I smashed the screen of my smartphone. The guts are still good and I can see the images on the screen well enough. I was feeling totally pissed off at a series of financial losses that have supposedly been repaid, or can't be repaid or shouldn't have to be repaid or something -- idk -- and I was trying to get over it and got all frustrated about the situation and how it was affecting me spiritually, or something..........I tried praying to God and my ad-based phone cleaner, which is constantly telling me my phone memory level is "bad", was cleaning my phone, as I asked it to, and after I got like 6 or 7 words out of my mouth to God, an ad started knocking down the walls of my paper thin room. I then picked up the phone, slow poking along as it always does --- and it must be always doing something that I'm not telling it to b/c the memory situation goes from "optimal" to "bad" as soon as I turn my back or practically so --- and I thought about doing something to cure my phone of this nonsense, and decided to hell with it and threw it against the wall.
So that's that.
I prayed to God, as pissed off as I was, and I wasn't finding much relief b/c there's all this emphasis I keep coming across about shutting up and letting God talk, and I know it's not the best of situations and it's just about entirely my fault, but the fact of the matter is God does not speak to me and I ***AM*** instructed by The Holy Bible to bring my petitions to God. I am not expected to expect God to be content reading my mind. So to hell with all this "Let God do all the talking b/c he knows your inner most thoughts" b.s. ***I*** don't know my innermost thoughts. I can't concentrate long enough to know my innermost thoughts unless I either mouth them to myself or write them down or say them. So there's that. I know damn well God speaks to me though His word. I don't even know of anybody who regularly ****hears**** the ****voice**** of God. I've known people who hear God speak to them, supposedly, but I've personally never met anyone who literally hears God speak to them. If "God's voice" were that way, we wouldn't need The Bible. God does not have restrictions on his speech like people do. People prior to email and cell phone text messaging etc. would often write letters because phone calls were too casual for certain things that were in need of being said. God can say whatever He pleases however he wants to say it. It's our duty to listen to what He says. Sin keeps us unable to hear His voice. So naturally, we are to hear his voice through the writings that have been compiled to be known as The Bible. It's not because he has no voice, it's because we as humans, generally speaking, aren't able to hear it. And as I've said, I've never met anyone who, if ever, regularly hears the voice of God literally so. People say they heard God speak to them, but The Bible itself, in English at least, is written so flowery it's almost as if the translators are trying to transcend language boundaries, as if it could be English and also be some kind of God inspired language that humans aren't aware of. I came across some writing a couple days ago, maybe yesterday, that I was reading and I was like Since when did Yoda become such a pansy? I mean -- seriously! I know beauty is not something men should be afraid of, but words have a purpose and to throw them around like glitter is thrown onto a painting is just stupid. If you want to tribute God with a work of art, there's plenty of time to do that. Translating The Bible is not the way to do it.
I can't remember what writing it was. And not knowing any language that ever existed except modern day English (since I am a modern day citizen of the U.S.A. whose parents are the same), I cannot swear that the original text of The Bible doesn't employ the same grasping at straws anti-math prose, but I have heard that the Hebrew language is very precise. And that is one thing English fails miserably at. There's words that should not even exist because if you look them up in the Dictionary, the definition is not even in any slight way discernibly different than another word that has a completely different spelling and pronunciation. There are many words that are similar in meaning that have no relationship to one another. Me and my mom sometimes argue about the difference between a blanket of snow and a sheet of ice. A cookie sheet vs. a cookie blanket? What's the difference between a sheet and a blanket? A sheet is a thin blanket is it not? A blanket is a thick sheet, no? So why does it matter if I'm referring to the collective fabrics that are on my bed as a blanket or a sheet? "My blankets and sheets" -- vs. "My sheets". So many sentences get abbreviated. You can almost always find this in books. Person1 "Why did you do that? Person2 "Do what?" THAT'S NOT A COMPLETE SENTENCE! WELL EXCUSE ME--ALLOW ME TO RE-WORD THAT FOR YOU! "What did I do that confuses you?" Damnation to the ends of North America if I were to correct my mom about such a petty matter as that. But equally damned am I if I don't let her derail what I'm attempting to communicate by nitpicking about my reference to various items that can and often do cover me when I'm sleeping. I guess "bedding" technically covers it, except that never came up in all that back and forth. And what kind of word is "bedding?" Kind of like the word "movie" Or naming a black cat "blackie". So many words just come out of thin air because people are so damn brain deficient. Many words exist that very well could cover innovations such as movies and compact digital audio discs (CDs) et al. some people get all weirded out when DVD is referred to as "video". Why? Video is a more abstract term that generally refers to motion pictures. Except A) motion picture is two words not one. B) "Motion picture" is often thought of as being a specific art form, as opposed to a PSA or a piece of marketing or a miscellaneous qty of moments captured via-yeah-VIDEO!!! If people were not so pretentious in their use of words, we could cut the dictionary by at least a third.
What do you call that this here? "A sheet" What's that there? "....a movie...because it moves" What's that called? "Um, a stove." Why is it called that? "Uh...Because it **doesn't** move!" So what's this again? "Uh...a sheet?" Because it doesn't move? "You a smartass huh?" Beats being a dumbass. Maybe that's just my OPINion.
Ok, wow. Talk about going off the rails. I think I made some good points and I think it'd be a miracle if anyone is still reading this.
As my narrative was going, I smashed my cell phone and was able to concentrate on prayer. No audible voice. etc. etc.
Ok, so I prayed. I finally did feel better. It was the point when I told God "I believe you. I believe everything you say" that I could feel a bit of light warming inside me. I said something before that that segued into that. I don't remember what it was. But it was at that moment I could feel a bit of assurance that God had not washed his hands of me entirely. I had read a measily one entry of my One Year Bible on Sunday. I did not read anything Monday or Tuesday. I did after praying --- and this was 1 or 2pm mind you --- read three entries back2back.
Today was rather wasted. I spent all day just piddling the day away. I can't think off hand what I've been doing to squander this day away. I think bits of this and that. I woke up really early. By that, I should be in bed already, but I'm not, even though it does sound somewhat appealing. I might've had too much caffeine to succeed in falling asleep as soon as I'd like to, if i were to dive headfirst into my pillow. I friggin' tell you, between 6am and 9am I had to urinate 6 times. And that was just the beginning. I did drink some water after noticing a dangerous pattern having formed. I was putting out more than I was taking in. Dehydration ---- noo! I took a giant glass of water x2 and did that in three intervals throughout the day. I might've done it 4 intervals. Not sure.
Anyway. It's starting to look doubtful that I'll get anything of The Bible read today. There's a little hope of it, but as it's almost 10pm and I'm still yacking at whoever the heck is pathetic enough to be reading this ridiculousness, it seems the math adds up to an unfavorable deck. But hey appearances can be deceiving. We all know this. TELL me we all know this! TESTIFY! TELL IT to the Lord! HALLEJULAH!1 Howuspellthat? HAYAYAYUAJAJAAJL.........uh...PRAISE THE LORD AND JOIN ME IN DOING SO, C'MON! C'MON! YOU KNOW IT! WAHOOOOO! Ouh! This is Michael Jackson on com7. OUUUUUUH! OOOOOH! INNAKNOCKAPEE INNAKNOCKAPEE PENS AWAYA.....yeah, see if you can spot that one why don't you? Ok, I think I've exhausted my trains of thought for the moment. I need to wrap up this post before google accuses me of being too generous with using their bandwidth.
