https://activated.org/en/foundations/the-word-of-god/bible-studies/depending-on-god-vs-self-effort/
I thinkI finally figured out what all this "not in your own strength" actually means.
Nothing is done by "our own" strength. God enables everything to be. There are things that any human being can do on any given day, and some of those things are necessary when trying to do what is right. Most of the work involving fighting sin and putting off the old self etc. is not God supernaturally leaning in and saving the moment. Except for the fact that God holds all things together. Inasmuch as I can walk toward a sin, I can fight the temptation to do so, but without humility that leads to faith, why would I even bother? If I have no humility, I have no faith. If I have no faith, then all this talk about "right vs wrong" is moot.
I guess there's a loophole in that somewhere and that's where the phrase "not in your own strength" comes from. I don't know how to "depend" on God. I spend my entire life in dependence. I know I am not entitled to have this computer, or the house I live in. I know it's a matter of politics as to when or if it gets taken away, and politics is always changing.
The biggest hurdle I have in my walk against sin and toward God is that I just don't "get" it. I know that, in a sense, oggling a beautiful woman is lecherous and akin to bottom feeding, which is a life for pigs that people plan to eat. God wants a better life for us, one where we have our OWN wife, our OWN happiness, and we don't have to step on toes or cut throats to have it. I know that's the ideal. But then some people end up homeless, unwillingly. Some people have no wife (me included). I've never even had a girlfriend. Heck, I've never felt close to anyone, although since I've been going to church, there's people I feel as close as I think I'll ever feel to anyone. I just don't feel a connection to other people. Someone was asking me if I missed someone who was attending church but had since deceased, and I was telling her that my mom is the closest I've ever felt toward another human being and if I moved to another state and settled there and got some semblance of a normal life, I would not miss my mom. If I moved to another state and remained isolated for 95% of the time like I do now, I would probably feel lonely. That's not because I miss any body in particular, that's just what happens when one is isolated for long enough. My response to this would be to pick one: be a Eunich for the Kingdom of God or keep responding to wood by grabbing it and pulling it out. That just seems counter intuitive. That feeling in and of itself is basically a God given urge to commit sin UNLESS I'm married, which is not a God given event. Which brings me back to my initial point of confusion --- I, for one, have far more strength than I am accustomed to dispensing. It is strength that I HAVE. Inasmuch as ANYONE's strength is possessed by the person who exerts it or reserves it. God could be at any moment adding strength to this vessel, but I have no reason to assume he's not taking strength away. Paul kept asking God for help with something or other and God told him "My strength is made perfect in weakness". So God literally does provide a shortage of strength. Of course, Paul was just about the most selfless human being in the world for much of its history. He did things that I highly doubt I would ever do, although Paul was in a different position than I'm. Paul literally MET Jesus. He didn't reach out in fatih to Jesus and receive The Holy Spirit. He MET Jesus and THEN received The Holy Spirit. And Paul was raised in the strict guidance of Judiaism. And he took it to heart. He wasn't pretending to worship God for his own appearances. He was literally a mis guided Jewish man. His love and devotion for God was real. He was simply missing the fact that JESUS IS THE MESSIAH! I, of course, read about this, and remember it being read about, and it's pretty cool stuff, but it's not the same treatment I have received from God. I'm not dare saying I deserve that. It took apprx 30 years to give consideration to the possibility of laying my life to what The Bible says. The first step is kind of like "well, duh" It goes like this: "I don't determine what is true" I think abou that and I'm like "How could someone be so stupid to think anything else?" And I knew that, to an extent, but then I had another thought: "If Hell is real, I have been warned and cannot feign ignorance". At that point, God revealed Himself to be a lot more kind and genlte than I'd given Him credit for. And when I say "Revealed", i mean that, through a combination of thought and reading, I was able to see past the blood and guts and see that God has given instructions and guidance for life FOR OUR BENEFIT, and that, despite our constant tendency to try to re write physics, He offers forgiveness and continues to offer forgiveness for our trespasses.
"Shall we go on sinning so that grace may abound even more? May it never be!" There's a part of me that I can see having that wicked tendency to give into sin because I know it's paid for. I don't know if it's exactly what Paul was describing. I do try to limit the severity of my sins, the duration and the qty. I've probably been doing that more so since I had begun receiving counsel from a young man at the church i've been going to for the past year or so. For a ridiculously large chunk of my walk with Christ I was spending probably 6 hours weekly online looking at filth. These days, I try to avoid looking at outright garbage, but a couple times over the past month I found myself severely relapsing. The first time, maybe slightly over a month ago, it lasted almost a month, maybe closer to 2 weeks, way too long. The 2nd relapse only lasted a day, maybe not even that long. So I do see the fruit of that man's counseling taking shape, even though I'm not determined enough for his liking for him to see a benefit in continuing to counsel me. But I honestly think he did all he personally could. So it works out.
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