FB

 I don't remember exactly why but I reactivated my Facebook account a few days ago.

I've been just really hazy headed for the past 5 days+/-.  Maybe it's been longer than that, I'm not sure.  Days seem like they just tick by as unremarkably as sand passing through an hour glass.

Still having difficulty staying away from/fleeing immorality.  I was doing kinda sorta better the week before, I think, but not enough to cause anyone else to care.  Just the same as always; "You're going to die!!!, unless you stopppp!".  I have two people that counsel me.  The other guy is a bit more sympathetic toward me.  Neither one of them are hateful or anything but just this back and forth "You're saved. It doesn't matter what you do." vs "You better be afraid!". Idk.

I'm having an extremely difficult time being mindful of the sacrifice God made for mankind and the ramifications of it. Someone suggested I look into computer science or something and make a career out of that.  I was just thinking how painfully exhausted I'd likely be each day.  I'd go to work, come home and HOPEFULLY just go to sleep except I'd be wanting to enjoy some of the time I have on earth so I'd try listening to music but it'd end up being as cold and empty as anything else because I'd be too tired to pay it any mind.  Idk.  It might not be that bad.  But I don't know why anyone would pay for me to go to college.  Getting a loan for it at this point even seems unlikely.

For the sake of purity...

 

This post is kindofa two in one.  I started writing it and then while in the middle of it a friend called me.  

1)"To the pure, all things are pure, but to the defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure; but both their minds and their consciences are defiled."

I feel like I'm stuck in a pattern of negative thoughts.  Even when I'm happy, there's still some negative something or other nestled in the midst of the scenery.

I don't know what I can do about this.  I read The Bible fairly regularly, probably not as frequent as I could and should.  I ask Him for more power and ability to be self controlled and willing to serve, to serve Him joyfully.  

2)My friend says he can see change occurring in me.  I can't see it but I'm trusting between his insights and, not least, God's power and GREAT LOVE for people ("...for God so loved the world..."), that I will be healed of my illnesses.

LoFl

 Lord of the Flies was contrasted with an actual incident from 1965, when a group of schoolboys on a fishing boat from Tonga were marooned on an uninhabited island and considered dead by their relatives. The group not only managed to survive for over 15 months but "had set up a small commune with food garden, hollowed-out tree trunks to store rainwater, a gymnasium with curious weights, a badminton court, chicken pens and a permanent fire, all from handiwork, an old knife blade and much determination". When ship captain Peter Warner found them, they were in good health and spirits. Dutch historian Rutger Bregman, writing about the Tonga event, called Golding's portrayal unrealistic

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lord_of_the_Flies#

Lord of the Flies presents a view of humanity unimaginable before the horrors of Nazi Europe, and then plunges into speculations about mankind in the state of nature. Bleak and specific, but universal, fusing rage and grief, Lord of the Flies is both a novel of the 1950s, and for all time.

—Robert McCrum, The Guardian.[7]

It really seems like people have too good of a view of mankind.
It also seems like people have too negative of a view of mankind.
Evil can and sometimes does eclipse or enshroud any perceptible goodness in a person.
However, people can be taught how to overcome evil with good.
I'd heard an old pastor quote some other guy saying of the concept of "necessary evil": "Evil becomes regarded as increasingly necessary and less evil"
People have had the attitude of "necessary evil" in regard to just about every perceivable act of depravity, from lying and cheating to sexual immorality and ultimately even murder (although abortion isn't murder, and when else has anyone ever felt justified killing another human being?).  When you take God out of the equation, as people, to varying degrees, tend to do, all bets are off.  And when I say "God", I'm talking about the God that IS DESCRIBED in The Bible.  Regardless of what "people say", The Bible is clear about who God is.  If you're confused about who God is at some point while reading it, there are plenty of people to talk to about different things.  People try to talk about The Holy Bible as if it's two separate writings.  It's not.  The Old Testament is not "The God of Wrath" who is replaced in The New Testament as "The God of Love".  God has always had a high standard and has always had compassion and understanding and has always expected people to trust Him. People today who reject what Yahweh has spoken will suffer the same fate as those who God told to take hold of the Promised Land and refused to do so, instead whining and crying about how evil they think God is. 
People are "basically good", to an extent.  It's not because people are incapable of evil, it's because God has provided instruction on how to live from the beginning when He created Adam.  People have since then taken His instruction and refused to acknowledge the giver OF the instruction, and have tried to tweak His instructions to suit their needs, just like the stereotypical Gordon Gekko - wannabe type who wants a bigger slice of the pie and ends up throwing their business partner under a bus to get it.  Who says there's anything wrong with THAT?!  Who?  Really, WHO?  You?  Why does Mr. BigShot care what YOU think?  Or what your friends and relatives, and/or your neighbor think?  Or his own neighbors and relatives for that matter?  You want something badly enough, whose to stop you from getting it other than your own ineptitude?  God doesn't force people to love Him and act in His ways.  If He did, life would certainly be EASIER for all of humanity...if only we had no free will, sure...
aaaaanyway....

the burning skindin (title added 3:07pm)

(I wrote this midmorning.  I added a random title at 3:07pm same day)

Ppl of the church I'm going to decided to gather around talking all cocky about the supposed differences between them and other Christians because of their interpretation of the "Sovereignty of God" / Calvinism described in Romans 9.

There might be some nuances of error or I could be entirely off base but the bottom line is man has the freedom to do what he wants but does not have the knowledge or wisdom to make the best decisions.  God could come down and say "Hey!  Stop going that way!", but He doesn't.  People end up going too far too long and they end up blinded by sin.  That blinding effect can be offset however.  My mom has always tried to instill in me generosity and kindness.  Neither of us practice either of those as well as we should but the affinity for looking out for others and such was part of my upbringing.  My mom didn't know what she was accomplishing in doing that.  But God knew, even before it was happening/had happened.  God was able to reach me because of that.  I can already hear people crying out "self righteousness!". Bull!  What am I "taking credit" for?  The work that other people have done?  And I say people, plural, because someone in my mom's life instilled that in her before she gave birth to me.  And so on.  

God could have, instead of saying "If you don't obey God, other people are going to get the wrong idea and go to Hell", which He does say in 1 Peter.  But in Romans 9, the emphasis is on God's omnipotence and the fact that The Holy Spirit seals believers with rock solid faith whereas other people are going to parish despite God's ability to save them.  There is no injustice with God.  God does not have to do everything conceivable to stop people from becoming evil.  He could, but He doesn't want to.  That is how I interpret Romans 9, because I'm not just looking at the paper and ignoring the world around me.  The Bible doesn't encourage people to detach their faith from their everyday observations.  Yes, our own bodies are at work against us.  The culture is to varying degrees polluted.  That's why The Bible gives clear instruction on how to live.  If your body says "Go to her", you have God's word saying DON'T.  If your friend says "come to the mosque", you know not to.  Does that mean your ability to see the mountains and your desire for peace and comfort are also untrustworthy?  Of course not!  The Bible doesn't say anything about giraffs.  Does that mean the devil put giraffs here?  

Ugh.  I'm probably not being very "nice" idk...