Clutter

I was reading Isaiah ch28 this morning and was confused...  I noticed while trying to research the point of reference regarding an obscure piece of symbolism that the word "as" was included in the text.  He wasn't going to rise AT the mountain, He was going to rise AS AT the mountain.  The word "as" in italics.  The explanation for cluttering up a sentence with squiggs didn't make a bit of sense.  And the concept is rather irrelevant unless you're some serious Bible student, which would require hours of history lessons and possibly multiple seminaries. Most if not all words in The Bible were not found in the English text. My ol pastor was telling me (in more neutral terms) that when The Bible says "loving kindness", it's actually watering down the original Hebrew word because there is no English word that succinctly encompasses it.  Maybe I don't particularly remember lk being italicized because it's such a distinct word you can't confuse it as being a verse number or something.

Someone was making a Bible concordance and felt the need to insert verse numbers a few hundred years ago. I think verse numbers are a lazy person's guide to Bible reading.  You can get some seriously flawed understanding if you hear some person saying "Well.. The Bible says this". Ya?  What verse?  Ooh..I guess it does say that.  I've actually been advised to be aware of context when I'm reading The Bible apparently because I'm one of those weirdos who understands when Paul says "Hello, Philippians" that the book of Philippians is a letter that he wrote to the Phillipian believers.  I have never found it useful or even entertaining to just read some selection of verses from The Bible.  It's one thing when you're buying and looking at home decor but I don't consider that to be Bible reading.  It is good opportunity to meditate on it assuming you're familiar with the context.  Matthew 7:1 is not something to meditate on unless you understand it in context.  And people constantly take it out of context.  And in all truthfulness, it probably is safer to just not judge.  If you look strictly at Matt7:1, you're setting yourself up for Hell if you have any negative opinions about someone else's actions.  From what I've read, God did accept Jeffrey Dahmer into His kingdom but that doesn't mean whoever was in charge of whatever jurisdiction of The USA he was tried and convicted in was committing a sin.  People say "We all have the capacity..." And true, many of us, if not all of us, probably would be mass murderers if it were not looked down on by parents and punishable by most jurisdictions in the US.  Jeffrey Dahmer wasn't raised in some pagan culture.  His evil actions were a threat to anyone who crossed paths with him.  My own perverted tendencies of thought offend God and have maybe an indirect negative impact on other people and although my sins against God are probably not a significant stretch from Jeffrey Dahmer's, I find it difficult to believe that is true with most professing Christians or even ordinary working folk.  The important thing is not to delude yourself into thinking you're the most evil person that's ever lived.  The important thing is to realize your sin, whatever it is or how justified you feel in it, is an offense to God and should be dying if not altogether dead.

Anyway...got a little off topic sorta...

ppphh

 Still inhaling my vomit.  What else is new?

I was supposed to spend half the day in Athens today.  I thought I'd be asleep by now.  I've been awake since 1am after falling alseep at apprx 10pm.  I called the people who were expecting to meet with me and drive me over there and told them I'm not feeling up to it.  I might end up falling asleep shortly.  They're probably in the middle of enjoying being over there.  idk.  

Last night I was at soup night for a little over 2 hrs.  Probably more like 2.5.  My ride lives right down the street from me, so I went with her to take care of something she'd volunteered to do that evening before going home.

Tomorrow...is Wednesay?  I don't have anything planned that day.
I got groceries on Sunday.  So I'm well stocked on food yet again.  I have plenty of milk and...*probably* enough creamer...it's going by kinda fast, it seems to me like...maybe I'm just oversensing the lack of content in the container...like "it's already 1/5 of the way empty!  Noooo..."  (rolls eyes).  I might be able to get more creamer from Walmart to be delivered.  Some food items I can get delivered for free.  I don't know if it's because of my EBT rcving or they just offer that in general...it's not all food items, just an odd assortment of various things...I kinda doubt I can get liquid creamer delivered...I *could* be wrong..I'll have to check when I get done yacking about myself here....

Um..

Idk.  I spent a long weekend with my sister & co.  a couple weeks ago.  That was awesome.  I got over there midday Friday and was there until my usual time, got home about 3 or 4pm, somewhere around that point...I was also supposed to meet with folk at the church on Sunday but I just figured "count me out" because I had no idea how long it'd take to get everything done on Sunday afternoon after church ie: groceries.  I thought I'd be done later than I was the week before...maybe I was and I just misread the time or misremembered what I'd saw on the clock when I was thinking about it...idk.  It seems like I could have tentatively gone over there and had a ride from my sister, but I didn't think of that until she mentioned it.  I don't get why.  The only thing I can think of is I just didn't want to go, when all comes around.  I do realize it's nourishing to the soul to be around Godly men and discuss God's revelations with others, but...idk.  I guess I wanted to be able to come home and enjoy some of the food that I'd bought.  "Their God is their stomach.  Their glory is their shame."  I really have to just hope that doesn't characterize me.

tyran

Failure 1) I didn't read The Bible Saturday

Failure 2) I didn't take my antipsychotics Saturday night

Failure 3) I didn't read The Bible Sunday monring.

AYG!  So I've struck out again, falling into the usual web of temptation....

I'm probably not as miserable as I should be.  

 

Some

 (EEEH)  I was doing better Saturday and Sunday at not diving headifrst into sin(!) but the chain of amazing-ness (rolls eyes) was broken this afternoon  :/  (!!!)  I hope I can chisel another couple "good" days into my week....maybe even (!GASP) THREE good ("good") days......... (and the crowd goes woah!!-----😮)
I spent the first 3/4 of church just very much feeling a wave of pushback.  I could relate to the ideas in the guest preacher's sermon.  I can tell he has somewhat of the same struggles I have to love and serve God, albeit not with the same degree of severity.  I had just enough hope after his relating to sing the closing hymn.  I felt like a vibrating stone until I got about halfway through the sermon and something slightly akin to hope & peace started piercing through the darkness of my mind.

I got a new credit card in the mail today.  It was only a $350 credit line ($301 available credit to begin with because of the annual fee).  I still have $100 of that remaining but I don't think that's going to last.  I'm not even sure if it's up to date really.  I'll have to tally everything up.  It wouldn't too terribly surprise me if I only *should* have $75 available credit.  On the plus column, it wasn't like I spent $200 on futile rounds of self-discovery or whatever..........Probably more like $125...

I was thinking about what are THE BEST movies.  I don't like to count movies such as THE EXORCIST that are, to an extent, telling a story about some other movie that doesn't even exist.  The main character, as you might recall, was an actress and there was an entire scene that consisted of some imaginery filmmaker filming an imaingary movie.  If everything that mankind has ever known collapses and we have to rebuilt from scratch, and stumble upon an old crusty print of THE EXORCIST, how the heck are we going to have any context?  That is not TIMELESS cinema.  That is very much OF the times cinema.  THE BEST movies can be appreciated by everybody, regardless of their level of education or quantity of experience.  I think THE EXORCIST achieves that despite its' meta qualities, but I don't think it's THE BEST movie.  Probably could very well fit somewhere on the top 50, but I wouldn't put it in the top 10, I don't think....

1)  BRINGING OUT THE DEAD (1999)  Aside from GHOSTBUSTERS (the most "me" film ever), this is probably my absolute favorite movie.  It's very slow, it seems twice as long as it is, but none of it was boring.  It has a very ghostly feel to it, very sad and eerie.  A beautiful looking film, richly layered cinematography.  I don't expect most people will feel of it the way that I do.  I don't know why I find it so appealing.  Supposedly a lot of people who've been paramedics can relate to it better than others, but I have never even considered being a paramedic.
2)  REQUIEM FOR A DREAM (2000) Definitely not boring.  Maybe lacking a couple degrees of realism, somewhat cartoonish, maybe, but the same could be said of many films over the decades.
3)  12 ANGRY MEN (1957) I actually saw the remake by William Friedkin first, not knowing anything about it.  The premise is of a character who takes his duty as juror seriously and skillfully convinces his co-jurors, who exhibit varying degrees of apathy, to re-consider their knee-jerk guilty verdict.
4)  CARRIE (1976) I wanted to like the remake better, given how timeless the story is, and how it doesn't really hurt anything to re-posit the story in a modern day setting.  However, the cell phones are about the only indication of this "modern" retelling.  What I found most at odds was they tried to tell a fairly simple straightforward story differently than it had already been told.  It's a more realistic film in some ways, but it still retains the cartoonish portrayal of Margaret White, tho she's not AS cartoonish as Piper Laurie's portrayal was.  The writers seem to be at least guessing as to what might have motivated the main character to latch onto whatever superstitious sect of Christianity she had with such fervency.  It also ups the ante on the cartoonish portrayal of the "evil" teenagers.  The original was cartoonish, with all the characters, not just the villains.  As much as today's kids might require a more up to date wardrobe and tech presence, it's one unified piece of storytelling.  Nothing is out of place.
5)  SCANNERS (1980) This film is AMAZING. It's fairly standard to begin with, but the climax is...I mean, it's just....wow.  It's a visually stunning spectacle.  It's not like all random artsy rainbows abound or anything like that.  It doesn't break into a painting or something, it's just....idk.  You might be underwhelmed now that I'm talking it up so much.  Just take it from the beginning and see.  Maybe you'll totally disagree.
6)  MYSTERIOUS SKIN (2004)  It's just one of those transcendent film experiences that you'll have to experience yourself.  You might not agree, but I honestly don't know how else to explain it.
7)  GROUNDHOG DAY (1993) Hilarious as all get out, and provides plenty to chew on mentally.
8)  THE SPECTACULAR NOW (2011) It kind of reminds of Mysterious Skin in its raw emotional power.  I don't really know what to say beyond that.  Not *quite* as good, but definitely up there in the ranks.

I might update this list at some point.  There's plenty of other good movies out there.  I really should not still be awake.  I've been up since 5am.  It's now almost 9pm.

!!? XXVIII

 Still struggling to be "the elect", if that makes a damn bit of sense...

I found some helpful notes in John MacArthur annotations of The Bible.  I kept reading Luke 5:39 and void of understanding.  I don't know why that's included in The Bible.  I can only assume it's information that should inform evangelist methods.  Basically saying that people need to be GIVEN God's word regardless of whether or not they ask for it.  Because they're not going to seek it out, being in the middle of drinking the wine they already have.  While I was looking that up I found some elaborations on what Jesus states about the Sabbath.  Which probably shouldn't be necessary but I'm so dull hearted it nonetheless helped.

Most of the notes are typified by his note in Matthew 12:6.  "This was a straightforward claim of deity". So straightforward in fact that it needed to be expounded upon!

12:38 "They were expecting a sign of astronomical proportions". What does that even mean?  If the text needs expounding upon, then this also does.  Of course there's notes on other verses that deal with the matter, that he refers the reader to...  

It's good to have this nonetheless.  It's easier to look up this stuff in one place than to figure out what search terms to enter at the internet.  It just seems like he could have pared this down a little by not assuming that everything in scripture needs his expertise to be understood.

Doubts

 I stand before You wholly guilty and condemned.  You are GOOD even if I perish.  My future could be cut off from any and all semblance of pleasure and for no other reason except that You are GOOD and I am not.  I don't agree with this but I acknowledge that my opinion is of negative value, regardless of what it is.  The thoughts of a mere mortal are a continually and rapidly depreciating embankment.  I feel the same is true with me.  I have not been inclined against sin.  My desire for your happiness is negligible.  My humility is slightly less so.  For you have loved my sister and hated me.  It doesn't matter why.  Or how much or little I ask.  I can only hope that if I keep asking I'll receive at least something other than eternal and optimum suffering.  I don't reap any kind of heavenly crown.  I feel like a fraud just thinking about being given one.  

"We'll be with you shortly"

 This is absolutely stupid, the way businesses operate like this.  I can't just send an email and get a response.  I have to go through this stupid portal, SEND them a message, and VOOSH!, any evidence that I even said anything disappears.  The only evidence that I said anything is this generic email that says "We'll be in touch"  And then a week later, or 3 days, whatever, in all reality, it is entirely possible another concern could arise, I send an email about that, and same thing happens.  How do these vapideese fkkkkkkkk!s think I'm supposed to know WHAT they're TALKING ABOUT????  Especially when they send some dumb response that is often -- not always -- characteristic of customer service representatives.  I ask "What would happen if I cancelled an order?" and they for all I know could respond "We're sorry.  In order to mark this transaction as fraud, you'll need to contact your credit card issuer"  And it's entirely possible that they might be responding to another email I could have maybe sent in the same 5 day window that says something like "You're marquee is mispelled. You might have difficulty generating traffic that way"  I don't know how either of those would illicit a response on the topic of fraud, but I don't understand a lot of the responses I receive from CS reps.  It's actually gotten better over the past couple years, but I'm still leery of all the piles of bs my memory has fluttering about, most of it receded kinda far back...

Here ye here ye Ghostbusters!

 https://www.radiotimes.com/movies/ghostbusters-afterlife-reaction-harold-ramis-ghost/amp/

I totally agree with this guy.  It boggles my mind that so many audience members are absolutely positive about Ghostbusters Afterlife.  I don't think either of the recent (er) Ghostbusters movies are really worth the money spent on them.  They're ok.  Movies that are "just ok" have a budget of maybe $5 million.  Not $75++ million.  So much could have been done with all these half baked movies that never even turn a profit.  I was reading about a week ago that Jackson Mississippi really needs its' plumbing overhauled.  But that doesn't really matter to anyone except people living in Jackson Mississippi.  Because people's compassion is replaced by devoting their lives to making top dollar.  Idk.  Maybe I'm wrong on all of this...I certainly don't have any business judging anyone either way on the matter.

I don't think there really is a good way to continue the Ghostbusters franchise.  If there is I'm not qualified to make any suggestions.  One idea is Dan Aykroyds original spec script getting its' day in cinemas.  But that'd have to be done by someone who has some brain activity in his (or her...) head, and an appreciation for aesthetic.  Seriously -- just about every still frame of GHOSTBUSTERS (1984) looks like a richly nuanced and expressive painting.  There was a calander for 2014(?),I think..., that got mass produced and if you look at all the pictures on the back of it you (might?) see my point.  (I see that same brilliance in Steven Spielberg's E.T., just btw.)

Fridays yesterday and on.

 I'm no longer going to coop Fridays.  My ride decided it's not worth her time or energy.  I do feel like I should have received some kind of warning.  I guess it's quite possible she may have warned me in a very indirect manner....and I honestly can't think of a Bible verse that supports my thoughts on the matter, so whatever.  I feel like God has pulled me from that work because I've been far too selfish and indecisive in taking action against it.  So, I'm just trying to wrap my mind around how to move forward, which is confusing and frustrating as anyone with any understanding of psychology (human emotions, thoughts and behavior) can probably figure...

The F worded things

I guess I should admire them for committing to Heavenly things.  It seems like it'd be easier if they were willing to provide some help washing the violent onslaughts of mud off my face instead of condemning me for feeling the violence.