two ago, actually I think it was like two nights in a row, maybe not, about living in my birth-state, California. I remember beauty all day every day every where, in the mid-part of that place, a couple driving-hours away from San Francisco. A lot of people imagine California as being some unbearably hot place, but those people are the ones that are sold on the concept of Los Angeles being the only city in California. In Monterey county, it was fairly cold, it rarely got hot. It rained a lot, but there was often a glow of sun when it wasn't raining, and the air was sprinkled with the feel of the nearby ocean. In the actual town of Monterey, there was a lot of places where you had to park your car away from and then walk to in order to be...I remember riding the bus, a beautiful machine in and of itself, around the tourist town of Monterey. Of course, the town right next to Monterey was, and probably still is, infested with drug dealers and gang-violence. As with most social disgraces, the police can't do much about it except drive them away to someplace else (isn't jurisdiction great?), which, in this case, would be (possibly) Monterey; and the tourists wouldn't like that, so they'd stop coming and tell their friends to do the same...kinda sux that the police are society's only answer to the problems that arise, when society itself could be fixing these problems, but nobody seems to understand or accept that the social disgraces of the world, like weeds, have roots; the roots need to be destroyed. Easier said than done (A LOT easier said than done), but it's the only way. But, I think, deep down, society doesn't want a perfect world. If it was desired, we would put our resources to good use and fix them and they would never haunt our lives again.
But about that apology; (went from that to the explanation of the reason for the apology to something pretty much unrelated...sorry...) If I ever traded this billy hill for the Wild West, I would have to get rid of my cats; they are my only companions, aside from my pair of immediate family members that live nearby;
see, when I lived in California, I was plauged by symptoms of allergies. One of those allergins was cats; I was over 13 and 1/2 when I moved from California to Missouri, and I noticed almsot instantly that my allergy symptons were virtually non existent when I began living with my adopted grand mother until my mother found me and my sister (and herself) a place to live...
It's bad enough knowing that Napoleon isn't gonna live forever, but to just DITCH him would be heartbreaking...I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to make it in California, just b/c I'm not very resourceful and wise at making best use of what limited resources I know of, but when I realized this about my cats I couldn't believe I was even mildly considering it!
shame, shame, SHAME on ME...
Napoleon, I apologize. Dang it, he didn't even look up at me. He's sleeping on my bed...well, what life do I have to blog about aside from my thoughts? Here, happy? I wrote a new post, go fetch...BLEH...
I had a nice dream a month or two ago, actually I think it was like two nights in a row, maybe not, about living in my birth-state, California. I remember beauty all day every day every where, in the mid-part of that place, a couple driving-hours away from San Francisco. A lot of people imagine California as being some unbearably hot place, but those people are the ones that are sold on the concept of Los Angeles being the only city in California. In Monterey county, it was fairly cold, it rarely got hot. It rained a lot, but there was often a glow of sun when it wasn't raining, and the air was sprinkled with the feel of the nearby ocean. In the actual town of Monterey, there was a lot of places where you had to park your car away from and then walk to in order to be...I remember riding the bus, a beautiful machine in and of itself, around the tourist town of Monterey. Of course, the town right next to Monterey was, and probably still is, infested with drug dealers and gang-violence. As with most social disgraces, the police can't do much about it except drive them away to someplace else (isn't jurisdiction great?), which, in this case, would be (possibly) Monterey; and the tourists wouldn't like that, so they'd stop coming and tell their friends to do the same...kinda sux that the police are society's only answer to the problems that arise, when society itself could be fixing these problems, but nobody seems to understand or accept that the social disgraces of the world, like weeds, have roots; the roots need to be destroyed. Easier said than done (A LOT easier said than done), but it's the only way. But, I think, deep down, society doesn't want a perfect world. If it was desired, we would put our resources to good use and fix them and they would never haunt our lives again.
But about that apology; (went from that to the explanation of the reason for the apology to something pretty much unrelated...sorry...) If I ever traded this billy hill for the Wild West, I would have to get rid of my cats; they are my only companions, aside from my pair of immediate family members that live nearby;
see, when I lived in California, I was plauged by symptoms of allergies. One of those allergins was cats; I was over 13 and 1/2 when I moved from California to Missouri, and I noticed almsot instantly that my allergy symptons were virtually non existent when I began living with my adopted grand mother until my mother found me and my sister (and herself) a place to live...
It's bad enough knowing that Napoleon isn't gonna live forever, but to just DITCH him would be heartbreaking...I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to make it in California, just b/c I'm not very resourceful and wise at making best use of what limited resources I know of, but when I realized this about my cats I couldn't believe I was even mildly considering it!
shame, shame, SHAME on ME...
Napoleon, I apologize. Dang it, he didn't even look up at me. He's sleeping on my bed...well, what life do I have to blog about aside from my thoughts? Here, happy? I wrote a new post, go fetch...BLEH...
Saturday, March 7, 2009
purely good moods
well, for those of you who don't have windows or live in Antarctica (are either of "you" even reading this?), the weather in the USA, or at least the greater part of the midwest, is very sweet; feels like the set of an arthouse film, it surely does...it's hard to describe.
It's weird how I'm enjoying BOTH SIDES (1993) by Phil Collins a lot more with this (Seal)crazy weather...I was listening to Tangerine Dream's PHAEDRA (1974), which I just got in the mail today from an Amazon mktplce seller, and it went good with all this wind...it's like the wind went through my body and the music went through my ears...or something like that...I guess that might not make a whole lotta sense without having heard PHAEDRA or anything by Tangerine Dream...if you've heard Yanni, just imagine something kind of along those lines as far as "genres" go, except more "experimental" sounding...
Oh, well, I just got the cables necessary to hook the DVD player up to the receiver that I had received via UPS on Wednesday this morning, so along with enjoying PHAEDRA, I just HAD to listen to INVISIBLE TOUCH (1986) by Genesis, since I know that CD like I would recognize the sky and it's one of those very detailed sonic-layered CDs; kind of like the yardstick to which I judge a stereo system's value...the sound quality isn't that great, but I guess for $175 apprx, that's about as much as I can expect. It definitely sounds better than my TV. And it looks a lot better than that $100 shelf system that I returned to Amazon several months ago. So basically I paid $75 for looks...man...I'm not worried about it, just interesting to think about, although not too much, or else I'll start devising some odd plan(s)...or maybe not...I mean, to ME $175 seems like a lot of $. But, really, it isn't...I mean, what can I do? If I return it, I'd be without a decent-looking and sounding sound system. Which I do not want. The only downside to it is I'm almost out of $, but that's not the sound system's fault, and I can certainly do without $ for 25 days apprx...I mean, all my bills are paid, and I got a few+ CDs coming in the mail. Junk/fast food isn't worth the $ I'd spend on it anyway...I have like $1.50 (I think) on my debit card, which I could use to buy some junk food at the grocery a little ways up the street, but I was too lazy to walk there and I finally decided on tomato soup for dinner, so it's not even a big deal anymore...but, of course, this isn't the last battle with "snack attack"(s), so I know I'm in a little bit of a rut, but music is important to me, so it's just shameful to return a music-enhancing system for the sake of some food that I SHOULDN'T BE EATING(!). That makes sense to me. Sorry, I'm just kinda thinking out loud, so everyone (...) knows my intentions...I want to and plan to keep this system. It's gonna be difficult, but I think I can do it.
It's weird how I'm enjoying BOTH SIDES (1993) by Phil Collins a lot more with this (Seal)crazy weather...I was listening to Tangerine Dream's PHAEDRA (1974), which I just got in the mail today from an Amazon mktplce seller, and it went good with all this wind...it's like the wind went through my body and the music went through my ears...or something like that...I guess that might not make a whole lotta sense without having heard PHAEDRA or anything by Tangerine Dream...if you've heard Yanni, just imagine something kind of along those lines as far as "genres" go, except more "experimental" sounding...
Oh, well, I just got the cables necessary to hook the DVD player up to the receiver that I had received via UPS on Wednesday this morning, so along with enjoying PHAEDRA, I just HAD to listen to INVISIBLE TOUCH (1986) by Genesis, since I know that CD like I would recognize the sky and it's one of those very detailed sonic-layered CDs; kind of like the yardstick to which I judge a stereo system's value...the sound quality isn't that great, but I guess for $175 apprx, that's about as much as I can expect. It definitely sounds better than my TV. And it looks a lot better than that $100 shelf system that I returned to Amazon several months ago. So basically I paid $75 for looks...man...I'm not worried about it, just interesting to think about, although not too much, or else I'll start devising some odd plan(s)...or maybe not...I mean, to ME $175 seems like a lot of $. But, really, it isn't...I mean, what can I do? If I return it, I'd be without a decent-looking and sounding sound system. Which I do not want. The only downside to it is I'm almost out of $, but that's not the sound system's fault, and I can certainly do without $ for 25 days apprx...I mean, all my bills are paid, and I got a few+ CDs coming in the mail. Junk/fast food isn't worth the $ I'd spend on it anyway...I have like $1.50 (I think) on my debit card, which I could use to buy some junk food at the grocery a little ways up the street, but I was too lazy to walk there and I finally decided on tomato soup for dinner, so it's not even a big deal anymore...but, of course, this isn't the last battle with "snack attack"(s), so I know I'm in a little bit of a rut, but music is important to me, so it's just shameful to return a music-enhancing system for the sake of some food that I SHOULDN'T BE EATING(!). That makes sense to me. Sorry, I'm just kinda thinking out loud, so everyone (...) knows my intentions...I want to and plan to keep this system. It's gonna be difficult, but I think I can do it.
Friday, March 6, 2009
objects afront you usually more disgusting than they appear
NENA: THE DEFINITIVE COLLECTION
this looks intriguing. It has some not-so-awesome songs on it, but it also had people working on it who were unbraindeadened enough to include 2 KILLER songs from Nena's album 99 LUFTBALLOONS that, even though (as far as I know) weren't on the radio were still REALLY GOOD songs...although, really; was anything of hers on the radio aside from the title track of 99 LUFTBALLOONS and its English counterpart? Maybe in Germany...but regardless, it seems like compilation makers intentionally take the "greatest" away from "hits"; these compilations shouldn't usually be referred to as "greatest hits" packages and CERTAINTLY not "best of" packages. Do these albums have hits? Yes, more or less, but GREATEST? Just b/c a song climbs up the Billboard charts does not make it a GREATEST hit. Dancability, and catchiness are only important to ditzes who have nothing but empty space in their head. What about gut-wrenching confessionalism or anthemic life-savers? "Rhetta Miche" IS catchy, and it's got a quirky devilish beat, with multiple layers of sound, and X/? song (that one that translates from German to "Light House" in English) has a very deep and resonating beat, almost creepy bass, definitely worth hearing (AND it's catchy!). Are these songs danceable? Maybe, but you probably won't find wasted youths/young-adults dancing to these tunes for the sake of forgetting half the week they just lived out.
this looks intriguing. It has some not-so-awesome songs on it, but it also had people working on it who were unbraindeadened enough to include 2 KILLER songs from Nena's album 99 LUFTBALLOONS that, even though (as far as I know) weren't on the radio were still REALLY GOOD songs...although, really; was anything of hers on the radio aside from the title track of 99 LUFTBALLOONS and its English counterpart? Maybe in Germany...but regardless, it seems like compilation makers intentionally take the "greatest" away from "hits"; these compilations shouldn't usually be referred to as "greatest hits" packages and CERTAINTLY not "best of" packages. Do these albums have hits? Yes, more or less, but GREATEST? Just b/c a song climbs up the Billboard charts does not make it a GREATEST hit. Dancability, and catchiness are only important to ditzes who have nothing but empty space in their head. What about gut-wrenching confessionalism or anthemic life-savers? "Rhetta Miche" IS catchy, and it's got a quirky devilish beat, with multiple layers of sound, and X/? song (that one that translates from German to "Light House" in English) has a very deep and resonating beat, almost creepy bass, definitely worth hearing (AND it's catchy!). Are these songs danceable? Maybe, but you probably won't find wasted youths/young-adults dancing to these tunes for the sake of forgetting half the week they just lived out.
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