gratitude at the grill

 So far, I'm aware of only ONE cure for sexual immorality --- and that is, gratitude.
I don't know if this is unforgiveable or not, but if I were being cut into pieces while alive, I would not be thanking Jesus.   I would be EXPECTING that something better than it lay beyond the horizon, in the after-life, but the pain would not be something I could FIGHT.  "You have to fight the pain!"  Paul lived exclusively for God, even before he was an apostle.  He did out of self righteousness, basically taking whatever pent up sexuality he had and replacing it with violence.  He met Jesus, and saw how beautiful He is, and his sexual desires were the last thing on his mind.  Also, Paul was not lazy.  He didn't have time to be lazy.  Between his devotion to God, and his very physically demanding life, he was able & willing to do everything it took to pursue holiness.  And I realize there are lots of other people in modern day Earth who for whatever reason love God more than I do and are eager to serve Him, regardless of the cost.  I don't understand how "The chains are gone".  Every time I hear a song that talks about that, I just go "WTH?"  Versus in The Bible that talk about that, I'm just like "Ok..", and just keep reading, because there's usually information that's at least instructive and comforting, or at least one of the two.  I'm going through counseling regarding this, and I just don't forsee this being something that talking over is going to help.  This is not a theological term paper.  This is the reality at hand and much of The Bible deals with reality secondhand.  We know that objects fall when not held by anything.  The Bible isn't a means to figure out the fabric of time and space.  The Bible isn't a means to diagnose and cure mental illness.  There is some very good instruction in there and if followed will lead to a prosperous life, overall.  But the stank of humanity, which varies from person to person, my stank being especially foul given my ungrateful brat self, JESUS CHRST DIED FOR ME TO LIVE LIFE ABUNDANTLY and I just reject it, what the foul is wrong with me???  That's how it is.  Instruction only goes so far.   And there's a little snippet somewhere in The Bible, proverbs, I think, that talks about the kind of person I am, who has instruction and it hasn't changed anything.