broke, not broken...

I have $28 to spend on groceries and wayward desires for the rest of November, which just started two days ago (gasp!).  $20 of that is guaranteed to go to RX and groceries I haven't yet bought but know I will need.  So $8 for Amazon.  And I haven't given any of my $720/mo to God.  I suppose that isn't automatic disqualification from Heaven if I died this month.......(......), since I'm "stealing" that money any way by not "turning my dis-ability into an ability"...which I suppose is something I could, in theory, do, but...I don't want to(?)...which is more or less the story of my disability, although scientifically it's much more complicated than that, as is everything else when you get to the bone of it...
I skipped church today.  I felt like an idiot half an hour after my ride left.  I ran out of things to do, but I did sleep from about 11am to 2pm, so I guess it wasn't a total waste.  I should have slept at night, but for some reason I only got three hours of sleep during the dark hours of the day aka the night...

Not sure when I'll get my next big stretch of sleep.  I have small group tomorrow at 7pm as opposed to having just got home from it a couple hours ago b/c of schedule conflicts with the pastor who leads the group typically.  I don't remember when I last slept.  It's been off again on again since 11/2 @ 3 or 4 AM.  I thought I was going to bed an hour ago.  This computer screen makes me sleepy.  Arg.  Maybe if I hadn't had my Pandora station based on All Time Low playing Cartel's closing track for their debut lp CHROMA I would have slept...but it's not as if any one can say now is it?  Well, God could, but I don't know of anyone who can actually hear God's voice, even though he does speak to people in alternative methods...however, I don't think such trivialities as "what would have happened had I done it differently" is something God is going to waste his talents on communicating.  Heck, I don't even know why I waste my emotional storage on such stupidity.  I don't know!

Anyway.  Small group is late in the day, tomorrow, so I'll probably get enough sleep by then to at least stay awake during my ride's arrival and the session itself, which usually takes about 2 hours or so.  I might also sleep sometime after I return.  I sure hope so...

Listening to Brand X's MASQUES.  Not very impressed with it.  I guess I can scratch that off my budget, heh.  I added it to my wish list @ Amazon, b/c I sorta liked the first song and part of track #2.  Maybe I'd feel differently about it if I was paying undivided attention to it.  I don't know how people can afford to listen to music like I do.  People on Amazon forums talk about music like it's some entity you're supposed to honor and respect.  They talk about giving it 3 or 4 listens before forming an opinion.  I don't understand how that makes any sense.  The music is the same regardless of how many times you hear it.  If you don't like it, then you don't like it.  Just because it's not something you're familiar with doesn't mean you're going to miss something by not listening to it multiple times.  In fact, it shouldn't be something you're familiar with, ideally.  If you're into music that's original as opposed to pop music, then you should be enough used to new things to not get pre-conceived ideas about an album before listening to it.  Although with bands that have been around awhile, it's hard not to do, I suppose.
Dang it.  Now i'm tired again.  And I only have $8 that isn't set on anything.  I'm counting on wanting to walk to Kidd's and get a convenience store-style capoccino(sp??).  That's $1.15.  If I do it twice it's $2.30, leaving me with $5.70.  Aaagh!
I hate the way a lot of the good ol' movies are being packaged nowadays.  Many of them come in ridiculously flimsy plastic cases, not much better than the all-dreaded snapcases that Warner Bros. used to insist on packaging their DVDs with.  I still have GREMLINS in snapcase, the one I talked about a week(?) ago....I returned HOME ALONE tho b/c the case was weather worn...did I already mention that in one of my more recent posts?  idk...anyway; I'm already running out of room on my space where i put my DVDs so I set GREMLINS and END OF DAYS in my closet.  I'll watch them when I damn well please, OK?!!
I have a ton of VHS tapes.  I don't really know why.  Some of them I went out of my way to buy b/c the cover-art was so iconic I felt like displaying them.  Some of them I bought at Teen Challenge thrift store for lack of anything else to buy and willingness to support their drug abuse recovery program.  I probably should give them back to T.C.  But I keep wondering "does anybody want them anyway?"  I guess they do b/c any smart business - non profit or otherwise - would have enough sense to get rid of something that just sits still taking up space for a year.  You can burn 'em if all else fails.  Or throw them in the trash and let the city dump figure out what to do with it.  Maybe there's a recycling program for audio and video tapes and photographs etc....?  Probably not one that's easy to access from this moderately small town.