My mom is grieved by all the times she raised her voice at me and the fact that I never know if I'm doing the right thing with her constant nitpicking and contradicting and/or ineptly worded instructions is not her doing, but is the result of my mutated form of logic...
I should be grateful for the sense of humility that has resulted from that except I have so much "pride" that I'm apparently a danger to my nephews. This probably doesn't make any sense unless you're around all the bullshit I've witnessed. My primary offense, according to one of the elders of the church is that I don't forgive at the drop of a hat. My sister says if I want to ever live here, I need to quit offering to be helpful with the kids. I don't get the connection. I was kicked out because of pride, but somehow wanting to be helpful is the most vile manifestation of that. Wtf??? She of course wants me to be helpful but in order to be so, I have to agree with every crevice of her thoughts or else I make her job more difficult. I can understand that since she's explained it in detail. I don't understand what the hell happened to all the concerns over the panic attacks that my brother in law doesn't understand why I care of I'm being blamed for... ("If she says you're innocent of wrongdoing what difference does that make to you?". Probably nothing if he doesn't agree. I wouldn't have been aware of what was going on if he hadn't told me how awful I am because of it.... Yes, I'm so idolotrous for thinking lowly of this Bs. That was his response to my email where I TRIED to articulate my thoughts on the matter....)
I don't know who reads this. I don't think anybody gives a crap. If I thought anybody did, I would assume it'd be my mom or my sister. Except my mom is incapable of doing anything differently and my sister is lovestruck by everything about her husband.
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