God's love, despite all this...

My mother stated Nobody deserves anything, we are sinners and we are lucky to have hope of eternal life in Heaven with God.  I don't know if this is the general consensus of Christians or if this is just her revealing how she feels about herself. 
I didn't find anything in The Bible to support this, either in direct Bible reading or when studying The Story. 
I do recall either first or second hand a quote of "the wages of sin is death" or something like that...however, from Adam & Eve onto those early humans who knew of God but decided to build their own God(s), and on to the days of Abraham and Sarah, and the days of Israel's flourishing, there has been numerous opportunities to embrace the one and only true God.  I find it confusing that people found it so difficult.  For me, I find it difficult just accomplishing anything.  I don't work, I have no other things to do that involve opportunities to spread the Gospel of Jesus' love and salvation, and most of the time I just sit on my ass and do what I'm used to doing, shopping and listening to music.  I find it a comfortable yet somewhat sour way to live.  The struggle lies in what many call "self preservation instinct", which may not even be a real thing, maybe it is...I don't parachute, I don't bunji jump, I don't skydive...I haven't tried it, but I have tried the smallest roller coasters and I've sat in the passenger seat while my mother drove on hills, doing whatever trick it was that made my whole lower half of my body go into stroke mode almost...or...idk...not sure how to describe it...you maybe already know what I mean...anyway...It makes perfect sense that the sensation one gets with rollercoasters and rumbly hill drives would be magnified significantly if you do something similar like fall midair or bunji jump...lifestyle changes like getting a job at the age of 31 with no prior job experiences, or deciding to call up The Salvation Army and request and opportunity to volunteer, or whatever, is about the same feeling...just thinking about it gets my heart pounding FT13 style.  I'm not sure that can really be compared to going out of your way to create a God and worship it.  For the people who grew up doing that, it seems like it'd be easy to recognize the Truth.  I still am confused as to what God expects of me.  My pastor seemed adamant that God is calling me to do something.  I'm not sure how he knows this.  If he's calling me, the connection must be broken.

The basic gist of my feelings about "we deserve Hell b/c we're sinners" is that Jesus/God/The Holy Spirit still wants us with Him.  If we're such horrendous creatures, why didn't God wipe us off the face of the earth long ago?  The Bible supposedly preaches Holiness, not sure what that is exactly given the heaping pile of laws the Jews were supposed to keep in order to maintain Holiness and the lifestyle that every non-Amish U.S.A. resident maintains, including my Church of God members...I mean, I could just not sin...I think the only problem I'd have with that is my temper and lack of patience.  I do tend to let rage roam within me.  I need to stop that.  That will probably require the work of The Holy Spirit.  Everything else is pretty easy.  The only hard thing would be remembering all the Jewish laws, which nobody seems keen on emphasizing...during our study of The Story we basically just skipped Leviticus.  I'm not sure I fully understand Jesus message.  I get the idea of God wanting mankind with him and that he died for our salvation.  What I don't get is how Jewish culture and law are treated as irrelevant by Christians, at least today...
I guess it doesn't matter.  I'm powerless, being as I am a mere mortal human being.  It would take a lot to get me free of sin, or even mostly free of it.  There's simply no motivation to stop lusting etc.  Must I abstain from sexual activities before the Holy Spirit tames the beastly rage that overcomes me?  I do believe the idea of Christians being holy is through the power of The Holy Spirit, we are to obtain holiness.  If The Holy Spirit doesn't finish the job while I'm on Earth, what then?  I certainly don't think I'm trying that hard.  Of course, then there's people who work out 3x a week and practically destroy their muscles in the process...I certainly don't want to "burn out" as they say...or...idk...

Another thing I recall is my pastor preaching that God will be more excited to see us than we will be to see him.  To me, that implies that our love for God will still be somewhat lax.  My love for God is so lax it's almost non existent.  But then again, if someone asked me how I know I love my mom, I'd say "Umm...I...um...."  What is love?  I certainly am not devoted.  I don't do favors just to make God happy.  Even with my mother, there's only so far I'm willing to go to make her happy.  I can save her a few steps to the kitchen and make her lunch.  I can't do that for God.  Does God even eat?  Maybe I should set out a sandwich before I go to bed, just as a consideration.
I've heard that in Heaven, we'll no longer be sinful.  I do wonder if in Heaven, some of the things mentioned in The Bible will no longer be so bad.  In Eden, the garden thereof, Adam and Eve were naked.  This was at the beginning of their existence.  Then they ate the apple and their nakedness was considered "indecent exposure".  Also, something I haven't quite figured out for certain: God says to even the Jewish people that anyone who has a constant hankering for meat may eat meat as often as he wants so long as it doesn't have blood in it.  He doesn't specify a serving size or a duration of time that one can spend eating it before it becomes categorized as "gluttony", at least not that I've come across so far.  I know people need to work, but what else?  I'm curious as to how the daily structure of a Jewish person was laid out in God's mind.  I haven't quite gotten to the part where the Jewish people settle into God's promised land, I've been reading about things the Jewish people need to know before overtaking it from the child murdering idol worshippers who lived there.  My mom said one time that the Jewish people never did abide by God's laws.  I know there was an extremely drawn out period of time of idol worship within Israel and that eventually led to Israel being divided into two nations and then eventually losing its' status as a nation altogether.  It wasn't until after Adolf Hitler murdered 6 million of them that the Jewish people were given some land to call their own.

Hmm...