the sting of death

I was just thinking about kindness and how sparing we as humans mostly are in dispensing it.  Sometimes ppl will reserve kindness for bone-chilling revelations like "my mom died".  And then I thought "bone - chilling" might not be the correct term.  It is bone - chilling to contemplate the nature of death given the lack of knowledge that any mere mortal has about it.  It's almost as bone - chilling as thinking about the origin of God.  He's the beginning and the end, the Alpha and Omega.  HE'S ALWAYS BEEN HERE.  Before him, there WAS NOTHING.  Ok, so what does nothing look like?  I imagine a stark white void.  Is that nothing, really?  It's a complete lack of color, lack of shape, lack of...texture?  Hmm...guess it depends...is texture even a thing?  Obviously, there are qualities that can lend credibility to the presence of texture (shape, for instance), but if a stark white void is not being observed by any one or any thing, does it really have texture?  Obviously, with me here in the days as we know them, imagining this stark white void, my inner visual is probably littered with texture, but assuming my inner visual is not to be confused with the real thing, if it ever was or is, then does a stark white void have any thing that makes it not nothing?  Obviously, God has no origin.  He is the beginning.  He is the author that birthed all other authors.  People can look through history and argue about the beginning of a particular story.  They can say that the birth of Napoleon Bonaparte was not the beginning of his autobiography.  You can't exactly discredit his family for his existence, can you?  His lineage traces back who knows how far back, obviously to Adam and Eve, but assuming you refuse to believe that account of Earth's early days, then how far back does his lineage go?  Surely, his autobiography didn't begin with him being born, because, as everybody knows, his birth was a joint effort between his mother and father.
Death is a little different.  We who are in Christ know that we are not finished when we die.  Even those who refused the gift of Christ live on in a far less than ideal environment.  Those who don't believe in The God of Abraham can sit and wonder all kinds of things about death.  People can assume death to be nothing more than the brain ceasing to function and the body withering with it or something along those lines.  I can't imagine someone being Ok thinking that's the truth.  I mean, why does science need to be separate from any and all religious texts?  Obviously, there are religions that are not true.  They can't all be right, even though if you discount Christianity, I suppose that changes the argument.  None of the non-Christian religions have any legs to stand on..People say The Bible is just some guys who had questions and decided to make up answers.  That seems unlikely, to put it mildly.  Even in my days of denial, I recognized that much.  I can't speak of any comparisons to other religious texts, honestly, because I haven't looked at them.  What I've heard about them is not exactly demanding of my attention.
But anyway, as I was saying...
I got to thinking about that, I mean, the word "bone - chilling" is it relates to the revelation of a deceased close relative.  I know there are people much younger than me who have lost their parents to an early grave, but obviously people who are 30< do not typically experience that.  At least not in the present day where 60 is the new 30 (xD).   So what do people who are my age go through in regards to funerals and grief?  I'm probably more estranged from my family than most people because I didn't meet my adopted uncles until I was 13 and I never hung out with them, since my Gramma (unofficial/adopted)'s family and m Mom (biological)'s are both kinda quirky>dysfunctional.  And then there's me who is dysfunctional to say the least.  I can't say how i would feel if my Gramma died.  If my Mom died, I'm sure it would leave an emotional hole in my life.  My Gramma is a pleasant person and she's been beyond good to me and my mom and sis, but despite the recognition that has long stood that she is my grandmother, I can't say I've grown close enough to her to say I would miss her if she died.  It would be a sad thing indeed.  I know she means a lot to a lot of people and I can easily see why.  But the meaning it would hold for me personally, I imagine, not knowing for sure since it hasn't happened (yet), strikes me as being inexcusably low in extremity.
My 15 year old cat, who I acquired in April of 1999 I still feel sad for, having not paid the kind of attention I should to him when he was clearly not well.  And knowing now the severity of his situation, it seems he was in the process of dying for far too many months.  He's "just" a cat.  Yes, I suppose that's the way it should have been.  I did probably neglect others in favor of spending time with someone who doesn't say anything of any consequence or do anything to compete with my level of productivity, but the fact of the matter is he was in my house 24/7, 365 days of almost every year from Y2K on to 2014.  My mom hasn't always dwellt in the same abode as I.  I did live apart from her for five years between the age of 20 to 25.  I moved back in with her because my sister rather suddenly decided she was going to get married, which meant my mom, who was living with her, would have had to move out of the 2 bedroom house they both lived in and shared rent for or I had to move in and keep that from happening.  Most likely, almost certainly, my mom would have had to move into a much smaller space and possibly would have had to get rid of her German Shepherd and maybe even her Dorkie as well.
Anyway....I don't know what my point is or was...I feel like I've reached a dead end.  May have to finish this later if I remember having a point and what it was...In a nutshell, I'm weird...idk...