Seriously...there are some days when I'm up. Things seem to be gelling somewhat and stuff is happening or might happen. Today just isn't one of them. Yesterday was even worse. A bunch of 9-12 year old special ed kids overtook Target while me and my mom + my nephew were there. And I swear, it was the same crap I dealt with when I was in special ed. My mom was f***ing oblivious, like she always has been. The place was not worth any amount of $, service was slow AND THE FUCKING PLACE WAS PACKED LIKE A CAN OF SARDINES!!! Nonetheless, I sat down and waited for the slow cooked shit food that "The Target cafe" as I call it --- don't know or care what they label it as --- was taking its' slow ass time getting there and then by the time I realized that my attempt to ignore this prick who was giving me this sarcastic hard-to-describe smile had half the other kids rooting for me to cry, I had two choices. Sit down and deal with it or get up and go somewhere. Where? Same shit as it was when I was actually IN school. Some uncaring authority figure decided on some random bullshit without my input, so I was stuck there. My mom would say "Well, he could walk home". Yeah......sure. She recommended me not to walk to Wal-Mart in Cape Girardeau, Missouri, b/c I might have a heart attrack (this was before I turned 30) but....I can walk to my home in Loganville GA from Target in Snellville, GA.
Yesterday started awesome. It felt like fall for once. I had sent my mom an email a day or two before then asking if maybe we had enough money between our resources to try the new Maple Pecan latte from Starbucks. Yesterday would have been perfect for that, but instead she wanted to give her business to the Target cafe while it was already overcrowded. She did offer, but it was too late. My emotions had been soured. Today is just nothing. I'm sitting at home. It's been cloudy most of the day. My mom's been in bed all day. She was gone with my sister to a yard sale in some place name unknown until 10:30 A.M. or so (I woke up around 8). And then I pointed out that her voice was indeed rather loud when she was talking to Dharma, when supposedly their hearing is so good that she didn't even need to talk as loud as she talks to me most of the time, which is often not loud at all (too quiet in some cases), and how that goes against what she had accused me of yesterday or whenever that was pertaining to the same thing when my voice was not as loud as that, or even close. She got all pissy with me and said "I'm not going to argue with you" Stupid grouping of words. Maybe she knows this and that's the point. I don't know. Maybe that's also part of the solution she had in mind; say stupid shit AND be ambiguously malicious! And the best part is there's nothing I can say about it! "Peace at last" Then when I try to get her to move her fat ass again, the peace process will have to start over.....I guess I should quit expecting her to have a brain AND a conscience...any time she's happy or "in a good mood" or the opposite(s) thereof, she loses brain functionality it seems. And I never know what she's thinking and/or feeling. She relies heavily on sarcasm to "prove her point", as if her point is so mind boggling it can't be stated without sarcasm...or exaggeration (in what way does exaggeration prove anything?; I WAS THE CEO AT CHICK FILL A! Is that an exaggeration of my organization and mathematical skills or is that a lie? Most applicants looking for a job, according to teachers and the media -- and my mom -- would call that outright dishonesty. But then again, "job applications are boring". So then what is a conversation exactly? Information that may or may not be true. It's no wonder my mom doesn't get along with me. I talk too much and it doesn't meet the necessary quotiant (whatever that is) of bullshit!
I guess I'll shut up now. I probably won't enjoy church tomorrow either. Maybe I'll get something out of it. Maybe I won't. I probably should sign up for a trip to Asia or somewhere and just get the fuck out of this house so I can make a difference and have a reason to be thankful the days that God has given. This day is no more different than all the others except for the fact that I'm not in good mood. What "another day above ground" means to me is I'm not in Heaven. Surely there's a reason for that. I'm either not seizing it or I'm not seeing it.
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