ugh

My brain is messing up on me.  Or maybe it's overloaded.  I don't know.  I think it's mostly just me trying to view through the curtain from 500 feet away...there's nothing to observe in this building (my Earthly home) that I'm in.  I don't know how people assert that there is no justice in this world.  Is there?  What is justice?  Does it even matter?
This is especially confusing
(NIV version):
"You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me"
I guess "punishment" can range in severity...from a slap on the wrist to long hours/days of extreme torture...
I've read over 200 pages of the Old Testament, including the verse quoted above and I cannot say I've learned anything from it.  Most of the encouragement I've had to keep the faith and do what little I've been entrusted with to show God's love is from church sermons and small group sessions.  It probably would be less annoying if I'd pray more.  I'm not very articulate.  I'm not even very well versed in my own Frankenstein language...not to mention I get tripped up in how I say things...I try to go back and say it over...I guess that's what babbling is...a less impatient me would give myself & God more time to get on or further up the right path...it's not like I'm going to go to Hell if I don't go far enough up the trail...It blows my mind sometimes how lazy I can be.  One moment I'm ready to take on the stairs like I'm Superman and the next moment I can't even get off the chair and go to the next room without a big bout of groaning....sometimes I feel like I have two brains and they want to duke it out so badly but they can't BECAUSE THEY OCCUPY THE SAME SPACE!!!
Ok...guess I'll finish whatever the hell it is I turned on the desktop computer to get done...and then I'll let my hair dry and pray...even if my heart feels like it's made of paper......