transactional forgiveness

 I'm not sure I understand what my pastor was saying this past Sunday (yesterday).  He was saying something about God's grace is conditional or something.  Sounds like I'm going to Hell.  I don't know.  I think there might have been some important details that he left out.  He said "God showed you your sin, you repented, therefore HE forgives you"  I don't know.  The leadership there makes this emphasis on the supposed difference between "changing your mind" -- what the original Greek New Testament is translated into English as "repentance" -- and the "Real" meaning of the word "repentance", which is a "whole person turning away from"...  If we wholly turned away from sin, all of us would be without sin, period.  We might have some daunting recollections from the past, but we would not have anything PRESENTLY to deal with.  If you change your mind, naturally you're going to act like it.  People at the church I go to seem to think "changed my mind" is akin to "I'll make a note of it".  I have no idea where they get that from because that's not what it means...that's not what I mean when I say it.  Sometimes changing your mind may be like flipping a coin.  You flip it, and you flip it again.  There's no limit to how many times a coin can be flipped except what gets set by God.  The complete turning away from sin requires a complete and permanent change of mind.  Which is harder to come by, and as I have always understood it, is a process.  Salvation is not a process.  I've never understood it to be one anyway.  Present tense salvation, salvation from our sins, also referred to as sanctification, is not an instant thing and is a process, but I've always been told "God doesn't wait for you to get your act together before He saves you.  He accepts you as you are"  Maybe I'll hear this coming Sunday that THAT'S un-Biblical.  idk.
I realize I'm making things harder for myself by not rushing into agreement with God and fighting to stay in agreement with God.  I don't know how I am fault for that.  I don't know what I could have done differently except take heed to God's word WAY sooner than I did.  It was about the time my mom started trying to impart the knowledge of God to me that I started getting caught up in filth from the internet..........  IT seems rather stupid that I didn't submit to God sooner.  I mean, on what basis was I making judgement against an eternal God?  Yes, I don't like the fact that so many people are going to end up in Hell.  I can still say that I find it difficult to reconcile the passages in Revelation where the heavenly chorus is shouting "THANK YOU GOD!" for pouring vats of acid on the people of Earth.  It says HE IS JUST AND RIGHT for these judgements. And I know there's a lot of people that are deserving of the depths of terror and heights of torture, and many more people deserve to have a serious beating, but the whole world, or most of it?  I certainly can't bring myself to feel that way about the trajectory of my life, least of all my lust for female sexuality.  I know I should out of respect for God do better in the coming days.  I went 3.75 days without acting on it.  Maybe I can up that to 5.25 days, or a whole 7!  I think 7 is setting too lofty of a goal for me.  I'll start with 5 and if I can stave it off another day or two.....we'll see.  I should have read The Bible some yesterday.  I should have read it earlier in the day as of now.  That probably would have helped...