At last...pt XVIII

the sun is here.  After 4 days of rain and uber-gloom AND COLD, the sun is out as if it hadn't missed a beat.  That weather was really trying.  I wanted to skip church on Sunday, but knew I'd regret if I did.  Still, I made no effort to get to church.  My grandmother usually picks me and my mom up for church on Sundays at 10:15 or so, but I was hoping she'd just skip our house and go straight to church.  I was not feeling well.  I was not "sick", really, I wasn't even really "depressed", but my spirits were not high at all.  I felt good once church service started.  It flew by in no time, I was really surprised when the time came for the pastor's sermon.  We didn't let out early, nothing was skipped, I don't think...it's possible the pastor may have spoken for an excess amount of time, but it didn't feel as if he did.  He's not the most economical with words, but I've grown accustomed to that and really don't mind anymore.  He didn't seem to drone on, which in some cases it really does seem...
Damnit.  Today's Tuesday.  As I started typing this I had the notion that today was Monday.  Yeah.  Today's Monday.  That's why I got mail yesterday.  duhr.
  I got most of my Christmas gift shopping done in one swoop since I never know what to give my small group of family members that I'm closely associated with.  I just get them a WalMart gift card, except for uncle Eddie, who actually makes pretty good money and can afford to enjoy shopping (does anybody who makes good money really enjoy shopping at that rat hole?)
  Anyway.  I was going to post something like yesterday, but I don't even remember what it was.
  I'm feeling better since the sun's return.  I feel like a demon is clawing its way through me and has chipped some sizable chunks off the wood.  I need to pray before day's end.  I need to really take time to do that.  I need to then quit avoiding God and giving into lust and hopefully that'll become routine enough for me to adapt w/.  This current scenario leads me to doubt the utility of my prayers and to feel self pity and then I end up doubting my own salvation and get scared when I realize that I can't even declare my own salvation as truth.  NOT GOOD.  Trust.  and.  obey.  I need to quit trying to wiggle out of that.