He's as high as a kite!!~

Super stimulated as of late.  I feel nerved to the outer extremities with finger tapping pulse pounding EXCITEMENT!  I don't even know why half the time.  It's gotta be the increase in Cymbalta my psychiatrist recommended.  I'm feeling a lot more optimistic overall, although still plauged with paranoia and feelings of sadness and/or melencholi (sp????rrrrrr)

January 7th  -- Day one of good news to be
JOKER comes out on DVD and Blu ray and can be rented from Redbox.  I'm assuming it'll also then be available for rent at Amazon etc.

January 28th -- TERMINATOR: DARK FATE (the "other" Terminator 3) comes to video!!!!!!!!

February 2020 CLOCKERS makes it's "took you long enough" debut on Blu ray.  One of my favorite movies.  Stylistically it reminds me of BRINGING OUT THE DEAD.  Martin Scorsese was tapped to direct CLOCKERS and he did produce it, but I don't know how those two movies so manage to pull me in and throw me around for a whirl.  I guess CLOCKERS connects with me personally because I grew up with gang violence being a very pervasive presence nearby where I lived in central California, in Monteray County.  Seaside, CA was the worst.  It was kind of an issue in Salinas as well.  Seaside waso bad in the '80s that my mom did everything she could to get my father to pack up and move us somewhere else.  It got a lot better after someone having a picnic ended up getting shot by a stray bullet in a gun fight.  It still wasn't exactly a safe place to live per se when I'd left there for Missouri at age 13, in the summer of 1997.

As for BRINGING OUT THE DEAD, I guess I relate to it because it's basically about a guy who has a hard time adjusting to his change of circumstance.  He starts out as a medic, thinking he can help those in need and he succeeds well, but ends up in a dry season, where his ability as a medic isn't put on display for anyone to see.  His patients either die on the way to the hospital or before he can assess their situation well enough to help them.  I was like that in some way back when I was a little child.  I had a "psychotic breakdown" when I was about 8 years old and most people would ask what happened to cause it and I simply can't explain it.  The number of negative life changes occurring just was too much for me to take at that time.  My father leaving, the change in address, the dog having to be re-homed, everything, it just got to be too much and even though I'd been medicated for a couple years at that point, I wasn't able to be treated with regular parenting.  I ended up staying 2 months in a psychiatric ward and another couple years in a temporary living situation.  My mom says the temporary living situation should have been much more temporary (less than a year) but the doctors were not medicating me effectively and the staff were only concerned with pissing me off because they were told by someone high up that it would be good for me and my anger issues  I did eventually get a sort of talking to about how to better handle being picked on etc., but that was a long time coming.  Nobody ever went over that stuff with me.  They just tormented me and watched me suffer in glad joy and I just kept suffering and wishing they would pity me instead of prey on me.  I had the same kind of reaction to the radical change in family dynamics that occurred in the early '00s.  I was an atheist who eventually became a believer who didn't believe because it was too horrifying to be true.  I eventually after a decade of raising my fist at God, figuratively speaking, came to the conclusion that A) this circling around of hate and justification of disbelief was not healthy and was not going to end and B) If The Bible is true, I have no way of ceasing such fact from existing.  And after a little bit of a rocky start, still a little bumpy, I feel much more relaxed and at peace with myself and God.  I know that He is love and the only reason so few people will see Heaven and Eternal Life is because mankind is so against His love.  You see it in people's raising of their children.  So many people are sparing the rod and spoiling their children.  One of the proverbs goes so far as to say something to the effect of a child without a good ass whooping is better off dead.
  FOUND IT--Proverbs 13:24


JULY 10 2020
GHOSTBUSTERS AFTERLIFE!!!!!!
JUN - AUG 2020 ----- GHOSTBUSTERS TOYS!!! WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

BRINGING OUT THE DEAD still not scheduled for release on Bluray as far as I know.
THE REAL GHOSTBUSTERS toys from Kenner might be gettting reproduced for TO-DAY but I haven't heard any official confirmation.  Some listings popped up at DeepDiscount.com including something that sounds very similar to an unproduced concept that had been in the pipeline but never got put into action until it was too late.  A prototype was made up but Kenner bigwhigs had already decided to pull the plug on the RGB toy line.  There weren't any details on the listings that DeepDiscount had up.  They were taken down a few days later.  GhostbustersNews.com had a post on their site and at Twitter about it, but that got removed as well.  I asked Jason at GBNewsdotcom why he deleted the post and I GUESS it must be kind of a mib hush hush thing.  Like "NEVERMIND ---- You didn't see what you're claiming I posted on my website.  IT - NEVER - HAPPENED!"

tHE RELEASE date DeepDiscount had posted was August.  I don't know if they'rell be any other Hasbro delicacies popping up before then or not.  There were a couple that were supposed to come in May actually, if I recall correctly.

The rest of 2020 is devoted to GB toys.

I have a preorder at Bullmoose.com in place for GHOSTBUSTERS LEGACY: THE MAKING OF GHOSTBUSTERS I & II by Matt McAlister (who I have no knowledge regarding, I'm just assuming he was hired for a valid reason).  Books is supposed to ship June 2nd of 2020.  So there's that.
Man.  2020 is full of great things.
Even if Jesus shows up before it happens, I can at least say I had something to be excited about.  I kinda doubt he'll show up out of the blue like that.  Revelation details this fairly well.  I don't know for a fact that it's all in chronological order.  There's a section that talks about something like a book with seven seals or something like that.  Jesus riding in on a cloud is supposed to be toward the end of the 7 seals, but why each seal is numbered the way it is is not known and maybe God had in mind for that to be the chronological order but there's no promise or statement of such being so.  It's possible that God may delay Jesus' coming way longer.  I don't think mankind has stooped any lower than it's previously been known to.  I think maybe the surge in persecution of Christians overall throughout the world might be an indication of The Signs that Jesus talks about.  I think it'll probably get so bad that even in the U.S., things will become much worse than they presently are.  And I don't think the time is that far off.  People who have had the Gospel given to them as young children are much weaker in their ability to abide in the Holy Spirit than they were 50 years ago.  With all the drug culture and rampant pornography being thrown about throughtout the 70's and 80's, many people after leaving home were seduced and slowly, but quicker than they perhaps thought they would have, fell away.  Some of them came back, but crawling back to God is sometimes harder than it should be.  I'm still finding it difficult after 5 years in church to shave off my old nature and put on the full armor of God.
I'm fine with God returning whenever he wishes to.  I know i can't demand to live long enough to see a movie that might not even be all that great in theaters and/or on video.  I mean, really --- despite the anticipation and the very real possibility that GB:AFterlife will indeed be a jolly good time of a movie, it still could A) suck balls B) end up kinda "meh" or C) end up 2 or 3 serious notches below the bar set by Ghostbusters II which was not that high to begin with.  Then of course there's D) which is it could trump the original.  Fat chance.  Most likely it'll be at least as good as Ghostbusters II although it obviously will be a very different movie.  It takes place in a rural setting whereas GBII was all about the bright lights and big citiness of NYC circa 1988/1989.  Also of note: If God permits his citizens to watch movies --- or if some of His citizens insist on watching cinema --- ------- GB: Afterlife can "live on" in Heaven, with the most creative person you'll ever meet at the helm.  When God says cut, the Angels better do it right!

Ghostbusters 35th anniversary steelbook

Originally a 5 disc set, I only have need for 3 of the discs.  I have the other 2 discs w/ the steelbook offered for sale @ Amazon, seller name being realgobutter

My sister gave it to me for my 36th birthday.  I haven't used it much, just more of an idea type thing, like "Why don't I own this?!", like the kind of thing that just makes perfect sense for me to own, even though an argument can be made to the contrary as well.

My mom gave me some good quality housepants so that my regular pants will hopefully live longer.  They're nice pants, so there's no need to wear them when I have nowhere I'm planning on going, which is most of the time.

My gramma got me a $20 bill and a card.  Was nice because I otherwise would have had no money to give to the church.  Not exactly an act that reeks of my esteem, but I know that's not the point anyway.  The humble will be exalted and the reverse being true as well.  I'm a litttle humble, a lot less so than I'd like.

Anyway.
Got my meager list of Christmas gift recipients checked off almost a month ago.  I still need to package them (basically).  Wasn't a whole lot of thought put into it.  Just needed to set aside the funds to do it.

My mom and my sister are heading out Wednesday to visit my gramma and some of her family -- two sons and a granddaughter from her biological daughter, who is now deceased, r.i.p.  There might be other people there, hard to say.  Obviously, my grandmothers' family is much larger than those 3 people, but they are usually present whereas the rest of her family is a bit futher away.

I kind of feel bad about not going, but I really don't know how much pet sitting would cost.  It seems like it'd be AT LEAST $150.  If I could rely on it being so little, I might just go with, depending on what my sister thinks of her & her husband's finances, but I'm thinking a good round of pet sitting would cost around $200 at least.  My cat would probably be OK with me being gone 4-5 days.  She really doesn't need anyone for anything, although she really likes companionship.  She can survive on a little food put in her bowl each day, roughly 1/2 a cup.  I usually put it in there twice.  My sister's dog is the real question mark.  He's so wishy washy about his business.  He'd probably be OK too, just getting out to go potty 3 or 4 times a day.  I don't know if the house would survive on just 3 outside trips.  Soemone would probably need to leave him outside and be mindful enough of the effects of weather on him, to let him back in when it gets too cold.
Anyway.
hmm...not sure what else there is to talk about.
.
....

Aw, quac, Batman!

MAN OF STEEL was a great film very much in the vein of THE DARK KNIGHT TRILOGY.  I don't understand how the science of MOS is flawed by any means.  Maybe it is.  But TDK trilogy is not any more realistic than MAN OF STEEL, keeping in mind that scientifically flawed is not the same thing as unbelievable.  Scientists say there is no God simply because they haven't proven the existence of an invisible all powerful entity of any kind.  Gee, go figure.  Science, on the other hand, has never proven the non existence of an invisible all powerful entity, which is something scientists don't seem to understand.  Nothing in The Bible has been scientifically disproven.  The suppositions of scientists are un-Biblical and therefore they've come up with alternate theories and "Facts" to counter what The Bible says.  So when someone says Man of Steel is scientifically flawed, I don't even know who to believe.  I hard one guy say that 2001: A SPACE ODDYSEY should have been more thoroughly researched because space ships are a lot smaller than they are on 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY.  Yes, it was optimistic of the filmmakers to assume we'd be travelling to deep space by 2001 or any point close to that, but given the optimism about getting to Mars, only 20 years after 2001 was supposed to have taken place, how far fetched is it to further believe that in another 20 years we'll have space ships with enough room for people to build buffet dining areas and good size rooms for folks to roam around?  2001 was a place holder title.  It wasn't meant to be a prophecy.  It wasn't a Nostrademeous (sp??) calculation of the future.  It was a warning about the dangers of mankind's reliance on technology.  Not only did the A.I. machine overtake the spaceship, but it had developed a more authentic humanity than the people in the movie.  At least that's what some people say.  Acting was so wooden in the '50's and '60's, I have a hard time discerning what the portrayal of the people in the movie was supposed be to perceived as.
But anyway.  MAN OF STEEL was obviously meant to kick off a new era of SUPERMAN movies.  So it's really annoying to see them immediately follow it up with that stupider than stupid DAWN OF JUSTICE film.  Not only did they disregard the DARK KNIGHT trilogy as cannon with the MAN OF STEEL film, they portrayed Batman as a worthless soul full of murderous hate with no redeeming qualities about him.  And then they haphazardly introduce Wonder Woman toward the end just appearing out of nowhere.  I didn't make it that far into the movie.  I just thought the whole thing was beyond stupid.  The reasoning behind severing the movie from TDK was ludacrous.  Superman is an alien.  Given that, there's nothing fantastical about his portrayal in MAN OF STEEL.  The only thing potentially fantastical about the movie is that he is an alien.  Don't believe in aliens?  Can't fathom the cocnept?  Fine.  Don't watch MAN OF STEEL *or* DAWN OF JUSTICE.  Most people can at least entertain the notion of aliens.  At least I would hope so.  Maybe most people don't BELIEVE in aliens, but the possibility of aliens is just as real as the possibility of God as depicted in The Bible, who many say negates the possibility that aliens exist........total b.s. btw.  The Bible doesn't mention aliens, but science doesn't mention God.  Is science unreliable because people misinterpret the data at hand or expect the data to reveal more than God intended it to reveal?  If so, you may as well regard mankind's mission to the moon as voodo.  I don't get how one can disregard science.  Science as a culture is unGodly, in large part.  But science as a means of fact finding is not wrong.  Science is really just another word for reason.  You can assume a bunch of stuff that is contradictory or you can examine things carefully and come up with conclusions based on the observations at hand.  Things like the existence of God or the reality of JFK's assasination are not scientifically proven or disproven.  They're just facts that you can argue with or accept.
And then of course they follow MAN OF STEEL up with JUSTICE LEAGUE.  They assume it was the grim tone of MAN OF STEEL that drove people away from it.  So they turn JUSTICE LEAGUE into a multi-verse equivlanet of BATMAN FOREVER (1995).  And surprise surprise the movie also performs poorly at the box office.  Gee, how about quitting while you're ahead?  Warner Bros/DC. rushed into the DCEU as if it was do or die because Marvel studios was taking all kinds of love from the audience.  Warner Bros. makes actual movies.  THE DEPARTED didn't gross $500 million worldwide did it?  No.  It was a reasonably budgeted movie and it was of good quality and it made a decent return on investment.  Why the heck does WB/DC care if their supehero movies are not as well liked as Marvel's?  Martin Scorsese I highly doubt will be seen making an entry into the DCEU or the MCU but you don't see him pining for all the Marvel lovers.

the speed of sleep

PEople always use the example of babies crying to alert their parents to the fact that they need food as an example of people's inherent selfishness, which is equated with sin.
First of all, being selfish is not a sin.
Secondly, babies don't have the mental capacity to understand what greed is and their attention span is too limited to retain that information if they could understand it.

Children don't take very long to embody traits that are man's downfall.  My 3 year old nephew leans on his own understanding far too often and as a result violates the commandment to honor his parents.  However, this 3y/o nephew doesn't understand how to avoid playing too rough with his 1.5 y/o brother to keep from killing him or seriously injuring him.  He also does not know how to read.  His comprehension skills have dramatically improved over the past year and I'm told he has comparatively very high intelligence.

The so-called Age of accountability is not a concrete thing.  People's 1st sin is always idolatry.  If you're not trying to avoid disobeying God it's because you're too focused on other things.  There will be a time when Joseph has enough understanding to avoid breaking any of the 10 Commandments but will he be aware enough of his Creator to do so?  Will he revere his Creator enough and appreciate Him enough to do so?

At 3, my nephew is fast approaching the age of accountability, I do think.  Is he there yet though?  I don't think so.

///

I was thinking about my sister's complaint about a chronological Bible that she was having negative feelings toward because, for example, it covers "the triumphant entry" four times in a row.  It's covered in all of the four Gospel accounts, so instead of chronicling it and moving on, it covers the triumphant entry and then covers it again.  The point is to include every last "letter" of God's Word without exception.  That's stupid.  The Bible is chronicled the way it is because God wanted it that way.  It makes sense as it is.  It covers everything you need to know in the order you need to know it.
If you want a timeline of The Bible's events, there's a way to offer that without re-arranging the chapters of The Bible.  The Bible is not written as a timeline.  It's written as nourishment for the soul.  God is not limited by time and space.  We need to look toward Heaven if we want to get there.  Looking at old bones is not going to accomplish anything.

the loss of sin

God forgives a lot.  A disintction is made in The Bible about the love one has toward God based on what (s)he's been forgiven for.  I feel like my effectiveness as a desciple of Christ is rather minimal, partly because of two things:
1) Just about everyone I come across already goes to church;  I don't know how to convince the ones that don't into going
2) (mainly because of point1), I'm privileged enough to know how to live in a civil and civilized manner and have not engaged in murder or anything that would contribute to the murder of anyone (I think).

I am very blessed to have inherited citizenship from a country founded by Christ-minded individuals, as flawed as they were.  The downside of that is I don't know how to make disciples as Jesus commanded.  It probably also hinders me that my mind tends to work harder than my eyes.  I'm constantly looking inward and beyond rather than at the surroundings and often when I try to think of solutions to basic fundamental life situations I come up empty.  I can't imagine what I would do if I saw someone who others might say "This person needs help".  I don't know if I've ever seen one such person and didn't look closely enough or not.

I am guilty of sin.  Don't think living in mainstream USA makes anyone able to walk away from God.  Mankind isn't meant to be Godless.  Even if we weren't sinful, we would need God.  We were not created to be independent.  Nobody IS independent.  Nobody is obligated to have a job position open.  Job positions do open up and if you apply for it, you are not promised acceptance.  Your skillset and your ability to convey what your skillset is and how greatly endowed with it you are can always be outdone by someone.  Even if you're the best of the best, your skillset and quality thereof is not your own making.  God can build you up just as easily as he will eventually destroy this dark world.  He builds up many people, even those who spend their whole life in denial of His existence.

I don't claim to understand how or why God chooses what He does or how some people are Chosen and others aren't and what the fate of the everyday person is.  I don't know for an absolute fact that making desciples is the ONLY way to invite others to God's Kingdom.  As mysterious as God is to Christians, would it not be possible for someone to know God enough apart from Christ?  Surely Adam and Eve knew God.  Noah knew God and Moses did as well.  Many people of the 12 tribes of Israel knew God.  I only know that their knowledge of God existed because The Bible makes note of it.  I have no idea what the villagers of Africa and modern day Asia were doing.  I doubt it was much different than the fruitless superstitions of the nations that surrounded Israel for the most part.
The sad thing is many who know God still don't have any intention of honoring God.  This is documented heavily in the entries of The Bible that are placed after, mainly 1st and 2nd Samuel, Kings and Chronicles.  Kings and Chronicles begin so happily almost like a fairy tale then things get so grim you almost can't stand it.  I think that's partly why Chronicles 1 & 2 are included in The Bible despite the bulk of it being recounting the bulk of Kings 1 & 2.  It is helpful to be reminded of how good things used to be or could be even if this situation at hand is far from good.

I'm not exactly sure where I was leading to with all this or if I was leading to something.  It seems like I had a topic sentence in mind but now I"m kind of confused as to what it was or why.  I guess I'll leave it here.
  [insert a head smack for having gone so long w/o posting as my way of presenting a sincere apology....not really, I'm actually typing this.  A pause for a head smack was not made  --- do I seem less sincere?  Sure.  After all, God is faithful to the end inasmuch as there ever is an end.  I am not God.........]\

some serious sheet THE BIG MOVIES list

1. Arrival (2016)
2. Back To The Future (1985)
3. Basket Case (1982)
4. Being There
5. Bringing Out The Dead
6. Candyman (1992)
7. Clockers
8. The Dark Knight Trilogy (2005-2012)
9. E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
10. Forrest Gump
11. Ghostbusters (1984) & Ghostbusters II
12. The Green Mile
13. Heathers (1989)
14. Hellraiser & Hellbound: Hellraiser II
15. The Last Unicorn
16. My Girl (1991)
17. nowhere (1997)
18. Ordinary People
19. Short Circuit
20. Starman (1984)
21. Taxi Driver (1976)
22. Terminator 2: Judgement Day
23. What's Eating Gilbert Grape?

deeper still

I've been wondering lately if I'm on the path to salvation or if I'm actually saved.  People insist you can't lose your salvation, but there's actually parts in The New Testament that talk about salvation as if it were a process.  One little segment, maybe in Hebrews (the book I've been reading lately), says something like urging the folks to finish their salvation or something like that, idk.....need to write these things down when they occur....rrg.  And Jesus says you will be recognized as a desciple if you heal the sick and cast out demons and all this supernatural stuff that you never see happening in this day & age.  Maybe that's because people pray for healing in private and the demons are either stunted by the boldness of Christians or uninterested in the ones who've already fallen away or never were "in" to begin with.  I think Jesus also included prophesying in that, but I'm not 100%...that word could I suppose mean simply being able to decipher truths that other people refuse to or simply cannot understand....idk.  I think prophesying I think seeing visions and all that kind of stuff....I guess that's Old School Propheteering.  Which makes sense since God never wanted to point everybody to His people, but rather he wanted His people to point to Himself.

And I swear my neck has gained two pounds alone this past week.  I swear I saw it jiggle like early this morning or last night, sometime around there...I shaved yesterday. A couple weeks ago I got some decent razors.  I'd been using these like 30 ct doitonce razors that cost like $5 or less a pkg.  I got a reusable handle and 6 blade-cartridges for like $20(ayg!).  I don't know if it was "worth" it, supposing I were the one paying for it with my own money, but it's definitely a nice thing to have.  I seriously could not live in Georgia if I were living by myself.  I don't think there's anywhere that costs less than $500 a month...there might be a studio apartment in some tiny town further out closer to Cobb County like in Acworth or something that might cost like $350 or $400....I don't think there's any reason to expect to find somehting like that though.  Housing in that price range probably gets snatched up as soon as its listed.  And then I would need to pay probably $150/mo for something like Uber.  No matter what need there is of it, I don't think an ability to get everything I need in one shopping trip is going to manifest itself in my living.  That's at least $40 just for one grocery shopping trip (ALDI) and then a return to (stuff I forgot).  Then if I need to do anything else, I either need to pay extra to do it online ($25?) or pay $25++ to go to WalMart or wherever it is I need to go ...if I needed to go to church (which I do) then I'd need to at least set aside $20 in case I can't get a ride to and/or from.  Usually I can't get a ride to.  But I can get a ride back home pretty easily.  Idk..   Might not need $150.  Could probably do fine on $100 or less maybe.  It really depends on the time of day, I would think....I don't have the Uber app, so I don't know for sure.  I've had it on my phone before, I've used it a couple times but I haven't ever routinely used it at any point ever.  

Not even sure why I'm talking about this,  Ithink I had a thought based on something I wrote or was about to write, but it probably would've made more sense to express what that thought was before totally changing the subject all crazy like.

OH....that's right.  I was talking bou the razors.  Yeah.  My sister charges rock bottom rent for me to live in the not quite as nice level of the house.  I don't mind it being not as nice.  I'm not complaining.  I used to live in a rathole of my own making and didn't mind because I was in tune with whatever music or movie I was engaged with at any given time.  I wasn't spending any significant amount of time standing around looking at how clean (or unclean) my room/apartment is.  That's probably something I could have done if I had cleaned it more, it would have given me more opportunities to relax and kick back........enjoy life more...idk.

So anyway.  my face is more shaved than it's ever been, even though there's still some fuzz on my face and a couple tiny spots I missed.  The crazy thing really is how few cuts I've gotten.  I've bled a few tiny spots, maybe 5 or 6, mostly in groups of 2, and they didn't hurt of course and they dried up in no time.  Swizzy!

Back to my original topic, I Just feel like often I lack something. It could be worse, I guess.  I don't know if I feel as shallow as I did a few years ago.  I guess I'm just greedy sometimes.  I mainly just worry that I'm slipping away too often.  I keep indulging my eyeballs and watching stuff that I shouldn't watch (lest thee haf a namest!) and I don't know why but it seems to be the culprit, if Biblical teachings are any indication.  I guess I should quit asking why.  It seems absurd.  What's absurd really is the fact that I'm not married.  I'm not married because I'm impatient and I eat way too damn much.  I get impatient with weight loss.  I get impatient with cravings for food.  I get impatient with finances.  What I need to do is read The Bible, take a break AS NEEDED (not as I please) and then read The Bible some more.  That sounds incredibly narrow.  What's this about a Narrow Gate?  Oh........

Young ignorance's collector's box

The REM cd here is actually ok imo.  It's not wholesome per se but it's not downright dirtu either.  Some of the fondest days of my adolescent and early adult years consisted of these CDs.  I usually listen to newer stuff or occasionally think of a classic that i haven't listened to in a good long while or that I'd previously not given much attention to.  These CDs here if / when i buy them probably won't make a lot of sense in the context of the rest of my CD collection.  They would however fit nicely in a box somewhere within reach that i can open and look at.  The front and rear graphics of the CD ROCKS, as simple as it is, is damn iconic.  

Three of these in fact i remember buying at the music store within the mall at Salinas CA.  The Offspring SMASH Kiss YOU WANTED THE BEST YOU GOT THE BEST and Aerosmith ROCKS.  I used a humongous check my biological father gave me one year for my birthday to buy those.  I had already wrapped myself up in a crazy pattern of selling CDs so i could more and then buying them again.  Rg.  I've gotten better but still got some work2do.  Having God ij my life helps somewhat.  A real big help has been the apparent staying awhile streaming music platforms and the decreased cost of music CDs.  The Bible is a rich book with truly lasting value but I probably prefer to be wound up or at least i feel more inclined to be.  Maybe prefer is an inaccurate word...idk. 

Mind over matter

Here's to a new day in a new month of a relatively new year (even 2017 wasn't really that long ago, ey?)

After reading some scripture yesterday, I feel a little hope that I can focus my energies away from things that hinder my relationship with God & combat temptations as they arise.  I'm going to have to see how that goes.  A mild temptation did arise a moment ago, but it was easy enough to say "no" to. 
  The struggle I'm feeling at this moment here now is: do I mow the lawn or not?  I'm not really physically tired.  My brain is telling me otherwise tho.  It really wants to command my body to sleep but my body is like "screw you!  You can't tell us what to do!"  Idk...my sister said she's also kinda foggy headed this morning (yes, I realize it's afternoon now, but the conversation with my sister was two hours ago roughly HA!)  Anyway...I don't think the lawn needs mowing.  It seems like it should need mowing, considering how long it's gone w/o, and it probably should be mowed, just to make future mowings less messy and time consuming...
idk.  I still have the rest of the day to get that done.

Hmmm...(sigh)

It's not me, I prrromise

It says Kung fu kingdom.
Not kung fuking dom
Just in case anyone was wondering.

severence

People say that sin is what seperates us from God.  I do wonder then how God communicated with Cain after he became the first murderer.  It would seem as if Cain had some level of understanding of what he did wrong as far as that heinous act goes.  But God still conversed with him after the deed was not only plotted but committed.
I tend to think that humanity has lost its standing with God through time.  God commands us to have Faith because otherwise, we would be destroyed by the incompatibility of our two existences.  Not even Moses was allowed to see God despite having to his credit the most humility of any man who ever walked the Earth.
A surface inventory of evil would suggest that Cain surpassed all comprehensible evil, but on the other hand, one has to consider: how much hatred truly was in Cain's heart?  Did Cain truly hate his brother or did he kill his brother simply to eliminate the competition?  If the latter is the case, consider this: the competition was a rather noble one (it's not like they were business rivals) and there was no reference manual for Cain to look at when he had questions.  And think also: If Cain had a question, would he have been aware of what to ask?  Or how to ask it?  Intellectually, humans have proven themselves to be rather limited.  Even in this day and age, with literacy at a relative high point, and ground breaking research leading to many medical advancements, how much more we still have to learn!  Many literate individuals still struggle to grasp the fundamentals of communication in their native language, and how many wrong decisions could be avoided if people applied basic 2nd grade math skills to their present situations alongside a half tablespoon of compassion?
So ultimately, the question Cain would have asked, supposing he stopped and questioned the reliability of his thought process would be "Is it OK to pursue killing Abel?"  And knowing what we know now, sure, that sounds like a "well, duh, of course not!"  The answer to Cain probably seemed obvious too but the conclusion he drew was obviously not the one that we as a society in this date and time would draw.  I don't think he was oblivious to God's opinion on the matter, but I think he most likely reasoned the thing out in his head in a way that is so convoluted he couldn't possibly begin to explain it out loud without immediately realizing how stupid his thought process really was.  I can't speak for anyone in Generation 2.0 of humanity, but I know that does tend to be how my thought process goes at times and it's usually when I'm on the precipice of some kind of failing.

I can't speak for Moses or Cain or even my own closest family members, two of whom I share an address with, but I can say that I have spent many many hours, probably weeks altogether counted, if one were capable of counting undocumented things like emotions, feeling anger and bitterness, in varying levels of consciousness, and in varying degrees.  I think a lot of it has been unjust, as much as I struggle to see it as so in those moments.  I think the only thing that has kept me not guilty of murder is the watchful eye of others and the forceful hand of the government.  God knows what I would have done and and when if not for these things.  God has won me over gradually and has given me the wisdom to understand the bulk of His Word.  Thanks be to God for this opportunity to enter through the Narrow Gate and not the needle's eye.  I'm not wealthy and by the standards of the U.S. gov't and its' people, I am poor, and truly I own nothing, for it is by the mercy of taxpayers who have been shown mercy by God that I am allowed to even live under a roof of this size.  I do have money that is written out to me by the government and I am trying ever more to use that money wisely but I often still fail more than I feel like I should be at this point in my walk with Christ.  I do feel like if I had more money, I would simply be that much bigger of a failure in my usage of it.  I find the pursuit of material goods to be a distraction when I have the slightest bit of money to spend.

bitterness dies at the end

Church was a rather hearty soul full.  Pastor at my sister's church had a lot to say about 1st Peter saying not to complain about anything but to be thankful in all circumstances.  He began the sermon by citing an article stating the benefits of gratitude and the detriments of complaining.  After saying all that he stated "Ok, so does this scientific research make you more prone to stop complainig and be grateful?"  That threw me for a loop.  It's true.  I knew it was, and I almost always include that in my prayers that God would somehow make me more obedient and humble.  I don't know how to make myself that way or how to be that way.  Submission is something of a two way street in my mind.  If I am elevated, my behavior tends to be more careless as I get excited and just start running through the store like it's all for me.  Eventualy the high dies, and I realize I've been selfish and destructive.
Submission tho?  I honestly don't even have the faintest idea of how to do that.  If I were to go more than 5 minutes in isolation and relative silence I'd probably crap my pants.  Or my teeth would start clattering and my head would explode.  I just can't fathom the concept of waiting hours on end for God to give me a direction and I don't even know if God has anything specific He wants me to do.  What is my calling exactly?  Is it possible I'm producing much fruit relatively speaking without doing much of anything at all to my knowledge?  I don't think I have nothing.  But I also don't know if the phrase "without measure" really applies to The Holy Spirit's involvement in my life. A.W. Tozer addressed this in one of his books.  And early in it he says the first step is you have to want it & then says if you were hoping to get a step by step instructional guide on how to be filled with The Holy Spirit, you may as well stop right here and do something else.  Well, so much for that (heh).  I've been reading another semi-ancient Christian guidance author by the name of D.L. Moody.  I can't remember the name of it but it's about what a Christian life is supposed to look like.  So far it's a rather abstract writing, IMO.  I'm not very far through it.  As a side note, the book was free b/c the author's been dead for more years than he was alive and no natural or manmade resources were required to make the book available in electronic fashion, except bandwidth which is hardly anything.  It's not like anyone sits at their phone 24/7 reading free books on their Kindle app all day long.  It's a short book too.  Maybe 100 pages.
I still need to try reading that Ravi Z book BEYOND OPINION.  And I finally looked up that passage "don't toss your pearls before swine".  It seems obvious now that it's been explained, but I kept reading that and was like "huh?"  Jesus says "do not give what is Holy to dogs"  And I'm like "such as?"  The Gospel is supposed to be shared.  Nobody makes any mention of a secret handshake you gotta know before receiving God's word.  But the advice given in the article I read made plenty of sense.  He was addressing the need to make proper use of restored vision.  He says not to engage in hypocrisy but to instead examine your own conduct and change out if necessary and then you'll have the ability to not only draw attn to your brother in Christ's conduct as needed but to discern WHO among you IS your brother in Christ.  So it looks like my Facebook pen pal is just a lost cause.  He may change his mind.  He has all of the facts.  He's simply chosen to disbelieve or devalue every single one of them.

MIB: International

I never was a big fan of the movie MEN IN BLACK (1997).  I saw it on video and was bored through most of it.  I enjoyed it more as I got older.  Watching parts of the two sequels as I weaved my way in and out of the living room while my Mom had them on was more rewarding than having seen the 1st one.  I really felt MIB3 was really gr8.  That poke at Andy Warhol was hilarious.

I just found out that the spin off movie MIB: International is now on video.  I have to say; I never was looking forward to that film.  Go figure.  I never was looking forward to the other MIB films.  But once I saw the 1st one, and caught the tail of end of Men In Black II, the chemistry between TLJ and Will Smith does become something you don't mind chumming up to.  But MIB International, I'm sure has a good chemistry between the cast, but I seriously need more than that to convince me to pay somewhere between $5 for a matinee (if one were so lucky) w/o popcorn and soda to $30 for a Saturday evening showing with popcorn and soda.  Good chemistry and smooth pacing as well as a sense of purpose all make the difference.  For instance -- THE FAREWELL is a movie that looks extremely interesting.  Sure, it's probably not beneficial to see it on the big screen the same way watching aliens destroy the earth would be.  It'd be nice if Hollywood would quit typecasting movies that don't do well in theaters as failures.  But then again, it'd be nice if the audience would quit pursuing superficial thrills so that movies like TRANSFORMERS PART VII would not even be a consideration and that movies like THE FAREWELL would have a greater chance at success.

Anyway.

MIB I'm sure would have done a lot better in theaters had it not been a spinoff of a film series that had arguably already had an overly full day in the sun.  At some point, it gets to "ok, we've been there, done that".  Someone was comparing the fact that there was a female in the mix to the Ghostbusters reboot saying that it made sense in the context of Men In Black in a way that it ddin't in Ghostbusters.  I disagree.  Ghostbusters could have been a great film had it not been so haphazardly written and executed.  It had nothing to do with the gender of the actors.  It was the choice of actors he went with and the overall sloppiness of the writing as well as the extremely light as a feather script.  The original GB didn't have a very logical script, but the way it was executed, it's almost like there was more going on than you could really put your finger on.  The script for GB'16 could have used a bit more depth or a bit more editing.  The film was over 2 hours long.  There were lots of scenes filmed during production of GB'84 that if included would have slowed the film down to a sluggish crawl.  GB'84 is one of the snappiest peppiest films I've ever had the chance to see.  Possible contenders go to LIAR LIAR (1997) and BATMAN (1989).  There's probably others that I'm not thinking of at the moment because that's not where my mind is most at right now and I don't want to spend all evening typing this.  Oh, just thought of one --- THE GODFATHER (1972).  That film definitely had its own world.  I tried watching it during the daytime and was bored to death.  Watching it at night with the lights off made a HUGE difference.  It really immerses you in the hearts and minds of the characters.  It's a crude analogy of democracy that resonated all too well with a lot of people at that time, but people take it too far by declaring Don Corleone as some kind of role model or respectable citizen.  I can truly understand the beaten & disfigured girl's father pleading to his mafia leader relative for justice after the courts failed him, but what about those that aren't related to The Godfather?  I'm not Italian.  I'm certainly not related to any crime boss to my knowledge.  And even if I were, it's still not up to me what kind of justice my enemies face.  There's a reason they're called crime bosses.  They commit crime and make money off of it.  It's a very wide network of family members and associates who operate for the mere sake of their own selves.  That's why I say THE GODFATHER (the 1st one, the 2nd one is all over the place and leads nowhere that I can tell) immerses you in its own world.  It's not based on a true story, nor is it a realistic portrait of the mafia, nor is it supposed to be.  The mafia is a complicated network that would take mutliple days of film footage to accurately portray.  THE GODFATHER is about a man's re-assessment of his family and his cultural roots.  At least that's what I remember of it.  The gang war aspect of it was intriguing and acted as a catalyst for some of the more somber moments.  

I also think THE EXORCIST is a one of a kind cinematic experience that was lightyears ahead of its time in terms of making the best use of sight and sound as it pertains to commercial art.  I used to harp on the Director's Cut.  But the more I think about it, after having read the book before seeing the movie & the first time seeing the movie being so disappointed by the relatively drab way it was presented, I have realized that much of the story was not really coherently expressed in the movie.  In the movie, the possessed girl has been seeing a doctor due to abnormal behavior.  You don't know this untiil she asks her mother "What's wrong with me?" after she gets tucked in to bed.  Her mother, whispering, says "It's just like the doctor said.  It's nerves."  What doctor?  This doctor eventually does get some screen time and the search for answers regarding her manic destructive behavior gets its due, but the timeline is really not explained.  And what was that about the rats in the attic?  That was never explained.  In the book it was explained so I never wondered about it having already read the book.  In the book, there was a passage where the mother was researching cases of demonic possession and the sound of animals clawing their way around was one of many of the ongoing ocurrances that the household was experiencing that indicated the presence of a demon making its way into the body of its host.  When I read that, my hair stood up on end as I was like "If she'd only known..."  But of course, how could she have known?  Even the local priest had failed to meet a single one of his colleagues (or presumably anyone else) that had performed an exorcism.  

Anyway...............hmm.  Yeah.  So that's my updated 2 cents on movies today.  

itexists

When I say movie ---
I mean anything from PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, FORREST GUMP, BAMBI, GHOSTBUSTERS, BATMAN RETURNS, THE STEPFATHER PART 3, and so on...
Those movies, be them comedic or tragic or terror inducing or attempting with or without success any combination of the three, have one or more people uniting others to reflect his her or their perspective.  It doesn't matter if you agree with the perspective or not.  It doesn't matter if it's well conveyed nor does it matter if the movie was self released or shot by an 8 year old whose work was so shoddy even he recognized it and never showed it to anyone.
Documentaries are not movies.  Documentaries are journalism.  Journalism is not art.  When it becomes art, it becomes an assault to journalism and an exception can perhaps be made.
Regardless, between all the appalling PLAN 9s and reboots of BATMAN and BASIC INSTINCT direct to video cashgrabs and borefests like ANGELA'S ASHES and mindtwerks like HEATHERS, you ultimately have a HUUUUUUUUUUUGE qty of films that get released every week.
Most people, when you combine the knowledge of your average movie goer, are only aware of at most 10 that come out each week.  A bonafide film buff might be aware of more than that and I'd say your average film goer's individual knowledge of movies is limited to maybe 3 or 4 movies that come out each week.  Maybe 5.  And of those movies, an average of 0 make history.  1 or 2 during the summer months might blow a person away and there may be 3 or 4 movies that get caught on video later in the year that really stick out in one's memory for years to come.
That's 6 DVDs in your collection for every year.  Each week?  There's 52 weeks in a year.  Seriously.  How many movies are in your DVD collection and how many came out all in the same year?  How many are you deadset on keeping and how many do you just happen to own for some reason you aren't really sure you're comfortable explaining?

There are 166 hours in a week.  From 10pm to 7pm nothing but talk shows and reality TV is aired on network TV in between what passes for journalism in the morning hours and afternoon and evening/night.
So from 7pm to 9:59pm roughly television studios attempt to bring the big screen to the small screen by providing bite size portions of drama, comedy and sometimes horror (mostly not the latter, although it does happen).  The problem with that is the bite sizes are ultimately expected to be followed up on.  You take a bit of THE GOOD WIFE, or LAW&ORDER, or SCANDAL, or BLUE BLOODS or THE BIG BANG THEORY, or FRAISER or THE SIMPSONS or DAWSON'S CREEK, whatever the show is, it's never the end when you just have one bite.  The effort is ongoing to produce a quality bite and that poses 2 monolithic problems A) The TV show doesn't ever end and the quantity of mediocre to poor output eventually overshadows what drew you to the show to begin with (i.e.: THE SIMPSONS).  B) The show, despite being extremely good, gets cancelled midway through a side plot that was developed only a few weeks ago, for any number of reasons such as an actor on the show posted a hotly contested opinion on Twitter or simply lost interest in working on the show or, worse yet, you and a small handful of other people were the only ones watching the show still and the majority of viewers lost interest somewhat suddenly for whatever reason.

People complain about lack of privacy regarding the availability of data. 
1) The data is collected.  It was never illegal to do so and therefore anyone can use that data to stalk you or your loved one(s) or extort information from you in exchange for a political contribution to an affiliate super pac.
or whatever
2) How many hours did people bemoan the presence of commercials on TV?  People without internet can still be heard complaining about commercials.  Here's an idea.  What if instead of hearing about your local car dealerships and furniture stores or fast food options in steady rotation, you actually received advertising that was useful and perhaps even entertaining?
Ads are a part of life.  You can get recommendations from friends and family when looking to buy something, but just as someone has to teach humanity the difference between right and wrong, someone has to tell people that the automobile -- a revolutionary concept at one point in time -- exists and furthermore, explanation of what it is and where to buy it also necessary.  If people watching TV are more apt to run for the hills until the programming resumes, you can bet investors are not going to want to try to explain their product on network TV unless these companies have data to support the idea that x demographic is more receptive to an explanation about this or that product's appeal.

Maybe I'm an oddity, but don't people generally have a percentage of their income that is almost guaranteed to get spent, come hell or high water?  Heck, even if it's just throwing it in a wishing well or spending it on a movie that's so far behind in paying for itself it makes you wonder if giving yourself a lobotomy would make you a pepper too(!)  It's not just the super rich who do this.  As far as I can tell, people with middle of the road incomes, and people in the lesser grips of poverty still spend money that perhaps should be saved but ultimately ends up spent without a whole lot of forethought.  Many of these dollars get spent habitually, on products that everybody and their dog knows good and well about, products that are so ubiquitous that advertising isn't even needed.
But imagine, a startup company selling medicinal quality soap that can't legally be sold as medicine just like Jesus can't be legally said to be The Truth --- let's start with one examplee, multiply it however you wish ----- let's name it Super Hero Man Inc.
they get access to data about consumers that give it - SHM Inc. - just enough if not ample info to know where and how to advertise their company & its products/services and in turn the half dozen employees that work there turn into 12 full dozen employees, with 2 or more dozen receiving full-time employment benefits.  And imagine if this company grew to the heights of Starbucks!  Wouldn't it be nice if all the big wigs that work on the board of directors at Starbucks had an extra set of dopplegangers?  One of those dopplegangers could end up being someone you know or someone whose will your included in (wink, wink)
C'mom people.  Quit fearing big business.  The government is who you should fear if you're going to fear anyone.  I guess it makes more sense to be on guard regarding the government.  True, business owners make careless decisions that cause much strife and nationally televised carnage.  However, how many people wishing they had more money and more recognition from their boss can honestly say they know enough about the circusmtances that led their neighbors' boss or possibly their own former boss to make said decisions?  Anyone reading this who happens to be operating on full cylinders, leaving nothing neglected or cut might be well to seriously consider starting a business if you have anything remotely unique to offer any faction of the the human race.  However, police put their lives on the line daily, and a few dozen incidences across the nation suddenly proves that police are not worthy of trust?  That may be true in a large number of PDs, but seriously -- "A large #" could be 5,000 and that would still not be remotely close to half of the police departments in the nation.  A big chunk of the south I'm sure has police departments that are systematically racist.  Does that mean you shouldn't trust them?  Ultimately, it's your God given right to live and breathe without police harrassmentt.  But if you set foot in an automoible, you're bound to make a traffic violation and if a cop pulls you over, you are not doing yourself any favors treating the situation like an outrage against humanity.  Even if your skin color is not "the weapon they fear", you still would be better off being appreciative of the police offier's job even if they did pull you over on false suspicions or nothing more than being nit picky and bored.  True, if they seize your property or get violent with you before you're able to act toward them with any shred of kindness, I would be worried about my future, knowing that I am unarmed and they are very much not and its' truly sickening when such a situation turns into blatant murder as has been documented on a few occassions over the past couple years.  Racism isn't limited to police.  It simply is that the police who are racist are more apt to be a problem because racist police offers are not exempt from having guns along with their badge IDs.  If MLK Jr & co.'s attempts to open people's eyes to the realities of the plight of colored people were not so successful, the dash cam videos would not exist because they would either be turned off or never purchased in the first place.  Cameras were what brought this nation's attn to the need for the Civil Rights Act and the Voter's Rights Act.  Why would the Blue Brotherhood, if still so heavily steeped in a mindset that was alive & flying high in 1955, want to be seen doing anything, let alone something that might make them need to register with Witness Protection or simply leave the state and change their legal name to avoid being in fear of a nighttime pummeling by their nearby resident(s)?
But anyway.  Due dillegence is key in all situations.  You can't control the outcome of your actions.  But generally good things will follow good deeds.  If your deeds are a combination of good and bad, you can expect a combination of good and bad in your life.
idk why I even started talking about that.  I'm sure there's plenty of information available that I could use to more clearly state my case.  I do think it's sick the way people take the statement "Black lives matter" and say it's a racist slogan.  That's like saying BATMEN MATTER.  Does that mean SUPERMEN don't?  Everybody loves Superman.  They always have.  Nobody ever had qualms about Superman.  He was a Cub Scout.  Batman was the mentally unstable half nephew who smiled kindly during the day and let loose his screws at night.  Enough people identiifed with Batman for him to have a hit TV show and a subsequent series of cartoon shows and the like, but I'm sure there were some parents who would have taken their kid to a shrink of they spent more time reading Batman than they did Superman.  Likewise, black lives have always been under question.  The ruling school of thought in The United States, among other nations acting on the impulse to colonize the planet, have come a long way from accepting this defense of slavery by defining black people as being something other than human, but there is still a large segment of society that values black lives less than white lives.  It may not be a conscious perspective and it may not even be an accurate statement to begin with.  After all, life itself is devalued by many people in the modern world.  Hatred festers and violence breaks out.  Sometimes it's race related, sometimes it's gender related, or political and/or religious.  Perhaps a better slogan for the BLM movement would be DON'T SHOOT ME JUST BECAUSE I'M BLACK.  DSJBB?  Those 5 letters alone are still a mouthful.  Or would that somehow imply that it's ok to shoot someone for just being white?  Um........I'm sure that has happened maybe a few times in the history of this nation...................................................I can't say I'm readily aware of anything recent....and by recent I mean within the past 5 years (yeah, I'm old now.  My 14 year old self would cringe)

No naming, evil anonymous

If I died, at least you wouldn't be with me to throw your ball at my court
I have no court, I'm conceited
Ok whatever
Obviously nothing is mine, that much has been ruminated over
It's not like God Almighty is going to eat "not my" supply of ham.
It's not as if my daily over intake of food is being frowned upon by anyone
Intervention would be welcome if there was any possible
I run out of food, more food is provided
And so it goes
Feeding the hungry is against the law
So is protecting the children from their malicious parents
So is caring for children whose parents have been murdered
So is reaching out to console a widow with a simple hug
Fear has kept everyone inside and away from one another
Money and all it can buy provides its' seal of approval

The bridegroom is gone at last, but was I really fasting for Him?
A laugh, as if I'd know where to begin
I'd have to be sick to even consider skipping a meal
During my recent bout of food poisoning I still fought my way to the pantry and forced myself to eat until I could no longer
And still consumed 600 or more calories
The very day I felt up to eating again, my intake skyrocketed to over quadruple that

I don't deserve Heaven
I do deserve Hell, being as I was ever was to be, doing as I lived long enough to remember having done
Yet I help myself to good things, piling them on, hours upon hours, days upon days
When does it end?
What is the cure for cowardice?
What is the cure for being self righteous?

Sexy chickenz

I really hope the chicken and egg concept isn't as confusing as people talk it up like.  But in case it is--- here's another quandry; what came first?  The embryo or the night of heated lovemaking?  I read someone talking about Adam & Eve starting out as children.  Yeah.  Maybe some think that why they got kicked out of the garden?  Because until the knowledge of sex people grew out of the ground like plants?  Childhood is a gift to us individually and collectively.  It's a privilege to have that time of unbridled freedom & embrace life by the horns but it's also a great responsibility for those that decide to volunteer as surrogates for God, regardless of weather they do so with respect to that responsibility or not. 

"keep my commandments"/"depart lawbreakers"

Back to this again.  I get the impression that God is doing all he is willing (able?) to do, but I'm not doing all I'm able to do.  "Strike to enter through the narrow gate" supposedly, in its original language, implies an agony involved in doing so.  Maybe I'm not supposed to know that.  I don't know.  Jesus on another account says his ukelele is easy to play and his burden is light or something like that.  Of course, God the father also said the same thing to the Isrealites as they were settling into their Promised land.  So I don't know what to make of any of this.  Today's verse of the day says if you don't keep God's commands you can't know God.  I can see from experience a decrease in spiritual enlightenment as of late with my reckless behavior.  I guess I should probably take a hint.  Overnight healing is a possibility, but I can't count on that.  This is a frustrating process.

a glorious Sunday --- peace out

I got a good dose of sermonhood yesterday about security in Salvation.  I apologize to anyone I may have discouraged in my agonized whining and griping.
I still have to process all of the content and try to recall as much of it as I can because the guy made a lot of good points in a variety of ways, all of it backed by scripture.  He really put it in to my head in a way that makes sense.  Paul The Apostle wrote some great stuff, but his writings come across as a jumbled mess of words when I try reading them.  My Mom insists that while reading The Bible on my own is a good thing, it's not the best way to fully understand what a lot of it says.  It'd be nice, IMO, if it were, since I'm prone to act as an islander, living in this 2 bedroom apartment alone much of the time, rarely venturing outside except ocasionally to get groceries etc., but God did not intend people to be that way to begin with and he certainly does not intend for people to be that way in this day and age with 7 billion people to pick from in seeking friendship (many of which have internet access).  With this in mind, I think I'm going to be reading more stuff written by English speaking intellectuals from modern times.  Someday I might get into a good quality group of folk who are interested in studying The Bible, but for now, a good quality selection of books by fellow Christians is the closest I'm at in that regard.  I recently downloaded a couple A.W. Tozer books, need to read those.  I got a free DL Moody book a couple days ago.  Haven't started it quite yet.  And I actually already have a couple books, actual books, on my shelf that have just been sitting there.  So I got a fairly decent start and a lot to chew.  I am feeling optimistic about my future, although still cautious as The Bible says I should be, with Satan out on the prowal ready to exploit every unarmored crevice.

Out with Bruce Willis, in with Kristin Wiig

for the 8th DIE HARD movie.

I can imagine Melissa McCarthy in an action film.  It's happened, albeit in comedic fashion, with 2015's SPY.  I can even see Kristin Wiig in an action film, in the vaguest corner of my mind, playing in some tense thriller like TAKEN.  Heck, if they remade TAKEN and recast Liam Neeson with some female of any demeanor, it'd be a smash.  I have no problem imaginging women as scientists or buttkickers.  But GHOSTBUSTERS was about male bonding.  Men don't bond the same way women do.  Not only was the male bonding genuine in the 1st Ghostbusters movie since all of the cast members were kind of woven into this little circle of sorts, but they had a different way of being than the cast of that film that was made in 2016 that "just so happens" to share the same name as a certain blockbuster film from 1984.
Sony Pictures marketed GHOSTBUSTERS: Answer The Call as a reboot of the franchise from 1984.  I don't mind watching females bond in their own way.  But if I had watched THE INTERN (w/ Robert De Niro and Anne Hathaway), first of all --- as the film actually was it would have been pretty obvious it had nothing intellectual or otherwise to do with the GHOSTBUSTERS franchise, but there's a reason for that.  Sexism is not the reason that most garbage truck jobs and police officer roles are filled by men.  Maybe it used to be, back when the economy was in good enough condition for someone to stay home with the kids and another person to go earn money for the household, and it was generally understood that women - generally speaking - had the biological and emotional build needed to more adaquatly perform the duties of parenting.  While there have always been mothers who hated being motherhood and men who have abused their physical strength to disregard the pleas of women with a "Well, I'm in charge and I don't care what you think" attitude, that does not mean that every women should be expected to go out and "find her passion".  Yes, life should be enjoyed.  It should not be miserable.  If any misery is undertaken in life it is because of one or more act of injustice.  The stationary mortal cannot always determine the full scope of the facts and we are all guilty of some form of injustice upon one another.  Untangling the causes and effects of these billions of papercuts we've all been known to fling, it is only fitting that an omnipresent being, like God, written about in THE HOLY BIBLE, be left to determine who gets what and what the what is.
But back to my main point.  While I do think there is some -- a rather dishearteningly large amount unfortunately -- comments posted on the internet that seem to come from a truly hateful place, I don't think it's fair to say that women "can't be ghostbusters".  True, women can be Ghostbusters.  Zelda Rubenstein was, in essence, a GHOSTBUSTER in the 1982 film POLTERGEIST.  If 1984's GHOSTBUSTERS had been called POLTERGIEST II, I think people would have been a little confused to say the least.

more like rafting

Well, I can't say I'm prophesying and casting out demons, or that I feel JOY! sweet JOY!
I can say my worries have subsided.  It felt great being at church, I had only the nervous tug that goes when I fail to include the unfettered truth when people asked me how I am and I said "I'm doing pretty good".  And that's not The Holy Spirit, although it may be in line with His will.  I've been obnoxious about the whole Honesty Policy as far back as I can recall.  My sister was telling me I owed her X dollars less than what I had calculated and she kept coming up with responses when I called her upon this and I kept finding fault with them.  My mom eventually decided to expedite the conversation and said "she's giving you a break"  I turned back to facing my sister and said "Is this true?" and my sister said "yes" or something to that effect.  And that settled it.
Anyway.
I'm not satisfied with the richness of my soul, but I know that is rectifiable.  I felt welcome into church.  I am feeling optimistic about the future.  The fact that I managed to get through and beyond church on less than 5 hours of sleep is a miracle on its own.  The only drawback I felt during church was a hunger for physical nourishment due to my puny breakfast (I had 2/3 serving of grape nuts and a couple Keebler cookies; a good caloric intake, but not as much nutrition as I probably needed, since cookies are nothing but lard basically).
I did get a good size nap in from 3pm to after 6.  And yet again I got to sleep around 9 pm and got about 8 hours of sleep broken up by a few hours, so that I wasn't fully up and at'em until 10am.  I should have mowed the lawn even though it was The Sabbath.  I was thinking it would be wrong, because it was The Sabbath, but then I realized how much rest I am free to partake in due to the government's assessment of my emotional weaknesses etc.  This book my mom heard about she's been reading and hasn't spoken about much since she began, she said before she started that it's premise is taking a look at mental illness in a more Biblical perspective because not all abnormal or immoral behavior can be definitively explained by psychology, much less treated by psychiatrists.
I do need to keep chewing on the idea of venturing outward.  I don't think I am designed to live in a tent like Paul did and climb steep mountains to reach untouchable people groups.  Maybe that was in my capacity at birth, but my physical health and whatever the heck my major malfunction is has changed all that.  I can however most likely find something to do with my time that isn't so wasteful and /or selfish.
In time.  God is probably ready when I am.  But He's here to help me get ready.  I just need to keep asking.  The less I ask God for favors, the less I find myself mindful of the favors at hand.  I personally don't find myself in need of anything particular.  The only thing I need is God.  God is far more satisfying than anything on this planet and even though electricity and infrastructure have yet to fail me, they are not built to withstand the ravages of time and God did not design man to live forever.  I as my great grandparents and even some of my grandparents already, and their parents before them, will not be sitting on this computer desk forever, freely able to go get more sandwich supplies when hungry and plug into Spotify to fill my molecules with color.  This state of existence will either be destroyed by changes within society, or government paperwork errors, or the deep dark absennce of God or the great pulsating magnification of His presence as my skin is made new and my eyes are unveiled to see fully the Majesty of God The Father.

still floating

I'm trying to be more mindful of the Sabbath lately and more open with my time and resources (money).  I'm doing kind of a half assed job with Sabbath.  So much is so easily accessible.  The Bible is easily bought, but it's never easy to read.  I guess I could start reading that Study Bible I got from a dude who attended (possibly still attends) Legacy Church in Marietta's Men's Bible Study.  Sadly his name is not coming to mind.  I have to be in church in exactly 6 hours 9 minutes and I'm not even finished typing this, even farther from laying down and sleeping.

Anyway...not even sure what my point is.  There's so much I'm off the point regarding.  I believe in the power of The Holy Spirit.  Someone on some Bible theology website said "What is The Holy Spirit like?  Look at Jesus.  That's what The Holy Spirit is like."  (paraphrasing here).  I honestly don't know how that answers my question.  Jesus' personality was not in any way detailed in The Bible.  He's depicted as being kind and loving, but you really don't get a sense of Him as a Person.  He doesn't even speak on His own accord, but that of The Father.  And it's not like anything else about Jesus was documented.  Jesus is The Savior, Mankind's Hope for a better life.  And he did everything he could to hammer that message home to people with every minute of his 3 year ministry -- which is only partially documented with very little else about His life on record.

So the question is: What do I say to God?  People have said "Say what's on your heart".  What's on my heart?  Usually it's nothing.  As far as I can tell.  When it's not nothing, it's "Hey, that was hilarious" or "Damn, I'm horny" or "Father, please forgive me for being so depressed" or "F---ng internet is screwing up.  Yiyyyyyyyyg!"  Does God want me to say those things to Him?  I can ask Him to better me in all these ways.  But from the writings of Paul, and the teachings of Jesus, it really does seem like mankind is expected to simply do as told, with no ifs ands or buts.  If only it were indicated somewhere in the actual text how much of Jesus' teaching is an exaggeration and how much of it is to be taken at face value.  My pastor says the whole cut off your foot if it makes you stumble into sin and kill yourself if you love life etc...., is meant to imply "do everything you can to avoid sin".  My question is: How all encompassing is EVERY THING?  The Lord's Prayer says "Please forgive our trespasses as we have forgiven our trespassers"  But I don't know how to even do that.  I can't seem to let go of my anger.  I can't seem to let go of my judgement.  I don't know how to let go of my welfare recipient status or at the very least get the fkn lawn mowed once in a while before it gets 5 inches tall and needs to be done twice back2back.  I don't even know how to make friends with people and "love them like Jesus" as the ever popular Casting Crowns sang in one of their songs.

I keep asking for help in these things but I always sense that I don't wnat what I'm asking for enough for God to grant it.  And if that is the case...........ugh.  I keep forgetting I've earned Hell 10x over and do NOT deserve anything better.  I keep wondering if that's a way of saying "If I were God, everything I touch would turn to ash" and therefore I should expect the same from He is Actually IS God, or if God's love is a crime that we humans are supposed to be pleasantly surprised with.

not worthy but it's ok

It perplexes me that people put so much emphasis on "You don't earn your way to Heaven" yet Paul calls Heaven a "reward".  Reward for what?  Nothing?  I understand I have much to be condemned for and that God is a lot more forgiving than I am.  I understand this.  In fact, in the state I'm currently in, it seems I've met every bullet point for being disqualified from entering Heaven based on Paul's letter to the Corinthians.  Jesus Himself states that there will be people who served Him that are by definition "lawbreakers" (although not defined in that particular verse, which is where I have to rely on varying bits of scripture elsewhere such as 1st John and 1st Corinthians) and will not be granted entry to The King of Kings' palace.
The impression I get is that God understands our limitations and does not nitpick when it comes to the multitude of laws that we have broken and sometimes continue to break.  Some of these hard to break sin habits are of our own making, and some of them we are led into.  Jesus Himself in His time on Earth as a fleshly being and God the Father through the Prophets' pens refers to in multiple instances "causing" other people to sin.  Moses knew better than to strike the rock instead of speak to it.  He deliberately gave into his anger.  That's not to say he wasn't provoked.  But his sin was still damaging to who knows how many people who otherwise would have more fully understood God's kindness and mercy and did more to please God and less acting on their own accord.  My mom is full of much anger and sadness, and has much to be forgiven for, and some of the time she spends acting on those things is simply the limitations of her human self and some of that is simply choice.  I myself am often guilty of omission and some of that is my own limitations and some of that is willful.  Speaking for myself as only I can, I can say, that much of my laziness and lack of gratitude is willful, either by consequence of overall disobedience or by general defiance.  Some of it is inherent in my upbringing, but knowing the scriptures as I do, which is not to say that I'm a scholar or anything, but I have read 90% of the New Testament and all of the Old Testament, I ought to have a better standing with God than I do and rely on His power to get me through the days better and with more success.  Too much of the time I spend lusting after meaningless possessions and tricks of the eyes and ears and tastes of the tongue as well as grumbling against this or that thing that someone said, or did, or simply laying in bed half asleep on the off chance I might justify that by actual sleep, as if I won't have enough time spent sleeping when I enter Heaven (assuming I do get there.......)

If you look at the big picture, nobody earns anything.  Money is not earned.  God gives us our lives.  We don't earn them.  Family is not earned.  We have a loving Heavenly Father.  We don't earn the earhly parents we have, we don't earn the kindness or cruelty they dole out.  We don't earn the degree of kindness with which God doles out, that much is true.  A person with much rebellion as myself has no right to expect to enter Heaven by any means other than Faith and Prayer.  I don't get the full benefit of God's Holy Spirit because I am full of filth on the inside of myself.  The fact that I have Hope and a Future and the promises of a prosperity beyond comprehension is above and beyond what I deserve.
But to say that a practicing Christian such as Paul, or any of the numerous people in this planet who have "strived to enter through the narrow gate" deserve to be in Hell does seem like something I would expect an unforgiving PERSON to say, given Paul's past sins, but not a forgiving and gracious God, which is what God is -- forgiving and gracious.  I can only assume such emphasis on "not earning" Heaven is meant to dissuade us from becoming arrogant and acting in ways that go along with that, which lead nowhere except...death...an endless cycle of no less.

We're not ok

https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2019/03/pennsylvania-lawmaker-islamophobic-prayer.amp

Aside from praising Donald Trump's "support" of Israel, I fail to see how a call to self improvement in the name of a religious leader who has had incredible impact over the last apprx 2000 years can be called disrespectful to anyone.  The criticism that the prayer "divides" us is just stupid.  We as individuals, regardless of timing and placement, are not synchronized in thought and feeling.

Hope

God is for "us" but who is "us?"  As far as my eye can see, i do believe.  But i have minimal inclination to act on that faith and the promise of salvation is conditonal; if you don't blaspheme the Holy Spirit you're eligible but you lose it if you fail to forgive others.  People try to spin that around replacing the breathe of God with words not found in any Bible translation.  Jesus says HEAVEN AND EARTH SHALL PASS AWAY BUY MY WORDS WILL NEVER PASS AWAY. 
And i do recall the apostle Paul talking about churchgoers arriving who are destined for destruction.  He even seems to be referring to mutations such as myself at one point; saying something about a coming day when gluttenous arrogant people know the Word but are unaffected by it.  Jesus didn't say anything about miniscule spiritual growth.  He said BEAR MUCH FRUIT.  He also said His desciples will be recognized by the ability to cast out demons and perform miracles but not everyone who does these things will enter Heaven.
I guess I do have a backlog of crap to clean out.  25 years isn't "old" but is "a long time"....i was almost 30 before I wisened up to the reality that I don't have a say in the existence of life after death or what that existence is. 

Deep paper cuts

You'd think this article was about child abuse from the tone of it.  I imagine it is anxiety inducing for these people but middle class families should be grateful that they can afford to move.

The federal government has been given too much mercy and not enough disciplining.  People who are obviously untrustworthy almost always win elections and even those that almost win are not any more qualified.  It's no wonder Bill Clinton removed the federal deficit.  He came about two hairs away from stripping the military of its existence.  Osama Bin Laden attempted an attack on the twin towers the year Clinton took office.  We had our warning.  It's not like the Islamic terrorists were being inconspicuous.  We chose to ignore the issue and reelect all who joined in allowing us to do so.  We should have been studying our enemy and figuring out a method of counter terrorism most cost effective.  So yeah Bill Clinton ended his 2 terms with no deficit.  Bush jr undid all that by trying to adequately fund the military. Obama could've at least attempted to cut some government spending but instead he went the complete opposite direction.  All 3 of these Presidents got reelected.  And how many congressmen have drafted laws that nobody can find on the world wide web of all places??  That's reason enough to kick everyone out.  Maybe then it'll seem less appealing to make pacts against constituents.

So the government is in a tough spot.  If we don't reduce our deficit, we won't be able to handle adding anything to our plate of any grave importance like ISIS gaining traction to flourish, the effects of global epidemics on our communities or any number of possible scenarios.  We owe too much money.  If the government can't keep up, taxes will indeed increase.  This scenario here is just an appetizer.

https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/tax-return-2019-salt-deduction-cap-middle-class-homeowners-hit-by-the-new-tax-law-this-is-going-to-wipe-us-out/

Wow; my mistake

Seriously all these years I thought Anna Paquin was in the movie QUILLS (2000) but as it turns out that the character of Simone was played by a much lesser known actress whose name I've already forgotten.
I saw QUILLS about 13 or 14 years ago.  Pretty rousing entertainment.  Basically a rallying cry against censorship.

The Joy of God

I found myself feeling rather abysmal about the world around me.  I don't even know why.  Heck, I can't even articulate what it was I was feeling.
Basically, I guess my doubt regarding my Heavenly residence finally culminated in a realization that people's certainty in their future was either A) True or B) The Bible modified for human consumption.  I guess I was leaning toward the latter.
A letter I had hung on my wall from Franklin Graham's Sumaritan's Purse organization just filled my heart with joy and re-ignited a joy in me that I was fearing to be endangered.
Thank You God and thank you to all who've accepted Christ as your Savior and Lord.  Thanks to the folks at FAITH COMMUNITY GRAYSON for their hospitality and warmth.  And a good size shout out to my old friends at LEGACY MARIETTA, especially the Monday Night Men's Bible study.  Keep on keepin' on!

ecoomerce

Trying to buy BATMAN RETURNS (1992, Warner Bros) on Blu-ray.  I don't want the steelbook format.  Just a basic blu ray case is fine with me.

TARGET.COM -- $7.99
they won't ship it unless you add $17.01 or more worth of stuff to your cart.

WALMART.COM -- $7.99
They'll ship it for $5.99 extra.  No in store pickup option available.  wth???

AMAZON.COM --- N/A
Amazon Marketplace sellers are few and far between when it comes to reputable dealers with the ability to offer reasonable prices.

BESTBUY.COM -- $7.99
I didn't want ti to have to come to this, but it isn't coming to that.  I just looked, that's all!  $3.99 s/h.

DEEPDISCOUNT.COM
Same price as BestBuy when you factor in the s/h.  Seriously?  Those are the only two choices?  C'mon!

I kinda wanted to buy it from BULLMOOSE.COM, but I am seriously freaking out b/c A) Their list of locations that they ship it from just decreased for almost no reason and B) their price went up.  Is there some kind of opposition to ecommerce as it pertains to Hollywood?  Or is blu ray seriously dropping in popularity???

this explains it, maybe

Chris Cornell of Soundgarden's reported suicide took me by surprise.  It doesn't surprise me that he was depressed.  Reading the section about his drug addictions and freedom from them, I find it hard to believe that he'd take his own life, and then I read this regarding his death, also from Wikipedia

Cornell's widow contacted insurance lawyer Kirk Pasich within a few minutes after her husband's death in order to handle publicity.^[271] Pasich became the spokesperson for Cornell's widow and blamed Ativan for the singer's death, stating that Cornell would not intentionally take his own life.^[272][271] Cornell's widow said, "When we spoke after the show, I noticed he was slurring his words; he was different. When he told me he may have taken an extra Ativan or two, I contacted security and asked that they check on him.


Of course, the Medical Examiner disagrees --- doing otherwise would be picking a fight with the FDA, which he would not get paid to do and might actually cost him his job.

I know people of all ages commit suicide, but there was no indication that he was anymore depressed in the 2010s than there was in the 1990s.  If anything, it would have been less surprising to hear he committed suicide in the mid or late 90's, but the guy had not only managed to cope with his depression, but he took the painful steps necessary to combat this addictions to drugs and alchahol because he was deadset on living the best life possible.  And this was 20 years before he hung himself.
Granted, I don't know the guy personally.  If his wife hadn't spoken to back my perceptions up, I would just agree with the M.E.

Anyway...some random question that kept running through my head and finally got around to getting answered.  Thought I'd share this miniature breaktrhough.
The real tragedy, as far as anyone knows, is that he didn't acknowledge Jesus Christ as his savior and thus missed out on his potential place in Heaven.

No more Dolores

The lead vocalist and co-primary songwriter of The Cranberries died last year in January.  I just found this out.  Probably not going to see a proper The Cranberries release this year or anytime soon.
Their last album of entirely new material was rather bland imo but I was hoping they'd regain their footing.
Linger

I like some things

I had received the impression that "Your Own Special Way" (1976) was Genesis' first song to reach the top 40 in England.  I also got the impression that the U.S. was more liking of Genesis.  Maybe that was more true in their later years, idk.  "I Know What I Like", a song from the bands' days with Peter Gabriel primarily on lead vocals, reached no. 23 in the U.K.  Wikipedia doesn't say how high it charted in the U.S.
Weird.  I just looked up "Your Own Special Way" and was only able to find info about the album it was from.
It does say it was the 1st to reach the Hot 100 in the U.S but says nothing about its reception at home.  If i recall what I had read correctly & was not misinformed, it did a little better in England than in the U.S.  i don't remember where I read that.
 "Follow You Follow Me" performed much better in England than stateside.  But it was indeed the band's first top 40 song in the U.S.  They didn't crack the top 10 until 1983s' "That's All".
And that's today's excerpt from my OCD-esque thoughts.

ain't no ting

Pale Waves' MY MIND MAKES NOISES (Sept 28 2018) is, for the time being, "out".  Not sure why exactly.  I have to admit there are a few duds on the album, songs I've never felt all too fond of.  But even the songs that had my heart going full throttle are just kinda "meh" nowadays.  I don't know.  I also haven't been digging CHVRCHES' LOVE IS DEAD (May 25th, 2018) which has a similar modern day synthpop sound.  Listening to Steve Winwood's BACK IN THE HIGH LIFE (1986), which I've often over the last several years cited as being too repetitive and much of the time feel is just too mellow and monotonous.  It might be going smoother because I'm not just sitting or standing listening to it with undivided attention.
GHOSTBUSTERS 3 (or something to that effect) is coming!!!  Summer 2020 is their target.  I'm guessing either SONY/Columbia Pictures is secretly agreed to it or the filmmakers are assuming SONY et al. *will* agree to it.  No greenlight has been made public.
Maybe I'm wrong, but it looks like Avril Lavigne has decided to jump on the CCM bandwagon.  I don't know if it's necessarily an insincere cash grab.  She very well be a misguided soul victim of the oft cited notion that being a Christian is merely about knowing the story of Jesus Christ and evoking His name here and there.  Her new album comes out next month on the 15th.
American Football, after a full 20 years since their debut was released, and only 3 years since their last album, have returned with -- LP3 (self titled v 3.0).  I wonder if their record label will make them change LP4 into something with an actual title like Geffen did to Peter Gabriel when he decided to release SECURITY (1982).
Mike Rutherford is actually in action...I hadn't heard any word on his professional life (or lack thereof) since a couple years ago he and his crew of "Mechanics" released this incredibly dull album...not even sure what it was called.  I've never been much of a fan of Mike + The Mechanics.  I liked a few of their songs, but I don't think they have enough good songs on their hands to make even a modest size Greatest Hits type release.  I can think of maybe 4 songs that they did that I truly like, and maybe 3 or 4 more that are so-so.  They might have a few nuggets buried somewhere on their albums scattered here and there, but I've never heard them or been enticed into hearing them.  I like his guitar work especially on Genesis' ballads.  That riff he had on "Follow You Follow Me" was rather nifty and the way his axe was handled on "Hold On My Heart" was even more impressive.  I can't believe how many people find it difficult to like that song because it's "too slow".  I heard this bootleg where the audience, somewhere like in Germany or something, was getting ready to boo Genesis off the stage after about the 4 minute mark of the song being played.  They tried to keep going, but caved in and wrapped it up and then as if mocking the crowd decided to give them a hair band-esque rendition of "Jesus He Knows Me".
Anyway...I don't usually hear about Mike Rutherford doing anything except crappy Mike + The Mechanics music, which is seldom as it is.  But he's contributed guitar work on this German abstract pop musician's upcoming album.  I had never heard of the guy.  The guy's stage name is Schiller, because it started out as a duo, not just one guy with some friends helping out here/there, but it's now just down to one guy, so it's kind of like a solo project much like Owl City (to cite a more well known example; obviously the music itself is different, or at least I'm assuming it is...)
Hmmm...
Been weary about the concept of "being a Christian" as of late.  Paul speaks a few instances of being "set apart for destruction".  And in one of his writings, he talks about God electing people.  I'll do what I can, but I don't expect to get into Heaven.  If God permits it, great.  If not, then, well, maybe --- with any luck --- Hell isn't as bad as they say.......or maybe there's some 3rd door that The Bible doesn't talk all that much about. 
I finished The Old Testament with the exception of Psalms and Proverbs.  I started out on The One Year Bible as annotated by Charles Stanley, which had the psalms and proverbs broken up to accompany different sections of the Old & New Testament beside each other, then I started using this Bible app, I think it's called "YouVersion", not sure.  The app icon just says "Bible" on it.
Anyway; I finished it and found that the stories I've heard, such as Satan being a beautiful angel who fell from Heaven because he contested God and was banished to Hell etc, none of that was in The Old Testament.  But then i got to looking this up and it actually IS in The Bible, but it's written is a sort of stream of consciousness manner, like in the middle of a different topic, it just goes off on this almost riddle for the reader to figure out.  I did suspect when I was reading it that it was referring to Satan, but I was given no confirmation, at least none that I was sure of.  The Holy Spirit may have said "yes, that's it, you're on it" but all the voices in my head sound the same.  Not to imply that I "hear" voices, but I've never had a thought that I could say without uncertainty was from The Holy Spirit.