Saturday, February 28, 2015

6/8/13

I wrote this awhile ago, was rummaging through my Google Drive and re-read it, and was like "cool"



The grass is so much greener on the other side
of the window I’m looking out,
the grass is so far away, I almost can’t see it
the grass is close enough
to touch
if I didn’t find it too eerie
to hold
it blows around the wild wind
the wild wind sways its hips, as it shuts the door with its ass
and leaves me behind this window
looking at the sunbleached grass
the sun is bleaching my mind
it feels so strange
strangeness is my friend
it’s close enough
to scream at
if it weren’t too fickle
to hold

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

The Sound of a Poltergeist...

SCEPTRE 2.1 Channel w/Built In Subwoofer Soundbar
Model #SB301523

Price is currently $55, free S&H when purchased directly from from Amazon (as opposed to the "Amazon Marketplace")
Customer product reviews @ Amazon are mostly positive, with no doubt some crabs being underwhelmed after experiencing a vast array of other, probably more expensive, options.
Between my lack of experience with hifi audio and my lack of efficiency in the ear dept., I think a budget sound bar would work just fine, especially in my tiny room.

I ate apprx 4000 calories the day before yesterday.  Last time I got weighed I came in at 250, but the person/nurse said she'd been told by several people that the scale used in that instance was not accurate.  So I'm hoping as of *now* I weight no more than 240...I more or less assumed I didn't weight *more* than what the scale said...but based on that figure (240 lbs), American Heart Association suggest if I wanted to maintain my weight, my max. calorie intake should be 3300.  If by chance I've lost more than 5 or 10 lbs, I'd imagine that max. intake just to keep the overage of weight I already have would go down to 3000 give or take ?... The more you weigh, the more you can consume without gaining weight.  However, I'm not simply trying to avoid gaining weight, I'm trying (rather feebly) to LOSE weight.  So...yesterday, I had closer to 3000 calories.  I had about half a pound of deer meat, not sure how many calories are in that, but it's probably about 400 if deer meat has the calorie qty of beef (more or less).
Today I've already had 1800 calories, maybe a little more, possibly a little less...I'm hoping I can just have a salad at around 2pm and then have oatmeal or cream of wheat (300 calories total w/ margarine & salad dressing factored in).  That w/ coffee (creamer) will up today's total to a more reasonable 2500 roughly.  I still need to keep it under 2300.  When I was only 25 lbs overweight as opposed to the whopping 50+..., I was told by someone who entered my info as I knew it to be in a smart phone and came up with a maintainance calorie intake of 2300.  If I can succeed at that for 5 days or at least close to that, then there's hope for me after all.  I'm not good with commitment.
Speaking of which, me and my fellow congregation members are now starting the New Testament of The Story, a 31 chapter breakdown of The Bible.  I am finally caught up, I was once 4 or 5 chapters behind.  On the downside, I haven't picked up The Bible itself in at least a week.  And my prayers are still a struggle to get out.  I keep forgetting to pray for forgiveness.  My pastor says I should obey God, my mother says obedience is a sign of appreciation for God's mercy, and my sister said that to do the right thing without God's help is wrong b/c you need to be humble.  So not only am I disobedient, I'm also an unappreciative little schit and even if I wanted to show my appreciation, I'd need some supernatural interference to aid me.  I don't pride myself in my limitations.  I just don't see any other way.  The supernatural (i.e.: prayer) is not something I have experience in dealing with.  I guess I just need practice.  But I have to want practice.  Or no?  I can't be praying to God while looking at my clock waiting for a reasonable(?) qty of time to pass in prayer and then rush right into checking my email in hopes that some new and noteworthy information has come my way.  Right or wrong, I would enjoy reading Elliot Perlman's SEVEN TYPES OF AMBIGUITY much more than reading The Bible.  I'm on the part/chapter(s?) on EXODUS that details the mountain of detail required of the priests and the temple.  The same thought runs circles through my head -- "Thank God these aren't on my to-do list".  I don't understand half the words used in this instruction, I don't feel like there's any point in decoding the symbolism of it all...Yes, it all points to Jesus.  So what?  The USA flag will continue to represent freedom so long as people want freedom.  The Antichrist will come into this world and take Obama's crimes and magnify them x1,000 and do to Christians what Hitler did to the Jewish people.  Oh, but never mind that!  The Flag is waving high and victorious!  The old and nearly did who were governing this country in 1965-1975 can defend its actions all it wants, but the fact is people cared more about the flag than freedom itself when they cheered on police beating and stomping on anyone with long hair or anyone who was identified as being a threat to this nation during that time.  There is absolutely nothing positive about violence and hate.  Yes, God commanded the Israelites to demolish some of the neighboring civilizations, but his hatred for rejection is no worse than the hatred a person feels when they are rejected or outcast or hated upon.  To hate God is to hate yourself b/c God created everything.  You can try denying it all you want, but there is no way around The Truth.  Obviously, evolution is a truth and I don't recall The Bible saying specifically that it isn't, but the elaborate concept that mankind was born from organisms in the water that expanded and eventually became land dwelling organisms that got added onto and eventually formed at least one human etc. etc. etc., has no more evidence backing it up than The Bible has to back itself up -- the mathematical likelihood of such a meticulously woven story like The Bible being written over the course of 1000+ years makes about as much sense as the assumption that mankind originated from the ocean by total accident.  BTW, I never subscribed the conventional Theory Of Evolution.  So long as I was socially conscious enough to know about the controversy of TOE, I never did put faith in its validity.  I don't have enough education to pick apart each and every field of science and say this is wrong and that is wrong or anything else for that matter.  But common sense doesn't disappear just b/c some group of scientists don't want to be associated with the same group of people that penalized a fellow scientist for proclaiming what we all know as true today - that the Earth is not flat.  And really, I believe that's what it all comes down to.  Between the cultural shift from Catholics being spat on and the modern day popularity of Catholicism -- there was no Protestant Church in Gallelio'(SP?)s heyday -- and science's uneasiness of not being able to PROVE God's existence, not to mention all the ignorance from Christians themselves (chiefly all the stupid dialogues that occurred in the 1800s when dinosaur bones were re-discovered by mankind) scientists have felt the desire to make science a religion all its own.  There's a slim possibility I'm wrong.  But I'm not going to take anyone's word for it.  This whole world is filled with distortions of the truth.  And a lot of people grow comfortable with these distortions.  Fans of Elvis Presley couldn't face the fact that he'd been using illegal drugs until over 10 years after his death.  To this day, I still maintain just as Michael Jackson's management team introduced him as an 8 year old despite the fact that he was really a 10 year old so that people wouldn't hear his age and look at him and go "man, is he a dwarf?" but instead go "aw, what a cute little boy" (2 years may not seem like much, but for some reason it just clicks differently when that 2nd digit is added), I think when Jackson's vitaligo got to a certain point, if he had bleached his skin, and publically admitted it, the public's reaction would have been worse than it already was/is.  Granted, lots of people would have been happy to spit on him due to the assumption that he did bleach his skin, compounded with all the extensive plastic surgery he undertook, but there were still many MJ fans that did not buy into the negative chatter surrounding him and his appearance.  Most of them are not USA citizens, but he would have essentially had to go into exile and start a whole new identity in Japan or somewhere had he told everyone that he bleached his skin so he'd have a more even flesh tone.  I mean, on the surface, it doesn't sound unreasonable to think someone would want a more even flesh tone and take action.  But on the other hand, female models get tons of flack for doing what their paid to do which is to represent the model appearance of a woman.  That's not to say some models don't go too far in it, but models in magazines etc. are no different than the apartment that the characters in the '90's sitcome FRIENDS lived in -- both are luxuriously unrealistic!  Three people working as a waitress, a crappy songwriter and a chef are not going to pull in enough money to pay the rent on a Manhattan apartment, which is the only apartment that would be as spacious as the one depicted in FRIENDS (1994-2005).  Now, a number-cruncher and a paleontologist and a soap actor are probably able to afford two apartments of the quality and size seen in FRIENDS...
Anyway.
There's a lot of buts and rebuttals but essentially, the average USA citizen (can't speak for France, Japan etc....their culture IS vastly different from ours...) there's a mixture of feeling like you're witnessing the first step in Frankenstein's monster, offended that he assumes that his fans are too shallow to accept him as he is, and shock that there was something wrong with his skin and nobody knew about it (It would probably seem to the average National Enquirer reader that he was impeding their ability to do their job right since there was no indication of this by way of any paparazzi photographs....)
Another thing is MJ was a private person.  His whole family's very close knit and private.  He learned to deal with seeing himself on TV long ago I'm sure, but I don't think he ever got used to all the mindless criticism and negativity directed toward him.
But my original point is people always say "why doesn't he come out and admit it?" and the answer is unflattering so people continue asking and, not surprisingly, no answers come to them.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Buying nostalgia...'spect!

http://idlehands1.blogspot.ca/2015/02/toy-fair-2015-titan-merchandise-on.html

A toy design called "Titan" is being applied to GHOSTBUSTERS (1984).
I am surprised by looking at them (you have to scroll down the link a little to see) to find how much like cartoons they look.  THE REAL GHOSTBUSTERS (the 1986-1991 cartoon) did not aim to reproduce the screen images of the movie, i.e.: Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis or Ernie Hudson.  They created their own design based solely on the heart&soul's of the characters in the movie.  Likewise, the Kenner toys did not aim to reproduce the ghosts seen in the TV show, but instead came up with nifty obscure concept-based toys.  I find it odd that anybody ever took aim at that method, since I never questioned or took issue with it when I was a wee lad.
Mattel has spent the last few years making "screen accurate" toys of the movie and cartoon.  They both suck.  The movie figures look cool b/c they're in uniform.  The ones they made w/o uniform are useless unless you want a 6" statue for the purpose of worshipping the enjoyment of the movie after watching it on Ghostbusters Day or whatever...the uniforms and "unlicensed nuclear accelerators" on their backs were the real draw.  Those things begged to be stared at.  They're just mind bogglingly cool.
The Ghostbusters Titans do not aim to reproduce the screen images of the cartoon.  They are designed to look like the movie characters, i.e.: the actors, but they are not "screen accurate".  I'd compare these toys to the puppets of Phil Collins, Mike Rutherford and Tony Banks in "Land Of Confusion"'s music video.


In other words, these are what toys are supposed to be.  I've held off buying these new GHOSTBUSTERS toys b/c they're useless.  They're EXPENSIVE! and do not come close to satisfying my nostalgic streak.  I do not play with toys.  But I remember I did once treat them as companions and even role - played scenes from the movie with them (I was an odd kid).
If I want to show my appreciation for GHOSTBUSTERS, I would be happy to own a GHOSTBUSTERS wallet.  I would be happy to own a GHOSTBUSTERS writing pen.  A bottle opener.  A fleece blanket.  Not any of that unlicensed bull that's all over e-Bay and Amazon.  I have a bottle opener, writing pens, etc., I don't need to have the GB logo on them.  It's not important, I'm not going to deplete my already small monthly budget just to own a GB fleece or wallet; if I need to replace my shoes when the forecasted "Came/Saw/Kicked" fleece blanket is unleashed to the public, I'll have to buy shoes instead.  But I'll be happy to buy the fleece when I'm able to w/o starving or de-sheltering myself.

KUDOS TO TITAN CO. or whoever did this......
ALSO: Diamond Select Toys apparently is taking the mantle of making screen accurate GHOSTBUSTERS toys, and they're better than the MattyCollector online exclusive toys that ceased production, supposedly due to a lack of demand (Fact: they're not as popular as DC Comics toys.  Why does that surprise anyone???).  They look a tad more realistic, which is the goal of most of these "adult collector" toys...with all the idol worship that screen accurate toys beckons and my feelings against such things, I'll just say: if DST ever makes a Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, I'll do what I have to do to get one.  MattyCollector tried to make a 24" Stay Puft and it looked stupid and there's a defect in the pigment that causes it to turn yellow or something....no, I don't own one, those things were $60 and sold out almost instantly, so I'm going based on what I read at the now defunct (mostly) Proton Charging website.
Now, I shall go repent.  SORRY GOD!  Ok, I'm good.
~J

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

www

Still awaiting delivery for LIVE/THE WAY WE WALK, the remixed, resequenced, and re-packaged version that encompasses the 1992 and 1993 release of LIVE/THE WAY WE WALK VOL. 1: THE SHORTS and LIVE/THE WAY WE WALK VOL. 2: THE LONGS, only available as part of the box set entitled LIVE 1973-2007 or this Japanese mini-LP package.
It seems like I ordered it ages ago.  It's not even been two weeks.  I'd be fortunate if it arrived today, especially given all the snow the Northeast has gotten.  And the NYC region is closer to Japan than the San Francisco/Portland side.  Of course, it might be entering the USA through one of the south eastern ports; last I've heard "the south" hasn't had to deal with all too much snow.  My town of residence, located pretty much in the center of the U.S.A., got hit with some heavy snow Sunday night/Monday morning.  The mail didn't arrive Monday b/c of President's Day and yesterday it took until after 5:30pm for mail to arrive, which was anticlimactic; just a gardening catalogue for my mom which she did not ask for, as far as I know.
I'm mostly assuming it's travelling by boat.  I don't know anything about boat mail.  I sure hope it didn't fall in the water or get stolen by someone...the seller did say to give it 2-3 weeks.  Amazon's estimated delivery isn't so optimistic.  They said to expect it between March 3rd and March 24th.  I really hope it arrives in good++ condition.  I would think the seller knows what they're doing and would as a result pack the merchandise in a manner that keeps it from getting wet or bent up.  I can only imagine the kinds of abuse this item has gone through over the past 13 days, let alone 13 MORE days...

I almost didn't go the Church on Sunday.  A) I didn't feel like it B) I was thinking my ride was going to be picking my grandma and her neighbor up.  C) The weekly sermon about THE STORY is on pause until this upcoming Sunday, so I figured it wouldn't be beneficial, which I realize now makes no sense, b/c Jeremy doesn't just make stuff up when he talks.  He does cite a lot of secular and second hand sources in his sermons, but it always comes back around to The Bible.  Today, I learned God's definition of Love and I realize now that I need a lot of time to recover all that's been lost.  I don't think God is incapable of providing me with Love, but I need to get with it, which is easier said than done.  I've been reading The Bible for almost(?) a year now and I'm only on page 73 (I think).  Granted, some of that lack of progress is due to my weekly commitment to read THE STORY, but not all of it is that.  I am EXTREMELY impatient, VERY easy to anger, maybe more modest than some, but always holding close myself and my own.  It's always "my" money, "my" CD Collection, "my" taste in movies....it's all going to rot and very little of it has even a temporary satisfaction.  Most movies and music are aptly described - entertainment; they give the brain something to do, not much different than a puzzle or a board game.  Almost all movies aspire to be art, but most of them are an embarrassment to the concept.  I guess I'm reaching there though.  Has art ever been all that?  I think of sculptures and I think of paperweights.  Seriously, I don't care!  I think of paintings, the Mona Lisa comes to mind and I go "why?"  My life is full of the richness of art but art is nothing without real people and real experience to back it up.  the thing is, I didn't always believe that, and I thought I'd be fine being a hermit.  Little did I know that going to school, despite the constant taunting and teasing by my peers, was the richest experience I could have gained, despite my profound lack of an education....sad thing is, most of my peers, for all I know, might have some redeeming qualities that overshadow the nastiness I saw in them, but I'll never know....
Going to church you'd think would help.  But I always sit in the back.  I feel like I'm imposing on other people, people that I don't know when I sit "with everyone".  Small group is a little better.  It still doesn't erase the bitter aftertaste of 13 years witnessing the apathetic cruelty of humanity, knowing how many people either forsake Christianity or pretend to be Christians and don't even try.  I knew some guy who was a member of the Church of Christ and the guy's pastor had no college education and, for instance, used quotes from The Bible as a means to attack a gay couple that was present.  The Bible says SPEAK THE TRUTH WITH LOVE.  This other guy I knew goes to a Methodist church - Methodist churches do baptisms on babies and leave everyone else out in the cold.  And how on Earth does pouring water on someone who isn't old enough to appreciate what's going on benefit anybody?  Sadly, most Christians, the 1/3 of the United States that aligns itself with that umbrella, are Catholic and I don't have any serious consideration for a religious institute that works for God and also knowingly employs pedophiles.  I'd be suspicious of them regardless due to the whole "last rites" concept, which is basically some random dude absolving someone of their sins, which makes NO SENSE!  Jesus absolves people of their sins if you choose to receive him.  There is no need for an all powerful and all knowing and mind bogglingly loving God to have a band of right hand men for that task.  The claims against The Catholic Church that gave rise to The Protestant Church seem perfectly rational when you compare the two's religious texts.  Yes, The Catholic Church has more pretty statues and buildings, yes, they are a very organized and powerful organization that, on the surface anyway, does a lot of good and has an interest in good, but it doesn't matter how many homeless people you shelter and/or feed, or how many grams of intellect you have or the # of contributions you made with it, if you do not recognize Love, aka God, your contributions are a drop in the bucket and are recognized as such.
Anyway.  Yeah.  I've probably turned 9/10 of anyone reading this away by this point.  Sorry if I don't sound loving enough.  Like I said, Jesus has a big restoration project on his hands once I figure out how to cooperate and consent to do whatever is needed.  My point in that anti-denomination rant is that going to Church is no solution for my lack of social integration, knowing how few people in this civilization are even interested in the ideals that make up The Church of God.  It's a small church too, mostly filled with old folk and I am a freak regardless - I know it, I feel it from within.  I guess it's the tardive dyskonesia(sp???), it really gets in the way of simply sitting down and being comfortable.  And how many people can listen to Oingo Boingo's first two CDs and feel like they're listening to a soundtrack to their brain waves?  Or listen to AMERICAN FOOTBALL by American Football and not think "This is weird!" ?  I brought my copy of HAVING by Trespassers William into my therapists' car and he was like "THIS IS WEIRD MUSIC!"  Not sure what his complaint was...I guess it was the mechanized reverb in the singer's vocals during the first 2 minutes of the opening track...idk...both CDS are profoundly emotional and dripping with sweetness.  All comparisons to any legendary mainstream, classic or alternative rock band are meaningless.
Ugh.  I have no idea what I was going to say if anything.  It seems like I was beginning something, but I don't remember what.  If I think of it, I'll edit.

Saturday, February 7, 2015

I had it all planned out...

...but became sick of looking at all the cool stuff I don't have...observing as an outsider....so I spent almost $50 of the $72 (10%) I was originally planning on giving back to God as The Bible says to do.  The problem was compounded by a lack of knowing what the hell "10%" is...I'm pretty sure either the 10% thingy doesn't apply to me OR 10% of my $ is actually $81, b/c the CASH I receive (rent, utilities etc. etc. and beyond) is $732, but I also receive a monthly $83 in food stamps.  Yeah, food stamps are not money, but try telling all the retailers that accept food stamps.  The # of retailers that let "lazy freeloadin'" welfare recipients "take" from their store has done nothing but increase over the past 10 years.  Why?  It's because the gov't pays them cash in exchange for the consumers' food purchases.  Yes, it's not "real" money in the sense that I can do whatever dumb frivolous thing I want with it.  But anybody in their right mind is either going to need food or going to want food.  People often criticize the system saying you can't eat healthy food on food stamps.  That is total bull.  Sure, you can't stockpile on steak or hamburger, but you can eat 3 meals a day and still be healthy.  You can buy whole grain bread, veggies, beans, eggs....the only thing I can see people having a problem with is the small qtys a person would be limited to if they didn't have any additional income.  I generally spend $130-$150 on groceries in a month and half of that is wasted on my destructively insatiable appetite.  $80 or so is covered w/ food stamps.
So, in short, to dismiss that $80 as part of my monetary possession is to basically act as an ungrateful snot.  It'd be one thing if there was something I really really wanted and needed to buy it.  But that is simply not the case.  The closest thing to something I really really want that would require me to forgo the 10% offering to God would be a home theater or stereo system of some kind.  But that could very well be problematic, given the fact that my house does not isolate or keep in sound very well (I sometimes fear the neighbors can hear it when me and my mother argue).
But anyway; as I was saying -- ugh.  I do have a CD arriving from Japan that I had been thinking about buying for the past 2+ years and continually hemming & hawing about buying...the brand new ones are usually at least $30, more often than not $35+, and, I don't know how long this has been the case, but lately there's been a crop of used ones popping up, hovering between the $25 mark + S&H, but most of them are being sold by sellers with a less than stellar reputation and not even claiming the item to be in "like new" condition, which is troublesome, given that the OBI, a high selling point for collectors, should I ever need or want to re-sell it, is probably not present from what I've read online about Japanese CDs...Another thing that makes it a tough sell is the songs are basically just remixed versions of songs I've already heard a million times.  The remixing does enhance the songs, I know this b/c I've heard this album on a site that I no longer go to b/c I kept getting "site unsafe" notifications when using the Chrome browser.  The CD is available domestically, but only as part of a $100+ boxed set.
Actually, first I bought a gift card for Amazon.com at Dollar General, valued at $39, then I had to spend it on Amazon despite how much I wished I could take it back for a refund.  ABC Gift Cards and Cardpool etc., don't offer very much for Amazon gift cards for some crazy reason.  And I do shop @ Amazon pretty regularly even though my total amount spent there each month is usually less than $20...I mean, sometimes I'll spend $40 or $50, but end up getting $20 or more of that refunded b/c some lazy opportunist seller is offering a CD I want and grading it like "very good" or "like new" when the case and/or cover-art are in horrendous shape.  I realize it's not uncommon for people to treat their stuff like it's trash and it's not important bla bla bla, but if you can't keep your stuff in VERY good condition, then it shouldn't be described as such.  "Good" aka "good enough" is exactly what it sounds like "It looks like trash, but it's good enough!"  Surprisingly, a lot of people get panicked when they hear that a DVD or CD has scratches on it.  I always go "why???"  A CD or DVD is not going to have playback problems just b/c it has a scratch or two on it.  I've seen CDs that look like they've been brushed with sandpaper and they still played w/o a hitch on my CD and/or DVD player(s) that I was using at that time(s).  People who are offering a CD that has no cover-art offer their stuff as "Like new".  Yeah, it plays w/o problems.  Why wouldn't it?  A lot of playback glitches will become apparent if you take a used/abused CD and start using it on a different CD or DVD player.  That I understand.  But most CDs that have 2 or 3 marks do not end up effected by this unless you're using a really high grade CD player.  Most people aren't.

Poor shut - in

The idea of staying home all day is looking like an epic fail for those who don't have loads of money and/or patience.  I'm looking for a pair of pants to buy at Sears' website 'cause I get $15 in points boomeranged to me if I spend $50 in clothing and I only have $45 worth of clothing in my cart w/ the purchase of two media/novelty shirts.  However, it is literally impossible to add pants to my Sears cart b/c they require me to pick an "inseam" size.  Since when in the f***ing hell does "inseam" be a word in the vocabulary of those outside the stitching/tailoring industry???  I went to WiseGeek dotcom and they have no clear  / plain English definition of an inseam.  They say "you can calculate the inseam by......" yeah that's about where I start imitating Snoopy and go "pi@@ off!!!!"  Stupid b.s.  Sears does NOT require me to give them my pant leg size.  So, they want me to pick an inseam but who cares if I survive the flood, right?  Damn schit!!!