Monday, May 29, 2017

ignition...counting 1, 2, 2 and a half....2 and three courters....

Rummaging through all my junk.  Mostly given up on it, thinking maybe I'll be able to find someone to take it off my hands one of these days.....mainly listening to Pandora and Spotify and watching stuff on VUDU and Netflix.  Been alternating between those two things the past few days.  Finding it difficult to find time and inclination to pray & read God's Word.  I'm still on Luke (Gospel of), and am about to start to the book of Ruth.  Finished the book of Judges (again).  This is all stuff I've read before and am finding very little spiritual nutrition in these segments, despite this being a RE-reading.  I struggle with being gratitude-y -- is that grateful or greatfull or how the hell does one spell that?????  A faculty member of a school I went to made some remark about the way "The Grateful Dead" is spelled..."greatful" and "greatfull" are both coming up red - underlined.  What the FFFF!!!!
Anyway...AS I WAS saying...I just feel like my love for God is non existent or at least mis placed.  I don't know.  What's this about "love God with all your [x, x and x]"?  Heart?  Is that one of the x's?  Ok, then...if "the heart is deceitful above all things", then how do I know if I'm doing what is commanded in multiple passages in The Bible?  Fruk!  I try not to think too much about it.  It's enough to make me want to throw up.  At least at the moment since I think I've eaten too much this morning...or maybe I drank too many different liquids...I had water, coffee and hot chocolate...no, I did not have "too much to drink"...seriously, all you fucking PEOPLE!!!
Ugh.  that's that for now.

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