perfection through silence

As I was debating weather or not I should buy the new The Academy Is... CD, there were a couple ideas I had to consider; a) it's a pop-punk CD (00's pop-punk ala The Starting Line, not 90's pop-punk ala Green Day...) and I know I've heard A BUNCH of those that I thought about buying when I first/second heard them.  The crazy thing is/was I couldn't think of anything except THE BEST cd in the freakin' world (Hidden In Plain View's RESOLUTION) which I already own, dur (or not so dur; I tend to sell just about everything eventually; but I am getting better at that, and my continued ownership of that CD is proof of that; although it was given to me by one of those "it's a gift, so you have to keep it" philosophy-types, which makes it so that even if I didn't want it, ever, I'd still have to keep it...but anyway...)...as I was saying (have you lost track yet?  I have...I'll catch up though...just a sec...).

Thing is, I can think of at least a couple pop-punk ala today that I did actually think about buying; but I KNOW I don't want to buy them anymore, and I know why; the stuff is catchy, toe-tapping, happy-go-super-lucky music, but it gets SICKENING after 2 or 3 listens.  WE THE KINGS self titled album - perfect example.  It's the only one I can think of right this moment.  Oh wait, yeah, Forever The Sickest Kids - UNDERDOG ALMA MATTER, which I was listening to at about the same time.  In all honesty, if I wanted to hear a bunch of jock-ish macho music with lots of full-of-it lyrics, I probably wouldn't mind hearing FTSK again.

But, really...ALL music, more or less, is like that with me.  Last night I heard LET GO by Avril Lavigne and really dug it.  I even found myself enjoying one of the songs I used to not care for a whole lot ("Too Much To Ask For" or something like that...), and I actually felt like I was plunged deep into a dark, brooding diary entry (perhaps Avril Lavigne's?); it was like a dark homage to that time not so long ago that at the same time seems so far away...ya know; that time?  Spring/summer 2002, when I had-just/was-about-to graduate high school and "Complicated" was fast picking up steam on the radio...and then I finally did graduate and my mother got me digital cable and I was able to witness the middle part of the pop-punk & emo underground overflow on my TV screen...my emotional state was also elevated by a HUMONGOUS crush on this girl I took biology class with, who for a short time sat next to me...and I had an aquaintence(sp?)/friend who, although kind of dumb (dumb to the point of psychosis, it seemed...he was EXTREMELY homophobic and he'd make up facts to "prove" how rightfully homophobic he was/is...) was really encouraging of my feelings toward/of her...

but as I was saying...I tried listening to the Avril CD this morning and was SOOOO not interested in it.  So why spend $4 on it at Amazon?  And, for that matter, why pay $14 (or almost...) for the new Academy Is... CD?  Perhaps I should mention, so you quit thinking I illegally downloaded these CDs I mention above, that I heard these CDs on a very valuable music subscription service called Rhapsody, where you can listen to as much music as Rhapsody can possibly give you, within the time available to you, for $13 a month.  And I use that service quite frequently.

so...basically my point in all of this is that I feel like I should quit trying to have the "ultimate" CD collection; there's no such thing, and if there were, it would be a never ending quest that would cost more money than its worth; take the Avril Lavigne CD referenced above for example; when's the last time I bothered listening to that prior to last night?  6 months ago at least...I think...it just isn't worth it.  and it's not like I've been listening to Rhapsody all my life either.  All throughout my teens and even now-a-days, I have bought CDs IN DROVES; I used to consume music like it was a race!  Now that I know the budget, I'm more hesitant to buy any CD, and the last few++++ days, that has increased quite some.  When I DO buy a CD, it's usually something I feel "cool" for buying; and I don't mean "cool" as in "everyone else is jumping off the cliff, so...", I mean "cool" as in...novelty I guess...some CDs, certain editions thereof, just strike me as...kind of a novelty.  The ones that don't fit under "novelty" are usually CDs I buy without thinking about it a whole lot, then by the time I ask for a refund it's too late, they've already shipped it, so I'd have to pay $2 to return it AND put up with wasting $3 on the S&H...not worth the time, and in many cases not even worth the refund itself (depending on how much the CD cost'd...).

But anyhoo...IF I buy a CD in Sept (I'm currently out of dough) it'll be American Football by American Football (an emo CD from 1999...).  It's a fantastic emotional trip, but: I've bought it b4 ($11 at Go Hastings dot com) and Rhapsody has it...I bought it, paid my dues to the artist, and there's no reason I need to own it again.

See, this is a perfectly rational argument for me to QUIT BUYING cds, but...in all honesty, I feel kinda hopeless and suffocated saying all this; it's like giving up foods that are bad for you (which I'm also trying to do, more or less...); sometimes its hard to let go and...move forward.