During my time spent denouncing God (Christianity), I would often ask "why does God categorize homosexuality as a sin?" The answer I would get most of the time is something like: it takes the focus off of God. In that case, listening to music or watching movies that are not about God would be sinful. In fact, since having the curse of sin wihin us is the reason we're not able to live out our days as He intended, in total communion with Him, prayer is the only thing a person can do that isn't sinful; that and reading The Bible and going to church and talking about God.
98% of my day (at least) is spent doing "nothing"; listening to music, watching movies, hanging around upstairs talking with my Mom about random this & that, eating.......
If I had been more concerned with the future of my soul than making sense of the political agendas of this nation, I would have spent all that time asking people "Why does God categorize masturbation as a sin?" Furthermore "Why is masturbation punishable by death?" I actually haven't gotten far enough in The Bible to see that being written, but my World History teacher in high school, who seemed pretty smart, both then and in hindsight, despite clearly stating he does not believe there is a one true religion (it's possible he changed his mind since those 15 years I attended his class), seemed to at least think The Bible said that...idk...anyway.
I can see why He'd want to deter people from such things. After all, like The Dad in AMERICAN PIE says, "It's like throwing a ball against a wall; it can be fun, but it's not a game. You want a partner right?" The problem here is I become a nervous wreck when conversations die. That awkward moment in between a conversation when nothing is being said, but you know damn well something could be said, but you don't want to be rude and force a conversation...conversations are boring enough as is, but then when they END? rrrrrr....The whole process of "being social" is such a waste of time! I trust my pastor enough to believe he wasn't being dumb when he quoted a verse of The Bible about 'iron sharpening iron' in reference to accountability partnerships / friendships...but A) Do I even count as "iron"? I often hear people quote something about lukewarm hearts being spat out...my heart is a like a cold slab of meat! If not for all the wires going off in my mind, I'd be dead, it seems. Who's going to benefit from my lackluster, if not non-existent, life experience? Furthermore, how do I get an opportunity to sharpen and be sharpened? Nothing goes in in The Church building and arranging any kind of gathering...What shall we do? I'm sure even the most daft attendee would ask. "Let's just sit and do nothing!" I don't like board games. I don't like games of any kind. A game is when you make up some meaningless goal that the players are supposed to meet. Seriously!: How desperate can one be to fill up time?? Listening to music works with me. Well, not always. I'm listening to this one CD on Google Play Music, and it's mostly boring. But then again, I'm not exactly listening to it, but anyway...Most of the time I more or less "try" to listen to music...I spent 77 minutes listening to a live CD by prog-poppers Genesis and only 6 or so minutes of that experience was truly invigorating. The rest of it was interesting, as Genesis' music always is, but I still felt a little bit of "meh". I guess the fact that it's arranged makes it less uncomfortable. A conversation is a train wreck waiting to happen.
But anyway; to extend that in connection with what I was saying prior to getting off course, so to speak -- If it isn't clear, I have a hard time making friends. I don't even think it's fair to say I ever make friends. I don't even know if you could say I ever had friends. In the virtual world - internet - I used to chat with this one dude pretty regularly, but then he got increasingly annoyed with my welfare receiving, and I kept scoring minuses by being all "goody good" and pointing out obvious mistakes in his communicating, which sometimes was needed b/c he kept saying things that didn't make sense immediately. And then his schedule became overloaded and now that I no longer share his disgruntled feelings about God/Christianity, I find it that much harder to call him a friend...I mean, I haven't talked to him in over a year...prior to him, there was this guy I hang'ed out with in high school, during school hours, never hang out afterward. Both ppl struck up friendships, if you can call them that, with me, not the other way around.
& since I have no friends, where will I find a wife? Am I supposed to not want sex? Or am I supposed to seriously view sex as a mean's to God's plan and nothing more? Am I supposed to be disgusted with the way sexual 'pleasure' makes a person feel?
I guess for now all I can do is hope I'm making a mountain out of a molehill...
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