Freezer was left wedged open overnight, presumably because I walked away carelessly from it after taking a loaf of bread out of it, not realizing a glob of broom bristles was laying in some weird spot that somehow migrated to the space between the doorway of the freezer and the freezer door. The freezer door is tricky to close. I typically have to push it closed very firmly to be anywhere near sure it's closed. I don't know if I did that or not yesterday afternoon, but I can't assume that I did. That aside, making sure there isn't a broom base didn't land weird while the fridge was open is not something I have any reason to be expected to check for. Nonetheless, my brother in law seemed to be pissed at me and asked me to leave. So I ended up taking an hour long walk, and spent most of that time going over all the back and forth bullshit conversations me and him had over these last several months. He has this grand way of letting himself talk while either/or making watery soup of a complex notion that sometimes requires multiple complex notions to be fully understood before beginning to venture into and when that isn't successful, I'm pissed off because he has no business talking in the first place when there's usually someone else in the room, namely his wife (my sister) who is WAY more articulate and able to summon words that effectively make a concise and relevant set of points. And then when he's in the wrong, instead of apologizing, instead of making a case for himself that isn't partially true, he in some way or fashion cherry picks from The Bible verses that are basically him requesting me to be a better person so that his mistakes can be swept under the rug and forgotten.
I don't know how anyone can be so damn two faced. Showing God a face of adoration and repentance and then telling someone who is rightly angry with them "Hey, dude; I'm not your problem. Your problem is within". Yeah.......I don't need Jesus to tell me that. The benefit of inner peace is something even agnostics seek. The difference is Jesus knows that if you set someone's house on fire, you deserve the shit beat out of you SO THAT YOU ARE ALMOST DEAD ****WISH THAT YOU WERE******* ALREADY!!!
& that it is A SUPERNATURAL ACT if that person is humble, loving and thankful enough to Jesus to say "I pray this person realizes the error of their way and finds salvation by the Power of Your spilled blood and Resurrection so that we both can be brothers in Your Kingdom forever"
I must confess to anyone, everyone, that I do not have that kind of Love overflowing within me. I am nowhere near as humble as I should be. I don't know what exactly Travis meant when he said what he was saying, or what words specifically he put forth, but he was talking about how people learn when going through employment how to get along with other people that don't have the same thoughts or ideas going through them. I do think he's right about that to an extent. It's even worse because I never had friends until I was like 14 and had recently moved to Missouri. This one guy invited me to his house and my mom said "I have no know his parents first". She didn't know A SINGLE FKKKKKK PERSON IN THE ENTIRE PLANET except her ex husband, me and my sister, our Gramma Della, my Gramma Della's sister, her ex husband, her ex-husband's parents and her estranged father and brothers. Of that extremely limited circle, only my Gramma Della, G.Della's sis, and my sister and me was she in any contact with. So my limited interest in friendship was not only gravitated toward but was encouraged. And I have minimal job skill and a physically negative reaction toward getting a 7 hour x 5 / week job. Volunteering 3-5 hours a week is going to be a struggle. I can probably increase it to 10 or maybe even 14 hours a week. Maybe The Lord Jesus will give me the ability to be joyful and giving enough to be content with 35+ hours a week. I don't know how my $250+ of medications will be affordable in that circumstance because that will not be enough money to replace SSI AND pay the cost of my medicines. I don't believe I would even be calm enough in any way to sit down and read God's word or even think more than half a second about God before moving along to some random temporal pursuit. I'm still not attached to God at the hip. My faith has seen highs and lows. I have not been literally basking in his flesh all this time. If I were to do without medication, all the minisculle progress I've made in my spiritual pursuits could EASILY be destroyed. I am not deep in enough with God (yet?) to the point where I can be like Paul and denounce someone for lending an air of credence to sinful behavior or being weak enough to dabble in sexualy impure actions that a wife I don't have (and have never met as far as I know) is supposed to help with.
Aaanway.
The morning stared out rather rocky and I'm still not in the best of moods (never would've guessed huh?) I'm still a little snippy. I couldn't even listen to the pastor talking. He basically repeated his sermon from last week and started yammering on about shadows of Christ saying "They were looking ahead to the Cross". No, they were not looking ahead to the ways and means of a savior. They knew that God was compassionate because the sacrificial law system demonstrates this. Maybe there was some prophetic knowledge of Jesus kind of jumbled up in their head. The promise of Abraham "You shall be a blessing to all nations" does in its own way demonstrate that something bigger than Leviticus is coming. I don't think "the cross" is what they were thinking. The crucifixion of Jesus was Him using what was meant for evil for the purpose of Our Good and His Glory. He took their punches so that we don't have to take The Fathers' eternal wrath. That is both a beautiful portrait of Love and also a sobering thought for us to ponder before anything we do. But I don't see any reference to any of the Old Testament heroes' knowledge of this proceeding. I do see an understanding of what was apparently understood by some people living in the Israeli province of Rome at that time of Immanuel; Love God with everything you got, and love others as you love yourself. This acted out without faltering or wavering carries out God's commands to the last letter of what was written in what we now known to be called The Old Testament.
Anyway...I guess before the sun goes down, this whole day as it stands (2pm right now) might not even be any ol' ting at all. IT COULD HAPPEN???!!!! I KNOW THE DATE IT HAPPENS!! IT HAPPENSS!!!!!!!!!!!
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