I spent several days diving into the oily gunK that swarms about my heart in various patterns. Not even trying to set up any barriers. I fear that God is not doing --as,much-- as He perhaps otherwise would because He knows on some level, at a higher rank than it ought to be, my prayer when I ask Him to help me is nothing more than "Please disregard my disobedience". God intervend with a phone call from a guy from church. I was obedience for all of 3 days.
I believe that -- God is able and willing to help. He is NOT willing to do it for me. I've literally asked Him to do that. I need to take His word more plainly. We are not called into sitting around waiting for an explanation that sounds suitable to each and every one of us. Adam & Eve had no possible way to comprehend the consequences of eating the forbidden fruit and we as modern man still have differing opinions on what exactly transpired in the garden of Eden. I don't need to understand why God set these barriers up and why they're so dangerous to cross. I just need to continue to decrease the frequency with which I cross them and use the time after and before I fall again, if I do, to just try and marvel over the goodness and beauty of God. I don't do that enough and I think that's partly what spurred me on to my slipup today. Lord, please lift my face to You and infuse me with an appreciation of Your majesty. Please. I am far from worthy of this. I am deserving of a pig's death. Please rescue me, O God. Lift me away from these things and lead me into a reverent awe of The Truth and Your Majesty
Thank you, Father God and Lord Jesus, blessed be Your spirit, may I keep from continuing to desecrate Your temple. Please.....
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