Beeee...

....gooooood

I missed my pills on Friday and Saturday.  I was hoping to go out on Saturday morning, preferably early morning if one were to dream, but nobody wants to do anything before 9am, and 9am is stretching it.  Not only did I not get to go anywhere, but my face felt like pea soup falling on the floor as my mom and sister, the holder of the car keys + driver's licenses, wasted themselves away watching HOUSE OF CARDS and NURSE JACKIE.  Sometime in the midst of all that, my sister fell asleep, on the couch.  I anxiously awaited her to wake up, did not make any effort to hide my anxiousness, and at the last minute was notified that I was going to have to get hiking or get hitchiking if i wanted to anywhere for the day.  The pea soup went from falling off my face to eating my face like it had more acid than normal.
I sent my sister an email that was randomly worded, hinting at all the rage and disgust and anguish I was feeling in a very outward  & irresponsible way.    My anguish was not helped by her actions, but her actions were not related to how I feel or felt.  I felt shamed into silence for half of Sunday even though I was cheerfully invited to church and had my breakfast paid for my sis, even though it was actually lunch for me b/c I'd eaten breakfast at 4am after waking up at 1am.
I was even feeling a little apprehensive on Monday.  I started to fall down that rabbit hole again after my mom did or said something to piss me off, but I took my mental health medication and I was able to reason myself to walk more in a manner worthy of my calling after a little while and more or less enjoyed the evening/night.
Whew.
I hope there's room in Heaven for me w/o medication.  If I can listen to the Holy Spirit w/o my medication after Medicaid funding goes kaput, that in itself will be a miracle.  I haven't picked up The Bible in 7 days as of today.  FFFRR!  This week has spun itself so smoothly.  Like a caramel candy making machine -- it's been stop/start yet steady nonetheless.

things are looking up.  Been ok since half of Monday roughly and Tuesday on up.
WOW.  HEADLINE NEWS.  I got a GHOSTBUSTERS(tm) shirt from a seller on Amazon.com containing a note formed by my father  via Amazon's "gift note" service  An event 20 years in the making!  It's half my fault by this point  I don't communicate enough with him.    I started talking with him a little bit somewhat recently via Facebook.  Nothing serious or deep.  Just exchanging opinions about popular political topics.  No biggie to me.  It's my sister who really had a tough time dealing with him not being around.  I could have been an orphan and I might've turned out OK, provided I didn't end up in an orphanage where everyone's waiting for the right time to explain to me where I am and the awful truth of why....."BECAUSE NOBODY LOVES YOU!!!!"  At least in my actual life, I do have one parent who has stuck it out and has made it more or less known that she is genuinely concerned for my well being.

In other news....ugh...can't think.....um...hot topics?  What just popped in there?  Uh...? My Brayn has gone bye-bye.  And so it's Christmas...  WHAT DID YOU DO?  WHAT DID YOU DO?  TELL ME IT'S NOT WHAT THEY SAID, OH GOD, TELL YOU DIDN'T......
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