I gotta tell you off the bat - I'm gross. Most of the time I smell like I came out of the sewer. Fortunately it's only been four days since I last took a shower, since it's summer (I've been known to go almost a month in the winter...), but today I've been passing gas uncontrollably. And I was out at a grocery store, acquiring a couple donuts for myself, and while my shorts were down in the bathroom a couple hours after arriving back to my abode, I noticed a sparkly black substance on my leg. The donuts were sprinkled-covered-chocolate covered, I might add. This is the only evidence I have to suggest the problem didn't get waaaaay out of hand, aside from the fact that I can usually make it to the bathroom before it makes it's escape from the toilet...However, I can only imagine the horror of anyone in the grocery store who may have noticed the smell I was unleashing and happened to look down at my leg before passing me by completely...and if their eyesight was dead on enough for them to SEE the red substance in the midst of the topping, they'd very well possibly vomit...and don't even ask them what that green stuff is. They can only take so much! And besides, what kind of sick frunk do you think they are? You think they're gonna put up with the horror of ape-man AND dig through his feces? Man, you musbeouchamine!
In closing, I leave you with the wisdom of Mr. Hop himself: "EVERYTHING'S BETTER WITH TOPPINGS!"
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