NEVERMIND

I got NIRVANA's NEVERMIND from Best Buy for FREE, since I had $10 in Reward Zone certificates. On Amazon, if you look hard enough, at the reviews of various products etc., you may (or may not) find the impression that the hidden track on Nirvana's NEVERMIND has been removed from recent/current pressings. Why would they do this? Well, why does George Lucas think his alterations to the Star Wars original trilogy improve upon it? We'll never know. But I don't doubt that this was the case at some point. The good news is that the copy I got today DOES have the hidden track; of course, you may be thinking "is this a 10 year old writing this blog or what? He just now has THE classic 90's album, the one that almost single handedly INVENTED the word "alternative???" Well, sadly, this is at least the 10th copy I've owned since my almost-was-stepdad's daughter he had b4 he met my mom got me exposed to the underbelly of popular culture...see, I'd been living "under a rock" as they say from shortly after my birth in late 1983 all the way through 1994 or later; Nirvana/Kurt Cobain didn't enter my thoughts until after he died; I eventually got caught up on all (that mattered) that occured during the early 90's and am now able to listen to today's music with an informed opinion...of course, I think I explained this in some other blog entry. I guess the main reasons I didn't know who Nirvana was is that I didn't listen to the radio and I didn't even HAVE MTV in the shelter(s) that I called home and I didn't read magazines and I spent A LAAAAAAAAAAAARGE portion of each day either watching or thinking about the all mighty GHOSTBUSTERS (1984). I also didn't have any "real" friends, i.e.: people that aren't related to me that care about me enough to hang out after school...I remember my father, who left when I was 7, rather fondly; I remember him being more down to earth and happy than my mother, who was and still does suffer from bouts of hysteria...looking back, it was obvious he cared about music and it seems as if he tried relating this to me at least once, when I asked him what it was he listening to on his stereo system, and he told me it was Chicago. I really don't remember what my reaction to that was, but I noticed the CD cover laying on the coffee table, or some hardwood surface, and I either couldn't tell what the image on it was or I just have a weird memory; I remember thinking it was a canoo with the Chaketa Banana lady/mascot mounted to the front, like they have mermaids mounted to the front of boats, except Chaketa Banana lady didn't look like a piece of wood on what I remember thinking was the album art...I've never seen that image on the internet, so I'm thinking I must've somehow distorted the image in my eyes or my mind (at the time - I think - I had just gotten out of bed for some reason, it was nightfall, so I might've had too much sleep in my eyes to see straight; but it's also possible I was just seeing what my mind wanted me to see, or what I wanted my eyes to see...). The only thing that even comes remotely close to what I remember seeing as my dad listened to Chicago that I've seen since then is the cover for Chicago's Greatest Hits (vol. 1).

Anyway...I was upset when it was obvious my mom and dad were getting seperated. I don't know exactly why, supposedly he wasn't around very much anyway, and I don't remember much pertaining to him, except the stuff his job allowed my mother to buy, like the ice cream maker that they had, the trailer in Ft. Ord, etc....but it seems family was important to me. Obviously, being raised in a "worldly" home (as my mother would say now that she's been "saved"), the CONCEPT of "family" didn't mean anything to me, but the people that my family was made up of were important to me. I don't remember how much time I spent basking in their glow, but I do know those few years in Ft. Ord were comfortable. It seems like every few or so years my mom keeps pushing back the move-in date for the trailer in Ft. Ord; lately she's been saying it was 1988, but shortly after I came to Missouri, I asked her what year we moved in there and she said 1987. Her memory is terrible; I had a "fake" friend in Jr. High & High school (we talked a lot at school, but didn't hang out, but of course my mother wouldn't have let us hang out regardless of what he thought about that prospect) who, with each passing year, kept pushing back the date of Kurt Cobain's death; when I first met him, he said Cobain died in 1996, the most previous year to the one in which I first met him (him is Shawn, that was his name); then the subject came up again a year later and he said Kurt died in 1997; I immediately noticed the fishy smell and tried explaining this and of course Shawn didn't have a clue what I was talking about b/c his memory was about as big as a fly and he didn't even care enough about Nirvana to know what "grunge" is...he classified Nirvana as "heavy metal". But then again, I was reading Stephen King during those days, where as Shawn didn't read ANYTHING. I don't read many books these days, but I do know how to read, I don't avoid reading, I read online news articles, customer/product reviews, and I do try to read books every now and again...Shawn protested his ability to look up a word in the dictionary while in class, although I doubt he was THAT stupid...of course, what was I doing in the same class as someone this utterly stupid if I'm so abile? Well, I may be bright, but I'm very impatient and very lazy. I got suspended for 3 days 'cause I got a point taken off of an assignment because of something that had nothing to do with the assignment and I illustrated my resentment in an illustration not unlike those ads for tshirts in Hit Parader magazine that say 'G_ F_CK _ _ _RS_LF/Need to buy a vowl?'. Why so glum? 'Cause I had a grade of 100% and that 1 pt ruined it! FOR NO REASON! Of course, the principal invented a BETTER reason for the teacher docking off a point, but I really wasn't interested in HIS reason for HER action. HE wasn't a teacher, he certainly wasn't THE teacher, HE was essentially putting words in the teacher's mouth to make the teacher look better. HE was full of SH_T.
Jr. High and High School was pretty much like daycare for teenagers. I would have had no social life, period, if it weren't for school. That's the only good thing that came about it. It was a waste of time, a waste of effort. If I knew I was gonna stay there indefinitely, I don't think I would have made it. I'm 25 now, and have no job, no will to get one. I'm living off of gov't assistance for a mental disability that I don't even know how to explain or that I even fully understand...CAN I get a job? If work were something that didn't entail dodging bullets, then yes. Could I keep a job? That's a tough one. If I wasn't dodging bullets, I'd be comfortable. When I'm comfortable, I get lazy. When I get lazy, I don't do well. When an employee doesn't do well, he/she ceases to be an employee. Of course, there's programs that give employers incentive (i.e.: money) for keeping SSI recipients employed, but why not cut out the middle man and just give that would-be "incentive" to my landlord and the utility company so I can have some place to live? I can't imagine being happy doing anything that I'm even close to being qualified for.

wow. what am I talking about? i'd be very surprised if you could somehow prove to me you read this pointless babbling....ahahahahahaha...