HOMEWORK APR 29 (ongoing)

I missed yesterday.

2nd Corinthians CH7 vs. 9-11

 

It seems like he's basically expounding on what it says somewhere else in The Bible about coming to God with a clean conscience, basically saying that your regret should keep you from continuing the same manner of life that led to those/that feeling(S) of regret.  This passage refers to "sorrow", but is not so much about the feeling but about the consequences of it.  If it bothers you, either the problem is you or it.  If it's it, either deal with it or get rid of it.  In this case, it's kind of a matter of both.  We can't get rid of sin's temptations and presence but we don't need to walk up to it.  I need to do a much better job at not greeting sin with a kiss like I sometimes do.

PtII Sunday May 2nd

I apparently didn't have enough Godly sorrow...succame to temptation.  Had managed to keep myself together for roughly 72 hrs.  I noticed after I finished my plummeting behavior that I was rather sleepy.  I didn't get very much sleep last night.  I'm about to go to bed now but felt I should complete today's entry.  I did ask God for His forgiveness, acknowledging a lack of due respect for His presence and all it entails.  I asked that He instill a healthier dose of that consideration and that I have the strength to continue this week without the same or similar episode.  

I really do want to rise above this.  Of course, I say that now.........Only God truly knows my heart.  I seriously don't know who I am.

 

 PtIII Monday May 3rd

I must say; I haven't felt particularly tempted.  Well, ok, ok.....a little tempted.  Just a little.  Nothing significant.
I slept a good sleep last night.  I went to bed kind of early and woke up kind of late.  Granted, I did wake up briefly a couple times, but still .... I must've got AT LEAST 9 hours of sleep when the norm for me, when you subtract half an hour for each burst of wakefulness that occurs during most nights, is about 7 hours.
I haven't been especially mindful of God.  It's not like my mind has been void of Him, but most of my day has not been devoted to Him or things that would have an obvious stamp of God's approval.  I haven't been singing praises to God or serving up meals to the homeless or talking up God to a non believer or anything of the sort.  I've just been pretty much doing what I can to enjoy the day without delving into sin.
I thought about going for a walk a couple times.  It's weird living with strangers.  On one hand, I don't feel it's fair to them to show distrust to them by locking my door but on the other hand, if I get robbed, it's my own damn fault and I don't even know who else to include in the blame or to hold responsible.  When I head downstairs, I typically don't even include my keys & wallet.  Oops...

Anyway.  Ok, ok...so; Godly sorrow---- I don't know what to say about it.  Seriously, my brain is coming up empty.

PT IV - MAY 5
Ug.  Missed TWO (out of 7) days.
Um...well.........I obviously don't have enough Godly sorrow.  I still struggle to find the sense in this whole business.  I don't fully understand the severity of my sins.  I know some corners of the pornography industry are involved in human trafficking/kidnapping etc., but you could say the same thing about THE UNITED STATES....and you could say similar things about the fashion industry, and sports......there's always a dark side to everything.  The thing that many Christians focus on is marital brokenness, and really, I don't plan to get married.  I don't think I would be a good husband.  I'm not saying God is wrong.  I'm just saying it's really difficult to take Him at His word when the people he spoke with were largely coerced or forced into marriage by their parents and community.  They didn't have to consider "Gee, how do I get to know this woman so I can maybe have sex with her (after I marry her of course)".  Marriage was a done deal not long after puberty hit.  I realize there's probably more to it than that, a lot more.  I think the fact that we won't even have gender identities in Heaven is one of the reasons God commands us to lay aside our sexual appetites.  It's a difficult series of notions to latch onto when they're so at odds with my feelings and the logic of it is so "eeh..."
Hmm.  As for Godly sorrow and how to develop it more.....idk.  I know I failed today.  I need to go further into my walk with God and be more IN His Word, like reading it, taking a small break to maybe have some water, go back read some more, and just do that until something worthwhile comes up.  I really don't do much through most of my days.
........sounds kind of ridiculous that I haven't been doing that already.  What am I stupid or something??(!!!!)