something less trivial

Forgot to take my meds yesterday and the day b4.
Finally took them today.  My head is swirling with out of balancenesss; it feels like a chore to try to remember the fact that I deed indeed take them today.
I thought today was Wednesday up until about an hour or so ago, because my sister didn't have her Bible Study Fellowship meeting that night, so I had in my mind that it was Tuesday.  TODAY is Tuesday.  Hooray.  By Thursday my brain will probably be back in line and I'll still have a day and a half left before I have to wake up and make a 9-11 hour trek from Gwinnett County in Georgia to Cape Girardeau County in Missouri.  Then I have to make another 10(?) hour trek back after 3.5 days of who knows what.  Christmas isn't until Monday, and we'll be leaving Tuesday.  I guess I'll be squished in the backseat of my sister's car the bulk of that time.  That damn thing is cramped with that giant car seat in there(!!).  I really don't want to NOT show up.  It's a stretch to say I'll be miserable the whole time, especially since I have no idea what I'll be doing or not doing the entire time.  I don't even know where I'll be sleeping.  I'm assuming I'll be cut off from the internet the entire time.  But will I?  How would I know?  I'm not walking from my grandma's house to the library.  And is there really any reason I need to use the internet EVERY day?  Not likely.

So anyway............................................

And I told the Cape Community Church of God that I'll be back to visit.  This will be the third Christmas in a row that that didn't happen.  I don't intend to make that a reality.  The pastor there is resigning to relocate closer to his parents, one of whom's health is failing.  It doesn't even effect me really, but I feel like I miss him already...vicariously perhaps, through people I haven't really spoken to in quite some time with the possible exception of a couple snippets on Facebook.

And my gramma *is* old.  She's not in the best of health, and no matter her health, she isn't going to live forever.  I don't want to emulate the lyrics of Right Said Fred's one and only hit single, but I don't want to deprive my gramma of my presence up until she's in hospice or whatever.  I don't know what she likes about my presence, but that's for her to know and me to NVM.

Ok, then.......
sheet!  Also got mucus running rings around my efen head and my breathing is effed as well.
At least I'm not dead.
I haven't read The Bible (part of/any part of) in at least close to a week.  I can see it too.
Need to get to that today and keep at it.

I did take a 25 minute walk today.  I lost 150 calories just from the walk.  I downloaded this step counter app for my cheapass smartphone (it works!) and its been counting lost calories even when I'm not doing anything with my feet OR the phone.  In the span of an hour, I had burned 50? calories.  I'd have to look again, that might be way off.  But the amount of calories I burned while walking was like 4x that much.  So my rather big breakfast was a little less big than it would have been otherwise.  I have a separate app for my food intake.  I ate a little more than a serving of Marie Calander's Chocolate Satin pie, but there's no option to tell the app that I only ate 1.5 servings.  And I don't think I even ate quite that much, but then you consider coffee w/ creamer & sugar and then maybe a glass of hot chocolate or whatever....it's not too terribly off the mark to say I consumed 1100 calories.  My lunch will probably be a little big, maybe 600 calories.  I ate a buttload of chicken nuggets yesterday, had been craving them for awhile and thinking it's rather idiotic that I hadn't been buying them with more regularity, but I finally got some.  And I ate most of them, or at least over half of them.  I think I might only have 4 servings left.  If i have a whole whopping 4 servings, I'll either eat all 4 or throw 1 serving away.  If I choose the former, I'll consume almost 800 calories, which is almost all of my day's intake.  I might be able and semi-willing to restrain myself and just have some grape nuts or whatever.  idk.
Sooo....I don't know what other anticdotes and updates I have to share.  I feel like it's time for bed and I"m already hungry again, darnit!!  Need to stop typing.  I may have already said something wrong.  ugh.

MT GHOSTBUSTERS

Got my European GHOSTBUSTERS shirt stylin me.  xD

Some guy on some GB fan forum that I don't remember the name of tried claiming that because THE VERY FIRST U.S. ad-poster featured the European NO sign *with* the no -ghost logo, the backward (English) no-ghost insignia was indeed not incorrect.
That would have been SO easy to debunk if I knew where to argue with this moron.  I have no idea why it took me this long to come up with this very sound logical presentation.
GHOSTBUSTERS was under a mammoth deadline and was made for the cost of a Hollywood meal for a party of 4.  Michael C. Gross and his team came up with 100 or so different illustrations trying to come up with a logo that would successfully embody the movie and the idea of "ghost busting".
It is a downright miracle that the movie came together as well as it did.  This one guy on YouTube who points out movie bloopers managed to spot at least close to a dozen bonafide bloopers on top of what he considers to be plot holes (as if the movie itself wasn't one giant plot hole).  FOR INSTANCE --- the VERY FIRST U.S. theatrical video ad (known as a "teaser") featured a song that was neither in the movie nor on the original soundtrack album.  SAY WHAT?  You mean THE Ghostbusters theme song is a song NO ONE REMEMBERS EVER HAVING HEARD?????
HELL F****NG NO!  Everybody knows damn well without a second guess that RAY PARKER JR. wrote the song "GHOSTBUSTERS".  The only one who thinks otherwise is Huey Lewis.
Ray Parker Jr. says that whoever approached him about doing the theme song was bemoaning that they had 100 songs written for the movie and NONE of them said the word "ghostbusters".
That teaser-trailer song I just mentioned **DOES** contain the word "ghostbusters".  So you know what?  That means during the conversation that Ray Parker Jr. was citing, most likely, someone was composing an entirely different song that was even good enough to be included in the movie or the soundtrack, but met the criteria that whatsisface had mentioned.  If they were not working with such a strict deadline, they probably could have waited for Ray Parker Jr. to finish his song, and then include that in the teaser, but instead they included some song that is only audible on a laserdisc copy of the movie and maybe somewhere on the depths of YouTube.
Michael C. Gross and Columbia Pictures probably knew damn well that there was going to a resistance to the reversing of the slash in the middle of the circle that makes up the EUROPEAN NO SIGN ---- and I've said this before, but in case one forgets -- THE EUROPEAN NO SIGN is ***NOT*** the meat of the NO GHOST INSIGNIA.  The meat of the no ghost insignia is the ghost itself.  The fact is that audiences probably saw the backward NO GHOST LOGO and were like "what the hell is that?" and so Columbia Pictures quickly changed the poster before the movie was ready for distribution.  The British had to wait awhile to see the movie.  If a British citizen working for a British movie company had utilized the no-sign in the way that Michael C. Gross had, the Brits would have had no problem accepting the modification.  Instead, they had to modify the ad campaign and basically spoon feed the film to British audiences because that's what happens when you pit art with politics.  Nobody wins.

in your darkest time...

 "They say that love goes anywhere.
In your darkest time,
it's just enough to know it's there"

"Polaris" - Jimmy Eat World (2004, Interscope Records)



I created this playlist (link to Spotify, it's free w/ ads ---- a measily $10 w/o ads) after a CD-R I'd made.  The idea is these are songs that reflect a "wordly" attitude.  These, for better or worse, are songs I've recently been hooked on.  Now, these songs are almost all excruciatingly boring.  Best Coast's "In My Eyes" and Journey's "I'll Be Alright Without You" were sweet jollipin' jams of ear worminess, but I'm freakin' serious -- I just got done with "In My Eyes" while typing this sentence, and I'm almost sick to my stomach.
You can see a bit of a pattern in the song titles
"On Our Own" ---
"Good Time" --- Luke 12:18-21
"Everything Is Easy" --- Luke 12:18-21
"Rain Rain Rain" --- Nehemiah 8:11
"Losing Your Memory" --- Proverbs 8:36 "Those who fail to find me harm themselves..."
"Dead Man's Party" --- Proverbs 8:36 "...All who hate me love death"

Some of the songs are vague reminders of God's presence in the world and in myself
"The Power Of Love" by Huey Lewis & The News
"While You See A Chance" by Steve Winwood --- Just a feel-good slice of early-childhood nostalgia.  This can go either way as far as being interpreted as Godly or un-Godly.  On one hand you should have the faith of a small child, but on the other, you should put away your childish ways and march toward spiritual maturity (paraphrasing; can't find the exact verses @ BibleHub).

The CD-R/playlist closes with reminders of the pressure of living life in these ways.
"Ugly" by The Exies, a song about self-loathing and bitter dissatisfaction
"Back Of Your Head" by Balance And Composure --- "If time heals all why's there still distance?"
"If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead." - Luke 16:31

Bible quotes are provided from BibleHub.com using the NIV translation.

close encounters of the chicken

"Sounds like a gay bar to me."
-- macho man, Paul

I have a weird memory...I swear, I ate two chicken sandwiches...no, seriously, that's not weird at all (it isn't!), but what IS weird, for me anyway, is I don't remember exactly when I ate them.  It's confusing as all get out, b/c I woke up around midnight and then went back to bed before 6am, and then woke back up around 7:30 or so.  I should have eaten around 6:45 if not later, I might've (probably had) been thinking that 5am was close enough to the 12 hour mark between diner and breakfast that nutritionists recommend, per what my mom has seen and/or heard/read...
Anyway.
I'm pretty sure that's what happened.  But then I woke up and I'd forgotten I did that.
So I downed 5 servings of egg nogg, roughly, (I actually lost count by the time I finished), and now I'm already a little under my 2,0000 calories.

I figure I very well may eat 700 more calories today even though I've already had lunch.  I'd been doing great the last 2 or 3 days.  So much so that despite having gone WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY over 2k calories one day recently, my average daily intake is 2225 apprx, which is a little high......it could be a lot worse and often was a lot worse for a good while there, not sure exactly how long.  For at least a week there it seemed almost impossible to stay under 2000 calories even just w/o dinner.  It's really difficult to estimate peanut butter and jelly usage tho.  When I measure my p.b., I'm deliberately trying to NOT use a whole serving, unless I feel outright piggish and fix myself 3 sandwiches.  And jelly is even more difficult to gauge.  Especially those jammy jellies, like preserves for instance. 

As for eternal matters, I'm downright serious -- I don't know how much of my 1yr Bible I read last week.  I know I didn't read as consistently as I should have been, but I did read at least 5 entires --- 3 on Sunday and at 2 entries or more later in the week.  I don't know if I read 2 entries on one of the non-Sundays or if I read 2 entries on more than one of the non-Sundays.  It seems like I was still behind by the end of Saturday.

I've been sleeping an awful lot.
I was taking my anti-psychotics 6 out of 7 days of the week, roughly at the same time every day when I did take them.  I still have my alarm set to help me with the time issue.  My sister had some sound words to relay to me about the importance of taking my medication at the same time every day.  So I've been obeying my alarm.  I had an alarm set several months ago, but I kept ignoring it, so I deleted it.
This last week I missed two doses. that might have something to do with the compulsion to sleep more.  I'm sure it's largely due to the colder weather.  A lot of it, come to think of it, might have to do with the sugar intake as of late.  That egg nogg is loaded with the stuff (glurp!).

Hmmm....
alrighty.  I guess that's it, more or less.  la-ter

T-day

My mom and sis made some might fine turkey.  This from a guy who generally does not like turkey.  I still did prefer the ham, but I was indeed impressed with the turkey.
The group was of 5.  Me, my mom, sis, bro-in-low & nephew (18 months old; my sister's teaching him bits of Spanish and chunks of sign language, so he's taking a little longer learning how to talk).  We (excluding my nephew) exchanged thanks for each other.  We spoke thanks to my nephew, but naturally weren't expecting him to return the favor.

These were mine
Mom - A very compassionate person who has always tried to instill that in me as well
Sis - You led me mom to Christ and in turn led me to Christ
BroNlaw - You are a good husband to my sister
Nephew - You have given so much happiness to everyone at this table.

I still wrestle with sin and I still have yet to read The Bible today or pray for forgiveness for all the muck I've been riddled with since I last prayed for forgiveness, which was a few days ago now, I think.  But I was reminded once again, this time with a bit of context, a verse in Kings 1.

1 Kings 10:7; Nevertheless I did not believe the reports, until I came and my eyes had seen it. And behold, the half was not told me. You exceed in wisdom and prosperity the report which I heard.

I once, prior to wrapping my heart and head around the idea of God, stated my thanks as being born in the United States.  There are many countries I could have been born in.  I cannot imagine life on any other country than this.  The snippets of Heaven that are described in The New Testament exceed my grasp of understanding.  A place that is as Holy as God Himself is, I think, cannot be understood by the likes of humans.  Phrases like "streets of gold", in a land as abundant as this, mean absolutely nothing to me.  I can't say I value wisdom more than rubies, as The Bible advises people to do; if anything I value things much smaller than either much more than both, and that is a trap that I've yet to find the stamina needed to avoid falling into.  I don't even so much as "fall".  I just lay down in it.

Anyway; I am thankful for the people in my life and I thank God for placing them with me.

Happy thanksgiving to all who read this.

:)

free foating full turso

I've been in my mind thinking I want to own BATMAN RETURNS (again, yes...urg).

Why?

No, it's not because the first 5-10 minutes are so compelling.

No, it's not because it gets rediculously stupid after that and then dips up and down and almost causes drowsiness by the halfway mark

It's because of this one scene that moved me.  It was where The Penguin lies to his right hand man Max Schreck (played by Christopher Walken) and says "I didn't say that".  Then Batman, via his mysterious implementation of technology, continuously replays this recording in the ear range of the news reporters of The Penguin saying some derogatory things about his constituents.

And Max Schreck starts to walk away.  The Penguin looks over at him and Max gives this kind of "I don't know how to help you" look and shrugs.

At that point, the Penguin starts firing his umbrella gun thingy and pushes through the crowd and runs from the cops and jumps back in the river at the spot where his parents dumped him as a wee toddler.

It's weird tho.  We're supposed to feel sympathy for The Penguin b/c he was orphaned, but why?

I guess I've always been so prone to be alone, especially when I was younger.  I don't like being utterly alone per se, but the image of The Penguin sitting in a cage where his parents couldn't see his face never strikes me as being cruelty.  It's not until I start writing this that it occurs to me perhaps the reason he ate that cat (alive no less) was an act of rebellion for the way his parents treated him.  And just like a cat that scratches the furniture a few too many times, The Penguin was dumped into the river.  I guess that line from Max Schrecck was possibly accurate.  "Says the man with the silver spoon.  If his parents hadn't 86'd him, you two may have been buddies in prep school" (not an exact quote; kinda scary if it is given how long it's been since I've watched that particular scene in the movie; I watched about [the first] 20 minutes of the movie on Hulu over a month ago).  Or at least the screenwriters thought so.  Although not much of a backstory is given to Batman in the Tim Burton movies, even in in BATMAN BEGINS film, you see the good nature of Thomas Wayne, Batman's father having minimal impact on Bruce Wayne's decayed psyche.  Bruce Wayne was almost as steeped in a state of bloodlust as The Penguin was until his childhood friend tried to remind him of where he came from and who his father would have wanted him to be.  The Penguin's father didn't want him to be anything.  If he had wanted him to be anything, it would have been a stuck up snob out for selfish gains.

anyway.

So yeah.  Probably won't buy that movie.  Can take that off the list.

Foxy

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2017/11/10/ladies-and-gentlemen-no-longer-welcome-on-nyc-subways.html

This news story is mind boggling in its stupidity.
Basically, it's just telling people about what The Washington Post said while adding their own opinion to the mix, as if there's not enough people that are eager to do that.  The author does not say WHY there are against the NYC Subways' decision to address people with gender neutral pronouns.  Instead, they use sarcasm to get their point across, and fail to actually *say* ANY thing in the process.
By the logic presented here, until crime fighting is no longer a profession, congress should take a break and do absolutely nothing.

Public urination, sexual assault, etc. etc. are problems that the police should be notified of and should take care of.  The last time a serial killer roamed the streets was not the first time a serial killer roamed the streets.  The first execution of a serial killer was not the last execution of a serial killer.  Ditto with people who rape and steal.  Evil is a force that is here to stay.  That does not mean blog posts, memorandums, and light hearted news articles must be put on hold.

If the author of this article was not trying to convey that they disagree with what I'm saying here, then I seriously have no idea what it is they thought they were conveying.  I highly doubt they disagree with what it is I say here.  And if that doubt is to be trusted, then
 A) was that sarcasm?
B) if so, how does one re - phrase it in a non sarcastic manner?
C) if it isn't sarcasm, then what was it exactly?
D) whatever the hell it was, what is it intended to communicate?

LET THERE BE LIGHT (2017)

I saw LET THERE BE LIGHT (2017) yesterday with an emerging friend from church.  He paid for my ticket and my lunch.  I like him already (hehe).
It was a good movie.  Not a staggering achievement of any kind, but it was pretty interesting and me being the sentimental type did shed half a pound of water weight (I wish!  I probably gained at least that much just from lunch --- and I had dinner too!  Ugh!)
I was a little confused as to the whole "LTBL" campaign featured in the movie.  What was it supposed to accomplish exactly?  If I understood that part of the movie, I might have been able to enjoy it a little more.  Fortunately there were other things going on in the movie.  I think the way the main character dealt with his wife's cancer situation vs. the way he dealt with his son's death initially spoke volumes about his internal transformation.  I told the friend who paid my entry that I was a little dismayed that the movie focused on a fictitious example of faith in Christ transforming people into a better being, and noted C.S. Lewis as an example that came to mind, and he actually did not realize that C.S. Lewis had been an atheist at any time in his life.  I guess I assumed this was common knowledge.  There was a movie -- actually a couple movies dealt with this subject, I don't know if they both have the same title -- called SHADOWLANDS that covers a specific time in C.S. Lewis' life when he had met someone who he fell in love with and she had died of cancer or something not long after they'd fallen in love.  The two people were conversing early on in the movie.  I got the impression that the woman was fairly new to Christianity while C.S. Lewis had been at it for awhile by that point.  He mentioned that he used to be an atheist.  But I guess that movie wasn't a wild commercial success.  I hadn't even heard of it until almost a decade after it was released and that was coincidence, more or less.  I read about it while flipping through the pages of VIDEOHOUND (the 1999 edition -- not to be confused with the 1999th edition...).  My mom somehow got the idea that the movie was intended to "bring down" C.S. Lewis.  I have no idea where she got that idea.

Anyway...

She should be home soon...Hopefully I'll be headed to Starbucks not too long from now.  They already have my favorite -- gingerbread - egg nogg latte!  It's an egg nogg latte with gingerbread syrup.  I had one ON Nov. 1st.  It was A-MA-ZING!!!  Loved it.  Hopefully it's as good today, or at least close.

I do need to go a little easy on it.  A venti (20 oz.) has 1.5 grams of TRANS FAT in it(!!!).  I don't plan on buying more than 4 this month.  Hopefully that's going easy enough......
I did get some actual egg nogg from WalMart in mid-late October.  It was that Mayfield brand.  I could not believe how limp it tasted.  I would have much preferred getting light egg nogg by a different company or "holiday" nogg or whatever...

Take care everyone, whoever y'all are.

EVEN WORSE -- it could be worse...

This CD I ordered in late Sept finally arrived today(!).  I had to replace the jewel case b/c someone had written all over it.  Thankfully the irreplaceable components - the disc & cover-art - are perfectly fine.  I haven't listened to it, but the disc surface where the graphics are looks OK.  I didn't look at the data side.  I don't know when I'll listen to it.  It's called EVEN WORSE by Weird Al Yankovic.  It's a staple from my preteenage days during the final years of my tenure in Monterrey Bay Area, CA (June 1995-June 1997).  It's a West German import.  It goes for like $10 on Discogs, supposedly.  The graphics on the disc look a lot different than those of the domestic pressings.  That edition was the cheapest one I could find on Amazon or anywhere else for that matter.  The seller had refunded my purchase in mid Oct, 3 weeks after they shipped it.  I do usually receive packages coming from the U.K. in about 2 weeks.  This was not a typical situation.  I don't even think shipments from Australia usually take this long and that's as far away from the U.S. as you can get.  It's almost dizzying to think about how isolated they are from the rest of the globe.  But I haven't ordered anything from there recently.  I did order something from Japan a couple years ago and it took what seemed at the time to be a mind numbing amount of time.  It was something like 6 weeks at least, I think...
Got some Airborne that I ordered from a seller on Amazon as well.  Found a triple pack for $10 and some coins (30 effervescent tablets -- they usually retail for like $6 or more for just 10 tablets).
My nose has been running like crazy.  I finally remembered midday yesterday that me and my mom had been talking about how asthma tends to cause mucus buildup.  So I took my rescue inhaler twice yesterday as well as my Advair.  This morning I just used Advair b/c my doctor told me I'm not supposed to use the rescue inhaler any more than a couple times a week if that (this was indeed news to me...maybe it's news to everyone and I just didn't get the memo the same time as CBS This Morning viewers did...I do remember there was something similar on the news about Tylenol, saying that it's actually harmful to your health to be taking it long term for days in a row.  I don't know if that was a PSA or actual NEWS...sometimes I hear "a new study was conducted..." and often the study and its findings are the same as something that was talked about just a few years before.
Anyway...
I really do need to either get a flu shot REAL soon or try to take more Airborne if I can.  If I do have the flu already, a flu shot might not come in handy.  I went to the movies with a guy from church yesterday ------ first movie I'd seen in theaters since the 2016 GHOSTBUSTERS film; I guess I should have written about that first ------ and on the way to the theater he said the flu can take up to 30 days to manifest.  So it's possible I could get a flu shot and still spread the flu.  But I do need to take whatever action I can today and every other day.  My mom gets so tired after babysitting my nephew that she really doesn't have time to do a whole lot.  She volunteered to operate the computer at the church today for some kind of community service they're hosting, and she'll probably be pooped when she gets home from that too.  I wonder if she'll be up for church tomorrow.  We'll see.  I did miss one church service 3 Sundays back, I think.  I don't think I missed the week before last.  But..actually...I might have missed the church service 2 Sundays back...I'm not sure.  It did seem like we successfully attended two weeks in a row...which I know we did, but I mean, it seems like...idk...I'd have to find some other way to verify it.  My memory is a jumbled mess when it comes to tying two pieces of history together.  If two or three things are indeed linked in one moment in time, I can recall, unless it's something that didn't phase me much or for whatever other reason just *don't remember*.  I don't remember everything, but the things I do remember I remember in a good amount of detail.
I used to get these large twinges of emotion when hearing Genesis' "Throwing It All Away".  I used to get this feeling when driving into Seaside, CA, the town over from Ft. Ord, there was this bridge of sorts that linked the two towns together and I used to see a K-Mart sign that for some reason really fascinated and excited me, hanging on the K-Mart (of all places!).  It's been a good long time since that song has elicited that kind of reaction.  I used to listen to it on tape in the group home where I stayed for a couple years between the age of 9 and 11.
  It was weird hearing it on vinyl on that cheap record player combo audio system I got from Fingerhut while living on my own which I did for 5 years.  I could almost feel what I felt listening to that album in the trailer park in Ft. Ord, CA, before we had to move once my mom filed the divorce papers at my father's request (he couldn't file them himself b/c he was overseas in Korea).  idk...I guess that makes sense.  My father was a bit of an audiophile.  I wish I could afford to be.  In any case; a vinyl LP played on a $100 turntable probably would sound better than a CD played on a $100 CD player.  As my mom pointed out, the space on a vinyl LP is much bigger.  A CD is a much smaller disc, and thus the audio on it needs to be squeezed to fit on there.  There's probably other factors too.  INVISIBLE TOUCH was digitally mastered, but it was recorded with analog equipment.  A digitally recorded piece of music naturally would sound better on a digital device, but if you're listening to digitally recorded music on a cheap ass pair of speakers, it really doesn't make any difference either way.  My computer sound card is OK.  My headphones are reasonable quality.  Rush's POWER WINDOWS probably sounds about as good as I'm likely to hear it on my LG blu ray player using KOSS over the ear headphones (can't remember the model #.  They cost me almost $40 on Overstock.com).
But that still doesn't explain why I felt that way listening to it on tape and haven't felt that way since returning to CDs (for some dumb reason I got rid of the turntable combo audio system).  I think it's mainly desensitization.  I've listened to the album too many times.  It's routine to hear it.  I've inserted routine in a place where routine should not go (oooh!).

Bible study about bigotry...idk...

This Bible study started off pretty good.  It dealt with becoming "unshelled".  I'm not unshelled yet.  My sister once said "you're not selfish, you're shelfish".  I don't know if any of that week that we were supposed to be studying has helped at all.  It may have helped more if I had been more diligent in doing it.  These last two weeks seem to be targeted more to people who are inclined to feel superior to others for whatever reason.  The week before these, he had make a list of the three biggest problems in the world.  People in the class had some of the dumbest things on the list.  One guy put car robbery on the list.  Really?  That's the BIGGEST problem on the world?  I wouldn't even put that on the top 10.  Much less the top 3.  The biggest problem I had with answering that 3 part question was there are so many problems that are equal to one another.  There are so many SPECIFIC problems that are equal to one another.  And the author reminds us that the cause to all of 3 of whatever I wrote down is SIN.  Yeah...and I didn't know that already?  

I don't normally interact with people for large chunks of time.  AM I a bigot?  Maybe.  That depends on how you define bigot.  One of the notes the author makes in the Bible Study workbook is that we observe things about people when we see them and make evaluations about them based on these observations.  Yes, that is true, although I don't consider those evaluations as being rock solid.

There's been two or thee times I saw a couple dudes hanging about in the grocery store or wherever and I got the impression they were gay.  I probably felt a little uneasy around them.  No, I don't think I'm better than "them" (as if a homosexual can't be Christian...).  Yes, I've probably committed even greater sins than homosexuality.  The things I've said in this very blog I am ashamed of -- the many times I denied God, both internally and publicly are just something that will have to remain truth, even if people want to ignore them or be ignorant of them.

Maybe I feel weird around gay people because I myself am socially awkward and have thus been suspected of being gay pretty much from the time I was 6 or 7 years old on up.  Until the age of 12 or so, I was not concerned with weather or not I was gay or straight.  I didn't try to protect my heterosexuality like it was some treasure.  Sure, I got offended when people would call me gay.  But it wasn't the word "gay" that offended me.  It was the contempt with which they said it.  This one guy, a classmate I had when I was 7 or 8, asked me if I had HIV.  Now I understand he was implying that I was likely gay.  I didn't understand that at the time tho.  I had no interest in society or politics.  I still struggle to empathize with the concept of "social norms".  Sports used to be a source of confusion to me.  I now understand that it brings communities together.  It gives neighbors something to bond over.  I do have some qualms with football.  The game is an inherently violent one, and it seems to me that it tends to inspire violence among the crowds more so than other sports, i.e.: baseball (or golf).

But anyway.

The fact that people have been so quick to peg me as gay makes it seem that perhaps a logical theory/conclusion is that the root of this uneasiness around suspected gay people is the fear that maybe being gay is not too far of a stretch from where I am now.  I can't say, being single with no girl savvy and turning to porn way more than is easily forgivable, that I'm any better than a gay person.  But I can say I don't need to add acts of homosexuality to my resume of wickedness.  I don't think that train of thought is logical per se.  It's not like I ever look at a man lustfully.  But then again, I don't ever look at cigarettes lustfully either.  It doesn't mean I need to put myself in a room full of smoke and become addicted to second hand nicotine and then move on up to smoking cigarettes.  Yes, I know The Holy Spirit can overcome addictions and temptations.  But you have to remember to ASK.  If you love God, you'll obey his commands.  We all sin.  So how can any one say they love God?  It's all about the degrees of love, I think.  I don't consider myself a "mature Christian".  I'm certainly not inclined to obedience.  I spent pretty much my entire childhood dishonoring my mother.  Not sure I dishnored my father, since he so greatly dishonored himself by stepping out of the picture, although perhaps the times I made vocal reference to that fact in passing could be considered dishonoring.  In any case, I'm certainly not disciplined enough to ask God for help in every situation I might possibly and sometimes do encounter.  The amount of homosexuality that occurs in prison I think loosely speaking also is another thing to consider.  Is *anyone* really immune to "being" gay?  If so, is there a bulletproof method of determining this immunity?  If so, it *seems* like I'd score somewhere in the middle, maybe in the 65% range.  I don't know.  I used to think it was ludicrous to not know one's self inside & out.  I think it's ludicrous that I used to think that.

That being said, if I were to speak with someone who is gay, I might be more careful/weary about broaching the subject of Jesus.  I might ask if they go to church and invite them if they said no.  But like I said, I don't interact with people often enough to have these opportunities.  I don't feel it's appropriate to hold up the line at the store to ask the cashier about their faith and / or lack there of.  Maybe that's wrong.  I don't know.  When I think about it at this moment, it does seem to be outright wrong.  I still have some growing to do.  So much more.

I saw this episode of LAW & ORDER several years ago about this custody case over this 9(?) year old girl who was, more or less, just a head and a torso.  And she had some kind of nerve or skin disorder or something, something that was causing her movement to be even more hindered than it would otherwise be & her speech was almost impossible to understand.  I remember being chilled by that episode, but I don't know if that was because of the girl's appearance or the music they used in the show.  Those LAW & ORDER episodes have some scary moments.  Often times, I have no idea what's going on before I get freaked out by the music that's playing in that show & its' more successful spinoffs (CRIMINAL INTENT and SVU).

Anyway, I found myself making notes in my workbook and after 2 or 3 staggering questions that seemed to be trying to lead me into thinking I'm some kind of closet-KKK member, I decided to take a break and use some of that downtime to write this entry in my blog.  Yeah, probably not the most useful way to spend my time.  I could take a walk.  I probably should do that for my own weight loss ambitions if nothing else.  It is *possible* I could change someone's life with something I do or say, however small it may be.  I do recall waving at someone driving into my sister's subdivision in her old house while I was visiting and taking a break from being in doors, and she kind of belatedly noticed and seemed to light up inside when she did.